Chapter 36

I look up at the big house with the red door in front of me, double checking that I have the correct address.

"Come Albert," I say to the little body on the leach next to me. Like he has been doing since we've found each other, he looks up as if he understands exactly what I am thinking.

Albert falls into the walk right next to me, marching up to the door.

"She'd better like dogs," I mumble as I push the button that rings the bell deep inside the house.

After a few minutes the door opens, showing an elderly woman, brushing back her long blonde hair.

"Brody I presume?" she asks letting me step in. "And this creature over here... He must be your familiar?"

"Uhm... Yes," I answer, not knowing what she means, or rather what else to say.

"Yes, I can feel it," she says, crouching down and stroking his head. "He was a lost soul. He waited for you for a long time. He walked many miles to find your energy."

"I adopted him two days ago. Had him vet checked and everything," I answer, still not quite knowing what else to say.

"I sense it. He was following your energy for weeks before you found him... Or rather, he found you," she says as she gets up from the floor, reaching her hand out to me.

For a moment I can't help comparing her a little bit to my grandmother. All the rings and bangles on her fingers and arms, squeezing them, making them look shorter than what they really are.

"Llaluna," she says as I take her hand. "I thank the Goddess for bringing you to my door today. Merry the meet."

"Nice to meet you," I mumble, but she has already drawn her hand from mine, walking into the house, beckoning for me to follow her into its depths.

I follow her down a long hallway, and then into a room at the right, and my eyes immediately feel like they want to explode, not knowing where to focus.

From the ceiling hangs many hooks, and from all of them are hanging bells, dreamcatchers, and suncatchers, making the room sparkle in the light coming from the window. Through the rainbows of colour that shines against the white washed walls, I can make out a small round table in the center of the room, with crystals and stones of all shapes, colours and sizes packed around it, until it reaches the wall. Right behind the table where Llaluna takes her seat is a statue of a woman, standing tall as a person, dressed in purple robes and a crown with moon phases around her head.

"I see you are admiring our Goddess," she says. "She is here to watch over us, and guide the witches long gone to me, so that I may see your past, present, and future more clearly."

I take a seat, starting to wonder whether it was maybe a mistake coming here, and above that, whether this lady is completely cooked in her head, but I say nothing as I sit down and pick up Albert to sit on my lap. Within a second he has already gotten comfortable and fallen asleep.

"Shuffle," she says as she holds out a deck of cards to me, which I take in my hands, looking at the back of them that seem to be golden symbols against a blue background. "Just shuffle them until you are ready to give them back. The spirit guides will tell you when to stop."

Again I wonder if she is completely insane, and yet I start shuffling the cards which glide from my one hand to the other. I try to clear my mind, wondering if she will eventually tell me to stop shuffling, when I get a shiver down my spine which immediately makes me stop shuffling.

Llaluna looks at me knowingly as she takes the deck of cards from my hands.

"Now, remember that the Tarot is an ancient system, of which many parts are still unknown. The first thing you need to remember is that the future is not an exact science. You do however need to know that the past is the most important part of any reading. The further we look into the past, the farther we can see into the future," she says as she starts drawing cards and packing them in a formation.

"The first three cards," she says gesturing at the top three. "Represent your past. These three will represent your present. And lastly, here at the bottom we have the future. I ask that you leave all questions to the very end so that we do not disrespect the spirit guides coming through and using me as their vessel."

"Okay..." I answer, shuffling around a little bit on the chair, making Albert look up and give a sigh.

"The Moon is first," she says as her eyes start rolling backwards, almost like she's not aware of what her body is doing anymore. "She reminds me of the mist rolling in. I can see almost nothing at all. There are many secrets in your past. There are many secrets surrounding the maternal part of your family. I feel a murder. A body being hidden in secrecy. A child fleeing from home and into the night. Another child, left alone to carry his own burden, not knowing where he really comes from."

Llaluna shakes her hands a little, making the bangles clingle, and the rainbow light reflects off the silver.

"The second card is the Dark Lord... He came to tell you that you would be shackled, being kept behind thanks to an evil man. One who would want you to do things you would never want to do. He will keep you from your future, chained to him for all time. But the card tells that you broke away from him. You refused to submit. There was no way that you would allow him to hold you back," she continues.

"Bringing us to the third, and last card of the past. The dreaded Three of Swords. There was heartache. Many tears. You were mourning for a long time. The card is actually still touching the present, showing that you are still crying on the inside for the ones you lost. You lost the Dark Lord from your past. You lost two female figures - one to death, and one to life. But above all that, you lost yourself. When you look in the mirror, all that stares back at you is a familiar stranger."

Llaluna takes a deep breath, and rolls her head around as if she has a stiff neck.

"The present is less bleak than the past. The past is shown in an olive green, a symbol of murkiness and muddy waters. Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all. But the present is different. It's lighter. Yes, some shadows in the near future. A shadow in the recent past. A man who should not be part of your life, and another that fights to remain."

She grabs the sides of the table and lowers her face, bringing it a few inches away from the cards.

"The Fool. You just completed a journey, and yet you are on another one again. You are used to taking a leap of faith. It's strange. You can't seem to get a hold of yourself for long enough to bring the journey to a destination. You just seem to end it, and leave it hanging in the air. But that's not a problem. Not now in any case. You are still young. Young enough to still find a destination in the future. For now it is all about the journey and seeing where life can possibly take you. For now you don't see far into the future. There is a wall blocking the future from becoming a reality."

I breathe in deeply, making Albert give a slight whine, thinking about the trip I had just finished and the one that has been going through my mind in the last twenty-four hours. The one that could potentially take me to number ten on my list, that seems to have been popping up for me again since Chris kissed me.

"The Ace of Cups is your main card. There are relationships forming all around you. I see an engagement. A ring being given. It's not you, but it makes you happy. It makes you feel like there is hope for you as well. And hope is something you haven't had too much of in the past few years. Then there is the unlikely relationship you are finding yourself in. A relationship that should maybe not have been, but has blossomed in any case. Yet, behind this man stands another. A shadow. One who will tear the relationship apart if he had the chance. He is in love. Not just with you, but also with the other man in your life. But his idea of love is not the same as yours at all. It comes and goes. It is measured by what he can get out of the situation. And yet, you are feeling something for him. It's not love. It's closer to pity. But to you pity and love can sometimes mean the exact same thing."

She takes a deep breath and sits up right before she continues. Her hand hovers over the last of the present cards.

"Crash. Boom. Bang. That is the message from The Tower. Your life is falling apart even though everything seems to be going well. We both know everything around you is slowly tumbling, but you are trying your best to keep your old life together. I would let it crumble if I were you. It's better that way. You cannot build on a broken foundation. You cannot hold the bricks together even if you tried. However, if the tower crumbles to the ground you can use the opportunity to rebuild. To have a brand new beginning in your life, to shape it the way you would like it to be," she finishes the present and then looks me straight in the eye for the first time since we met.

"The future's not set in stone. You can change it, but it will be difficult to do so. The chances are that you will sabotage your future, the exact same way that you sabotaged your past. It's never a good thing to know too much detail, unless you are sure that you can handle it..."

Her voice is misty when she talks about the future, making my skin crawl and my scalp itch.

"I want to know," I say with a bit of hesitation in my voice. Albert gives a sigh almost as if he agrees before he pushes his head in underneath my arm, like hearing the future is enough - he doesn't need to see it as well.

"Very well. The future is lined with the Two of Cups. A union. A loving relationship. It will go well. You will love him, and he will love you. This part has already come to pass, but it will strengthen in time. You will become closer than ever. He will be your salvation, and you will be his savior. There is however the other man. The one lurking in the shadows. He thinks too much of himself. He believes like the Knight of Wands, that he can storm in with passion, dreams, and ideals, and take whatever he would like to have. He barges in. He takes you... Or he takes your man. He is fine with either, but I see you giving in. If you do not give in, your man surely will. This part you can change, but the spirit guides are not sure how. To them it has already happened. He has already lured you in. And if this happens, you will like the Nine of Swords, weep into your hands, filled with a depression that will lead your life to the brink of expiration. When night time comes, you will stand at the very edge of the world and wish for the end."

***

When I leave the house with the red door, I feel like my head wants to burst. Tarot cards and magic tricks had always been things that were in books, movies, and reality shows where everything is scripted. Yet... Now it has come for me, and what I have always wanted to do, just for the fun of it, seems to be all I can think about now. About how soon I will be sabotaging my future.