40. Taylor Stefan(i)

"Sweetheart," Carissa began, Bending down to get eye-level with Taylor when he entered the room. "I just got off the phone with a nurse at the hospital. It was about Craig."

The mention of his brother's name had Taylor nervous over what she might say next, since this was the first time she had even so much as mentioned him in almost two weeks.

Carissa began to explain what the doctor had the nurse relay to her about Craig and how he believed it was time to make a decision about 'pulling the plug.'

"We need to go see him one last time."

"One last time?"

"Yes, sweetie, this'll be the last time we see him."

Taylor suddenly felt a heaviness settle on him and fear gripped his heart.

"Carissa? Why? And what does that mean, 'pulling the plug'?"

Carissa took a seat in the chair behind her and pulled Taylor into her lap.

Placing her arms around Taylor, she explained, "Sweetie, they said he no longer has any brain activity, meaning he's not going to recover. He's not conscious and not breathing on his own. He has no brain activity. The machine is the only thing keeping his body running. Pulling the plug means they turn off the machines."

Tears began to flow down Taylor's cheeks.

"Do you understand what this means," Carissa asked him.

Taylor nodded his head and wrapped his arms around Carissa as more tears flowed.

"It's gonna be okay, princess. I'm here for you," Carissa comforted Taylor while still holding him tight.

Taylor knew full well what this meant. He knew they were going to the hospital to say their final goodbyes to his brother and that Carissa would be his 'mom' now. He was also sure this meant the decision was made, there would be no going back to living as a boy, not for a long time, if ever.

Not that he strongly objected to that. Not anymore.

Since opening up to Astrid, he had just about decided he was ready to accept this life. The only thing really keeping him from giving in and accepting it were his thoughts of Craig recovering and them going back to their home. He was afraid Craig would not be able to accept him deciding to stay a girl and afraid it would destroy the bond between them.

He didn't want to hurt Craig and disappoint him, nor did he want to let go of his strong male connection he had with his brother, their brotherly bond, but now, if Craig was definitely not going to recover, there was nothing left to stop him from choosing to become the girl he had, up until this point been pretending to be.

With Craig gone, it will mean all male influence was now gone from his life and the feminine influence was, well, too strong to keep fighting. Besides, he really was starting to enjoy all the admiration and attention he was being showered with by everyone believing him to be such an amazing football playing girl. And just being a girl wasn't so bad either.. It was actually quite freeing and if he could admit it, rather fun, as well.

"Carissa?"

"Princess, you don't have to call me that, any more. I'd perfer you call me mom . . . Unless you have a problem with that? I would never want you to feel like I'm trying to replace your birth mom, but I will be raising you now, the courts will give me custody, so that does make me a mom to you."

Taylor paused for a moment then spoke again, "Mom?"

It felt weird to say, but he knew he really liked Carissa and if someone else was going to become his mom, he'd want it to be her.

"Yes, sweetie?" Carissa replied with a smile.

"Once Craig is gone, will you forget him? Will there be a new guy moving in here anytime soon?"

Carissa paused for a moment to think back over the past few years of her life and all that occurred between her and all the guys that she had ensnared in her web, like a black widow spider trapping it's prey. She also thought about how she was raising her child Kaylee and reflected back over the short time she had spent with Taylor in her life and what she saw as her life's mission now.

"Oh no, honey. I think that phase of my life just may be over. As long as I have you, I don't need no man in my life. I'm content to help you realize your full potential. Maybe, eventually, I'll end up finding a girlfriend that's just as excited as I am about getting to be a part of this exciting transformation and helping you discover yourself, but for now my life goals all revolve around seeing you and Kaylee blossom and grow into beautiful young ladies."

Carissa released the hug and looked Taylor in the face.

"Now, sweetie, I need for you to go get a quick shower. No need to take the time to wash and condition your hair, just wet it for me. Okay."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and then took off.

When he got to his room, he cheched his phone and saw he had two missed calls from Astrid.

He sent her a quick text back to her before heading to the shower.

>cant talk right now

I'll call you later and

explain

Meanwhile, Carissa called Kaylee into the kitchen so she could explain to her what was happening.

"I've got some news."

"What is it, mommy?"

"Taylor is gonna live with us permanently now. Her brother is never coming home. We're going to the hospital in a little bit to say our final goodbyes to Craig. I'm gonna have to be Taylor's mommy now. You okay with that?"

"Am I okay? Uh, yeah. Wait, are you going to adopt her like you did me?"

"Of course."

"Yay! My bestist friend is gonna be my sister now! That's awesome."

"Yes it is, but I'm going to need you to control the excitement for now. Taylor is going to be sad and I need for you to be understanding. Right now, we've got to go to the hospital to see Craig one last time to allow Taylor a chance to say goodbye, so, I need you to go take a quick shower in my bathroom. Make sure you're super nice to Taylor, this is going to be really hard on her. She'll need your sisterly support. Now run along. I'll pull out each of you something nice to put on when you're done."

"Wait! Do we have to tell her my secret?" Kaylee began to panic.

"Well,..."

"No, mom! No! She can never know!"

"Sweetie I think you might change you mind. You and I will talk about it tonight, after Taylor has gone to bed."

"Please, mom! No, she can never find out."

"Okay, sweetie. I won't say anything. But we still need to talk tonight, and we'll see. For now, go shower."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, mom."

When Taylor finished taking a shower, he returned to his room wearing a pair of panties and wrapped in a towel. He found Carissa was in his closet.

"Sweetie," she addressed him as  she turned around with a garment in her hand. "Put this dress on and these tights here."

Carissa handed Taylor a dress he hadn't worn yet. It was a knee-length black velvet flutter-sleeve double-hem dress with white lace trimmed collar. She then pulled a pair of thick white tights with giant black polka-dots from Taylor's dresser drawer and handed those to him as well.

"Once you're dressed, please put on your new bling rhinestone ankle strap dress sandals. I know the color of then is actually navy, but they're so dark they'll look black with this dress. They're on the floor, under the edge of your bed. Once you've finished dreessing come to my room, so I can do something to your hair.

"Oh, and don't forget to put on one of your bras, too."

"Okay . . . Mom," Taylor replied as Carissa turned to leave.

Standing alone in his room, Taylor lifted the edge of the bedspread and picked up the shoes Carissa had asked him to wear.

He sat them on the bed next to the tights and stared at them. He had never seen these before, but his breathing increased and something happened inside of him that he'd never experienced before over a pair of shoes, especially not a pair of girl's shoes. Butterflies formed in his stomach as a thought crossed his mind. These were the most beautiful pair of shoes he'd ever seen and he couldn't wait to see them on his feet.

He immediately recognized the thought for what it was, a uniquely girly thought.

A shiver ran up his spine.

This is it. It's final. I have reached the point of no return. Once I put on this dress and tights, slip my feet in those shoes, and go to the hospital. My fate will be sealed, My future will be female.

Taylor took a deep breath and released it. He stared at the dress as he held it up, reflecting on everything it represented.

Can I do this? He pondered.

Do I wanna do this?

He picked up one of the shoes and traced around the edge of the sole, with his finger, while admiring the shoe and watching light reflect off the rhinestones.

Yes, I can do this. He told himself while rubbing his thumb and first two fingers with one leg of the tights between them.

He put the dress against his body and wrapped his arms around it.

I - I wanna do this, Taylor nervously thought, unsure if he was actually thinking it or had just whispered it aloud.

He looked up at himself in the mirror on the back of the closet door in front of him.

Am I ready to accept this as my new life?

"NO! NO! NO! Son of a b****, NO!"

Taylor felt a shiver of fear come over him as Carissa's angry voice rang out from her own room and  across the house. "F*ck you. I helped you realize a better life and this is how you repay me, by blasting me all over social media? . . . You posted that sh*t on Facebook, Instagram, and only Zuckerberg knows where the h*ll else. Take it down you dirty c*m guzzling throat goat. Your doctor is the one you should be exposing, not me. D*mn b*tch. Permanent numbness in your crotch, Taking 30 minutes or more to pee, those are unfortunately, side effects of GRS. Didn't your doctor explain that possibility to you? That's his fault not mine. You cheap bastard, that's what you get for going to Mexico for gender surgery in the first place. Regardless, your life is still better now than it was as a male, thanks to me, and this is how you repay me! GO! TO! H*ll!"

Taylor heard what sounded like a cellphone hitting the wall. Carissa delivered a few more foul words before her bedroom door slammed shut.

Taylor wondered what the yelling was about. It sounded like Carissa was on the phone, yelling at someone before throwing her phone across the room, but he didn't hear every word clearly. However, he did hear enough to know it had something to do with whatever the other person had posted about Carissa online.

Still holding the dress with his arms wrapped around it, Taylor looked back up at himself in the mirror and asked himself again if he was ready for what was about to happen.

After silently staring at himself in the mirror for a few moments more, he replied to his thoughts.

Yeah, I'm am, I really am. My life has been pretty amazing ever since that day Carissa mistaked me for a girl. She's been pretty awesome to me, as well, especially since Craig's accident.

She's a pretty awsome mom and wants to raise me as her daughter. I really think I'm ready to be that daughter for her, permanently. I mean, it's been awesome so far. Plus, the attention I've received as a girl, from the fans of my football playing has been nothing short of incredible, and besides, I'm kinda stuck anyway, if I wanna continue to play football and not be exposed, I have no choice. Oh and one more thing, I'm even enjoying the admiration and attention I'm getting from Johnny, even warming up to the idea of  being . . .

Taylor's heart began to pound. He couldn't believe the reality that just hit him.

. . . his girlfriend.

He shuddered as a chill ran down his spine.

Taylor again, looked back at his reflection in the mirror, still holding  the dress against himself.

I'm sorry, Craig, but Carissa's right, I am a girl. I see that now and I'm ready to accept that truth, to embrace it.

Taylor carefully placed the dress back on the bed, so as not to wrinkle it, then unwrapped the towel and let it fall to the floor.

She then went over to her dresser and took out one of her new training bras, putting it on and fastening the cups together in the front, like Carissa had shown her. She then stepped in a pair of panties.

Next she took a seat on the edge of the bed and carefully rolled up one leg of the tights, placed it over her pretty manicured toes and worked it up her leg to her knee, before repeating the process with the other leg. She then stood up and finished carefully pulling the tights up to her waist, just as Carissa had taught her.

Afterward, she strapped her feet into her new favorite pair of shoes and slipped the dress over her head.

Checking herself in the mirror, she straightened the dress on her body and then stood silently staring at herself, taking in her unmistakably feminine appearance, from the top of her head to the adorable, rhinestone encrusted low heeled sandals on her feet.

Her mind went back over the events that had transpired and the experiences she'd had that shaped who she now was.

After a few moments her eyes began to water.

"I just wish you could be here to support and guide me in this journey, momma." Taylor began to whisper. "I could use yours and daddy's unconditional love and acceptance, right now. I know you are both watching over me from afar and can hear me. When I exit this room.  Your son, will no longer exist. Say goodbye to Taylor Stefan. I'd like to now introduce you to . . .  your daughter, Taylor Stefani."

At the same time she introduced herself, Taylor gathered the hem of her dress on either side, in her hands and curtsied toward the mirror.

"Mommy, daddy," she continued, I'm both scared and excited for this transition, but also at peace with the decision. Underneath all that, I'm sad. Sad about Craig going away and sad that I don't have you guys here to see me blossom into a young lady. I promise to live my life in a way you would approve of and be a daughter that would have made you proud."

Taylor retrieved the towel from her bedroom floor, using it to dab the tears from the corners of her eyes. She then placed it where it belonged, in the dirty-clothes hamper.

Before exiting her room, she closed the closet door, smoothed the wrinkles out of her bedspread, and made sure all her dresser drawers were closed completely with nothing hanging out. Taking one last look at the photo of her parents taped to the mirror, she gave her fingertips a kiss, touched those fingertips to her mom's face and said, "I'm gonna make you proud, momma," before heading down the hallway toward the bathroom.

When she got there, she opened the door and immediately realized Kaylee was standing in front of the toilet with the bottom of her dress up around her waist.

"Sorry," Taylor muttered, before quickly closing the door.

Standing outside the door, hyperventilating, Taylor had trouble processing what she had caught a glimpse of. She was in shock.

She took a deep breath, exhaled, and let her shoulders relax.

Oh My Gawd, she mouthed in an exaggerated manner, as if she was yelling.

Now fully comprehending what she has seen, a big grin spread across Taylor's face. Kaylee was more like her than she'd ever imagined.

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The End

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