Chapter 31

I can feel the lurch behind my stomach and the pressure in my skull as we climb through the invisible air which is the only thing keeping us afloat as the ground beneath our feet, our stability, slips further and further away.

I grab E.J.'s hand.

"I'm kinda afraid of flying," I whisper. "I guess it's a little late to tell you that now, hey?"

E.J looks at me for a second before he starts giggling.

"You? The big jock? Afraid of flying. But you have flown before. More than once," E.J. says, squeezing my hand tighter while trying to suppress a giggle.

"And I didn't like it any of those times either," I answer, shutting my eyes tightly, waiting for the pressure in my head to go away. "Seriously. I think this might be it E.J. I think this might just be the end. We might actually die today."

Yes, I am being over dramatic. And I know it. I know it way too well. But right now I will probably say and do anything to get this steel contraption to land.

"Okay... Okay..." E.J. coos. "Let's just pretend this is some ride at Disneyland and we can get off whenever we like. But while we are here we are all alone. Nothing in the world can touch us, we are the only people who exist."

"You are not making it better!" I whisper with more urgency. "The only reason why nothing can touch us is because we are up in the bloody air and nobody is stupid enough to take off their seatbelts and come and meddle with us."

I can hear E.J. sighing. I want to make this better for him, but I just remembered that a plane can actually fall if a bird gets sucked into one of the engines, and we are in the bloody sky, which by the way is filled with birds of every damn feather. Not to mention kites, other planes, helicopters, air currents, electrical storms... Am I the only person in the world that sees a massive flaw in the plan that is air travel?

"Okay, let's try another approach. What about just trying to breathe?" I register E.J. saying. "In... and out. Yes Brody, stay with me. In... and out. Slowly now. In... and.... Out... Let's try one more time, in... and... out."

I can feel my chest moving up and down. The pressure on my skull easing up a little bit. I open my eyes and look at E.J. still holding his hand tightly.

"You know what... I think that next time we take a boat," I say allowing a hysterical giggle to escape my lips.

"Ships don't travel over land," E.J. sighs again, pushing his fingers deeper into mine. "Are you feeling better yet?"

"I will feel better as soon as they tell us to put on our seatbelts for the landing," I answer leaning my head a little bit closer to E.J.

E.J. has been different since we met that night with Elijah. It's like he has lost a little bit of himself, and regained another part that I didn't know existed. Something more confident. Almost as if he wasn't as afraid of the world as he was yesterday.

"Do you think this is a good idea?" E.J. asks as he pulls his unoccupied hand through his hair, pushing it back to show his eyes better.

"What? Going back?" I ask.

"Yeah, just... You know... It feels weird going back home," E.J. answers as he turns his head and peer through the window at the clouds outside the window. "I mean, my mom will probably kill me."

"I'd give anything to have a mom that will try to kill me. I mean, you might be going home. I'm just going somewhere I've been before," I answer without even thinking about E.J. but rather wondering what it would be like if my waited for me at the airport when I landed. But then again, if she had still been alive, I probably would not have had this face to brag with either.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean," E.J. starts but I cut him off.

"It's okay. I didn't think either. And it's better that I get you home. Maybe your mom won't report me. I don't think I'm up for another foster family," I answer. "Maybe they will put me back in a group home. I'll be eighteen soon, and then I can do whatever I want. Leave and just start something new."

"So the list really is forgotten?"

I look at E.J. and then I chance looking out the window.

The truth is that I said I would tear up the list. The list that started this whole trip. The one that was supposed to end it all. But I didn't. I still have it and I feel it burning inside my pocket as it asks me to take it out. To read it again. To finish it off.

"Yeah. It's forgotten. It's in the past," I answer without looking at E.J.

"I'm kinda tired," E.J. says, squeezing my hand once more. "I think I am going to take a nap."

"Me too," I answer although I don't feel tired at all. Also, if the plain falls I would prefer not to be asleep when it happens. I would still like to have some sort of resemblance of saving myself.

Even after I get my bag I walk slower and slower, hoping that the path to where E.J's mother is waiting for us will miraculously become longer and longer and never end, I see her way before I want to. I swear, I have never wanted to see a person less in my life. Even Derick. I would rather see Derick at this point, rather than the woman with the power to take E.J. away from me.

I try to read her face for any signs. Signs that she might be happy to see us, or maybe some sign that she is angry at me. Anything to just let me prepare myself for what might be coming, but nothing comes at all. No movement on her face. Instead when we reach her she gives E.J. a slight air kiss beside his cheek, and turn around and walks away, only gesturing with a hand for us to follow.

This makes me even more nervous and everything in me wants to take E.J's hand and let him know that everything is going to be okay, but he made me promise not to touch him in front of her.

"She might get the wrong idea," he said as the plane touched the ground. "I don't know what she would do. She might say that we are not allowed to see each other again or something like that."

I agreed to it, but now my promise has come to bite me in the ass.

The walk to her car is much longer than the walk from the plane to where you get your luggage. In actual fact, I don't think a walk has ever lasted this long.

With every step that I take I can see her ponytail in front of me, bouncing up and down. It's blonde. Bottle blonde obviously, because her roots are dark. I can hear each of our six feet hit the tar as we walk. I can see E.J. out of the corner of my eye, but I am too scared to make eye contact, to scared of what it might tell me. He knows her better. He might know what is coming when this walk is over.

"In the boot," she says as she opens the back of the car before climbing in herself. I get a quick glance at E.J. as we pack our bags in the back before both climbing into the back seat of the car. He looks nervous, but not like he is going to pass out nervous.

"We are not leaving here before I know what the fuck the two of you were thinking," she says in a controlled voice. She doesn't sound happy, but she doesn't quite sound mad either.

"We just needed to get away," E.J. mumbles. "I needed a vacation."

"And you?" she asks, turning herself around in her seat, looking directly at me. "What do you have to say for yourself? I guess this was all your idea?"

"Yes Ma'am. It was," I answer. "I had to get away from my foster family. I wanted to go looking for my grandma."

"And that gave you a good reason to go over state lines, leave the country, make me miss Christmas and New Years with my son, and on top of that have him lie to me?" she asks. I feel like she should be shouting, but she doesn't. She keeps her voice as monotone as ever.

"Yes Ma'am," I answer again. "I didn't think it through."

"Clearly," she answers and then turns to E.J. "Obviously I am very disappointed in you. And obviously you're grounded for however long I see fit."

"Yes mom," E.J. sighs. I try and catch his eye, but his head is turned down, looking down at his hands.

"And you... Brody, I really thought you were a good responsible kid. I mean, even in the hospital. You seemed like you always did the right thing. Nothing bad, ever. And now this. If your foster family wasn't good to you, why didn't you tell anyone? Your social worker maybe?" she asks, and I decide that maybe this isn't as bad as what I imagined it would be. At least she wasn't screaming at me. If I was her, I would have probably been screaming. I know my mom would have lost it completely.

"I'm gonna be eighteen in a few weeks. It's not worth getting a new foster family. They will probably put me in a group home. That's if I'm lucky. They might even put me in juvie," I answer, now also feeling like I should look down at my hands.

"When is your birthday?"

"On the 30th," I answer, as I count down in my head. "So about three weeks to go."

"And they won't let you get a motel room or something until that happens? A group home is the only option?" she asks.

"No ma'am. Until the day I am eighteen I belong to the state," I answer the answer that has been given to me many times before. "I can't do anything before then."

"Okay. Well, we will sort that out later. I will need the name and number of your social worker. And of your foster parents. Maybe they will be willing to take you back for the last few weeks. It's better than a group home I guess," she answers as she turns back to take the steering wheel and start the engine. "What baffles me is how you two got so far without anyone realizing they have been renting rooms, selling plane tickets, and letting your over borders as minors and without parental consent. This country is really going to shit."

"I wonder the same thing," I answer as I stretch out my pinky as far as I can to brush against E.J. who finally looks at me and gives me a wry smile.