39. Text Reveal

The following morning, Taylor had no conscious recollection of the details of the dreams he'd had over the course of that night, but those dreams had a subconscious affect on his mood and mindset this morning.

Sitting down to breakfast, Taylor had a thought he'd never had before, he began to wonder what Johnny was doing right then and wondered if he might be sitting down at his own table having breakfast too.

Realizing what he was thinking, Taylor questioned why he was thinking that and attempted to change his thoughts, but regardless of what he did Johnny stayed on his mind.

After breakfast was over and everything cleaned up, Taylor got his phone and texted Astrid.

>can I call you?

>>yeah sure I've got

about an hour before

we have to leave for my

therapist appointment

Taylor immediately dialed Astrid, and over the course of the next hour, he opened up to her about things he never would have before.

He told her how he and Craig had met Carissa at a support group that he had been the cause of his brother having to go to and how that came about. He told her about how Carissa had insisted they all go out together along with her daughter, Kaylee.

He also told her about Craig being in an accident and how he was doing now.

He talked about how much he loved his brother and how he hated the fact that he couldn't see him and no one knew if he was going to survive or not.

When it came time for Astrid to leave for her appointment she promised Taylor she would call back afterwards.

Once Astrid and her mom returned to the car after her therapy appointment, she quickly texted Taylor.

>>hey, I'm back

Mom wants to get some

lunch, so we can text

until I get back home

I really like talking to

you, tay

>yeah me too

>>Hey, question

Would you want to

hang out later, maybe

catch a movie, get

something to eat?

>sure, I'll let Kaylee know

>>I like Kaylee and would

love to hang out with

her too sometime but

I was actually thinking

just you and me tonight

Taylor thought about it for a second and quickly decided it might not be such a bad idea to have some one-on-one time with Astrid. He was already beginning to feel like he could say anything to his new friend and there were things he wanted to discuss with her.

>>sure yeah ok

>>cool 😎

Taylor was finally feeling confident enough to reveal to Astrid that he was actually born a boy and he was going to do that tonight. However, about fifteen minutes later he decided he couldn't wait until tonight.

He quickly tapped out his secret, and before he could change his mind, he hurriedly hit send.

He took a deep breath and let it out while he waited for her reply.

He had told her his secret and now was beginning to regret it as the seconds ticked by.

When her response finly appeared, he found his fears were unfounded.

She didn't react like he feared she might. Instead she seemed to find the news exciting and quickly began to ask questions like, how long he had been living as a girl.

He explained to Astrid how meeting Carissa had led to his current situation. He swore her to secrecy, making her swear on her life that she wouldn't tell anyone what he had just told her, ever, especially Kaylee.

Of course, with Astrid being trans, she totally understood Taylor not wanting someone else reveling her secret before they were ready and she promised Taylor, swore on her life she'd never betray someone's trust like that.

Astrid was extremely excited to find out Taylor was more like her than she originally thought and she began to ask questions.

Based on Taylor's reason for presenting as a girl, Astrid had more questions and she began to to dig deeper.

>>I know you feel

you have to do this,

and you think the

football team is

the only reason your

doing it, but what if

there's more to it than

that. Have you

considered that maybe

you're still  doing it

because deep inside,

on some level you like it and

maybe even want to keep

doing it forever?

>the longer it goes on,

the more I'm afraid that

I might be starting to

>>what do you mean

>like after the incident at the bowling center with

Johnny.

That night I had a dream

about it but some

of the details were

way different from

what really happened

>>like how

>there was no shame but

rather excitement and

I desperately wanted to

kiss Johnny as

much as he wanted

to kiss me and I wanted

to be a real girl for him.

In my dream,

the only shame came when

my brother showed up and freaked out when he saw

what I was doing

with Johnny

>>wait, wait, wait

>>OMG, in your dream

your brother wasn't in

the hospital but instead

was at the bowling alley

and he disapproved of you

being with Johnny?

>yeah

>>but Johnny's your

boyfriend, doesn't your

brother know that

already?

>no, and actually he's

not my boyfriend

>>oh really? Whether

you want to admit it or

not, he is. If you asked

him I bet he'd say you

guys are boyfriend and

girlfriend. I don't see

The problem and it's too

bad you don't just

accept that

>why?

>>cause Johnny's really

cute. Girl, I'd jump at the

opportunity to make

out with him

>>does Johnny know?

You know...

>know what?

>>that his girlfriend

is packing 😂

>I'm not going anywhere

>>no silly, packing -

got a lil sump'n, sump'n

extra in her panties

>no, absolutely not,

cause if he knew

there would be no

reason for me to keep

up this charade. besides

it would have the

same effect. I would have

to quit playing football.

>>I get it.

so, how do you feel

about how your

subconscious

mind changed the

details of  your dream,

had you making

out with Johnny and even

wanting to be a girl

with girl parts for

johnny? I think it

reveals something

deep in your subconscious

>it freaked me out at first,

but now I'm like really

curious about more than

just the quick kiss I

had with him

I mean I have more

questions now than ever

>>WAIT! you actually

kissed Johnny? Like

literally kissed

him IRL and not just in

your dream?

>um, no

...

...

...

...

>Okay, yeah I did

>>OMG, this changes

everything

>What do you mean?

Do you think this means

I might actually be

trans like you are?

>>well, you're one or

the other, either trans

or gay. Either way's OK

by me

>how do I know for sure?

>>for me, it was a feeling.

I was too young to be

thinking romantic thoughts

about boys, so it wasn't

that, but I knew I didn't

feel like a boy. I didn't

like anything boys were

supposed to like, I was more

interested in girly things

just like my sister

but then you already know

my story

>football is a boys game

and I've always like playing,

a lot, but I think now I

like the attention

I get from people

thinking I'm a girl

who's such an awesome

football player just as

much as I like playing

>>that's interesting

>>right now, do you

think you could be

having feelings of

wanting to continue

living as a girl

and not return

to living as a boy?

>I dunno,

probably not

...

OK yeah, I guess so

well, maybe.

It's complicated

😞

>>how do you mean?

>as long as Craig is

around, I wouldn't

be able to give up

my life as a boy.

I really don't think I

could or would,

but if he wasn't in the picture,

I really think I just might

could give some thought

to stay this way.

Not sure I'd go

through with it,

but I'd at least

consider it

>>oh wow 🙂 🎉

Yay

I mean, no disrespect to

your brother and I

wish him recovery but

you basically just said

you'd choose to transition

if he didn't recover.

>Actually I said

I'd think about it

>>but still,

saying that is a big deal.

It's huge

you gotta figure out a

way to come to terms

with all this and how

you can still be the

girl you want to be

if he does recover

>>whether you

see it yet or not

I believe you want to

not just continue

appearing as a girl

but I think u want

to become one like me

>you may be right

i know

It's all so much to

deal with

I'm scared, especially

if Craig does get better

It's what I said before

about not wanting to

disappoint him and lose

our bond

>>hey, we are about

to pull into the driveway

I'll call you in a moment

>okay, good

I want to know more

about your experience

and what it was like

Once you made the

decision to

transition for good

Taylor was waiting for Astrid to call, when he heard Carissa cry out to him from the kitchen with a panic in her voice.

"Taylor, come quick!"