Chapter 121

MADDISON

Growing up, I was taught that adulthood meant having a career and saving for the future. That money—and everything it could buy—was the ultimate goal in life. That was my childhood experience, at least.

Some folks achieve this through legal means, while others choose to chase illicit money by any means necessary. I guess I could have chosen that path too.

I could have become a self-made woman, just like some of the other girls who came and went from Sanctum. I could have made a living by sleeping with any man willing to pay me.

But I chose a different life. A simpler life with a man by my side and his family as my own. Asher has been trying hard—reaching out to me over and over since I bruised his ego and his father’s.

I shouldn’t have slapped him. I shouldn’t have demanded that he practice abstinence with me. I realize that now, and I’ve talked it over with Atticus, though not willingly.

Atticus told me about Asher’s past, about the countless girls who used to frequent his bedroom. I guess I should feel special that Asher chose me to settle down with, but I still feel inferior to him.

Maybe that’s why I took this job. Maybe having a title and a paycheck will make me feel more equal to him. But I know I’m playing with fire.

I know we need to have some serious conversations. More than anything, I need to learn to trust Asher.

He’s never given me a single reason not to trust him. He’s been nothing but loyal and even kept his promise to stay sober.

So, that’s my plan. I plan to face our issues head-on. I owe him that much.

I plan to share my fears, express my sexual desires…ask him to stop paying for everything. All I want from him is to be treated as an equal and for him to take charge—especially in the bedroom.

I want him to toss me onto the bed, to spank me, to use toys on me. I crave the roughness, the dominance, but in a healthy way.

I miss what I had before I killed Mr. Fennick. I yearn to be taken—not made love to, but taken.

Roughly, passionately…

I know I shouldn’t have, but I went to the club last night with Atticus. I was only there for an hour, but it was enough to show me what I’ve been missing.

So, I asked Atticus if Asher ever came here, if he was a member. He laughed so hard he nearly fell over.

“No, my brother is as gentle as a teddy bear. He’s never been into the things I am,” Atticus told me.

I hate to admit it, but for a moment, I wondered if I had chosen the wrong brother—if I would have been better off with Atticus instead of Asher.

But the thought alone made my heart ache. My body rejected the idea before it even fully formed.

Working with one brother and living with the other has made their differences all the more apparent. Atticus and I have been spending a lot of time together at work.

It’s strange because he looks just like Asher, but their personalities couldn’t be more different. Atticus is quiet and brooding—which makes him seem older than he is.

He commands attention wherever he goes, and it’s captivating to see how women melt at the sight of him. He’s a lot like his father in that way—a spitting image of Zach.

Asher, on the other hand, is playful and cheerful. His smile is constant, and his personality is always vibrant and joyful.

He’s a people pleaser and craves attention. He’s not as self-assured as his brother—not beneath the facade he puts on for the world.

And that’s what I love about him. He wears his heart on his sleeve and isn’t afraid to show his vulnerability to me.

Today’s the day I finally get to work my first solo evening shift with Atticus. He thought it would be a good idea for me to get a feel for the club, so he’s got me playing bartender for the next week.

The job’s a breeze, and I’ve been keeping pace for hours now. I’ve got all the drinks memorized like the back of my hand, and I could probably mix them blindfolded.

Despite the anxiety that’s been gnawing at me since I pulled that trigger, everything just fell into place the moment I served my first customers from behind this bar. Suddenly, I felt a sense of purpose again.

It was like a switch had been flipped in my mind, reminding me of my worth. And with that purpose came a sense of belonging.

“Good evening, sir. What can I get you?” I asked a sharply dressed businessman who’d just come up in the main elevator.

I spotted him right away and quickly made my way around the circular bar to serve him.

He flashed a handsome smile, revealing a perfect set of white teeth, and cleared his throat. “A Hendrix… Are you new? I’ve never seen you before.”

I mixed his Hendrix over lime, adding a large ice cube with Henderson etched into it, and responded with a friendly yet professional smile. I scanned the room to make sure everyone was taken care of.

“Yes, I’m a temp,” I replied, smiling genuinely for the first time in a while.

“Nice to meet you, Grayson.” He extended his hand, but I politely declined, placing his tumbler on a coaster in front of him.

“Nice to meet you, too,” I replied confidently, just as another customer stepped off the elevator.

The rest of the evening flew by in a whirlwind of pouring drinks and tuning out the idle chatter of the patrons.

There was a couple in the far-left corner of the south side of the bar putting on quite the show. I tried to avoid looking their way whenever I had to go around that side of the bar, but I couldn’t help but realize that I kind of enjoyed the voyeuristic thrill.

I hadn’t expected to retain so many of these quirks from my time at Sanctum, but they were there, begging to be indulged.

Around two in the morning, Atticus gave me the okay to head out, and he left as well.

To be honest, my feet were killing me. I hadn’t realized how much I was asking of myself by standing in stilettos for so long.

And let me tell you, I was more than happy to kick them off the moment I walked into the apartment.

For a moment, I considered heading to the spare room to curl up in bed and hug a pillow. But something drew me toward Asher instead.

He was sound asleep, lying on his side with his arm stretched out, clutching the duvet.

Without really thinking, I slipped out of my dress and climbed into bed in just my underwear.

I gently moved his arm and pressed my back against his chest, encouraging him to spoon me.

He sighed, sniffed my hair, and pulled me close, holding me tight against him.

He mumbled my name, gave me a quick kiss, and then fell back into a light sleep.

In that moment, I felt complete.

So I allowed myself a moment of peace, closing my eyes and letting Asher’s steady breathing lull me to sleep.

“I’ll deal with our issues in the morning,” I thought.

“I really want this to work.”