chapter 54

Author's POV Thulir gazed at her sleeping daughters. The king-sized bed had automatic rails on the sides, but as soon as the babies started crawling, they attempted to climb down and often fell on the floor. Despite the rails, they learned to climb over them. Most of the time, it was the elder one, Malar, who led the way, with her younger sister, Alar, following suit. Alar was usually a quiet and good-natured girl, while Malar was the troublemaker. After their lunch and playtime, both had fallen asleep. Innisai and Cynthiya had placed the sleeping babies next to their mother, who had woken up and was now lost in thought as she watched her daughters."Both of them look like him... even my daughters' features won't remind him of me in future." Thulir thought as she took a deep breath. It was painful, yet she managed to sit up and lean against the headrest, placing a pillow behind her. She looked at her sleeping daughters, finding some comfort in their peaceful faces.Just then, Agathiyan entered the room. Thulir's eyes automatically moved to the wall clock. It wasn't time for her lunch or medicine, and even the babies were sleeping. Instead of resting, Agathiyan had come into the room. He had to go to work tomorrow, so she worried but didn't ask him anything. Agathiyan climbed onto the bed, causing her to frown in confusion. He hugged her waist, placed his head on her lap, and closed his eyes. He didn't say anything further. As time seemed to pause, Thulir slowly started running her fingers through his hair."I am exhausted, dii," Agathiyan mumbled without opening his eyes or raising his head. Thulir took a deep breath, leaned down to kiss his head, and continued massaging his scalp in silence. Her mind drifted back to the conversation they had two months ago.Agathiyan was feeding her soup, and she looked at him with concern. He had lost weight, and the bags under his eyes showed how restless he was. He had taken six months of medical leave after the babies' birth and had not allowed anyone else to take care of Thulir. Although the elders sometimes cared for the babies, Agathiyan always stayed beside Thulir, caring for her like a baby. Most of the time, he slept on the sofa next to the bed, often in a sitting position. He did everything she needed but never spoke to her because he was angry at her for hiding the complications and thinking he could live without her. Along with their two daughters, Thulir was also his baby. She constantly tried to apologize, but he never paid attention. Many times, she asked him to rest, suggesting that the nurse or her mother could take care of her, but he never listened.Eventually, he had to return to work, and his workload doubled. He had no time to rest and looked more exhausted, yet he never failed to make food for her in the morning and instructed the personal nurse to give her medication at the right time. Mostly, Uyir stayed with her daughter and granddaughters at Revathi Illam until Agathiyan returned from work. At this point, Thulir no longer sought his forgiveness but wanted him to rest. Her body had stopped lactating, which only made things worse for her. Now, her daughters didn't need her, and she felt guilty and frustrated for burdening Agathiyan. The room suffocated her, and her deteriorated health and dependence on others made her feel detested. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone, especially Agathiyan.After taking a long breath, Thulir spoke, "Stop doing all this, Agathiya... I will die anyway. Don't overdo yourself... leave it."Agathiyan dropped the spoon back into the bowl and looked at her, narrowing his eyes but saying nothing. Thulir took a deep sigh and continued,"I mean it, Agathiya... I hate being a burden on everyone around me. Even my daughters don't need me anymore, and you're already not talking to me. I'm tired of asking for forgiveness. I know it was my mistake; it was my decision to hide this from everyone, especially you. But what else did you want me to do? All that mattered to me was giving birth to our kids, not even me. I knew this family would love them and raise them after I died. I wasn't worried about them, but you... what will happen to you if I'm gone? I don't want you to live alone. That's why I searched for a suitable girl for you. I know it won't be easy for you to accept anyone, but you would never disrespect any woman and would surely try to give her a place in your life if you knew it was my last wish. Do you think it was easy for me to decide that? No, it pierced my heart even thinking of you with another woman, but I don't want to punish you either. Trust me, I wanted to survive only for you, but I didn't expect to survive and end up being a burden on you, which is even more painful for me. So please don't push yourself too much. I am not going to survive."Thulir pleaded with him. Agathiyan gritted his teeth, placing the bowl on the side table with a thud, and stood up abruptly. Thulir watched as he took a long breath, attempting to control the whirlwind of emotions churning within him. The sight of his gaunt face, etched with fatigue and frustration, only heightened her sense of guilt.She could see the storm in his eyes, the same eyes that once held endless love and hope. Now, they were clouded with pain and anger. He was fed up with hearing the same words from everyone around him—that his Thulir can't survive. Hearing it from her, the very person he loved beyond measure, was the final blow. His anger and frustration erupted, and in his rage, he lashed out:"Yeah, you're right. You are going to die anyway, leaving me and our daughters alone. Still, I would do everything on my own because, as you said, after your death, I have to marry the girl you chose, right? How can I live with her happily, bearing the guilt that I couldn't save you? That would be the worst punishment for me. I can't keep my new wife happy; that's why I'm trying my level best. I'll do all this until your last breath so that I won't be guilty. At least I tried everything I could to save you. That's why I'm doing all this, so please, don't stop me, my dear dying first wife, Mrs. Thulir Agathiyan."His voice quivered with a mix of rage and despair. As he seethed with anger and left the room, Thulir felt the weight of his words crush her heart. She had wished for him to be happy, to move on from her if she died, but hearing it from his lips was a wound too deep to bear. It shattered the fragile thread of hope she clung to for survival.Tears streamed down her face, and her chest heaved with silent sobs. One part of her mind whispered that he spoke in anger, but she couldn't bring herself to believe it. Instead, she held onto his words, convinced that giving him a guilt-free life was her final gift. Her resolve to live crumbled, replaced by the unbearable weight of being a burden.Thulir came out of her trance when she felt a tiny hand over hers. She immediately wiped her tears and looked down at her husband, who was sleeping on her lap, and her younger daughter, who was now awake and gazing at her with big black eyes. Malar was still sleeping. Thulir smiled at her daughter and kissed her head. The little girl giggled and sucked her mother's thumb, her way of kissing back.Thulir smiled, but sensing movement from Agathiyan made her frown. She didn't want to disturb his sleep, knowing how rarely he rested and that today's meeting with the doctors wouldn't be easy for him. She surely didn't want his sleep to be disturbed. Despite the pain in her thighs, she didn't want to wake him, so she pressed the emergency button beside her, which was there if she needed anything and no one was around. Mostly, she didn't use it.Immediately, Thugil and the nurse entered the room. Thulir signaled them to pick up the babies and leave the room without making any noise. They followed her orders. As Malar was a sound sleeper, it was easy to move her, and Alar, already awake, moved towards Thugil with a smile.Thulir's attention moved back to her sleeping husband. She gently ran her fingers through his hair, and he smiled in his sleep, snuggling closer to her. Thulir smiled at his actions. However, soon her leg pain intensified. She couldn't bear it, yet she didn't want to move. She let out a slow, painful groan, and that slight movement broke Agathiyan's sleep. He frowned and took a few moments to realize their position. He immediately sat up, panicked."Is it hurting too much? Why didn't you wake me up when you felt the slightest pain? Why don't you understand anything, Thulir? Are you feeling pain anywhere else? Should I call the doctor? Say something," Agathiyan asked continuously.Thulir cupped his face, halting his panic. He looked at her, and Thulir smiled at him."I am fine, Agathiya. Yes, it was painful, but comforting at the same time because you slept for an hour without a break, which is more important. I don't care about the pain if it means you are getting some rest. At least I am useful for that," Thulir said.Agathiyan immediately hugged her tightly."Please stop speaking like that, Thulir. I can't see you in pain, and I can't live without you, dii. Please don't leave me. Everyone is scaring me, but I know nothing will happen to my Thulir. Please don't break my trust. Don't leave me, please. If you are upset and angry at me, hit me, taunt me, but please don't leave me, dii. I can't live without you. Please don't leave me," he said repeatedly, his tears wetting her shoulder.She hugged him back and kissed his head multiple times, running her hands on his back to console him. "I won't, Agathiya.""You should not leave me, Thulir. You are not allowed to leave me. Never, ever," he mumbled, hugging her even more tightly.Â