Chapter 31

SARAH

She was sprawled across Gabe’s huge bed, the covers pulled to her hips, running her hands through his black spikes where his head rested on her stomach. His soft breath blew gently against the underside of her breasts. He looked so boyish in his sleep, she thought, studying his square jaw shadowed with dark stubble, his slanted cheekbones a strong vestige of his German heritage, and a sweet resting place for the lushest lashes that framed the most electric eyes Sarah had ever seen.

His tempting mouth was slack in sleep, and his chin was less jutted, less stubborn, and utterly adorable. He must have been the cutest baby, she smiled as she continued to stroke his hair.

After their cataclysmic lovemaking in the car, he had led her to his bedroom where he had devoured her all night. Her body was spent and tired, deliciously sore…and craving more. Gabe had fallen asleep while they lay chatting, but Sarah’s mind was too keyed up to sleep. His confession in his truck had sent her emotions on a roller coaster ride as he spoke. And all because she couldn’t control her curiosity. Would he have told her how he felt if she hadn’t asked? And what did he mean when he said that she was the closest thing he would ever have to a wife? Why didn’t he just marry her then?

She wouldn’t refuse him. She would marry Gabriel Von Ashner in a heartbeat! She could see herself falling asleep with him wrapped around her as he was now or waking up to his gentle kisses for the rest of her life. He was the closest she would ever have to a husband, and unless he tortured little children in a dungeon, she couldn’t walk away from Gabe even if she tried. She loved him.

Her eyes went back to his face when he placed a soft kiss just above her navel before laying his head back down. His eyes focused on her even as his hand slid up and down her inner thigh, causing shivers of need along her spine.

“Where were you?” he asked her favorite question softly, his voice so gravelly with sleep it sent fireworks along her nerve endings.

“I’ve never been in love, nor have I ever been loved, Gabe. I was always the ~studious Sarah~. ~Sassy Sarah~. ~Seth’s sister~. ~Seth will fuck you over for looking at his sister~. After Ranya died, I went to school as far as I could, not able to be in the house. She had filled every corner. And I had failed Seth. I had withdrawn into myself, focusing on my career.” She traced a finger over his lips and sucked in a quick breath when he nipped it between his teeth before gently licking it with his tongue. She smiled as she pulled it from his mouth and brushed it over his eyebrow. “Mostly, I went back to Little Italy in Chicago, moving from one kitchen to another and learning what I could about my roots. And then I met ~him~.”

GABRIEL

Gabe breathed in Rah’s scent, the feel of her satiny skin beneath his fingers sending tiny sparks along his nerve endings. Though he enjoyed their lovemaking, he enjoyed these post-love times even more, when they were both relaxed and uninhibited. It was the first time they were in an actual bed together, and he was enjoying having her so close.

He closed his eyes as she started speaking, not wanting Rah to see the emotions in his eyes as he listened to her story. He knew she had been through shit, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what her fucker of an ex did to her. But he also wanted to know what made Sarah the woman she was, and how the past had shaped her and made her the woman he loved.

Her voice was soft in the dim light of the room, the Tiffany bedside lamp sending out a beam across the dark wood bed posts, cherry wood flooring with their gray and teal rugs, and the comfortable teal velvet armchair in the rounded space of the large bay window. He opened his eyes and watched the emotions playing over her face.

Gabe and Seth had still been in the same unit when Burnsley had informed Seth of the death of two-year-old Ranya. The loss of his daughter had pushed Seth into a dark time in his life, and he had done what he could to keep his friend from killing himself. Gabe had specially asked Burnsley to assign him to the same jobs that Seth was sent on. There had been a time or two when he doubted that they would make it out alive, but somehow they did. It had been a blessing when Seth got the news of his mother’s diagnosis a few years later. That was the cold water his friend needed, pulling him back to reality and motivating his retirement. Gabe missed his friend but was relieved that his friend was out of the deep dip he had fallen into.

He had not known Sarah at that time and had not considered how Ranya’s death had affected her. Rah had raised Ranya while Seth was deployed, Tereza not being a fit mother, and her addiction to drugs keeping her from spending time with Ranya. And yet, Tereza had been under the influence when she crashed her car, Ranya in the back seat. The impact had been so great that it had snapped the toddler’s neck. And Sarah was blaming herself for it. She didn’t deserve what her ex did to her…or Gabe’s kind of love.

His hand fisted around her thigh as he waited for her to continue speaking, trying not to jump from the bed and hunt the ass-shit to beat the life out of him. But he took a deep breath and looked back up to her face, her eyes as dark as fresh pine needles.

“I was working for a family-run restaurant in Chicago for a few years after Ranya died. Christiano was the spoiled, younger son just returned from college. And instantly decided I was his next achievement, even though I was friends with his older brother, and the two of us made it seem like we were involved. It slowed him down but didn’t stop him. And then Guido had to go to New York to help with the opening of a new restaurant.”

She was quiet, her mind going back to those days, and Gabe took hold of her hand, linking his fingers with hers. She took a deep breath and turned to study the Tiffany lamp with its yellow, green, and blue colored glass shield.

“It was as though I was fair game. And he was relentless, charming, or cajoling, depending on where we were and with whom. Somehow, he must have worn down my resolve because I eventually agreed to a couple of dates. But I was always careful about being alone with him. And then Mom got sick and I came home to help Seth. After Mom died, I went back to Chicago, but in a different area. But he found me there. He just kept pitching up, and I went out with him. But we never took ~that~ step. And I could see he was getting impatient. His promises and bribes slowly turned to manipulation, and eventually, threats. Then one night, he got me alone in the kitchen. I still don’t know how, but he found me and he…he…”

Gabe sat up abruptly and pulled her into his arms, his shoulders tight with tension, his teeth grinding so hard he thought he might snap the muscle in his jaw. Her tears were hot against his chest, and all he could do was hold her as she cried. Winding her arms around his waist, she continued with her story.

“I made a report. I had changed jobs. I was carrying on with my life. And then I found out that I was pregnant.” She looked at him, her eyes filled with pain and a pang of guilt so sharp, Gabe sucked in a sharp breath. “The first thought I had was to have an…”

He wiped the tear that fell down her cheek when she couldn’t say the words. He couldn’t sum up the indignation at the thought that Amelia might never have been if Sarah had gone through with it. But he could understand how confused and angry she was at the time.

“I just couldn’t. I was on the clinic bed, the nurse setting out the tools when I got so sick, I threw up all over the tray. I can’t remember getting dressed, I just remember finding myself outside of the clinic.” She blinked up at him. “Seth doesn’t know that. I don’t know what he thinks, but he doesn’t ~know~.”

She rested her cheek against his chest and Gabe stroked her hair and her back, his fingers inadvertently tracing the scars. Her voice was small when she spoke again, so soft that he had to tilt his head to hear her.

“I was just over six months along when he found me again. And then he raged because I dared to give my affection to something else. I laughed at him. And then he started beating me when I reminded him that he never had my affection. I don’t know where he got the knife but the next thing, I knew, he was slashing at my stomach. I then turned and he cut at my back. I heard Seth come in, and must have blacked out at that point… When I was able to be moved, Seth brought me home and raised Amelia like she was his own. We never spoke about Christiano. We still don’t.”

He cupped her cheek and lifted her face to his. His voice was gruff with emotion when he was eventually able to speak. “Thank you for trusting me with this, Rah.”

She smiled sadly. “I do trust you, Gabriel Von Ashner.”

He smiled back before kissing her gently. And then he tucked her into his side again, lowering them both to the pillows, Sarah half-splayed across his chest. They lay in silence for a while, before he tangled his fingers in her hair and tugged her face up to him. He gently kissed her forehead. “Can I tell you a secret now?”

The smile she gave him was more genuine this time. “Yes, please,” she whispered.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes as he released it, and then looked at her. “I’m glad you couldn’t go through with it.”

She frowned at him.

“The…um…”

“Oh, Gabe…,” she whispered as she cupped his jaw, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “Why?”

“When I came back, I didn’t want to be among people. I still don’t, quite honestly, but Grandma just railroaded whatever plans I had of lazing on the deck until I dried out like a mummy. She forced me to drive her to church, and what was I going to do for the hour besides driving up and down?” He shrugged. “So I would slump in the back pew and quietly wait for the service to end. Until I saw this little girl with bouncing, gold curls and the most joyful little dresses, and I started looking forward to attending. In the beginning, just to see what cartoon would be on her dress.”

His smile slowly faded, and then he looked down at her. Gabe tapped his temple. “Up here, I’m messed up with memories, Rah. And in here”—he tapped his chest—“I’m torn up. And when I saw her, looking so preciously cute, I felt some of my darkness lift. And that was ~before~ I saw her face. And that is why I call her my glitter girl.”

“Why did it take you so long to reach out to Seth when you came home?” she asked softly, making small circles across his skin.

“That’s another secret, but seeing at the magnitude of the one you shared…” He shrugged and she laughed softly. He sighed deeply. “I’m the one who had him sent home, Rah. Just before your mom got sick, he wanted to go on another mission, and I wanted to go with him, but he had been so reckless after Ranya died, that I was afraid he’d get himself in trouble again. The life-threatening kind. And our team would have followed him through hell, Rah, but I couldn’t risk that. So, when Burnsley asked me if he should send Seth, I said no. I’m sorry about what happened with your mom, but I was so glad that her being sick made Seth decide to retire. At least he was alive.”

“Guilt is the worst kind of bitch, Gabe…” Sarah sighed, placing a kiss on his chest. “Once it starts gnawing at your insides, it never lets go.” And then she looked up at him. “But Seth isn’t the only guilt that makes you a bullet chaser, is he?”

“No.” Gabe stared at the window over her head, his thoughts going to his dark place. But he took a deep breath, drawing the unique scent that was all Sarah into his lungs. “Rah…”

She looked up at him.

“I’m going to fuck him up beyond all recognition when I get hold of him.”

She sat upright to stare at him, not needing him to elaborate about who he meant. “Gabe, you’ll go to jail!”

He shrugged as he stroked her cheek. “I’ll do anything for you and Amelia, Rah. And besides, I’ll look good in orange,” he finished with a cheeky smile.

She gaped at his blasé statement. And then snorted as she laughed.