Epilogue: What We're Going to do for the Rest of our Lives

On a sunny Thursday afternoon, Beatrice picked up a basket of tomatoes she had just picked from her garden, and walked towards her house. There was the sound of waves crashing nearby and the smell of salt in the air.

Charlie met her at the back door, and held it open for her.

"Let me guess— we're eating spaghetti again?" She said, her eyebrows raised.

"You know it." Beatrice said.

"I just figured you would have learned how to make it taste good by now." Charlie teased.

"Listen, don't act up."

"Well, what are you going to do if I act up?" Charlie said.

Beatrice waved her arm, and pulled Charlie back towards her. Charlie gasped, and Beatrice responded by grabbing a fist full of Charlie's hair and yanking her head backwards.

"Ah!"

Charlie's face immediately turned red.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Oh my god, ew." a voice spoke up from the couch. "Can you not?"

Beatrice rolled her eyes and let go of Charlie's hair. Charlie stumbled backwards, flustered and embarrassed.

"You're still here?"

"I sure am, muscle mommy." Harleigh's head popped up from the back of the couch.

Beside a snide comment, she made no effort to help.

"You've been sleeping on our couch for three weeks." Beatrice said. "Do you just live her now, or is there something else I need to know?"

Harleigh hardly looked up.

"I'm just staying here until I can get the Iranian government— and the entire Mars Colony— off of my back."

"Do I even want to know?"

"All I have to say is that, if they don't want their satellites hacked into, they shouldn't make them so easy to hack."

Beatrice started to unpack the tomatoes as she rolled her eyes.

"So you're going to be here forever?"

"Well, I'm sorry I don't know anyone else with a secret lair hidden on an uncharted island." Harleigh said. "But as soon as I meet someone, I'll divide my time between there and here."

"Well, if you're going to just live on my island, I'm going to need you to start doing something useful." Beatrice said.

She started to unload the tomatoes from the basket and into the sink, while Charlie pulled a pot from the shelf.

"She's a pretty good babysitter." Charlie pointed out.

Beatrice wasn't very impressed.

"Only because Alex can't talk yet."

"Beggars can't be choosers."

"I'm not begging you to do anything except leave my island."

Harleigh snorted.

"What are you going to do? Call the police? Or the government that you defected from?"

"I could beat you up and throw you into the ocean?" Beatrice said. "Who's going to arrest me for it?"

"Listen, some of us are actually hiding. What would you get in trouble for if you went back to the mainland? Stealing some equipment four years ago?"

"If it causes you that much anxiety, maybe you should commit lesser crimes?" Beatrice suggested.

Harleigh rolled her eyes and looked over to Charlie.

"How did she convince you to come make an island commune anyway? You always struck me as more of an indoor lesbian."

"I just didn't want to be helpless anymore." Charlie said. "Plus, everyone hated me at the time. I could hardly leave the house. I also know what it means to blanch a tomato now, so that's pretty cool."

There was a knock on the door.

"Oh no." Beatrice said to Harleigh. "It looks like they've already found you."

Harleigh rolled her eyes.

"You guys get visitors here?"

Beatrice didn't answer. She leaned over, and opened the door up to reveal Lin, smiling and holding a cake plate.

Beatrice took it from him and set it on the counter, While Charlie happily hopped over to hug him.

"Hey Charlie." He said. "It's been a while."

"I know!" Charlie said. "You can tell it's been a long time because I have a different haircut now."

"Hey, I have a different haircut too now!" TJ said stepping in from behind Lin. "I have this too."

Beatrice assumed he was talking about the baby that was wrapped against his chest in a sling. Charlie's eyes immediately lit up at the sight of it.

"Oh my god! B, it's a baby."

"Yes, I can tell." Beatrice said.

"Oh my god. It's like a little person."

"Yes, that is what babies are." Beatrice agreed.

"What's its name?" Charlie asked.

"Irene." TJ said.

"Ew." Harleigh spoke up again from the couch. "I don't like that name. Can you change it to something cooler, like Demonbutcher or something?"

Lin's eyes narrowed.

"That is my mother's name."

Harleigh quickly disappeared behind the couch again.

"Oh my god." Charlie said for a third time. "This is so cool. Come with me TJ— I'm going to go get our baby."

"Wait, Charlie, he's napping!" Beatrice called after her, but she was already gone down the hallway with TJ in tow.

Lin turned to her and shot her a puzzled look.

"Uhm, not to sound insensitive, but how do you guys have a baby?"

"I found him in a trash can outside of a gas station." Beatrice said. "When I was on the mainland picking up a few things."

Lin frowned.

"You found a baby in the trash, and you just… took it home?" He said. "You didn't call the police or something?"

Beatrice shrugged.

"I mean, basically."

"So, that's someone else's baby? You stole a baby?" Lin asked.

"It was in the trash so they clearly didn't want it." Beatrice said. "Besides, he doesn't have a belly button, so I don't even know if he's a human or not."

"So it's okay to steal a baby if it's not human?" He said.

"It was in the trash!" Beatrice repeated.

Lin opened his mouth to argue, but Beatrice cut him off.

"So I was just supposed to give him to the government to lock away and experiment on? Besides, are you going to try and take that baby from Charlie—"

She pointed her thumb over her shoulder to Charlie, who had just walked back in with Alex sitting on her shoulder. Alex gurgled happily and slapped his hands as Charlie bounced.

Lin sighed and looked away.

"Fine I won't bring it up."

"Good." Beatrice said. "And if you do, I'm throwing you into the ocean."

"I'll do anything to avoid a fight." He said. "I've been enjoying retirement too much to throw another punch ever again for the rest of my life. Something really crazy would have to happen to get me to fight again."

"You can always come live on my island." Beatrice said. "The other side though. You can't stay in my evil lair. I might get sick of you if I have to see you every day."

"Thanks, but I think I'm going to keep my citizenship." He said.

"Suit yourself."

TJ walked back over, and held the baby out.

"Do you want to hold her?" He asked.

"Uhm—" Beatrice flushed. "I'm not great with babies— uhm."

TJ handed the baby over anyway, and Beatrice awkwardly bounced her in her arms. She looked down at the tiny thing— pink and squishy, with few black curls on top of her head.

"Uh, she looks just like— uhm—"

She looked at the baby and back between the two of them. TJ pointed at Lin.

"Yes. Of course. Like you." She said.

"Don't lie, all babies look the same." Lin said.

The baby frowned, and then started to whimper, which quickly turned into a screech.

"Yeesh."

Beatrice held it out for someone else to take it. Lin stepped in and grabbed her, and the baby instantly calmed down.

"You didn't tell me you were going to have a baby." Beatrice said.

TJs cheeks turned pink, and he looked away.

"If you came to visit more—"

Beatrice blinked at him.

"I came to your wedding." She said.

"That was last year."

"I'm sorry, TJ. I just don't think I can ever go back." She said. "After I kidnapped Charlie and saved those people, well— I thought I could handle it, but all of the attention made me anxious and insecure and miserable. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to come here more often."

She smiled.

"I'd like that."

"Also, you didn't tell me you stole babies out of the trash in your spare time."

Beatrice shrugged.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything. Your husband is a total narc."

"Eh— you're not wrong." He said.

"Besides, I couldn't just leave him there."

"Charlie told me he was going to be a 'main character' one day." He said. There was an amused smile on his face.

Beatrice chuckled a little bit, and leaned against the counter.

"Yeah, she says that all of the time."

"She seems really happy here." TJ said.

"I think so too." She said. She watched Charlie roll around on the floor and laugh with Alex, and couldn't even stop herself from smiling. "I was worried she wouldn't like leaving the city, but she's seemed happy ever since we got here. Just like when I first met her."

"What about you?"

"Me?"

"Are you happy, B?" He asked her.

"Yes." She said. It was a question she had answered many times before, but this time she meant it. "I am."

Omg you guys I made it to the end.

I'll try to spare you guys from my drunk 'I love you guys' speech, but that's hard when I'm drunk and I luv u guys.

Anyway, thanks for reading this silly thing I wrote, where I decide writing serious stuff was dumb and stupid, and I was just going to be the homosexual clown I know I am on the inside. *HONK HONK*

Can't wait to edit all 90k words of this unedited mess. Geez. Pray for me.

If you want something else to read in the meantime, I have this story I've been working on, UNHOLY, based on the terrible, awful, no good, very bad year I've had.

It's high fantasy and it's queer and diverse. I made a mood board so u can get the idea.

If you don't want to read it that's cool too. I'll stop word vomiting now.

TTYL. <3