Chapter 57

Chapter 57

I stood like a statue, unable to even lift a finger.

"What is this?" he repeated in a soft voice and that somehow brought me back to life.

I charged forward and snatched the letter from him. "What the hell, James, why are you going through my stuff?"

"I wasn't going through your stuff," his voice trailed still in shock. "I sat on the couch and this poked me."

I stared at him on the verge of breaking. He stared back at me, emotionless. For the first time, I haven't a single idea what's going on inside his head. He stayed like that for a second too long that it irked me. "Say something."

He blinked slowly and looked away, "I figured you were Pixel but who was Gap? Was it Clark?"

I exhaled loudly and sank down the sofa, "Yes. Although it should be spelled G-A-A-P."

He stayed as his stoic self and didn't say anything.

"It stood for Generally Accepted Accounting Principles, he just never understood it."

He nodded slowly then his lips curled into a scowl then a raging emotion suddenly brewed inside of him, surfacing in his demeanor as if he just realized what had happened. "I'm going to break his face," he marched to the door with a purpose.

"Where are you going?"

"To Rockefeller Center."

I rushed to stop him, "No, you're not."

"I'm gonna punch him in the throat, Grant."

"James."

"Who does he think he is?" he grabbed the paper from me and held it in his hand, almost tearing, then threw it in the air.

"Is that all you have to say?" I asked. "You wouldn't ask about Randall Steinhouse?"

"I couldn't give a flying rat's ass about Randall. Whoever believes his stories are halfwits. That motherfucker always brags about sleeping with women he never stood a chance with. And I know you," he stopped at stared at me. "From the short time I've known you, I know you wouldn't do that."

I don't know if it's the way he said it or the fact that he didn't doubt me even for a second or that I've kept this rumor a secret to everyone for the past six months or maybe all of it that made my heart swell, my eyes water, and my limbs cling to him like magnets.

"Sshhh," he cooed calmingly. "It's alright." He grabbed my head with both hands, "Hey, hey, I hate to see you cry," he swiped the tears from my face. "But if that's what you need to do right now, let it all out. I'm here." He hugged me close to his chest again until a part of his shirt clung to his skin from my tears.

After my tears were maxed out, I told him everything that happened at Steinhouse. How Randall made his advances without me noticing, how everyone in the office called me names behind my back, and how my manager power-tripped me into leaving because she likes Randall.

"That bastard." He cursed under his breath and stood from the couch. The springs under the foam creaked from the loss of his weight.

"Where are you going?"

"To Rockefeller Center then to Steinhouse." He reached the door then turned to me, "I'm gonna teach those schmucks a lesson."

"Stop. No."

"What do you mean no? They need to know they messed with the wrong person. No one can treat you like that. No one should." The veins on his temples were pulsing with anger. I can't help but chuckle.

"Why are you laughing? This is no laughing matter, Lauren. They did you wrong."

"And you think I didn't know that? I'm just laughing at the irony."

His brows pulled together.

"No one can hurt me? But you did."

"I thought it was all in the past, Lauren."

"Yes. As those were too. They were all in the past. Heck, when you lay out the timeline, out of you three, you're even the latest, so..."

"Alright, I get it."

"Listen, I explained everything not because I wanted you to take revenge for me, but because I wanted you to understand me – where I'm coming from, why I'm not the trusting kind. And besides,"

"What?"

"You have to know about all this because of Katie."

His brows raised and his mouth twisted, "Right, right. We need to –" he cleared his throat, "focus on that."

"Yeah, it's just that everything has become so complicated and I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't even know if what I'm trying to do is still worth it. I feel like I'm just wandering with no direction and outside forces are actively trying to get me and I don't have a single clue on how to beat them."

"Hey," he moved towards me.

"I guess I'm just glad you understood because I never thought anyone would understand me."

He sat next to me, "Anyone? Wait you haven't told Dean?"

I shook my head.

"Not even Hailey?"

I shook my head again.

"Wow. That's kind of hard to believe."

"That I can keep a secret?"

"No. That Hailey never got a whiff."

"Yeah, well, we weren't able to hang out as much when I was working at Steinhouse. I was very busy, worked late hours - you know, first in, last out, unlike now in MGC. Which is why I'm glad to be working there right now."

He smiled sadly, "And now all of it's in danger because of me."

"No. It isn't all because of you. If there's one useful thing about this letter, it's that Clark practically clarified that Katie's doing it because of Randall. His ex-wife is her aunt. From what I know they have kids."

"Maybe she's taking revenge for her cousins."

"Exactly. And it's hard to beat someone with filial motivation."

"But she had it all wrong."

"It doesn't matter to her. Remember you told me that it would be near impossible to break her beliefs? You know her a heck of a lot more than I do."

"Once she thinks it, it's set in stone."

"Lauren!" somebody called out.

"What was that?" Axel asked.

"Lauren!"

"Shut up, man!" Somebody from the street shouted.

"I think it's from outside." I rushed to the window and saw Dean below.

"Lauren! Lauren, oh thank God."

"Dean? What are you doing?"

"They won't let me in." his voice was slurred and the way he stood was unstable.

"Are you drunk?"

"It doesn't matter. I need to talk to you."

Axel's head popped next to me. "What does he want?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, great," he slapped the air. "He's with you."

"Dean, it's very late. Go home."

"No, you're always like this. You wouldn't listen to me, but I love you, Lauren," he began tearing up. "I don't understand why you wouldn't listen to me. You know I wouldn't do anything that would hurt you, right? Unlike him!" He pointed at Axel with disgust. "You know what, mate? Did you know that we weren't even actually together?"

"Dean, go home."

"No," his finger waved in the air. "We pretended to be together-"

"That's it." I moved away from the window and towards the door.

"- to get my horrid aunt off my back; for her to get back at you, but I fell so stupidly. I bloody fell for her and now you're with her. Fuck am I doin' with my life?"

"What does he mean?" Axel followed me.

"I'll explain later. I'll just get him in a cab. He's too drunk." I shut the door behind me and ran to the elevator. I press once, I press twice, I press a couple more times but it won't come up. It's too long, it's taking too long. "Fuck it," I muttered to myself and took the stairs, running down as fast as I could.

Once I reached the lobby, my heart was pounding but I ran to the entrance where the heavy glass double doors were and pushed it open, the chill of November air hits my face. I jogged to the side of the building and saw Dean sitting on the sidewalk with his head in between his knees. I heaved out a breath and walked towards him. He raised his head when I crouched next to him and I saw his bloodshot eyes. I felt my heart pull at the strings. "Oh, Dean."

"Lauren," his voice came out in a whisper as he tried to will the tears away but a sudden drop from his left eye betrayed him. He turned away and looked at the sky as he wiped the tear away. "I'm sorry."

I looked down.

"I'm sorry I wasn't the man you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I've put your trust in me into peril. But," he turned to me and tried to hold my hand but I pulled away. I heard him take a sharp inhale and he sobbed quietly. "If I could turn back time, I would. You know I would. I wouldn't even accept working with Katie. I'm so sorry, Lauren. I've never expected it to end up like this. I've never expected to fall deep for you."

This is too much. I stood and hailed for a cab.

"What are you doing?" He stood slowly.

"I'm calling you a cab."

He sniffed. "Why?"

"You need to go home, Dean. You're drunk."

"I'm not."

"You can't just go on and make a scene screaming out my name."

"But I love you. That has always worked in films."

I dropped my hand and faced him, "We're not living in a movie, Dean. You can't make these spontaneous grand gestures and love declarations and expect me to come running into your arms," I shook my head in dismay, "Honestly, I don't even know if I can ever believe a word you say anymore. And I know that I might regret this if I was wrong about my assumptions because if I was wrong, you will hate me for even doubting you – and that would be my fatal flaw, but I would accept it – but if I was right, I wouldn't know how to even face you anymore or if I would ever want to. Either way, we're doomed. Look, I just... I've told you – I just can't risk it. There's too much at stake for me and I'm sorry," my voice quivered. "That you don't outweigh them."

Tears rolled down his face as did mine.

"Look, you may not even remember everything I said in the morning and I don't even know if I make any sense right now; my thoughts are so convoluted. I," I took his wrists, "I want you to know that I think we had something special but-"

"But?"

"But it wouldn't work."

"It could."

"It can't. Relationships can't be built on cracked foundations. At least not if you want it to last."

I can see it in his eyes how much he's hurt and it hurts me that I'm the reason why.

"Can I hug you at least?" he wiped his nose.

I chuckled through the tears. "Of course."

He hugged me and I can hear his silent sobbing as I rubbed his back in my futile attempt to soothe him. I saw a cab coming our way and I raised my hand to call it. The cab stopped in front of us and I released him. "Go," I wiped a tear with the back of my hand.

I opened the car door and he got inside. His eyes lingered as I closed the car door. I gave him a weak smile then the car went on its way disappearing into the street.

I walked on the sidewalk like a defeated boxer, broken and beaten. I just want to break down. How did my life get so complicated? I dragged my feet back to my apartment expecting Axel to demand an explanation but when I got inside, he wasn't there.

"Axel?" I called on but to no avail.

He must hate me now. I would hate me too.

I took the leftover wine and drank it straight from the bottle. I guess this is it. I'd have to take matters into my own hands or else, it's goodbye New York.

The burner phone beeped.

I'm sorry I couldn't wait. Something came up. Talk to you soon.

I was about to reply when another message appeared.

Don't worry, I don't hate you. I could never. I just have to be somewhere. Good night, Grant.

I typed, Thank you for understanding me, James. You don't know how much it means to me.

I stared at the message and the blinking vertical line and thought the better. I deleted the message and typed again.

Thank you, James. Good night.

* * *

Axel

"Where are you?" I asked as soon as he accepted the call. The loud music in the background basically answers that he's at a club.

"You're still alive? I haven't seen you in a while, brother. How's the boyfriend gig working out for you?"

"Shut up, Oliver. I'm on the verge of breaking someone's face right now. Are you up for it?"

"Oh," his voice was filled with intrigue. "What did the poor guy do?"

"Cheated and manipulated Lauren."

"Where will I meet you? I'm on my way."

"Rockefeller Center."

I dropped the call and zoomed into the highway. You're gonna pay, Clark.