7

I looked up when the door opened. I felt tears well in my eyes. I wiped them away as I sat up. The doctor took a few steps into the room.

"We need to take her for testing." A few nurses entered the room behind her. "It will be a couple of hours before she's done. You should go home and get some rest."

I nodded once. I watched them roll her out of the room. "Thank you." I looked at the doctor.

She nodded before following them. I looked at the empty hospital room. It felt cold and barren. Even more so now that she isn't in here.

I looked down at the floor and closed my eyes.

Ryan went to get something to drink. Caroline still isn't answering her phone. Damon and Stefan stopped by yesterday with Elena. Bonnie was here earlier. I've relied on Ryan to help me not lose my sanity, but it hasn't been working because my trust for him is wearing thin.

"Where did they take her?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at Ryan, who was now standing a few feet from me. "They took her for testing or something. She won't be done for a while."

He tilted his head and crossed his arms. "Maybe we should get out of here until she's done. Waiting around like this isn't doing any good for you."

I swallowed. I nodded slowly, accepting that he's right.

-

He drove because I'm too jittery. Stepping into the house felt like entering another dimension. It was chilling and weird. I took a shower to calm my nerves, staying in way longer than I should've. After getting dressed, I decided I couldn't stay in the house without feeling nauseous.

"I can't be here." I kept my palms pressed flat to the bed. I looked over at him, sitting next to me.

He put his hand on mine. "Where do you want to go?"

"I need to let Damon and Stefan know what's happening with her." I could feel the tears coming up my throat, but my eyes stayed dry.

He nodded once. "I'll drive."

"You don't have to go." I don't know if he should, actually.

He lifted my hand, sliding his fingers between mine. "I want to be here for you, Evelyn."

I breathed in shakily as I nodded. He pulled his hand from mine and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me to his chest and hugging me tightly. I wrapped my arms around his body. I stared at the window as I hugged him.

I suddenly felt everything at once.

"Ryan."

"Yeah."

I was afraid to say my next words. "I don't think it's working between us."

He doesn't startle at my words or seem surprised. Though I can't see his face, I know he's not angry or upset. "Yeah. Me either."

I pulled back and looked into his eyes. His hands remained on my body. He stared into my eyes. I swallowed. "We're a lot better as friends."

He nodded slowly. "I know."

I looked at his lips. "I'm sorry."

He moved his hand to the side of my face, making me look into his eyes again. His thumb brushed against my jawline softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Especially not this. I should be the one apologizing for this. I told you I had feelings for you."

"You lied?"

He shook his head. "I love you, I just wasn't sure in what way."

I parted my lips as I thought of something to say. "I love you too."

His eyes flicked to my lips for a brief moment, then returned to my eyes. "We should get going."

We left a few minutes later, getting to the Salvatore's as the sun was setting. It looked beautiful. I opened the door without knocking. Ryan decided to stay in the car because I didn't plan on being here but a few minutes.

Damon, Stefan, Elena, and Ric were all in the living room. Stefan was standing with his arms crossed, staring at Ric, who was sitting on the couch. Elena was sitting on the arm of the couch across from Ric. Damon was standing beside her. Their conversation ceased as I walked further into the house, crossing my arms.

"Evelyn."

I looked at Ric. "Hey."

"Did something happen?" Damon was hesitant to ask the question. I watched his grip on Elena tighten as he stared at me intently.

I stared at the coffee table. "My mom is in the hospital." I shook my head once. "She's okay. They're running more tests right now."

"More?"

I answered Elena's question with a nod. I kept the tears in my eyes from spilling over by biting my tongue. "Last night, they took a blood sample. They found out that the cancer is... um... it's spreading to her heart." My chest felt tight. I could feel my nails digging into my arm, nearly breaking skin. "She might make it to January."

"Oh my God," Elena whispered.

"Yeah." I dug my nails deeper. "There's nothing they can do except make her comfortable." I felt a ball of sadness building inside of me, rising to my throat, making it hard for me to speak. "Have you guys heard from Caroline?"

"Bonnie went to pick her up."

I looked at Ric. "Where was she?"

"Her dorm. She was..." He trailed off. A blank expression consumed his face.

"Was?" I looked at the other three for the rest of the answer.

"On a bender," Damon finished.

I felt anger rising in my chest. "What?" My voice was quiet, set to the tone of disbelief.

"Yeah, she was drunk, and she hooked up with some guy. She wouldn't say who."

I uncrossed my arms, taking a deep breath.

"Evelyn."

I looked at Stefan. "Did she know?"

His lips were parted. He was searching my face. "Not that she's in the hospital."

"That's not what I asked."

He closed his mouth. He nodded slowly. "Yeah."

I felt a sense of betrayal. "Did you know?"

He tilted his head, "Ev-"

I sucked in a breath of air.

"She didn't want you to know," Damon interjected.

I looked at him. "Did all of you know?"

They exchanged glances. My stomach sank. I was filled with rage. My head was pounding. I could barely see through my tears.

I stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind me. I rushed to the car. I got in and looked at Ryan.

"What's wrong?"

"They all knew. Caroline knew. Stefan knew. Everyone. I've been so selfish and absorbed in myself to see what's right in front of my eyes. And none of them bothered to mention once that my mom could die in a few months. And now she's worse and -"

He grabbed my face and made me look into his eyes. "Stop!" His eyes scanned my face. "Stop," He repeated softly. "Don't blame yourself for not knowing what was going on. No one wanted you to know, and there was no possible way for you to figure it out without being told. None of this is your fault."

I exhaled shakily. He wiped the tears off of my cheeks. I was out of breath. He dropped his hands from my face. "I'll take you to the hospital."

I nodded slowly as I sat back. I let his words sink into me. This isn't my fault. Of course, he's right about that, but I can't help but feel some sense of guilt. Part of me wants to believe I caused this. It's absurd.

He parked, and we got out. He walked by my side, matching my slow pace as we made our way up to the room. I pushed the door open. Caroline was standing in the middle of the room with her hands over her face, crying. Bonnie was off to the side, watching her with sympathy in her eyes.

She glanced at me, tensing up. Her chin wobbled as she opened her mouth. I looked at Caroline. She slid her hands to the sides of her face, staring at the ground. "This is my fault." Her words were just above a whisper.

All the anger in my system drained the moment her words entered my ears. I can't blame her for not telling me. Mom didn't want me to know, and Caroline had to carry this weight by herself. I feel guilty for blaming her.

She looked up at me. "I'm so sorry." She inhaled shakily.

I walked to her and shook my head. "It's not your fault." I wrapped my arms around her, and she hugged me back.

I shut my eyes tightly, wishing to wake up from this nightmare. I felt like I could black out at any minute.

-

The last three days of staying here and watching her be like this have been the worst. I feel guilty for leaving. I feel too nauseous to eat. I've barely slept, and it's beginning to catch up to me.

"I can feed her my blood. You've seen the guy and how healthy he is now." Caroline was trying to convince Stefan that it was okay to give my mom blood because it will heal her. She asked me if I was okay with it. It seems like our only option.

"I don't know, Caroline, it seems dangerous. Something is bound to go wrong."

Caroline looked away and sighed. "It will be fine, Stefan." She looked at him again.

They went back and forth for a few minutes.

"Hey."

I looked to the side to see Ryan standing next to me now. "Hey."

"I need to talk to you about something."

I turned to face him. "What is it?"

He shook his head once. "No, I just... My mom needs me to come home."

"Is something wrong?"

He took a breath. "My parents are getting a divorce."

I tried to limit my sympathetic expression. "Ryan, I'm really sorry."

He pulled his hands from his pockets. "I'm sure it'll be fine. I just have to go."

I tilted my head. "Do you want me to take you?"

He shook his head, "I couldn't ask you to do that. You have way too much shit to deal with. I'll keep my mess to myself."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded and stepped closer. "Positive."

"Okay." I felt bad for everything that's gone down. "Let me know if you need anything."

A smile graced his lips. "I always do."

I smiled back. "I know."

He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Ryan."

"Bye, Evelyn."

He stared at me for a minute before walking away. I turned back to my problem. They were still bickering. I looked at my mom. I watched her face contort to confusion. She blinked her eyes awake. Her eyes met mine. Her brows were furrowed. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. My heart was racing, and I felt frozen.

"Guys," I started. It was the only word I managed to get out.

I felt their eyes on me, then move away from me. I snapped out of my daze.

"Mom," Caroline cried as she rushed to her.

I couldn't breathe. Caroline bombarded her with questions, not giving her time to fully take in her situation.

"What happened," was my mom's first question.

"You passed out. You've been in a coma for a week."

A look of hurt and confusion crossed her face. She couldn't say another word. She looked at me. She stared at me with a regretful look. My stomach dropped.

"Evelyn."

I hated that tears were in my eyes. My feet were glued to the floor, keeping me in my place by the door. I debated leaving the room. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

She was going to say something else, then Caroline started talking about curing her with blood. I felt a sense of relief and a bit of anger building inside of me. I get that she's upset, too, but she needs to let her breathe and give her time to come to her senses.

"Okay," She agreed.

I felt my heart jump, "No."

They all looked at me. "Evelyn," Caroline started. "This isn't your decision."

I wanted to kill her. I looked at my mom and took a step closer. "It could go wrong. And it probably will. This is a bad idea."

"It's worth trying," Caroline responded.

I looked at her. I didn't want to argue about this. "If she dies, it's your fault."

Anger flashed across her face.

"Evelyn," my mom started. "Take a breath and calm down."

I looked at her. Hopelessness and doubt were filling my head. So was anger and grief. I'm mourning the loss of something that isn't even gone. But I know it will be. I feel like I'm being phased out of this room.

I watched as my mom drank Caroline's blood. There's nothing I hate more than Caroline's misplaced pride and her ego that suffocates everyone around her when she's sure she's right.

"Come on," Stefan whispered, tugging my hand.

I looked at him. He's not looking at my face but our hands. I follow him out of the depressing hospital room. He tells the doctor about my mom. He pulls me into the elevator. All I can think about is the pounding in my head, making it hard for me to process anything around me. Before I know it, we're in an empty waiting room.

I look up to meet his eyes. "What do you think is going to happen to her?"

He tilted his head. "Vampire blood has never cured cancer, Evelyn. I've never heard of something like this. It might help, and it might not. There's no way of telling for sure right now."

"What am I supposed to do if it doesn't help?" My eyes welled with tears.

"I don't know, Ev." His voice was soft, trying to comfort me.

I inhaled shakily. He walked closer and wrapped me in a hug. I closed my eyes and hugged him back.

I'm still mad at him, but it doesn't mean I'm not going to let him hold me. I need it right now. I need him right now.

The heat from his body was soaking into my skin, warming me. I sighed softly as a tear rolled down my cheek. His hand slid to the back of my neck, squeezing gently. It was endearing.

I need him.

The thought echoed in my mind, making my breathing stop for a second.

I can't have him.

I pulled away from him as I opened my eyes. I looked up at him as I took a few steps back.

"What is it?" There was worry in his voice.

The option to tell him everything was a bright red button in my mind. There wasn't a single part of me that decided against it. He would know, I would finally feel relieved of my feelings. Or I could make it worse. Either way, he would know the truth, and I wouldn't have to feel so burdened. As I opened my mouth to tell him, I was grounded. I realized where we are and why. If I did tell him this now, I would feel much worse if he walked away.

"Evelyn," He stepped closer.

"I need to get back to her."

He looked confused. "But you're -"

I wiped at the tears on my cheeks. "I'm fine. I'm not the one dying."

"Evelyn."

"Please don't." He knows I'm telling him not to make me talk about what I'm thinking. "Go home."

He tilted his head, "Ev."

I turned and walked out of the waiting room. I made my way back to the room. I stopped in the doorway. My mom was standing next to Caroline. She's dressed now.

"What are you doing?"

They both looked at me. "I compelled the doctor to let us leave. She's fine now, Vale." The smile on Caroline's face accompanied her attitude.

I wanted to scream. I looked at my mom. She looked fine. My shoulders sank. She looked fine at first. The longer I stared at her, the more I noticed, though. Her eyes were heavy and were above dark circles. She looked pale, but that could be from the lack of sunlight. Her hands were slightly trembling. Her breathing was ragged. She forced a smile on her lips, which became more genuine the longer it was on her face.

They're going home whether I ask them to stay or not.

I stepped to the side, and they walked out of the room. I watched them walk to the elevator. I watched the doors close. I stared at the metal for a moment, wondering what's next.

I made the quick decision not to go home now. I ventured around the hospital for an hour before exiting. I gave myself time to think and digest the situation. Mom could die whether Caroline wants to admit it or not. The blood could help, or it couldn't.

It was nearly midnight when I got home. I was too tired to think. I made my way to my room and shut the door. I walked to my bed and laid down. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep, trying to suppress the thoughts of loss. Eventually, I won.