Chapter 43

In the last twenty hours, we have already lost about four hours because of Will needing to stop to sleep. We should have already been in California, and getting Grace at the airport, but we are still about two hours drive away from our destination, and I think it would be better for Will to book into a hotel and have a shower before seeing Cameron.

"I don't think we're going to make it," E.J. says, his face scrunched up in the most adorable frown.

Chris decided not to come with us, not wanting to spend that much time in a car with me. I didn't tell E.J. how relieved I was about the way things turned out. The trip, and especially the times when Will pulled over to sleep had meant a lot to me. I got to talk to E.J. telling him how much he really means to me. He didn't say too much, having said his say on specifically Chris, but I am trying my best to remain hopeful. No matter how much E.J. hurt me in what he said, or how much it feels like he chose Chris above me, I still care for him a lot.

"I think we need to head to a hotel first," Will says under his breath. We are still a while away from where we should be, but he is looking like warmed up death. "I'm too tired to see Cameron immediately. Maybe I should have listened to Grace."

"Yeah," E.J. sighs from the front seat. "I really did want to go for my drivers, but I never got around to it with everything happening."

"Same here," I answer. "When I was supposed to go my mom died, and right after my face was gone, so that was probably the more important thing to deal with."

"Cameron actually told me that he would teach me," E.J. says looking back at me with a smile. "He told me that a license means freedom, and after my life that's exactly what I need."

"I'm really gonna need the two of you tonight," Will says from behind the wheel. "Cameron is the love of my life. I can't live without him. I knew it from the moment I first saw him at that club. You guys remember? There was just something so beautiful in him, almost lifting me up out of my depression."

I have never heard Will talk this openly about his emotions.

"What were you doing there that night?" I ask Will. We never really got to the point where I got close to him at all.

"I was on a bit of a road trip. Actually it was Grace suggesting it. I was under a lot of pressure to decide what I would go on to study. To just try and make something of my life. And there I was, writing Harry Potter fanfiction online, and reading the days away for almost two years, while Stuart got straight out of school and married Jessica-Lynne with immediate effect. Then he started studying, learning about the farm and planting stuff. He even came up with the concept of not just exporting the grapes but actually starting to make wine. Stuart might not speak a lot, but he has a good head on his shoulders. He did all of that by the time he was eighteen, and there I was at twenty, still not knowing exactly what I wanted from life," Will explains, which makes me understand his world a little bit more.

"In any case. I started getting really depressed, not leaving my room much at all. So Grace told me that she went for a few months, just visiting family, touring the country a little bit after she finished school, and that's when she made the decision that she wanted to come back. That she missed where she grew up. She said the great big world made her realize where she actually belonged, and she suggested that I do the same. So I did. I went on travels to find the thing I would love to do with my life. Until that point the only thing that excited me were Harry Potter and lots of books. But then I met Cameron. And the two of you. And the two of you looked so perfect and in harmony, and when I took Cameron's hand the first time I felt like I found the same. I knew I found what I loved in who I loved. I knew Cameron would put me on the path of greatness."

There is a tear streaking down Will's cheek as he speaks. Maybe it is the long winding road that has mesmerized him into baring his soul. Maybe it's just because he is drawing closer to the person he loves. Or maybe it is because he knows how it feels to lose someone you love, and now he cannot imagine not getting his love back.

"So I need you guys to also sort out your shit. The two of you are really shitty at communication," Will says, making me groan and E.J. sigh in response, which just seems to fuel Will. "I am actually serious you two. First of all, E.J... You need to learn to ask rather than accuse. I know you have quite a bit of a history around you, and you don't really trust people, but I really think Brody is a good guy. He's the type of guy who is actually there for his friends in times of need. You need that in your life, and I can see the way you look at him. He makes you feel safe. And I know the people who had to keep you safe in the past has hurt you, but I don't think that Brody is one of those people. You need to start giving him an actual chance. If you keep on accusing him of hurting you when all he did was protect you, and you don't know the full story, you will lose him. I know..."

E.J. nods his head a little bit.

"I understand," he whispers.

"And Brody, dude! Every time that something doesn't go your way you get up and run. You don't ask what something is about and you don't stick up for yourself, which just makes you look guilty as fuck to be honest. You have a terrible temper on you, and above that, you are good at listening, but you have no way on how to explain yourself. You need to find that inner voice, and soon. If you don't, nobody will ever actually know you. How do you expect E.J. to know you and trust you when you don't really talk to him? Look, I get it, you treat E.J. like some fragile little flower that might break apart at any moment, but damn, this guy is strong. Look what he has been through, and he is still standing. I don't think you depression outbreaks will kill him at this point. He might be in the best position out of all of us to understand what depression really feels like."

Will looks into the rearview mirror, looking me dead in the eyes until I also like E.J. give a nod in understanding.

"And as for Chris. That kid is clearly damaged. Not that there is anything wrong with having baggage, but he has no idea who he is or where he is going. I don't think either one of you should trust what he says. He is obsessed with you E.J. That is clear as day, and from what you have told me, I understand your loyalty to him. But treating Chris like he will break when he needs to take responsibility for his actions will only make him do the same thing over and over again. He needs to have consequences. You need to call him out on his shit E.J. You are not his mother, and you are not his keeper either. You are not responsible for the things he does. He needs to take responsibility and grow up. What you do is not helping Chris. It's enabling him to make the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe he needs to feel like he might lose you so that he can pull his finger out of his ass and actually make something of himself."

Will again moves his eyes first to me, and then turns his head toward E.J., indicating that he wants an answer before he brings his eyes onto the road again.

"I'm not telling the two of you what to do, but for fuck sakes, get a move on. Say sorry. Declare your love. I don't care... Just start communicating properly, okay?"

"Okay," I answer. "It's just that E.J. will always put Chris first, and I can't do that."

"I don't!" E.J. exclaimed from the front. "I really don't. I am not blind to what he does wrong. I just don't want to lose him. And I don't want him to lose himself."

"But you don't have to..." I say, feeling my heart stringing tightly in my chest. "I just wanted you to talk to him about the lie he told about me. It almost drove us apart."

"Is it not enough that I punched him?" E.J. asks, now turning around in his seat. "He must know what he did was wrong and how I feel about what he did. I made it perfectly clear."

"Yes, and five minutes later you were tending to him and apologizing for hitting him, while you never even said sorry for believing him and hurting me," I say, feeling a burn behind my eyes. "I mean, seriously E.J., I don't know what to think anymore. The one moment it feels like you really like me for me, and the next I feel like I am pushed aside all together. And don't get me wrong, I don't hate Chris. I know he's also been through a lot, and he is a nice guy. I know that. That's why I left Albert with him. I actually do trust him with certain things, and I could easily forgive him. What I am struggling with is that you don't seem to see anything wrong with what he does. Everytime he fucks up, you give him love and attention."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" E.J. asks, his eyes also wet.

"Because you never gave me a chance," I answer. "Which is fucktup, because I really care about you E.J."

"And..." E.J. gulps and then wipes away his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. "I love you Brody. And I'm sorry. I know I can be an asshole sometimes. Next time just push me down, tie me up, and make me listen okay?"

"Deal," I say, also wiping away my tears. "Next time I will scream it from the rooftops, okay?"

Before E.J. gets to answer me my phone starts ringing.

"Hello?" I ask impatiently to the phone against my ear.

"Brody?" the voice which I immediately recognise comes from the other side.

"Yes Chris?" I ask, feeling my teeth gritting against one another.

"Look... I think we need to talk. Mister William had a bit of a talk with me, and I get why you are so angry, okay? I was just thinking that if E.J. found out from you what really happened he would hate me forever, and I don't want to lose him," Chris says.

"Yeah... And?" I ask, trying my best to not call him a piece of utter shit.

"I'm gonna send E.J. a text and tell him exactly what happened, okay? And if he hates me then that's also okay. But yeah... I don't want to hurt anybody okay?"

"Is that your way of saying you're sorry?" I ask, still needing to hear the sincere words, no matter what his actions may be.

"Yeah. It's just saying sorry Brody. You're kinda an amazing guy," Chris answers.

"Apology accepted," I answer, not ready to go into much more at the moment. "Is that all? I'm kinda in the middle of something."

"I just have one favor to ask," Chris says and it takes everything in me not to roll my eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'm kinda broke, and I really need to get back home. My agent called me and they might actually have a gig for me that pays well. It's for the Lurenza fashion house, and they think I might have the right look. But I will totally take Albert with me and everything, and you know he will be treated like a prince and sleep in bed with me and everything. I just need some cash to get home, and I can pay you back as soon as I get paid?"

Chris is talking very quickly, the nerves obviously setting in on his side.

"Send me the details and I will do a transfer," I mutter. "And take care of Albert. I'll come and get him really soon."

"Thanks Brody. You're a star!" Chris almost shouts in my ear.

"Yeah, yeah," I answer. "Bye now."

I end the call and look at E.J.

"Chris?" he asks.

"Yeah. He needs to get home," I say. "And he said you need to be looking out for a text he is sending you."

"Cool," E.J. answers just as my phone rings again.

Without checking who it is, I answer and press the phone against my ear once again.

"Yes?" I answer.

"Brody? This is Doctor Jensen. We spoke yesterday about your grandmother."

"Yes doctor. Anything I can help with?" I ask.

"I am very sorry to do this over the phone, but you are her next of kin," he says, almost like he is avoiding the subject.

"Is she dead?" I ask.

There is a bit of a silence on the other side before Doctor Jensen answers.

"Not yet. But she had another stroke last night, and another two this morning. She is unresponsive with bleeding in the brain. She's not going to make it, so if you'd like to see her, now would be the time."

"Thank you doctor, but I am keeping with what I said last time. I'm not interested in seeing her," I answer, and the add; "Please just let me know when she is dead. I'd like to know rather than wonder."

"You're sure?" Doctor Jensen asks.

"I think I am," I say. "You said she's unconscious right?"

"That's correct."

"Well then she won't know if I was even there or not," I say. "But once again thanks for calling doctor."

I drop the call.

"My grandmother should be dead soon," I say to nobody in particular.