26

My head was pounding. The ringing in my ears was quiet, but it was there. I blinked my eyes open. My ceiling. I pushed the blanket off of my body as I sat up. I looked down at the clothes on my body. I couldn't remember what happened.

"You're awake." A soft voice pulled me from my confused mind.

I looked up to see Caroline sitting on the window seat. "What happened?"

She tilted her head, taking a short breath. She got up and walked over. She sat down next to me. I moved to lean back against the headboard. "Do you feel okay?"

"What happened?"

"Kai found Stefan at the party because he couldn't find me."

Everything came back to me. The drink. The guy. His hands. The way he- I felt nauseous. "Is he -"

"Dead. He was a vampire. We don't know him." She reached for my hand, and I pulled away.

"Who killed him?" Tears formed in my eyes.

She was hesitant to answer. "Stefan brought you home."

I shook my head. "Why did you let him kill him?"

She furrowed her brows, "We couldn't stop him, Evelyn. And if all of us would've done the exact same-"

The anger I didn't want was growing. "Where is he?"

She stared at me for a few seconds. "I-I don't know." She tilted her head. "It's okay to be upset, Evelyn. You didn't - "

I shook my head, "I appreciate what you're doing, Caroline, but I don't want to talk right now."

She sighed. "You shouldn't be alone."

I tilted my head. "Please, Care."

She stared at me, not wanting to go. "I'll be downstairs." She got up and left, shutting my door behind her. I was unsure of what to think. I don't want to think. Especially not about what happened.

I distracted myself by trying to wash the feeling of him off of me. It wasn't useful. I closed my eyes to try and stop tears from falling as I thought about it. The feeling became stronger. It felt like he was on me again. I could feel his breath against my skin. There were bruises on my wrist from how tight he was holding them. There were bruises on my hips and my stomach. I scratched at the bruises to try and take away the feeling. I opened my eyes to see that it was pointless.

The water from the shower splashed against the reddened skin. I could barely breathe from the humidity. It only made the feeling worse. I looked at the floor of the shower. There was a razor blade being splashed with water.

How did it get in here? Why is it so tempting?

A sob passed my lips as I used the blade. The water washed away the blood. Every cut I made healed. I remembered the link that Kai made. I don't know how I could've forgotten. I thought of how mad he would be, which only made me cry harder. I dropped the blade.

I turned off the water and got out. I dried off and got dressed. Before leaving the bathroom, I made sure my eyes weren't red. I swallowed the tears back. I walked out of the bathroom.

He's going to tell everyone, and then everyone will be upset. They won't speak to me anymore. They'll distance themselves from me. Kai will leave me again.

I pulled my shoes on before grabbing my coat and my phone. I rushed out of my room. I passed Caroline. She tried to get my attention, but I kept running. I drove as fast as I could to Kai's.

Tears streamed from my eyes as I knocked frantically on his door. I stepped back, balling my hands into fists and trying to take deep breaths.

The door opened, and he sighed. "Never mind. She's here." He sounded relieved. He ended the call he was on. Before he could say the words that were on his tongue, I spoke.

I walked closer, "Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean it. I just -" I sucked in a breath of air. "I didn't want to feel it anymore. I kept thinking about it. What happened was all my fault, and I'm sorry. Just please don't be mad at me because I can't take it."

He cupped my face in his hands as he walked closer. "Baby, I need you to breathe for me."

I tried to breathe, but I couldn't. "I'm so sorry -"

"Shh." He tilted my head up. "Just look at me, okay? Can you do that?" He was calmer than I expected. I stared into his eyes. His brows were drawn together as he stared at me. He was breathing slowly.

I mimicked his breathing pattern. "I'm sorry," I said quieter than the other times.

He kept staring into my eyes. I felt his thumb strum across my cheekbone. His eyes flicked to my lips, then wandered my face. I looked at his chest, only to realize he's shirtless. The only thing he's wearing are sweatpants. I looked back at his face. His hair was messy, and his eyes looked tired. I pushed his hands away as I stepped back. He was obviously busy.

"I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm sorry." The lump in my throat was back. I turned and started walking away.

He grabbed my hand, "No."

I reluctantly stopped. I turned to face him. "You don't have to -"

"Come inside."

I stared at him. I held my breath for a few seconds. "I should go."

He tugged at my hand as he stepped closer. "Stay."

The only thing I could focus on was the way he was staring at me. The longing for me to stay was convincing enough, but the way he adjusted his hand against mine pushed me straight into his apartment.

He went to his room to put on a shirt while I sat on the couch. After a moment of contemplating changing my mind, I sat back into the corner of the couch. I kept my hands folded together in my lap. I stared at the coffee table, pulling my legs up to sit crisscross.

He sat on the couch, keeping space between us. I stared at him, waiting for him to do something. He cleared his throat before looking up from the table.

He looked at me, "Hey."

"Hey." I looked down at my hands.

He took a quiet breath. "Do... Do you want a drink or something?"

I shook my head once. "I'm okay." I stared at my wrists, the bruises still there. I closed my eyes. I focused on keeping my breathing steady.

"Congrats on graduating. I don't remember if I said that or not."

I looked at the table. "Thanks."

"Sorry I couldn't be there."

"I didn't want you there." I realized how that sounded. I looked at him. "I didn't want anyone there."

"Oh." He looked relieved. "Well, then I'm not sorry."

I looked at my hands as I smiled. "Okay." My eyes slipped to my wrist. My chest ached. I'm an idiot. I thought back to why I even let that guy around me. Then I thought about the argument. "I do care about you." I looked at the coffee table again. "I didn't keep in touch because I couldn't think about you without spiraling. I-" I took a slow, deep breath to keep my voice from wobbling. "I didn't visit because you were here, and I knew I couldn't be around you because I would've given up everything I had just to see you every day. I should've said something to you earlier, but I couldn't even breathe. When you died, I-" My voice caught in my throat.

I sucked in a breath of air and closed my eyes for a few seconds. I swallowed before opening my eyes.

"When you died, I stayed with you. For a while, actually. I was ready to die with you. But they wouldn't let me." I closed my eyes to keep the tears inside of them. "I have been ignoring you, but not because I don't want to see you. I was -" I sighed. "I didn't think that you wanted to be with me because I thought you moved on. That's why I was letting that guy..." A cry left my lips. I covered my face with my hands.

"Ev." I felt him move closer to me. I could feel his hesitance. His hand wrapped around my forearm, barely touching me. "Can I see you?"

I took a breath before lowering my hands. He slid his hand down. I watched as he stopped at my wrist. His hands covered my bruises. My breathing was shaky.

"Is that okay?" His voice was quiet, but certain.

I want him to take away all the feelings of what Evan did. "Yeah." After a brief moment of reassuring myself that it's Kai's hands, I looked at his face. His eyes poured into mine.

"What happened to you was not your fault."

"I told him I wanted it."

He tilted his head. "He compelled you, baby."

I looked down at my hands. "I should've been wearing vervain." I breathed out slowly as a tear rolled down my cheek. "I'm such an idiot."

"Hey." He moved his hands to my face and lifted my head to make me look at him. "You're not an idiot. You were taken advantage of, and you couldn't do anything. Don't blame yourself for this because it wasn't your fault." He moved his hands to the sides of my neck, tilting his head forward. "That's probably hard for you to understand, but I promise you that I'm not going to let you believe this was your fault." His thumb slid across my jaw.

There was a softness in the way he was staring at me. It's a look I haven't seen before. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, though.

He leaned closer and placed a kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. He started to pull away. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him, pressing my cheek to his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. I held him tighter.

I let my eyes close, feeling the weight of everything pushing down on me. "I'm so tired."

"I know."

I opened my eyes and pulled back from him. I kept my hands on his sides. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

He moved his hand to the side of my face, "I'm okay."

I leaned into his hand. "Really?" I watched as a smile flashed across his lips before dissipating quickly.

"Really." He looked between our bodies, then looked at my face again.

I let my hands slip lower. "Do you want me to leave?" I hated feeling like I'm bothering him.

He tilted his head, "No. I never want you to leave."

"Well, I have to leave eventually, or Caroline will think I've been kidnapped, and she'll murder you."

He laughed softly. "You can leave later, then."

"Okay," I answered.

He wrapped his arms around me again and pulled me against him as he sat back. I rested my head against his chest as I wrapped my arms around his body. I melted into him. The heat from his body made me feel calmer. He rested a hand on my arm and used the other to play with my hair.

"Thank you for saving me," I whispered.

"You don't need to thank me."

"But I want to."

He stopped brushing his fingers through my hair and moved it off my neck. "We don't have to sit here. We can go to my bed."

"No." I moved my head back and looked at him. "I like it here."

He stared at me. "Are you sure?"

"Mhm."

He kept staring at me. I felt the urgent need to have his lips on mine. I resisted the urge and moved my head back to his chest.

I don't know how much time passed, and I don't care. Neither does he, apparently. He hasn't moved or asked me to move. He has kept touching my hair, though. He started humming. The song sounded familiar. Then it clicked in my mind. Look After You by The Fray.

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around. You're the only one who knows to slow it down.

I took a mental note to keep the moment forever. It's the only one I want forever.

The only reason I know we were there for hours is because the light from outside isn't there anymore. It's dark, but my eyes have adjusted.

"I should go home."

He rested his hand on the back of my head. "You don't have to."

I moved my hand to his chest. "Are you asking me to stay?"

"Yes."

I lifted my head and stared at him. There was something undeniably attractive about the way he begs with just his eyes. Then it registered in my brain that we're not actually together. We're not friends either. I opened my mouth to speak, but there was a knock on the door.

He looked at the door, then at me. I pulled away from me. He answered the door. He seemed surprised by who was there. His muscles tensed. The hushed argument between them only raised my questions. I know I shouldn't have, but I got up and walked over.

He stopped talking and looked at me. I looked on the other side of the door to see Lillian. I was taken aback.

She looked at me, lifting her brows. "Evelyn. It's nice to see you again."

"Yeah," I furrowed my brows, trying to wrap my head around the connection between the two of them. "You too."

Lillian looked at Kai. "I'll be expecting your call."

Kai seemed frustrated by her presence alone. "Bye, now."

Lillian nodded to me before walking away. Kai turned to me as he shut the door. I stared at him, confused, "Call for what?"

He tilted his head, "You really shouldn't have -"

"Why do you need to call her? How do you even know her?"

"I'm asking you to drop this." He stepped closer, reaching for my hands.

I shook my head, "No. Just tell me."

"You don't want to know."

I tilted my head, "I obviously do, or I wouldn't be asking. Besides, if you don't tell me, I'll go ask her."

He raised his brows, "Seriously?"

"Yes! Just tell me."

He sighed and turned away, "I never should've answered the door."

"When she knocked or..."

He turned to face me, "Don't do that. I clearly meant when she knocked."

"Your statement was pretty vague."

He stared at me for a moment. "Why are you so set on knowing why she was here?"

"Because she's a lunatic."

"I murdered my entire family; I think I'm safe."

I sighed, "Just tell me."

He stepped closer. "I can't."

"Why not?" He didn't answer. "Tell me or I'm going to go after her."

His jaw tightened as he looked to the side. He was quiet for a minute. He looked at me. "I was the one who let them out of the prison world. I gave them my blood, and she gave me hers. That's why I can still do magic. When she gave me her blood, she also gave me the knife and compelled me to use it. She made me kill my coven so that she could have their magic for her freaky family. Stefan and Damon don't know, and I don't plan on telling them, which is why I didn't want to tell you."

I didn't know how to even begin to think about what he said. "So, you... you weren't the one who chose to try and kill Jo. She was."

He nodded slowly as he stepped closer. "Yeah. She pulled my life story out of me, which is how she found out that if I killed Jo, then I would be killed."

I felt uncomfortable with the information and overwhelmed. "Why don't you tell them?"

He crossed his arms. "I made a deal with her. If I don't do what she asks me to, she'll kill me."

I felt my brain connecting dots I didn't want it to. "Is that why you linked us? If she kills you, then she kills me, and then Stefan and Damon will kill her."

He tilted his head, "Baby, I just needed us to be linked for that one day. I kept the link between us to keep you safe."

I felt tears in my eyes. I shook my head, "No. You're just trying to save yourself, and you're using me to do it."

He uncrossed his arms as he stepped closer. I instinctually stepped back. He froze, a contemplative look on his face. He put his hands up as he stepped closer. "I would never use you like that."

"Then undo the spell."

He stared at me. "I can't." He stepped closer, causing me to step back. "You're overthinking this and trying to turn it into something it's not. I linked us for my own good at first," he kept walking closer, and I kept walking back, "But I kept it so that I could keep you alive! If I had undone the spell, you wouldn't be here right now."

I was against the wall, and there were only a few inches of space between us. I stared at his face. His hands were on the wall, boxing me in. I felt panicked and paralyzed. The caring look on his face seemed crazed now.

"I never want to hurt you, baby. All I want is for you to be safe. Tell me you can understand that." His voice was soft.

I thought back to that moment in his car. He was hesitant to agree with me that the reason he doesn't want me to die is because he doesn't want to die. He cares about me, and the more I doubt that the more distant I become from him. I don't want to be away from him.

I pulled myself off the wall and wrapped my arms around him. "I don't know what's wrong with me," I mumbled against his chest.

He pulled me against him, his arms encircling me tightly. "Nothing's wrong with you. You're just overwhelmed and upset."

And exhausted. I relaxed against him. I turned my head, resting my cheek against his chest. "I'm sorry for being so touchy."

"Stop apologizing for everything."

I closed my eyes. "I don't want you to hate me."

"I could never hate you."

"Yes, you can, I believe in you."

He laughed, and the sound made me smile. He was quiet for a minute. "Evelyn?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure you want to leave?"

I breathed out slowly. I reluctantly pulled away from him. I looked up at him, moving my hands to his sides. "I'll see you later."

"Drive safe, please."

"I was going to drive straight into your building."

He moved his hands to my shoulders. "Not funny."

"So, you hate me?"

He tilted his head, "Evelyn."

I smiled, "Kidding."

He rolled his eyes, and he pulled away. "Go home."

I reached for the door. "Goodnight."

He crossed his arms. "Goodnight."

As I walked to my car, I got the unsettling feeling that I was being watched. I stopped at my door and looked around. There was no one that I could see. I quickly got in and drove home, unable to shake the feeling.

I sat in my car for a few minutes to check if a car had followed me. A black SUV passed by me. They turned the corner and parked, shutting off their engine. Their windows were tinted, so it was impossible to see who it was.

The only thing I could think of was that I'm not going to be murdered in my car. I got out and rushed inside, shutting and locking the door. I stared at the door for a minute to make sure it stayed locked.

"Are you okay?"

I turned to face the living room. Stefan and Caroline were sitting by each other. I shook my head, then nodded. "I-" I wasn't sure how I would explain it. I think someone's following me. "I'm fine. Paranoid, but fine." I crossed my arms to stop my hands from fidgeting.

"Did something happen," Caroline asked.

I shook my head once, "No." I took a breath. "I'm just tired." I threw my thumb over my shoulder. "I'm gonna go to bed." I quickly left the room to ease the awkwardness in myself.

As I got ready to sleep, I thought about the car. Who's in it? Are they actually following me, or have I finally lost my mind?

I walked to my window. I peeked through the curtains. I quickly shut them and stepped back after seeing the car still there. An arm was hanging out of the window, flicking a cigarette.

Maybe if I sleep, they'll go away. Whoever they are. And if not, I'm never leaving this house again.