Chapter 12

I open my eyes to the morning light coming in through the gap in the curtains, only to see E.J. cuddled up in his Charmander onesie, only his nose and mouth sticking out. He must have pulled the hood over his head throughout the night, and once again I cannot think how anyone would want to hurt this innocence lying next to me.

"E.J," I whisper, touching his shoulder, knowing that just like the storm has ended here in New York, our journey has come to an end as well. It's time to get the hell out of here.

"Hmmm," he makes a sound, pulling the hood further over his face, hiding him from view.

"E.J, the sun is out already..." I whisper again, this time daring to put my hand on his shoulder, touching him softly and hoping that he won't get a fright.

"I wanna sleep," he answers, turning around, ignoring my hand on his shoulder.

"I was thinking we could leave New York. I'm over this place," I answer and I can feel that I mean every single word of it. I think I might even go as far as to hate this place. This city hasn't made my dreams come true. This is the place where you get hurt, and then she spits you out.

"But you still said we're going to go to the theatre," E.J. says sitting up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

I can't help but take a moment to just stare at him. He's so perfect in the morning when he wakes up. His eyes sparkle and it's like he hasn't yet remembered his dark past, just having a moment where everything in the world is just right and he is just a normal guy who doesn't have any shadows looming over him.

"We can stay if you want, but I really want to get out of here. Maybe we can catch a show tonight and leave tomorrow morning," I say still wanting to do anything I can for E.J. He came on this trip with me. And no matter the fights, he has made life better. It's because of him I could have crossed off two numbers on my bucket list already. If he wasn't here I might have skipped them all and just crossed off the last number with immediate effect.

"No baby... If you want to go..."

E.J. clamps his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide as he looks at me.

"I'm sorry... I just woke up..." he says lifting his hand from his mouth and then clamping them over his lips again.

Before I can say a single word he jumps out of bed and runs for the bathroom as fast as he can, slamming the door behind him.

"E.J.?" I ask walking over to the door. "It's okay. Just come out."

I still feel warm. My entire body is still shaking. Who would have thought that one word could make me feel this way?

I scratch the inside of my palm, trying to figure out why he would call me that, and why it feels so good. I can't help whispering to myself that I am straight. That what I feel for E.J. is just me being protective. I have been doing that for hours until I fell asleep. I whispered into the darkness that I am only feeling what I am feeling because of this messed up situation I am in. If life treated me normally and half of my face didn't melt off, I would have probably knocked up the head cheerleader by now and started working in her father's garage, getting ready to get married when spring comes along. But now the cheerleader is screaming and I think I am in love with a boy, just because he is the only one that can look past my face and be the real me.

"Why don't you start packing? I'll be out in a minute. Just wanna get dressed," E.J's voice comes from behind the closed door, making me sigh, knowing I would get anything more than that out of him.

"Okay," I answer as I sit down on the bed and pull out my phone, starting to search for some bus tickets to get the hell out of New York City.

I remember one of my foster moms telling me that she came from New York City, and that it's a place where all your dreams can come true. I don't think I agree with that. I think your dreams could come true anywhere you are, just like they can fall flat no matter where you might find yourself.

I click on the button, booking two bus tickets out of this town and to Cornwall, Connecticut, which seems to be the very first bus out of here, and as far as I know where my grandmother should be living as well.

"Our bus leaves in little over an hour," I say, looking up at E.J. who is dressed from head to toe in his punk rocker meets emo boy gear. Today he is sporting skinny jeans with leather boots going up to his knees. What I find a little weird, but still awesome as fuck is the fact that he has put on a wife beater, layered with a mesh top, and a thick military jacket over it all.

"Is there enough time?" E.J. asks as he grabs a scarf out of his bag and wraps it around his neck, while I start pushing thinks into my duffle bag, hoping that I didn't buy so much at Hot Topic that nothing will fit at the end of the day.

"My mom called somewhere through the night," E.J. says as he zips up his bag.

I look up at him. I can't believe that it has taken her so long to call him. Then again, I can't believe nobody has tried to contact me either.

"And?" I ask.

"She left a voice message. She knows I'm not with Chris. He also tried to phone a million times. I haven't answered either of them," he says, pushing his hand through his hair as he straightens up to take another piece of clothing from the bed to pack into his bag.

"Maybe you should let them know," I suggest. "At least tell them you're okay."

"Why?" E.J. answers, his eyes opening wide as if I have said something offensive.

"Because they might seriously be worried," I answer, wanting so badly to walk over to E.J. and give him a hug. "I'm sure they love you and they would want to know that you're okay."

"Just like my mom loved me enough to leave me behind to live alone with my rapist? Just as much as Chris loved me every time we had a fight and he accused me of enjoying it when James fucked me? Because if that's your warped perception of love I think you should run for the hills Brody," E.J. answers, leaving me to gasp at air, not knowing what to say.

I can't believe that the sparkle that he woke up with had disappeared so quickly, being replaced with a type of E.J. I have actually never seen before. Someone who looks mean, almost like he wants to hurt me with every single word that comes out of his mouth.

I pick up my bag from the floor, trying my best to reign myself in from saying anything harsh in return as I get rid of the shirt I slept in and pull a clean hoodie over my head just for something to do.

"The whole world isn't this awful place E.J. There's good people too," I say, pushing my list that I took out of my bag back into the top before pulling the very last zip shut.

"So what? Your stepfather's hand slipped, did it? The acid found your face by accident?" E.J. snarls, hitting his heel against the floor and turning to me. "The entire world isn't sunshine and daisies Brody! When you love people they hurt you! Get it through that molten face of yours! You should never, ever love anybody!"

I feel my hand slowly go up to touch my skin on my face, touching the skin, still feeling the burn, remembering how I started running from one place to the other as I could feel the acid burning, thinking I could run away from the pain, but it followed me no matter where I tried to run.

"You don't know jack shit about me!" I shout at E.J., not wanting to hold it in any longer. "You don't know fucking jack shit! Do you hear me?!"

I take a step towards E.J. and feel my hand leave my face, taking a hold of E.J's scruff, pulling him closer and then lifting him up. I register the fear in his eyes, but I don't care. I don't care who I hurt anymore. It's like he said himself, it's not like you should love someone, because as soon as you let them in they will hurt you, just like he has hurt me.

"You don't know shit about me," I say through clenched teeth as E.J's hands curl around my wrists, his face pulling away from mine so that I'm speaking into his cheek.

"Let me go Brody," he whispers. "Seriously. You're hurting me."

"You don't know shit E.J. You don't know what happened that night. You don't get anything because you're too busy feeling sorry for yourself," I sneer further as I pull him closer still, almost feeling his skin against my lips.

"Seriously Brody. I didn't mean it like that," E.J. whispers and somewhere inside my mind I know he is crying, but I can't think about that now. I can only see my mom's face, remember how she just left me. Left me with some nut job and then to be send from foster family to foster family, made to hide my shame from the world. Hide my scars. Hide the face that caused so much pain for everyone.

"You had a few forced orgasms. You can fucking move on someday. People won't look at you like you're a fucking monster," I whisper before I let him go, making him fall to the ground in a heap at my feet.

I want to look down at him, but I don't. I won't allow myself to see the monster I have known for a long time I have become. If his tactic was to get me angry and to make sure he has a clean cut out of my life he has succeeded. This has again shown me I can't count on anybody. Not even a best friend. Not one that makes tears run from my eyes and bring out the Frankenstein in me.

"I guess it's just me from here on," I say, picking up my bag and throwing it over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Brody," E.J. whispers, but I still refuse to look at him.

"Go home E.J. Go home and try and live a normal life," I answer as I walk over to the door, pulling my wallet out of my pocket and pulling a few notes out. "It should be enough to cover the room and get you the hell back home."

I drop the notes on the carpet before I open the door and walk out, hearing E.J. scream my name before I close the door behind me.

There has never been a time in my life I have felt this alone. This unloved.

I walk over to the lift and get in, punching the down button with much more force than what is needed, looking back to the hallway I just came out off just as E.J. runs out the door, his bag over his shoulder.

"Brody! Wait! Don't go without me!"

I see the doors closing, but I don't do anything to stop them.

"I'll meet you at the bus stop!" E.J. screams and I know it's the last words I will even hear from him.