(32) Just Another Day

Theo didn't ask where to take her. He drove to the Sinclair's without question.

Twice he asked her a question and she didn't answer because she was dazed out, all up in her head.

Once more he had to pull over as Makennah gagged but nothing came up. He rubbed her back again while her stomach heaved.

The whole drive, Makennah replayed every single word that she said to her mother, the hate she spewed. Makennah didn't know her heart could hold so much hate for one person.

She thought about being embarrassed because of all that Theo saw that day but she couldn't muster up the energy for that.

And when they pulled into the driveway where a Brexley police cruiser idled at the curb, Makennah didn't have the energy to get nervous about that either.

Will and Carolynn perched on the stoop of the house with the front door closed firmly behind them, keeping the family and their privacy inside. As they arrived, Carolynn stepped towards her but Will halted her.

The policeman must have just arrived because he was strolling across the yard towards the front door. When he saw Makennah, he stopped dead in his tracks and lifted his hand in a wave.

"You should go. Before it gets messy," she told Theo.

"No," he stated firmly.

"Fine." So Be it.

"Makennah? What's going on?" Will asked with his arm wrapped protectively around his wife. Carolynn snuggled her sweater around her torso and leaned into her husband.

"Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Sinclair. I'm Detective Ronny Wilson. I come from the Brexley Police Department." Ronny stuck his hand out and shook both of their hands politely.

"Hey, Ronny," Makennah greeted quietly. She wished she didn't know what this was about, but she did. She could add it up.

"You're lucky. That place blew up," Ronny informed her, hanging his thumbs through his belt loops.

"Literally?" Theo asked.

"No, but news of Bobby Long's arrest is all over the news. Not just in Brexley but the entire state. Not to mention the other guys you told us about."

"That wasn't me," Makennah defended. "I didn't call."

"I'm confused. What's going on?" Carolynn asked in a tone she usually used with the boys when she demanded answers.

Ronny cast a long glance at Makennah. They knew each other in passing but he usually was the one who picked Makennah up and removed her from her home to send her into foster care. He cared for her, helped her out now and then. When she had problems, she sometimes called Ronny. "Makennah and her friend here popped up in Brexley today. We received a call around ten o'clock that Bobby Long, a low level arms dealer and drug mule, was hosting a party in Brexley. There were several other highly wanted suspects in the house with warrants for their arrest. We caught them all, thanks to the anonymous call." Ronny nodded towards Makennah. "Makennah's mother was also arrested."

She wished she felt something about that news. But she didn't. She just felt numb.

"What?" Carolynn screeched. "Makennah, you were there?"

"There's no evidence of that."

"Just several eye witnesses," Ronny added. "Tried to figure out who called and everyone at the party was talking about Candy Thomas's little girl."

Makennah shrugged. "I didn't call."

"Of course you didn't. The call came from Bobby Long's cell phone. Couldn't have been you." Ronny eyed Makennah, backing her up, listing the facts as proof. "You could have been seriously hurt. I heard the rumors and decided to pay a little house visit. I'm glad you're okay, kid."

"Thank you for stopping by, officer," Will said as Ronny waved and walked away. "Inside, Makennah. Theo, you stay here with me."

Makennah bid Theo good night with a glance in his direction. She was sure he was about to get a firm talking to from Will. She hoped Will wouldn't kill him. Nothing was his fault this evening. She'd back him up later.

Carolynn ushered Makennah inside. Jonah waited on the steps. "Upstairs, Jonah."

"But..."

Carolynn shook her head. "Go to your room."

Like a lamb to the slaughter house, Makennah marched onward to the kitchen followed by Carolynn. In the kitchen, Makennah rounded the island and sat on a barstool to put an object between her and Carolynn before she yelled at her.

"You lied to us." Makennah nodded. "You were never with Grace or at the mall." She stated it as a fact rather than a question.

"No I wasn't." There was no point lying. Even if Ronny hadn't shown up to the Sinclair's, Makennah couldn't have hid the storm roiling inside of her, like a boiling pot of water that was too full...threatening to spill over.

"Why did you lie to us?" Carolynn crossed her arms over her chest, watching Makennah with cautious eyes.

The front door slammed shut. The lock engaged. Will found his way into the kitchen. His hard eyes made the storm approach faster.

"I was just going to see my mom...I didn't exactly want everyone to know."

"Did you think we wouldn't take you?" Carolynn asked.

"No I knew you would. You don't understand..." Makennah would never ask her foster family to take her to see her biological mother. It was embarrassing. And the foster parents usually overreacted or did something crazy. She needed to keep the situation under control.

"Help us understand," Will said, tucking Carolynn back under his arm.

"No offense. But you can't." Makennah laid her head in her hands. "You don't know what it's like to live my life. You don't even know the half of it. You only think you know what's on paper, what's in my file. That's not my life."

"We'll never know if you don't help us," Will explained quietly. The residual anger faded away and morphed into concern. If she noticed even a spot of pity, she was running away. She couldn't handle pity.

"Are you embarrassed?" Carolynn asked cautiously.

Makennah snorted. "Of course I'm embarrassed. I live in this fancy house with wealthy foster parents who have probably never struggled a day in their life and my mom is in prison. I don't have a dad. I'm on my own. I've been on my own since I was seven. Maybe even younger. You think I want you to see my mom? You think I want you to take me to prison to visit her?"

Carolynn shook her head. "Makennah, we don't care about that. We would never judge you. We've never pressed you to tell us anything because you deserve your privacy and space. If you wanted to visit your mom no questions asked, then we would have taken you."

Makennah threw up her hands and yelled, "it doesn't matter because she wasn't there! She wasn't even in prison! She got out four weeks ago!"

Will looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"My mom wasn't in prison!" Makennah yelled. "She was released. And never told me. Never called me! Didn't try to get me back! Nothing!"

"Wait...how was she released. She had another year," Carolynn said as if she knew or understood something about the situation.

Makennah laughed and shook her head. "Overcrowding. Appealed to go to rehab. But that's all a lie. She never went to rehab." Finding her mother sitting on that grubby nasty couch snorting who knows what while crushing up pills was another image she could never forget. She wasn't anywhere near getting her life in shape to get her daughter back. She was feeding all or selfish desires which is what she always did.

Will leaned against the counter to get closer to Makennah. "So what happened? What was the policeman talking about?"

Makennah started off into space between them, recalling that it really had been a dangerous situation. After all, she was only a seventeen year old girl in a grown up world where people died or were murdered every single day by entitled people like Bobby Long. She stared down a gun and had enough balls to shove it away like it couldn't take her life. Worst of all, she exposed Theo to that kind of life, the battles she fought with her mother. He saw the hatred that lay dormant in her heart. He saw all of the ugly in a matter of hours.

"I went after her," Makennah started slowly. She licked her lips and sighed. "I did what I always did. Hunted her down, asked around, drove all over the city to try to find her. Not for her wellbeing but...to make sure she wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere, overdosed from too much meth or crack or heroine or LSD because she doesn't know how to handle herself after she gets out of prison or jail."

Her files and her mother's record probably hinted at her drug addiction but it wasn't the same as hearing it from Makennah firsthand. Carolynn and Will looked at her silently, neither of them willing to open their mouth and say anything.

"I found her at Bobby Long's house. That's what the policeman was talking about. It was a party. My mom's been staying with him I guess. He sells guns and drugs and all sorts of stuff. He's been wanted by the state for a long time. I found my mom inside, snorting up who knows what."

She pretended it didn't bother her, but undoubtedly Makennah would startle awake tonight and countless nights after from nightmares of her frail unkept mother snorting drugs, high as kite with stringy hair, thin veiny skin, needle marks on her arms, and pale lifeless eyes.

"I took her drugs, yelled at her for being an awful mom and told her to stay away from me. I threw the drugs at her and walked away after Bobby kicked me out." Best not to tell them about the gun. They'd probably flip out.

The weight in her chest felt heavier instead of lighter after she told them what happened. The anxiety gripping her lungs tightened its grip. The tears she kept at bay threatened to leak over her eyelashes and stream down her cheeks.

"Makennah..." Carolynn started.

Makennah held up her hand. "Stop." She closed her eyes. "This May sound like an awful story but it's nothing I haven't done before. I've hunted her down so many times that I've lost track. This is nothing new. It doesn't need to be stressed over."

Will circled the island and laid his hand on Makennah's arm. "We're worried about your safety, Makennah. That's all."

Makennah ripped her arm away and steadied her breathing. Her chest hurt so bad. "Nothing I can't handle. Been doing it for years."

"You shouldn't have to. That's the point. You are the child, Makennah. You don't have to run after her," Carolynn explained.

Makennah laughed. "You're kidding, right? There is no one else making sure she stays alive. I told you that you don't get it. Do you know how many times I've saved her life? One time I literally administered Narcan to my mother with my bare hands after she ODed. I dragged her to a hospital and dumped her off there, knowing they would send me away again to another foster home."

Makennah sucked in a breath but her chest hurt like nothing she ever felt before. Her stomach rumbled as it tossed and turned. She thought she might get sick again.

"Listen it's fine." Makennah stood to her feet and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Just another day."

"Makennah," Will looked at her and waited until he made eye contact. "It's not just another day. You did things today that you shouldn't have to do. You made adult decisions when you deserve to be the kid. We want to protect you from that."

Makennah shook her head. "Don't worry. It's not going to happen again. She doesn't want me anyways. If she wanted me, she would have gotten me back four weeks ago."

Carolynn's eyes grew wide. "Makennah, that's not true. Your mother does want you. She just has her own issues."

"No!" Makennah's voice cracked and the pain in her chest amplified. The tears gathered in the corner of her eyes. "Trust me. She doesn't want me. She doesn't care about me. She never has. She only cared about getting high."

Carolynn came closer to Makennah and tried to touch her. Makennah careened away and ripped away from her touch. "Stop!" She sucked in a breath but the oxygen never filled her lungs. She clutched her neck and breathed again but the same thing happened. She was taking in so much air but her lungs wouldn't accept the oxygen. She gasped, trying to catch her breath.

"Makennah." Carolynn wrapped her arm around her shoulders and ushered her back to her seat. Makennah couldn't fight her because she couldn't breathe. "Honey, relax. It's okay."

The tears rolled down her cheeks into her jean jacket.

"She might be having a panic attack," Will said quietly.

"Deep breaths. Calm down. It's okay. Just focus on breathing."

The ache in her chest pounded with the beat of her heart as Makennah remembered every single time she saved her mother. Every single time she took her home. Every single time she held her hair as she vomited.

Will moved her hair away from her face and laid his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. We're here. Deep breaths."

"Should we call the doctor?" Carolynn whispered as if Makennah wasn't sitting right there.

Makennah choked on her tears and then it was even harder to breathe. Her shoulders trembled with each shaky breath and the violence of her crying.

"Shhh, shhh honey it's okay. We've got you." Carolynn wrapped her arms tighter around Makennah and tucked her head into her neck and shoulder. Her scent overwhelmed Makennah. So pure. So loving. So motherly.

Everything she never had.

Never before did she experience a panic attack. But that's how it felt. Panicky. Fierce. All-consuming.

Scary.

She closed her eyes and begged the tears to stop.

It was just another day. Just another Candy Claire Thomas moment.

Just another day.

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Xoxo

W. Carolina