Chapter 6

With no idea where E.J. could have run off to and wanting to kick myself for what I have said I slowly start making my way into the mall, trying my best to see if I can spot him in the sea of people, although I very much know that if someone doesn't want to be found they won't.

It's pretty obviously that E.J. is right. That I have no actual idea how he feels about everything that has been done to him. I haven't stood where he stood. Sure, my stepdad might have been just as big of a perv, but I got away. He didn't get to me emotionally the way that James got to E.J. What happened to me only happened once. I'm not just a normal statistic. I am truly the exception. How many people can say that they have felt it while the acid burned away half of their face? It's quite a unique situation when you start thinking about it.

A little girl points at me and I want to laugh as her mother quietly tries to scold her for pointing and looking at me in my mask. Her mother takes her hand and faces away from me, walking into the opposite direction, but the girl still looks at me over her shoulder, and even though I want to scream out of frustration about the situation I am in I smile to her and wave. She waves back, but doesn't return the smile. When she is completely out of site I start walking, trying to find the Hot Topic in the mall. Hopefully he will be waiting there for me, seeing as it is the only place we spoke about going to, plus he is probably so cold without my hoodie on. Luckily the mall has some indoor heating going on, not that it really helps that much at first when you walk in from the cold since I am still shivering.

The Hot Topic in the mall looks like any other to be honest, although for some reason I was expecting it to look completely different just because it is New York. Apparently not everything is different just because it is New York. Some things stay the same. The only thing that has seemed to change for some reason is the fact that I have become some type of asshole towards E.J. Oh, and off course the feelings and emotions currently going through my mind. The fact that I want to hug E.J. so close to me that he becomes part of me so that no one can ever hurt him again – that's completely new in fact. It must in some way be the cold. So part of animal instinct in me that has kicked in, making me want to protect him and now my brain is just interpreting it in the wrong way.

I walk into the store, feeling a bit warmer than before. I barely notice a girl with a septum piercing asking me if I need some help as I scan the store for E.J. She must find me really rude because she turns around and walks away as I make my way through the store. Batman hoodies and Iron Man shirts line the walls with small displays of Harry Potter merchandise stacked in between. Usually I would have already gone for everything Marvel, grabbing as much as what I could possibly carry, which was the idea when I suggested to bring E.J. here, but now I can't seem to focus on the colours around me as I search the store for him, hoping that he is hunched behind one of the Harry Potter displays checking out a Dobby figurine.

"E.J.?" I say as loudly as I can in the store to try and get his attention, but without drawing so much attention that people would stare at the mask on my face.

I have this sudden urge to take the mask off my face and to show the people around me the monster that hides beneath it. The molten face of the person who just hurt one of the most sensitive people in the world.

"Sorry sir, can I help you?" I hear a voice behind me that makes me jump.

I turn around to find another store clerk behind me. This time a guy. According to his name tag his name is Albert, which I find a strange name for an emo kid in this day and age, but then again, he probably didn't pick it either.

"Just looking for a friend," I answer, watching this guy's eyes play over my face, surely wondering by himself if it is a new fashion trend or rather just me being weird.

"Well, you've come to the right place," the boy says smiling at me and touching my shoulder. I have no idea if he's just being friendly or actually flirty, but at this moment I don't care at all.

"I've lost my friend, and we spoke about coming here to buy some stuff. Just thought he would be here by now," I say to Albert, trying to turn away from him, but the guy steps in front of me again.

"We have some awesome stuff you would look amazing in," Albert says. "What about this Newt Scamander overcoat? Or maybe this Avengers track jacket?"

Albert pulls both of them from the rack, blocking my view from the door, where I still hope E.J. will walk through at any second from now. Maybe he will see me and start running again if he knew I was in the shop. Maybe he would come in so that we can talk things out.

"No... Nope, not for me," I say, trying my best to look over his shoulder to the door again. "Not really my style."

"The Newt coat would look great with your mask though," Albert continues as he puts both back onto the rack. "It would really make the type of fashion statement that you are wanting to make."

I can appreciate the fact that I am possibly getting really good service, but the timing just really isn't right. If E.J. was with me we could have had so much fun with this guy helping us. E.J. would have probably giggled a bit about the mask being seen as a fashion statement.

"The mask isn't for fashion," I answer as I reach up and take hold of the bottom part.

When I pull it off my face I get exactly the reaction that I knew I would. Albert takes a step backward, backing up into a rack, his eyes wide with shock. He only saw half of me. The nice half, the beautiful half. He could not have anticipated the monster that he would meet behind the mask, just as I had not anticipated it either, even though I should have known by now. I am the one that actually has to look at this face every single day of my life. I should have guessed that the outside usually reflects the inside.

"S... s... sorry..." Albert mutters, trying his best to look down, focus his stare on my chest, but it doesn't seem to work at all for him as his eyes keep on flickering back to my face. In fact, he's not the only one staring. I can count at least two more store clerks looking, even a client or two as well. Seeing the real me, no hidden face, no mask, just me.

I snap the mask back over my face.

"Maybe you shouldn't try flirting so hard if you don't know what a guy looks like on both sides of his face. By the way... I'm not gay," I say to Albert. I know it might be a little bit of overkill, and it might be coming out mean, but I don't care anymore. If the only thing I get out of this face is being left alone it would be good. What on earth made him think I am gay in any case?

"Sorry... I just... You said you were looking for a friend..." he stutters, his eyes still wide, fixed on the masked side of my face.

"My friend. A friend that's here in the mall with me. Not looking for a hook-up, and I'm sure you're not interested anymore after seeing my face are you?" I answer. I can feel myself becoming as cruel as I look. I try my best to keep my voice down, but the other store clerks are still staring at me, probably catching every word I am saying.

"No... I mean, yes... I mean, no, I don't mind your face," he stutters on.

I feel sorry for the guy. I would have probably started stuttering too if someone showed me some gruesome face behind a mask. Heck, I would have probably ran for the hills to get away from the guy.

"It's fine..." I answer. "I'm sorry. I just kinda get annoyed sometimes."

I really do feel sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was to just scare the guy, but I am worried about E.J. What if he isn't even in the mall anymore? What is he is on his way to the bus or the train station, getting back to him mom and away from me as quickly as possible. I have run before. I know how easy it can be to just run as far as I possibly can. I've always been a coward, and even though I don't think E.J. is one, I also know that sometimes you just get tired of fighting and you just give up on someone.

I can see words still trying to form in Albert's mind, trying to pull something out of the air to say to me. Maybe he wants to accept my apology, but I don't listen to him at all as I see E.J. entering the shop, his arms wrapped around him, hugging himself against the cold.

"E.J." I whisper as his eyes find mine and I can feel the smile spreading over my face. He didn't leave. He came back. He's still here. He didn't run from me the way I would've possibly run from him if the roles were reversed.

"Brody," E.J. says walking closer. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry seems like a word that's being used a lot today," I answer, glancing over at Albert as well. "And it's mainly me that actually needs to apologise because I'm the biggest asshole on earth."

And then, before I can rethink it, I grab the nearest Iron Man hoodie and hold it up against me as I start singing at the top of my lungs.

"Would you dance if I asked you to dance?

Or would you run and never look back?

Would you cry if you saw me crying?

And would you save my soul tonight?

Would you tremble if I touched your lips?

Or would you laugh? Oh, please tell me this

Now would you die for the one you love?

Oh hold me in your arms tonight

I can be your hero baby

I can kiss away the pain

I will stand by you forever

You can take my breath away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine

Or would you lie? Would you run and hide?

Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?

I don't care, you're here tonight

I can be your hero baby

I can kiss away the pain

I will stand by you forever

You can take my breath away"

I am aware of everyone in the shop watching me and E.J. smiling, and the fact that somehow the acid didn't touch my voice and it still sounds good to myself. I know that I might look stupid and that this is the most crazy thing a person has probably ever done in this store, but I am probably also the biggest asshole to ever walk through its doors and therefore I need something big. A normal sorry just isn't enough. And even as the last word forms over my lips and the song is over everyone is still watching me and I can only imagine what they are thinking. Each and every one possibly waiting to see if I could win back the heart of the boy I love, even though he isn't that at all and at the same time E.J. is so much more than that to me.

"You're crazy," E.J. says as he closes the distance between us and throws his arms around me, leaving me to let go of the hoodie that seems to fit snugly between us as I hug him back as tightly as I can, vowing in my mind that I will try my best to be a better friend from this moment on.