{TWENTY-EIGHT}

{TWENTY-EIGHT}

I was standing in the airport with Morgan on a cloudy Thursday. I had booked the whole two weeks off for Christmas and New Years, and now I was here waiting for my mother on the first day of my holiday.

"Is Nana going to stay with us?" Morgan asked, not looking up from her phone.

"Yeah, Nana and I will be spending Christmas at the house, is that ok?"

"Yeah, it's quiet without you home. Is it just for Christmas?"

I frowned, looking down at her, I sighed putting a hand on her shoulder, wishing I could make any hurt or discomfort she had just go away. "I'm sorry Morgan. I wish it was for longer."

She looked up at me, her brown hair falling from her face. "I know dad."

We smiled, ending our moment when I hear the sound of someone screaming Morgan's name from across the airport.

My mother was-- well something else. You could spot her a mile away, with her wild dirty blond curly/fuzzy hair clipped up to the top of her head with a blue hair clip, she was wearing tight blue pants and a colourful yellow, red and blue vest. Under the vest was a white shirt that was belled at the wrist.

Vegas does weird things to a person.

"My babies!" She yelled, grabbing Morgan into a big hug, then letter her go and grabbing me in a tight hug. "Oh, I've missed you! Where is my smaller man, and Jan?"

I smiled at my mother, she was a little lady, just barely 5'3 with no weight to her, she had lost all her weight after dad had died, and just never get it back. "Eric had plans with his friends, Janet had a meeting with a potential big client, but she'll be home when we get there."

We all piled into the van, putting mom's three bags in the back while she and Morgan chatted in the back.

We got to the house and Janet greeted mom with a tight hug, I was lucky that the two of them got along together so well, it was a blessing, and a curse at this point. My mom kissed the ground that Janet walked on, from the day they had met, which was when she was around five months pregnant with Eric that first Christmas we were together. They had always gotten along, and now that we weren't together, my heart was constantly in my throat that one of them would say something, that Morgan or Janet would let it slip that we weren't together.

Janet and I agreed to tell her after Christmas, just in case she lost her mind over it. I wasn't sure if I should just tell her about us no longer being together, or if I should bring Scott up. I might just tell her that I was gay, then see how she reacts, and from there I could tell her about Scott or not.

Eric had called around nine to say he was staying at a friends house, Taj. And I couldn't complain because he was on holidays from school, even though it was his grandmothers first night with us. I didn't want him any angrier then he was with me, and frankly I was scared shitless he'd say something.

And knowing Eric, he would.

It was awkward at first, Janet stayed in her room and my mother was in the guest room. I slept in my office, which made mom think I was just working a lot. It was better than sleeping on the couch and getting caught. But hiding the blow-up mattress was a bit hard.

"You know, you could just sleep in our bed, it's not like we've never slept together before." Janet laughed, watching me on the third day of sleeping in the guest room, Christmas Eve. Mom, Morgan and Eric had gone out to see the lights. Something they did every year. I looked at Janet, fed up with the pump to the mattress not blowing up.

"I could. But I think it's better for everyone if I didn't. I wouldn't want to confuse the kids in the morning or make you feel like things could work out. And I would obviously tell Scott, who would be a little hurt about it, though he won't show it. Plus I'm sure after a few Cyro appointments I'll be back to normal." I smiled, a joke playing on the last of my words.

Janet smiled, but I could see the pain behind it. She was hurting, as much as she liked to act like she wasn't. I knew otherwise because I knew her. And I was doing that to her. She carried herself in such a way that told everyone she was a strong woman and nothing could bring her down. But in reality, though she was strong. She still hurt and had feelings.

"Jan," I signed, sitting on the deflated air mattress on the floor, and patted the spot beside me. She sat down beside me, it took a couple of seconds, but then I remembered this woman was my best friend and would always be my best friend. So I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to my chest, she let out a sigh, and we both sat there for a few minutes. Until we heard laughter and the door shut downstairs, which caused Janet to stir. "Listen, Janet." She looked at me, still sitting beside me. "I love you, and I'm so sorry."

"I know Sidney. And I love you too."

And I was so, so sorry.

It was the night of Christmas, all the gifts were open, the dinner was finished, and I was standing outside on the deck, phone in had as I texted Scott.

Scott, I missed him so much, his smile, his laugh, his smell. He was amazing a great time with his family though, apparently, his sister got engaged over the holiday, and he told his parents about me, which made me feel a little awkward since I wasn't even there but it was ok.

I was alone for fifteen minutes before the back door slide open and I hear slippers shuffle across the wooden panels, without a word my mother was beside me, holding a cigarette out to me, when I shook my head she put it in her own mouth, lighting it before folding both her arms over the rail and blowing smoke into the crisp December air. "Sidney, baby. What's on your mind. You haven't been yourself all week, you're worrying me."

I sighed, looking at her from the side of my eyes, she was right. Even though I was trying to hard to fake it til I make it. I wasn't myself. I wasn't as cheerful as I was. I wasn't chasing Janet with misletoe like I did every year, or tricking her to stand under it with me. This year we didn't even hang it to avoid any awkward interactions.

This was it. "What would you do, if I told you that Janet and I were separated?" I asked, looking towards her and watching every move she made. At first, she didn't say anything and the silence was defining, She took another drag of her cigarette before turning to lay her back on the rail, looking towards the house.

"Well, I would start off by telling you both that you're horrible actors if you were trying to convince me that you two were still together. Nobody spends their nights in the office every single night Sidney." She laughed a bit, taking another draw before tapping the butt. "Then, I would ask you why."

"It's not something I'm sure that I'm ready to tell you."

"Did you knock someone else up?"

"God no."

"Then, there is absolutely nothing you could say to me that would upset me, Sidney."

"Mom. I'm gay."