SMOL - chp 3

Hi lovelies! I hope you're all well today.

This is a first glimpse into Charlie's regression! I will warn that near the end of the chapter, there is some shaming, but don't take any of those words seriously. Regression is an absolutely lovely mechanism. <3

Hope you enjoy!

Q : what's a childhood stuffie that you love ?

A : i love the two lil' piggies I got from my family :D

Charlie POV

He shivered and frowned, holding his teddy closer and whispering to it. He loved his stuffie very much; a stegosaurus with spikes running down its back, the main body being a beautiful sage green while the spikes were all kinds of different colors, ranging from pink, to yellow, to red.

"I so scawed, Rexy.. I dun wan to lose mama, but i dun think she love us." He started crying a little, shoving himself deeper into the blankets and making sure he was covered head to toe. Though he couldn't get a onesie, his comfy dark blue sweater sweater - with a Kiki's Delivery Service picture on it - kept him warm, and smol. It made him feel safe and childish, two things he craved for. Two things he wished he could get from another person.

He thought back to the hallway today, with Liam. The way he had gently caressed him, not talking as to not add in to his overload. How soft his eyes were; not from pity, but from care. He was someone that everyone could rely on, and now Charlie could see why. He was such a kind soul that didn't even hesitate one second to help a lost and dazed Charlie.

Yet, he saw those times where Liam seemed sad, lost in his thoughts, and tired. He didn't know his family life, but he hoped that his.. friend had a good family.

Regardless, he turned and tossed in his blankets, giggling as he lost himself deeper and deeper into headspace. Thinking about Liam often made him feel this way. He felt his wolf wag its tail and hop around inside his head, a feeling that made him feel extra happy. They weren't always on the same page, but when it came to Liam, their emotions were one in the same.

"Maybe it be gud if we move away fwom her." He nodded to himself, and Rexy, of course. He was an adult, he could make his own decisions. Even if those decisions were often reckless and not thought through. As smart as Charlie was, making decisions was simply not for him.

Would he be able to live alone? Would he have to hop from homeless shelter to homeless shelter and beg for jobs on the street? Would he lose all chance to have a good education, go to a good university and major in literature as he's always wanted to? Would he even be able to find someone who would love him for who he is?

No, he didn't want to think about these things. This was his time to calm down, relax, and forget stresses and sadness, something that constantly weighed him down. This was the time to take back the childhood that he had lost, even if it meant doing it himself. He had finished all of his chores, so this time was his to conquer.

He giggled at the thought.

He turns back to the Bluey cartoons playing on the screen and smiles to himself, plain black paci in his mouth and Rexy in his arms, surrounded by blankets and his childhood Racoon plush, Mimi. Silly names, he was aware, but he loved them nonetheless. It had been a gift from his aunt before she moved away and cut off contact with his mom.

Being controlling, rude, and toxic does that to a person.

He had been able to purchase the paci from a store close to school, one where his mother would not snoop.

She often looked at that place in disgust the few times she picked Charlie up from school, telling him to never go in there, to never even think about going in there. Clearly, he had not listened, and he was very glad he hadn't. His pacifier was one of his biggest comfort items, even if he couldn't always have it. He considered himself a lucky man, to have all that he has.

In front of him, on the coffee table, was a warm cup of chocolate milk. He wished he could have it in a sippy cup, or a non spill cup, but this was what he could get, and he was more than happy. Chocolate milk was his comfort drink in situations like this, where he needed to relax. Charlie had found the perfect milk to chocolate powder ratio, and he couldn't live a day without it. Well, maybe he could. That was exaggerated. But he still loved it, very much so.

Reaching over and holding the mug carefully, taking his paci out of his mouth, he takes small sips of the hot liquid, letting it warm his throat before exhaling a satisfied breath.

'That is so good.'

He almost drops the milk as the door opens. His reflexes were quick; he turned off the TV, hid his toys under the blankets surrounding him, and shoved his back deeper into the couch as he held his mug tightly, hoping he looked normal and not panicking inside – which he definitely was – as his mom steps into view, rounding the corner from the entrance of the house into the foyer.

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, giving him a questioning look.

"You look suspicious." Charlie gulped but kept his face stoic, turning over to her and cocking his head to one side.

"What do you mean?"

"You better not have regressed or some shit like that, young man." She came over to him and took his hot chocolate, heading over to the kitchen and dumping it in the sink. Charlie made sure to hide his disappointment, and kept his whines and yearning to cry at bay.

"No, of course not. I don't do that, you know that."

"Then why are there so many blankets?"

Not missing a beat, Charlie responds as confidently as he could. "I was cold. You know how easily I get cold." This elicited a scowl from his mother.

"Don't give me attitude, young man. I don't pay the bills for you to lounge around and do the unthinkable." She sighed her dissatisfaction and opened the fridge, nodding when she saw all her meals prepared, and going around the house to make sure he didn't miss a spot of dust.

He didn't. He made sure of that.

As he looked at the time on the clock, he hurried to get up, gathering his blankets and going down the hall to his room, his toys still safely tucked under his blankets. He prayed they wouldn't slip out and tumble onto the ground. That is something he could not have happen.

He made it to his room and closed the door, not able to lock it as his mother had removed the lock. He knew he could engineer a lock if he really wanted to, but he would get in trouble with his mother, and he really did not want that happening.

Last time he did, it had left him crying and locked out of the house for the day.

He got dressed in his outfit he wore to school, grey jeans with a blue sweatshirt over a collared shirt. It was approved in school, it's gonna be just fine at the Testing.

He looked around his room. He had posters of his favourite animes all around the room, mostly Studio Ghibli as he was fond of almost all of their movies. His favoured ones were Kiki's Delivery Service and Princess Momonoké, but he loved all of them regardless. His mother had allowed him to get these posters, not thinking it helped him regress, but rather seeing it as a hobby.

I wish I didn't have to leave these behind.. he shook his head and turned his attention to a duffle bag in his room. Though he would have to rush to the Testing Centre, he decided to take all of his prized possessions, including his stuffies – which only consisted of Mimi and Rexy –, a couple figurines he had laying around of various anime characters, and his posters, putting them into the bag, then shoving the bag deep under the bed, sighing as he looked around the now bare room. This, he knew, was that last time he was ever going to see this room. Although he wished not to, he couldn't help the anxiety creeping up.

Hopefully his mom wouldn't come snooping around as she loves to do.

He went out of his room and headed to the front door, calling out to his mom that he was leaving, but as per usual, he was met with silence. He sighed and made his way out.