Chapter 123

MADDISON

I can’t quite put my finger on Asher’s reaction to my request, but at least he didn’t bolt like I feared he might. The shower sex, though not as rough as I’d have liked, was divine, and sharing breakfast in the aftermath felt intimate and satisfying.

I won’t claim to be the most grown-up woman around. In fact, I often question whether I’ve matured properly at all. But I like to think I took a step in the right direction by opening up to him about my needs this morning.

The day whizzes by, and before I know it, I’m in my uniform, preparing to meet Atticus upstairs. I’m perched on the bathroom counter, applying my makeup. I opt for waterproof liner over my usual kohl stick—yesterday’s heat nearly turned me into a raccoon with all the smudging.

I notice Asher lingering at the entrance to his en-suite long before he makes his presence known. He watches me in silence as I apply my foundation and powder. Only when I’m carefully lining my lids does he finally step inside.

“You’re beautiful without all this, Maddy,” he murmurs.

“It makes me feel more secure,” I confess, because it’s true. The makeup hides the real me, and with a full face on, I can almost pretend I’m someone else entirely.

It’s funny how before Sanctum, I’d never so much as picked up a makeup brush. But a year with Mr. Fennick and the girls has transformed me into someone who can make anything look appealing—especially to a man.

“It’s a mask,” I admit. “It makes me feel like I’m a different person. Like a persona, I guess.”

Asher nods, a silent understanding passing between us. Maybe that’s where we’ve been going wrong—keeping secrets, hiding truths. It’s been building a wall between us.

The room falls quiet again as I finish my look with eyeliner and matte red lipstick. I can feel Asher’s gaze on me, his hands resting on my waist as he stands behind me.

His next words catch me off guard, confirming a suspicion I’d been harboring. “I’ve been struggling this week. My cravings have been intense, Maddy…” He trails off, leaving the sentence hanging.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, certain that my recent slip-up triggered this for him.

“It’s not your fault, not really. I’m just so used to chasing a high in every aspect of my life that the idea of a mundane existence is hard to swallow.”

“I’m boring?” I ask, taken aback.

“What? No. I’m talking about the lack of thrill that everyday life brings. I miss the rush, the ecstasy. It’s something I need to learn to live without. Hey.” He turns my face to meet his gaze. “You are more than I could have ever hoped for. I’m just messed up, Maddy.”

I nod, swallowing the fear that I might not be enough for him, that I might not be what he truly wants. But he’s never given me any reason to doubt his feelings, and I can’t imagine why someone like him, who could have anyone he wanted, would stick around if he didn’t care for me.

So despite the doubts that plague me, I have to believe he’s here because he wants to be. I need to learn to live with my insecurities and embrace life fully.

I think this morning was a step in the right direction, but only time will tell.

“Maddison, I—”

His phone rings, cutting him off. He answers it, but his eyes stay locked with mine in the mirror. I can’t help but wonder if he was about to confess something.

“Hey, sis. Whoa, calm down,” he says, pulling me closer to him as I hear Talya’s voice on the other end.

“I’m so fucking mad right now; Mama won’t take me to get my nails done because the girls are being super clingy, and she won’t leave them for a few hours. Can you come get me?” she snaps.

“Calm down, Tal; they’re just toddlers. You were like that once, you know?”

I can’t help but lift my eyebrows at her anger over something so trivial, but then again, she’s lived a life of luxury. I’m certain Asher and his siblings were spoiled rotten growing up.

He rolls his eyes at me, leaning in to plant a kiss on my temple before he leaves, his thumb brushing my cheek as he heads off to deal with Antalya.

I’m left wondering what he might have said if he hadn’t been interrupted, but I don’t have time to dwell on it. My shift starts in twenty minutes, and I can’t afford to be late.

I give myself one last look in the mirror, pulling my skirt up and over my hips. I tuck in my shirt and zip up the side before giving a little twirl.

~I guess I’ll do.~

Deciding it’s time to go, I head for the elevators.

Asher is outside when I pass by, trying to explain away his little sister’s behavior. Antalya, however, isn’t having any of it, which oddly annoys me.

Oh, to be as naïve and unscarred as her…

I push those thoughts away as I ride the elevator to the top floor.

The doors open to the club’s sultry atmosphere, a place that still needs a new name.

Atticus is waiting for me at the bar, just as he promised he would every night. I can’t help but notice how much he resembles Asher.

But where Asher’s eyes are soft and full of love, Atticus’s are hard and devoid of emotion.

“You’re fifteen minutes early, Maddy,” he points out.

“Better early than late…”

He smirks, a familiar expression, as I step behind the bar to prepare for the night ahead.

“I took care of the stock sheet; had some extra time this afternoon. We’re out of cognac, grenadine, and fresh dragon fruit; the shipment hasn’t arrived yet. So anything with those ingredients is off the menu tonight. Can you remember that? Also, tonight is the first night of the new members-only shows. They’re happening in rooms seven and nine. It’s a public show… If you’re uncomfortable serving drinks in the rooms, let me know. I can have them come out here to order and pick up their drinks.”

“Okay,” I respond, feeling a momentary wave of panic.

“It’s a mutual agreement, something that’s been requested and will only happen once a month. Everyone knows each other, and the doms have submitted a plan for their encounter. Maddy, they’ve been vetted and signed agreements that they’re willing to participate. I promise no one is being forced.”

“You don’t need to justify your business decisions to me, Atticus.”

“I just don’t want to upset you, Maddy.”

“Nothing here will upset me, Atticus. I’m into the lifestyle,” I whisper, hoping no one else is around to hear my confession.

“Does Asher know that?”

“He does—and he’s…willing to try, I think.”

Atticus presses his lips together, studying me for a long moment as the elevator signals someone’s arrival.

I shift my gaze from him to the elevator, spotting three businessmen stepping out, one of whom is Grayson, who introduced himself to me the night before.

The three men head straight for the bar, greeting Atticus and then me.

“I’ll have a beer.” The tall man with salt-and-pepper hair orders dismissively, as if my role here is insignificant.

“Same,” the blonde one grunts.

Grayson, however, rolls his eyes at his friends’ behavior before turning to me. “Don’t mind them; they’ve had a rough day. I’ll have the same as last night, please,” he requests.

I nod, fetching their drinks and setting them on coasters in front of them.

Grayson smirks, clearly impressed that I remembered his order, but none of them speak to me again.