Chapter 108

MADDISON

I’m feeling a sense of betrayal, among other things, as I sit here in this hospital room, stripped of all comforts. It’s just a bed, a mattress, a toilet, and a sink. There are no cozy blankets, no personal items… I don’t even have a hairbrush to smooth out my tangled hair.

Violet brought me here, locking me in this room for what she called “my safety.” She promised she’d come back today. She promised she’d visit.

She pleaded with me to be honest with the staff, to share the turmoil in my mind, to confess that for a fleeting moment, I genuinely believed that ending my life would be the best way to escape the misery I’ve been living.

I won’t lie—the thought was tempting, more tempting than the prospect of spending the rest of my life in a prison-like room for killing two of the three men who raped and abused me. But now, that thought feels foreign to me.

And that terrifies me. What was I thinking, and where would I be if Callum had more than those three bullets in his gun? The thought sends shivers down my spine.

This morning, the doctor came to see me—an older woman with graying hair who co-owns this retreat with Violet. She’s a trained physician specializing in mental health and recovery.

She thinks I’ll be here for the next few months, working on healing my shattered mind. She promises to help me right the wrongs that have been done to me, to offer me a respite from the traumas of my life.

She’s also told me that some of the other girls have already agreed to stay with her before they return to their families. We’ll be working together to overcome our recent traumas and shared experiences.

Violet had already given me a pep talk, sharing her experiences here with the doctors and nurses. She told me about the classes they offer and the opportunities I can pursue at no cost.

She also promised a home for as long as I needed it; apparently, she has more than one home I could choose from. But she also offers her own home, promising I would find nothing but love and acceptance there.

I hate to admit it, but a part of me wants to stay here. To get my GED. To chase a future that I thought was never a possibility.

But my feelings for Asher complicate that. I long to go home to him, to lie with him for the first time as a free girl.

To finally be able to kiss him back, knowing it’s coming from deep within my soul because I truly want him. He’s changed me; he’s shown me the light.

But maybe he won’t like the person I truly am; maybe I—

“Maddy?” The doctor, Carmen, interrupts my thoughts. My eyes dart from the squares on my trousers to her in the doorway that doesn’t have a door.

It’s completely open, offering me no privacy, much like those early days in Sanctum.

“Yes?” I respond.

“You have some visitors,” she informs me.

That’s when I notice Violet standing beside her and Asher just behind. I hadn’t noticed them before, but then again, I hadn’t cared to look.

For some reason, my heart starts to race, making me feel light-headed and giddy. Why? I don’t know, but I’m sure it has something to do with Asher being here.

I hadn’t allowed myself to think of a reunion. And I haven’t forgotten that I left in the middle of the night while he slept peacefully, without his permission.

He never wanted me to leave; he disagreed with me returning and helping his parents nail the men I… That I… I can’t say it. I can’t think about it.

What I did… It wasn’t me. I would never intentionally hurt someone. But I did hurt them.

Asher moves around his mother and the doctor as I sit in silence. He heads straight for me, making my heart pound even harder.

~Will he hate me now?~ Will he tell me he doesn’t like me as he’s led me to believe? He sits on the bed before me, reaching out to stroke my cheek, wiping away the tears I hadn’t realized were there.

“Are you okay?” he asks, worry etched on his face.

I nod because I can’t find the words. I think I’m afraid that if I admit that I’m far from okay, the doctor in the doorway might use that against me.

But Asher sees through my silence, holding my hand as he speaks.

“It’s okay to not be okay. I’m not, and I think I’m finally ready to face my issues…”

My gaze shifts from his to the doorway, which is now vacant. Violet and Carmen have departed, leaving me feeling more at ease and ready to open up.

“Can I have a hug?” I ask.

He chuckles, glancing over his shoulder before nodding. I think he understands that my silence was meant for the doctor.

“Of course,” he replies, drawing me into his arms.

We hold each other as if our lives hang in the balance, gripping so tightly that it should be painful. He inhales deeply, his breath warming my neck as he plants a kiss on my shoulder.

And I, in turn, breathe in his scent. It’s strange how a single hug can make you feel complete again.

“They want me to stay here, to undergo treatment and therapy,” I confess, more to myself than to him. He nods in understanding.

“My mom wants me to get help, too,” he reveals.

“For the drugs?” I inquire.

“For the reason I use the drugs, I think,” he explains. His brow furrows in confusion. He’s not entirely sure what his mother wants him to address.

But isn’t that the purpose of therapy? Isn’t the goal to identify and resolve the issues that led to the crisis in the first place?

“Asher?” I ask.

“Yes?”

“Did you mean it when you said you liked me?” I question him.

“Absolutely, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t…”

“What about Ebony?”

“I don’t feel for her the way I feel for you.” He shrugs, but despite his words, I’m not entirely convinced.

“There’s something you should know, something I did…”

“Mama told me, you…”

I place a finger on his lips, not ready for him to voice what I did last night.

“If you know, you know,” I whisper.

“It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t bother me,” he assures me.

I smile at him, sinking into his embrace. And he holds me, holds me close as we converse about everything and nothing.

About the horses and my desire to ride them with him once I’m discharged. To spend time together to see if this bond we share could evolve into something more enduring.

His presence soothes me, and his support inspires me to strive to be a better version of myself. So I make a promise to do just that.

“I’ll stay,” I concede. “Let’s work on improving ourselves for each other?”

“Deal. I pinky swear to better myself for you,” he pledges, extending his pinky.

I find the gesture amusing, given our age. I extend my pinky and promise to better myself for him as well.