Chapter forty-one | Memories bring back pain

Chapter forty-one | Memories bring back pain

I ran a hand through my hair, as I checked the time for the third time in the last five minutes. My hair was a mess with a mass of tangles collected in a messy bun, with stray hair all around.

Not bothering to doll up, I showed up at the diner parking fifteen minutes before the decided time. People gave me a weird stare as now and then as the savory smell of breakfast dishes wafted towards me. My stomach begged me to go in and jump in the mouth-watering food.

I sighed as I expected Eli's arrival. My eyes had dark bags beneath them, which were hiding below my concealer. A faint taste of raspberry lip balm filled my mouth as I ran my tongue over my lips.

A familiar car pulled up in the parking, making me sigh in relief. I half expected him to bail on this conversation and this dreaded meeting. My stare remained fixed on his way as he got out of the car and scanned the parking.

His eyes first moved beyond me, but with a startled expression, they returned to my face.

Eli whispered something under his breath as his eyes remained locked with mine. We took steps closer to each other, hesitation visible through our shaky movements.

"Hey," he started. "How are you?" Eli ran a hand through his messy locks, looking like he just survived hell.

My heart twinged painfully at the platonic question he asked. I gave a small fake smile and returned his greeting. "Good Morning, Let's get some breakfast?" I asked, tilting my head towards the diner beside us.

His eyes went to the bright yellow door behind us as something flashed through his eyes. I was sure that he was thinking about our last visit here. We were just friends then, but we were far closer than we were now.

Heaving a heavy sigh, he nodded as his shoulders slumped forward. I bit my lips to reign my words of concern in, trying not to look clingy.

A soft hum of music surrounded us as families and couples enjoyed the mouth-watering food. His stomach gave a pained groan, gaining our attention.

I released a small giggle as he blushed with shyness absorbing his form. Somehow that faint pink gave me hope, giving me a peek of the old Eli. "Looks like it is a good hungry morning for you." I teased.

Eli shook his head at my words, as his similar words from some time before echoed in my mind.

"Seems like a good hungry morning," Eli joked.

I shook my head at the memory. It was only a few weeks back but felt like years before. His smiling face from then when compared to his impassive face now, made my heartache.

The waiter appeared beside us with a commercial grin on his face. "Hey, what can I get this young couple?" His eyes flickered between Eli and me.

I froze as Eli gave me a look. Not bothering to correct him, he cleared his throat.

"I want a plate of pancakes with syrup."

The waiter noted the words on the notepad and turned towards me expectantly.

"Do you guys have a savory pancake?" I asked, giving the menu on the table a glance. He nodded in response, making me smile softly. "Then I will have that with a cup of black coffee."

The waiter left us, and awkwardness followed his departure. I acted to be interested in the colorful menu as Eli gazed at me.

"We are here to talk, Cynthia," Eli muttered, releasing an exasperated sigh.

I looked up from the menu, accepting my defeat. My tired eyes met his cerulean ones, captivating me with their light color.

I couldn't help but notice the way he rubbed his swollen eyes, emphasizing the bags underneath.

"That we are," I responded in the same slow tone.

He paused for a second as he formed the words in his mind. Multiple times he opened his mouth to say something, but thought against it and closed his lips.

I kept my silence, giving him a chance to get his side of the story out.

"You can ask or say whatever you want, Eli," I added reassuringly, keeping my face void of my nerves and fears.

He gulped in response and nodded his head slowly. "First of all, I acted really brashly. The things I said... We were not even a relationship and I-"

I raised my hand in a stop gesture, bringing his stammer to a halt. "Let's clear one thing up. Considering we felt the same way, even if I didn't confess at that time, and we slept together... I assumed we were exclusive in some way." My eyes met his, and the emotions swirling in those icy irises were enough to let me know that he felt the same way too.

"So, ask me what you really want to ask, Eli." I crossed my arms, leaning back in my chair, making him nod shakily.

"Why did you cheat on me?"

His words showcased his vulnerability as his hands trembled slightly. Noticing his fidgeting fingers, he withdrew his hand down the table.

Eli's words produced an immediate reaction from me. My heart thudded painfully, as pain crippled my chest. My eyes turned glassy with unshed tears as my mind tried to form words.

"I didn't cheat on you, Eli," I started, but stopped to clear my throat. My voice betrayed my emotions with heaviness in my throat.

"I didn't cheat on you, Eli. What you saw was not what it seems like," I said, bringing my arms closer to me.

His jaw clenched as he moved his eyes away. The stiffness of his body showed how he didn't believe my words. "So, you mean to say that his hand under your shirt as you guys kissed each other was not what it seems?" His voice was raw as he leaned away from the table. His eyes were alight with pain and fury, stabbing through my soul.

"I didn't kiss him back!" I almost screamed in defense. A few people around us threw us a look and returned to their conversation.

While Eli froze as his face washed from any expression. His eyes went blank as he stared right through me. "What?" he whispered, still in a daze.

I opened my mouth to answer but stopped as the waiter showed up. Giving him a grateful smile with a small thank you, I enjoyed the aroma of my warm coffee and ham and cheese pancakes.

A sickly sweet scent filtered through my nose as the waiter placed syrup dunked pancakes in front of Eli.

"What do you mean?" Eli asked with narrowed eyes, ignoring the food in front of him. I paused with my bit mid-air and gave him a heated look.

"I said that I didn't kiss him back. Think back to that day and remember. He was all over me, but did you see me kissing him back?" I replied.

Eli blinked at my response as he tried to recall yesterday morning. All the while, I enjoyed the burst of flavors on my tongue. I kept on stuffing my face with food as he kept on staring into thin air for the next five minutes.

A gasp left his lips as his eyes grew wide. "But-but you didn't push him back? Why?" he asked, trying to make sense with my words.

I stiffened at his words as Jacob's words returned to my mind.

"I love you, Cynthia. I have been in love with you for years. That nerd doesn't deserve you because he doesn't love you the way I do."

"Cynthia?" Eli called out impatiently as his tone shook me out of my disoriented state.

"I froze with shock. Jacob said something, and I couldn't react. When I felt my back press against the wall, I broke out of my immobile state," I muttered as my eyes turned towards my hands in my lap.

Eli gave a confused look and scrunched his black brows together. "And what did he say?" he asked with curiosity and concern.

Before I could react, his face drew in with realization. "Did he blackmail you? Was he going to tell Andrea the truth?" His voice grew with anger with every word.

My eyes grew wide, and I shook my head vehemently. His face relaxed a bit as he waited for me to respond.

"H-he said that he loved me." My voice was merely above a whisper, but Eli heard it.

The silence between us filled with heated strain. My words suspended in the air, taunting us with their weight.

"What?" Eli asked rhetorically in a choked whisper. "He fucking said that he loved you? After everything he has done..." His words trailed at the end.

His eyes turned vulnerable as he gazed up at me. The icy color of his eyes turned to an inky shade of blue with emotions plaguing his thoughts. "You don't love him... do you?"

A tear escaped my eye as I gave him a bright smile. "If I loved him, then why would I be here, silly?"

I grasped his hands in mine, staring right into his eyes. "I mean it when I say that I love you, Eli. Not even Jacob can change that. I was just so shocked that he could confess something like that after mentally bullying me for the past year... I was just a bit too shocked."

My words filled Eli's face with shame as he averted his eyes away from mine. His hand slipped away from my grasp as he licked his lips nervously.

"I am sorry, Cynthia," Eli started. "I just jumped to conclusions. I saw him kissing you, and you didn't react or push him away. So I just thought the worst. I am sorry about all the things I said to hurt you. I am sorry."

His voice was a resigned whisper as he avoided my eyes at all costs. I leaned over the table and took a shuddering breath. Placing my hand on his cheek, I made him look at me. A soft smile filled my face as my eyes watered.

"If I were in your place, then I would have assumed the same thing. Maybe I could have reacted a lot worse than you did and ripped the random bitch's hair out." I paused for a fateful second, gathering my words to form the right sentence.

"This just shows that we need to work on our trust in this relationship... or whatever there might be between us. Only if you still want to," I added.

Eli gave a light breathy chuckle at my words as a lone tear escaped his eye. "I should be asking you this. I let my intense insecurity get in and ruin our relationship. Letting others' words make me feel not worthy of your affection, attention, and love. It was me who kissed a random girl, trying to forget you and maybe to hurt you. Even after all these jackass moves, tell me, will you like to be in a relationship with me, Cynthia?"

I gave him an odd look at his words. "If you don't know the answer to that, then you are certainly more stupid than I took you for." I tried to joke, but he didn't waver from his query. His eyes remained intense.

I sighed in defeat and tightened my grip on his face.

"Eli... this relationship or whatever we have might seem like a failure at the moment, but we can learn from our mistakes and work on it. We might not last at the end of it, want to give it my everything because you make me happy. Happier than the most people I have met so far. So, being selfish, I will keep you tied in this relationship for as long as possible. For the sake of my happiness."

My words brought him relief as his shoulders relaxed. He gave me a relieved look and nodded in understanding.

"Yes... we need to work on it. Maybe we should try taking it slower? Slower with every aspect," he suggested.

"We could do that, but first, we need to learn how to trust each other." Eli averted eyes at my words but nodded nonetheless.

I was going to say something more, but the waiter popped with a concerned look.

"Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice that you guys have not eaten the food yet. Is there something wrong with the order?"

At his words, my hunger returned with full force as our eyes went towards our cold breakfast plates. Giving the waiter a reassuring smile, I shook my head no. "Everything is fine. We just got a bit too deep into the conversation."

Satisfied with the answer, the waiter left shortly after that. The tension between Eli and me was still present but lightened to almost bearable.

A serene smile filled my face as I bid ewech other goodbye outside the diner.

"So, I will see you later?" His hands were jammed in his pocket as he kicked the non-existent pebble from the road.

I nodded in response. "Yeah, soon. Till then, I will try not to get love confessions from any random guy," I joked, earning a slight curl of lips from him.

"Then, I will try not to kiss any random girl," he replied with a nonchalant shrug.

I blinked at him for a few seconds.

"Don't remind me about that bitch. I am debating about finding her and giving her a nice buzz cut." I was partly serious about my threat.

Yes, I am territorial. Never claimed to be otherwise.

We waved bye to each other from our respective car seats, driving our way towards our separate destination.

With determination pumping through my blood, I decided to make a confession.