44

I stared at her as she walked slowly in a circle. I could feel Kai's eyes on me. "What?"

"You know this could kill all of us, right?"

I looked at him. "I'm not even sure I'm doing this yet."

He sighed as he turned his body to face me. "Just let me take it from you. I can -"

"No. And if you try it anyway, we'll both die."

He looked over at Bonnie, then looked at me again. He didn't say anything. His eyes spoke for him. He doesn't want me to put my life on the line when he could. He's begging me to let him save me, but I can't. I wanted to reach out and hug him or touch him or get even just a little closer to him, but I can't.

"Evelyn," Bonnie called.

I took a second before making my way over to her. I stopped a few feet from her. She looked from the sky to my face. "I think this is about where it happened. I can feel it." She put her hands out in front of me, palm up. "I need you to trust me."

I put my hands in hers. "You mean to relive it, right?" She started to say something, but I interrupted. "I know it's in my head. I'll be fine."

She nodded once, forcing herself to believe me. She closed her eyes, and then I closed mine. Over the next few minutes, the memory played out like a movie. I was dragged to where I am now. Lilian and Joshua separate as the spell starts. Except this time, I can see the magic take over my body. It's almost like I'm encased in a bubble of dark light.

"Okay."

I opened my eyes, and she pulled her hands away. She looked unsettled. "What is it?"

She took a short breath. "They weren't trying to bring people back from the dead." She glanced over at Kai, who was walking closer. He stopped a few feet from us. "They were trying to destroy the prison worlds and bring everyone out of them." She looked at me again. "They were using you as an anchor to keep the bridge between the worlds stable."

I furrowed my brows, "But they didn't finish the spell?"

She looked afraid to speak. "They got far enough into the spell to make you the anchor."

I stared at her for a minute. "So if we do the spell, then..."

"The prison worlds collapse," Kai finished.

"And everyone in them dies," Bonnie added.

They're not innocent, or they wouldn't be in a prison world. "Do the spell."

She got a confused look on her face, "Evelyn, it's too dangerous."

I shook my head, "I don't want to die for those people."

"So you're making them die for you," Kai asked.

I looked at him, "I didn't choose to be attached to them."

"That's not the only risk you're taking," Bonnie added. "You could die along with them."

I looked at her, "That's a risk I'm willing to take."

"No. You're not dying."

I looked at Kai. "That's not your decision to make." I looked at Bonnie, "I can't live like this. You know that. If you won't do the spell, I'll find someone else, or I'll do it myself. Either way, I could die."

I could see how hard she was thinking about this. She glanced at Kai, then focused her attention back on me. She nodded once, agreeing. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"You realize this is suicide, right? You're actively trying to get yourself killed."

I turned to him. "It wouldn't be the first time."

The look in his eyes was a mix of hurt and fear. "You can't do this."

The longer I stared at him, the more I wanted to change my decision. "I'm sorry."

He furrowed his brows. Before he could ask, I channeled some of my magic into knocking him unconscious. I watched as he collapsed to the ground. It pained me to see him like that. I looked at Bonnie. "Can we do this now?"

...

After moving to a more remote location where we wouldn't be interrupted, Bonnie started the spell. I lay on the ground as she stood at my feet. Her arms were outstretched over my body. I closed my eyes as she closed hers.

She started chanting the spell. After a minute or so, I felt the magic leaving my body. It was more painful than I had imagined, like having my soul ripped away from me, leaving me empty and cold.

There were white spots behind my closed eyes that flashed on and off. There was a ringing in my ears that forced the sound of Bonnie's voice out of my head.

There were painful, sharp sensations across my entire body. I wanted to scream for help or for her to stop, but my voice wouldn't work. Piece by piece, I was torn apart by the spell. It felt as if each bone in my body was broken, then torn away from me.

The lights dimmed, and the ringing stopped. I felt lifeless.

I opened my eyes as I gasped for air. I hurried to sit up, clutching my chest. I looked at Bonnie, who was sitting across from me now. Her hand was on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

I stared at her for a minute, then nodded. "I think so."

She sighed in relief as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me against her. She put her hand at the side of my head. I closed my eyes as I breathed out slowly.

"Never ask me to do something like that again. I thought I killed you."

I put my hand on her arm. "I'm sorry."

...

I stared at the door, afraid to walk inside. I know Kai's inside because he's in the driveway, which means he's told everyone I tried to die.

Bonnie walked in front of me and opened the door. I took a breath before following her in. I pushed the door shut. Kai was standing behind the couch, tightly gripping a nearly empty glass of bourbon. He pushed the glass onto the table once he laid his eyes on me. There was a relieved look on his face.

I walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He didn't hesitate to hug me back, holding me tighter than I held him. He breathed a sigh of relief as I melted into him.

"Sorry for killing you."

He pressed his hand into my lower back. "It's okay." I closed my eyes for a few seconds. "You're okay?"

I opened my eyes and pulled back, moving my hands to his face. "I'm okay." I kissed him softly before pulling away from him, but keeping hold of his hand. I turned to look at Bonnie. "Thanks for everything."

She nodded once. "No problem." She glanced at Kai before looking at me again. "I'm gonna head home. It's late."

I smiled. "Okay. Goodnight." She smiled before walking out of the house. I turned to look at Kai. "Where's Caroline?"

"Upstairs with Stefan and Damon."

I moved my hands to his face. "I'll go say goodbye, then we can leave."

He smiled. "I'll wait in the car." He leaned down and kissed me.

He pulled away. He walked to the door while I walked up the steps. I pushed open the cracked door to Damon's room. Before I could take two steps into the room, Caroline had her arm wrapped around me, hugging me tightly.

"You have to stop trying to get yourself killed." She pulled back, moving her hands to my arms. "It's really stressful."

I put my hands on hers. "I'm fine, thanks for asking."

She sighed. "Sorry."

I shook my head as I pulled her hands away. "It's fine."

She took a step back. "Are you going home?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's late. I just came up to say goodbye."

"Kai's going home with you?"

"Yeah." A toothy grin was plastered across her face. I tilted my head, "Goodnight, Caroline."

"A very goodnight for you."

I took a breath as I walked backward. "I'm leaving now."

"Be safe."

I rolled my eyes as I turned away from her. I made my way down the steps. I stopped before turning to the door. Elena was standing in front of the fireplace, staring at the fire. "Elena?"

She turned to look at me, keeping her hands in her back pockets. "Hey," she said after a minute. "What are you doing here, Evelyn?"

I furrowed my brows. "I was just saying bye to Care. I thought you were at Whitmore for the week?"

She opened her mouth to speak but instead took a breath. She took a few steps closer. "I decided to come back early."

I nodded, "Right." I glanced at the door, then looked at her again. "I'm gonna go now." I lifted my hand, waving. "I'll see you later."

She smiled as she waved. "Bye."

I walked out of the house, going to the car. He started driving after I buckled up. I stared out the window of my door.

"You okay?"

"Hmm?" I turned my head to look at him. "I'm fine."

He glanced at me, looking me over once, then looking back at the road. "You're in your head."

"Yeah?"

He reached over, putting his hand on my thigh. "What are you thinking about?"

I looked at his hand. "Nothing in particular." I looked at his face as he glanced over at me again.

He looked at the road, "Are you sure?"

I put my hand on his. "Mhm." I wrapped my hand around his.

"Okay," he replied.

I stared at him for a few more minutes. I looked out the window again, brushing off the odd feeling settled in my mind.

After he parked, we got out and started walking to his apartment. I stared at the ground as I walked, counting my steps.

I looked up as I walked past him into the apartment. He placed his hand on my lower back as he walked around me. "Stop." He turned to face me and stepped closer, putting his hand on the side of my face. He stared into my eyes. "What's on your mind?"

I moved my hand to his, "Nothing." I pulled his hand down.

"You're lying."

I held his hand between both of mine and pulled it against my body. "I just don't want to talk about it."

"But you're upset." He tilted his head.

I shook my head. "I'll be fine."

"So you are upset? Is it me?"

I dropped his hand. "No." I walked around him, going into the bedroom.

He followed me. "We can fix it."

I sat at the end of the bed and looked up at him. "I don't want to fix it. I don't even want to think about it, so can we stop talking about this?"

He tilted his head. "But it'll still be on your mind."

I sighed as I laid back. "We're not supposed to be talking right now."

I heard his footsteps as he walked closer. "Really? Because we haven't talked in a really long time and I think we have a lot to catch up on. I mean, you died."

"If I wanted to talk, I'd go to therapy."

"Evelyn."

I groaned as I sat up. I looked up at him. "You weren't like this before. You do remember that, right? A year ago, you would've died to have me shut up, and now you're begging me to give you a recap of what you missed."

"Well, I guess we've both changed, haven't we?"

I tilted my head, "You say that like it's a bad thing."

He sighed. "I'm trying to talk to you."

My head was pounding. "I don't want to talk!"

"Why?!"

"I just don't!" My phone started ringing. I pulled it out and glanced at the screen. I declined Caroline's call.

"What if it's important?"

I furrowed my brows and then looked at him. "Are you possessed or something?"

"I just want to talk to you!"

"Why?! What is so important?!"

"You! Everything's different!"

"No, it's not! You're trying to make everything seem different to make yourself feel better for leaving!"

"If I hadn't left, you would be dead right now!"

I shook my head, "I died anyway! The exact same way I would've died if you had stayed! The only difference is that I'm not human anymore!"

"It sure as hell feels like it, too!"

I stared at him, grasping on to what he's telling me. The silence was deafening. It was interrupted by my phone ringing again.

He sighed, "Evelyn, I didn't..."

I stood up as I answered Caroline's call. I walked out of the bedroom. "Yeah?"

"Hey, I know you're probably busy, but can we talk for a minute?"

"Go ahead."

"Okay." She sighed. "Um, did you by any chance see Elena when you left?"

"Yeah."

"And she seemed normal to you?"

"I guess. Why?"

"She's just... acting weird. It's probably just me, though."

I looked down at my shoes. "Okay."

"Are you? Okay, I mean. You sound upset."

"I have to go, Care. I'll talk to you later."

"Evelyn, are you -"

I ended the call, putting my phone back in my pocket.

"What was that about?"

I turned to look at Kai. "You were listening, you tell me." I crossed my arms.

He stepped closer. "I'm sorry."

"For listening or talking?"

He sighed. "I didn't mean -"

"Of course you meant it! You may not have wanted to say it, but you still meant it. Trying to take it back isn't going to do you any favors."

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Well, I didn't. Not tonight. You should've just left it alone."

He shook his head. "We're still not done talking."

I tilted my head, "Of course not because if I refuse to have a conversation with you, who knows what other unprompted belittlements you'll say."

"We're in a relationship, we should-"

"Are we?"

He furrowed his brows, "What?"

"Well, usually, people who are in a relationship don't force each other into fights that are disguised as conversations."

"It's a fight because you made it into one."

"It wouldn't be a fight if you listened to me!"

"You wanted to have sex because you didn't want to talk about what was on your mind. I heard you."

I uncrossed my arms. "I'm leaving." I started toward the door.

"Why?"

I turned to face him. "You can't be serious?"

He walked toward me, "I don't understand why you won't talk to me. I just want to know why you're upset."

I stared at him. I don't want to fight with him. I don't want to tell him what's wrong because I'm not fully sure I know why.

He sighed as he stepped closer. He held my face in his hands. There was a regretful look in his eyes. He glanced at my lips, then looked back into my eyes. His thumb strummed across my cheekbone. "Don't leave."

I nodded once, "Okay."

He breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned in to kiss me. I raised up on my toes, leaning into his body as I moved my hands to his neck. He moved his hands to my hips, keeping my body against his.

He slid his hands to my thighs, lifting me and wrapping my legs around his waist. I moved my hand to the side of his face. A minute later, he pulled me off and stepped back from him as we got undressed. He pulled me back to him in an instant.

He laid me back gently, keeping his hand at the side of my face for a few seconds before moving it to the bed. I moved my hand to the side of his face. He pulled my legs further apart with his other hand. He moved his hand to my stomach, pinning me to the mattress as he eased himself into me.

He rested his forehead against mine as he caught his breath. He slid his hand that was beside my head under my body, grabbing onto my shoulder. I moaned louder as he slid the rest of the way into me. I moved my hand to his lower stomach. He started kissing me again as he slid in and out of me, getting faster with each thrust.

Every nerve in my body felt like it was being lit on fire. I pressed my thighs against his body as I moved my hand to the side of his neck. He moved his kiss to my jawline as he slowed down. I could feel every inch of his cock filling me completely as he slid into me slowly, stopping when he bottomed out inside me.

I struggled to keep my breathing steady when my vision got blurry. I slid my hand to his hair.

He kissed across my cheek. He placed his hand on my sternum, sliding down my stomach. He used his thumb to circle my clit gently, applying more pressure intermittently. His lips hovered over my ear, "Is this what you want?"

My eyes fluttered shut. "Yes," I moaned. I put my other hand on his stomach, pushing against him.

He started circling my clit faster as he angled himself deeper inside of me. If my eyes weren't closed, there would be tears spilling out of them. "Are you going to cum for me, baby?"

"Mhm." I slid my hand to his chest. "Please," I cried.

He moaned softly. I rocked my hips as I arched off the mattress. He buried his face in my neck as his cum shot inside of me. His hand pressed against my stomach, his other fingers dug into my shoulder. I came a few seconds after, but the only thing I could think of was that he didn't make me look at him like he usually does.

This isn't how we have sex. This was boring and fast. He did it to shut me up, but he still did it differently. Talking about it isn't what I want to do, but I don't want to ignore it either.

He pulled out of me slowly. He lifted his head and kissed me softly. He pulled me with him as he rolled over. He kept his arm under me as I laid my arm across his body, resting my head on his chest. His hand rested against my back. He used his other hand to pull the blanket over us, then pushed the hair back behind my ear. He pressed a kiss into the top of my hair.

He cares for me differently. Did he all of a sudden have these instincts or was he taught this by someone else?

I felt tears in my eyes at the thought. He wouldn't do that, he loves me. He loves me so much that he left me. I lifted up and looked down at him.

He stared at me with a soft, curious look, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry."

He furrowed his brows, moving his hand to the side of my face as he used his thumb to wipe away my tears off my cheek. "It's okay, baby."

"No. I should've just talked to you earlier. Instead, I just- I turned it into a fight. I'm not mad at you, and I don't want to fight with you. I love you. I'm scared you're going to leave me again. Please don't leave me again."

He moved his hand from my back to the other side of my face. "I'm not leaving you ever again, okay? Even if we are different and we don't work, I'm still staying because I promised you. I will never leave you again. I love you too much."

"I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "Stop saying that."

"But I-"

He put his hand over my mouth. "Stop." I breathed out through my nose. He moved his hand back to the side of my face and pulled me down to kiss him. He pulled me away. "You need to sleep."

I laid back down after a minute. He moved his hand to my back again, sliding to my side. He moved his other hand to mine that was resting on his chest. He kissed the top of my head again. I let my eyes close.

I basked in the warmth of his body, finally having it again. I listened to his heart beating, letting it lull me further into sleep.

"I love you."

I hummed in response, too exhausted to answer him. I could barely comprehend his statement. I squeezed his hand back.