Chapter 37

The lights are all off when I walk into the apartment. Still mulling over what Llaluna had told me in my reading, I reach for the light without thinking and turn it on, not like in the past worrying that the light would bother Chris.

Albert gives a little whine toward the bright lights before I lead him to the kitchen where I take off his leash, and ruffle in the shopping bag I brought with me to give him something to eat. When he is finally slopping away at the food, I walk over to my couch and sit down, watching the city lights through the window, wondering how many people like me are out there, just looking out into the darkness and wondering where their lives might be heading. I can't help but wonder if there is any real purpose to life at this point. It seems almost futile to not hurt someone on your way, getting through the traffic and drama of the every day.

"Where have you been?" I hear Chris' voice. He sounds sleepy. "You didn't answer your phone."

"I needed to think about things," I answer. "And I hope you don't mind. You have another house guest."

I point over to Albert, happily lapping away at the last of his food. For a moment I expect Chris to tell me that Albert is not allowed in the apartment at all, but then he does something that catches me completely off guard.

I watch him as he sits down, his bare back turned towards me as he reaches his arms out to Albert who with a wag of the tail jumps into Chris' lap where he gets a good petting and a scratch behind the ear.

"There we go. That's a good boy," Chris whispers as he keeps on scratching Alberts ears, while the latter gives an approving sigh. "You look way too thin. We will need to fatten you up."

"I didn't know you liked dogs," I say, watching the two of them interact.

"I always wanted one, but yeah... Didn't have the ideal condition in the past to have one. And I'd rather not worry about being able to feed one at the moment. It wouldn't be fair," he answers as he kisses Albert on the top of his head. "What's his name?"

"Albert," I answer. "I found him behind some garbage bags in an alley. I couldn't leave him there. He needed me."

"I wouldn't have been able to leave him there either," Chris answer, getting up from the floor, Albert still in his arms.

He takes a few steps over to me, and then takes a seat right against me.

"We will need to get him a doggy bed. And lots of toys," Chris says as Albert climbs off his lap, making a space for himself to lay down between us. "And maybe we can get him one of those cute little hoodies that famous people get for their dogs."

I watch as Chris beams. He barely looks at me, but rather continues to pet Albert, bending down every few minutes to give him a kiss on the head. For the first time ever, there is something about Chris I actually like. Something I actually find attractive.

"I'm sorry about the other day," Chris says, still devoting all his attention to Albert. "I was feeling vulnerable. And then you were taking care of me, and nobody has ever really taken care of me. I mean... Even my mom. I had to be the one taking care of her, making sure she didn't choke in her own vomit. I remember once, I was probably about fourteen, and I came home, and there were like five or six people in the house. They were all passed out, drunk or high, all over the living room. But weirdly my mom wasn't there. So I decided to go to bed and just cry until I fall asleep. But when I got to my bed my mom was in it. There was vomit everywhere. Like in everywhere. I didn't know if I wanted to scream, or cry, or just storm out and go to E.J. But something told me to check on my mom. She was covered in yellow puke everywhere. It must have even come from her nose. I was so scared she was dead. But I also felt relief. I thought that if she was dead, maybe some other family could take me. A family that wouldn't get drunk and high, and who would actually give me a shot at life. And then she coughed and started vomiting a little bit again, just as I thought she was dead. So I lifted her up and took her to the bathroom. I cleaned her up, put her in some pajamas, and put her in bed. I made sure she was laying on her side so she wouldn't choke. I didn't sleep in my bed that night. I took all the dirty laundry and packed it in the bottom of the bath, and I slept in there. By the time I woke up to go to school, she and her friends were already drinking again, laughing about how drunk they got the previous night. So yeah... I'm sorry about the kiss. You were just kinda the hero that I always wished for, and then I fucked it up."

I look at him, wanting badly to catch his eye, to see if there are tears, or at least for his eyes to mention what I should be doing and how I should be handling this situation, but his head is still bowed over Albert, giving him an occasion kiss, stroking the dog that has already fallen asleep.

"You didn't fuck it up," I say, reaching out and putting my hand on top of his, making him look up at me. And just as I had hoped, he wasn't lying. The tears wetting his eyes were proof of that.

"I fuck up everything," Chris answers, and I can see how much it takes from him not to burst out crying.

"No you didn't. You didn't fuck up. You just did what we all would have done in that situation," I answer.

And then I kiss him.

I can feel him drawing in his breath as I push my body over Albert to get to Chris. His intake of breath makes me push myself even more towards him, my body becoming one with his, as if I think my body might disappear into his. My hands finding the back of his neck and his hair makes shivers run down my spine as he gives a low moan.

"What are you doing?" Chris breathes between the kisses into my mouth.

"Fucking things up," I answer before I continue to kiss him, willing his mouth to open further and move in union with mine.

Chris pushes against me, pushing me into a standing position, but I keep my hand locked in his hair, allowing my other hand to shift to his back and pull him closer into me. I don't give him a chance to break away, or to speak. I cannot allow myself to think as I push him towards the bed behind the curtain, Albert, forgotten as he snores lightly on the couch.

"E.J..." Chris whispers as I push him down onto the bed.

"Just live in the moment," I answer as I pull my shirt over my head, revealing my naked chest to him as I look down at the obvious hardon in his boxers. "You can't tell me you don't want this."

"I do. But... Yeah..."

As I rip my pants off my body, my shoes flying in different directions, I fall on top of Chris, letting my hands sneak their way over his body as his hands and nails find my back.

"We can't do this," Chris whispers as I kiss him in the neck, making my way down to the collarbone. "We need to stop."

But he doesn't stop me. He doesn't push me away. In actual fact, he pulls me closer to him, allowing our hardness to rub against each other as he wraps his legs around me, opening himself up to me even more.

"Don't think about it," I say more to myself than him, trying to get E.J's face out of my mind, thinking of what Llaluna said.

She already told me this was going to happen in time. And I'd rather do it now and get it over and done with. I'd rather do it while there is something about Chris I can love, knowing he is not the one coming on to me. Knowing I am not some weak being giving in to him, but rather someone strong, taking charge and action of my own future and fate.

As I move my mouth lower and lower over his body, and the underwear almost magically disappear, I almost think about turning back, but I don't. I continue, wanting to make Chris feel better. Wanting to let him know that for once he will not be obligated to take care of the needs of someone else. That there is at least one person in this world that will only want to make him feel good, and safe, and taken care of.

My hands keep moving over him as my head is bobbing up and down. It doesn't take long. It's not as intense as I thought it would be.

When he arches his back and groans, I keep going, allowing him to empty himself in my mouth, just as I bring myself to completion, making a mess over Chris' thigh and the unfortunate bedding laying underneath us.

I fall down with my head on his stomach. His manhood still inches away from my mouth. His legs wrapping around my neck, and his hands finding my hair and stroking it gently.

"Thanks," he mutters. "You didn't need to swallow."

"It's okay," I answer as E.J's disappointed face breaks itself into my mind, fighting to be seen and heard.

***

The sun creeping in through the window and shining on my face lets me know it is finally morning. I look down at Chris' naked body still curled up against me.

"Shit," I mutter as I try my best to get out of the bed without Chris waking up beside me, only to step into a little present that Albert must have left for me throughout the night.

"Fuck," I whisper as I try my best to hop on one foot to the bathroom without falling over and making the biggest racket ever, and at the same time not trying to smear the brown mess underneath my foot all over the floor either.

In the bathroom I almost fall over, reaching my foot into the sink and running water over the bottom of my foot, just as Albert walks in, his tail wagging as he looks up at me.

"Look what you did," I tell him. "You didn't tell me you weren't house broken. You were supposed to wake me up."

Almost as if he understands, he gives a sneeze, and then trods out of the bathroom just as the water over my foot starts to run clear.

After a trip back to the side of the bed with a wad of toilet paper in my hand to clean the mess, I start searching for my underwear, and the rest of my clothing.

I finally find my underwear on Chris' side of the bed, along with one of my shoes. My shirt, jeans, and other shoe are still at the bottom of the bed.

After pulling everything on, I put Albert's leach on and head into the open air.

"What have I done?" I ask as I walk Albert over to the nearest park. "I mean, what the hell went through my mind? How could I do this to E.J?"

Just like always, Albert knows exactly when to give a bark, confirming that he is listening to what I am saying.

"I mean, I love E.J. I don't even like Chris," I mutter under my breath, picking up the pace on the three city blocks we have left until we reach the park. "I hated Chris for the longest time. And then I give him my first blowjob, and swallow on top of it. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

This time Albert doesn't answer me again, so we continue walking to the park as I do my best to not overthink to the point where I might on purpose walk in front of a speeding car.

I thought it would have been a longer walk, but for some reason I get there much quicker than anticipated; although if I need to admit it to myself, my head was probably just too busy to give attention to where I was going.

Once Albert has marked two trees, and decides to roll around on the grass, I pull out my phone.

"I'm gonna need to call him. He needs to know what happened between me and Chris," I say to Albert, but once again he ignores me. "He deserves to know the truth. If he doesn't want anything to do with me after this, I can't blame him."

But before I can even reach his number in my contact list, my phone vibrates in my hand, a notification of a message from E.J. rolling down on the screen.

E.J: Fuck you! Chris told me everything!!! I can't believe you did this to me!

I don't answer him. Instead I dial another number.

"It's your Princess of Dreams speaking handsome! How can I save your happiness today?" Cameron rings over the phone the moment he answers the phone. If it was any other situation I was phoning him about, I would have smiled at what he said.

"I cheated on E.J," I say, and when Cameron doesn't immediately answer, I continue with; "I fucked around with Chris last night and he told E.J."

For a moment there is silence on either side of the phone. Finally Cameron breaks the ice.

"Gawd! How more fucking unbearable can the two of you get? I mean, seriously... I can see the appeal in Chris. If I wasn't practically a married woman, I would have probably climbed him like a tree at a female only nudist resort. But seriously babes, how could you?" Cameron rambles.

"I need help. I need to get out of here and clear my mind. I can't stay with Chris, and I don't want to be close enough to E.J. to be able to go to him and fuck things up even more," I answer, feeling the tears burn behind my eyes, but swallowing on the lump in my throat.

"I feel like I almost need to think for ya'll as well," Cameron says. "Well, you can probably come here and help me pick out ruffles and butterflies while you clear that almost empty head of yours."

"Are you sure? Can I really come to you and Will?" I ask, feeling the relief wash over me.

"Yes handsome. You know me. I am good with helping my peeps. Just... Don't create more drama before you get here. This sounds like about as much as I can deal with. I know everyone sees Lady Lalaland as this beautiful, strong, heroine, but seriously... She's on fucking leave at the moment so that Cameron and Will can get married."

This time I actually manage a smile and a resemblance of a laugh.

"I'll let you know as soon as I get a plane ticket booked," I say. "Just send me your address, so I know where the Uber can drop me."

"Oh fuck. I'll just get you at the airport," Cameron sighs. "Like I said, I need to do everyone's thinking for them. And just so you know, you will be getting my next botox bill."

"One more thing," I say as Albert sits looking up at me. "I have a dog."

"Ah gawd! Well, if you must. But if it pees against a ruffle, train, stiletto, or skirt, I will become a huge fan of Cruella DeVil in less than one second," Cameron says and ends the call without even saying goodbye.

A/N: I rarely do author's note nowadays, but sometime I think it is justly needed. Like today, posting this chapter. I would just like to take a moment to thank every single person who is reading, voting, and leaving a comment. I appreciate it much more than what you could ever think. And I also know that many of you have been following this story, and wanting to read the ending for years. (*Hides behind hands and hoping to not get thrown with something.*)

There are currently 10 chapters left to write. This story should have ended after another 3 chapters, but thanks to a character who I wanted to kill, but decided to save, and Cameron making his big comeback because I love him so much, has added a few extra chapters. I hope to write the ending in the next week to two weeks if I can manage it all. So once again, thank you for your patience. I promise I will do my best in writing the perfect last chapters to make up for the long wait.

In other news... In 2023, we will see the print releases of 2 of my books, which is something I cannot wait for. The one is "Out in the Wind", a draft you can read right here on Wattpad if you haven't yet. The other one is a huge surprise, but I promise to make you cry in that one as well.

All my love,

C.A.