12

The sound of my phone ringing filled my ears. I groaned as my senses caught up to me. My thighs were sore. Actually, my whole body was. I lifted my head off the pillow and looked at the bed beside me. Kai was lying on his back with his head facing the other way. I looked to my other side. I reached for my phone on my nightstand. I pulled it in front of my face and stared at Damon's name.

I answered it and put my phone to my ear. I laid back down and closed my eyes. "It's 6 in the morning."

"Yeah, well, I don't care. Stefan and I will be there in 20."

"No. Leave me alone." I felt Kai press into me from behind. His lips found my neck as his hand found my stomach.

"No. We have to talk to you about something." Kai pulled my legs apart. I gasped as he slipped the tip of his cock inside of me. "What was that?"

"Nothing," I breathed. "I'll see you in 20." I pulled my phone away and ended the call. He pushed deeper inside of me and I moaned. "What's wrong with you?"

He pulled out of me. "You woke me up." He pushed inside of me and I screamed, twisting the bed sheets as I gripped them tightly.

He grabbed my hips, turning my body to be flat on the bed. He moved on top of me, thrusting inside of me to the base of his cock. I moaned into the pillow that my face was buried in. He started fucking me slowly. Moans slipped past his lips as he filled me. He kept a firm grip on my hips as he buried himself inside me.

I cried out into the pillow as I came around him. He kept me against him as he came inside of me. I felt his cum leak out of me as he pulled out with a groan. I whined at how empty I felt.

He moved off of me and got up. I rolled to my back slowly. I sat up, breathless. I watched as he buttoned his jeans. He looked at me. He furrowed his brows. "What?"

"Did you not get enough last night?"

He smiled as he looked down, putting on his belt. "I'm never going to have enough of you now, babe."

I rolled my eyes and moved to the edge of the bed. I struggled to stand. My thighs trembled. I heard him laugh softly. I turned to look at him. "You have no idea how much I would like to kill you right now."

He tilted his head, "I can get the idea."

I walked to the bathroom. I stepped into the shower. I washed the sex smell off of me then got out. I dried off then wrapped the towel around me. Kai walked to the door and crossed his arms. I looked at him. "Go away."

"No." He leaned against the door frame.

I rolled my eyes and walked to the sink. "You can't be here when they get here."

"Why exactly are they coming here?"

"Why the hell should I know?" I picked up the brush. Before I could start brushing my hair, he walked over and took the brush.

He started brushing my hair. "They're coming to your house at 6 in the morning. You should know why." He sat the brush down and put his hands on my shoulders. He stared at me through the mirror.

"This is how they are. They show up whenever they want for whatever they want. I've gotten used to it."

"Okay, well, it makes you seem a little... neurotic."

I furrowed my brows, "What?"

"Well, I was going to say bitchy, but I'd rather not end up stabbed in the middle of having sex."

I tilted my head. "Sorry."

He put his hands on the sides of my head and tilted my head straight. "Don't apologize, it's actually kind of hot."

I tried to keep the smile that threatened to take over my lips. "Get out."

He smiled. "I win." He pulled away from me and walked out of the bathroom.

I looked into the mirror. I started getting ready. I dried my hair the rest of the way. I decided to wear mascara. I put on lipgloss after brushing my teeth.

I walked out of the bathroom, going to my closet. I put on a pair of panties, then a bra. I pulled on a fitted black long-sleeve shirt with a scoop neckline, then I put on a pair of dark blue mom jeans. I tucked the shirt into the jeans and put on a black belt with gold loops. I pulled on a pair of black socks then a pair of black converse.

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand before walking out of my room. I walked downstairs. I could hear whistling. I stopped. I felt my heart drop. I followed the whistling into the kitchen. Kai was sitting at the table drinking from a coffee mug that was filled with coffee.

"You were supposed to leave!"

He looked me up and down, a smirk growing on his face. He forced a confused look on his face as he looked into my eyes, "Was I?" He looked at the mug as he took a drink.

I started to speak when there was a knock on the door. I looked to the side, then at Kai. "I swear to God if you say a word, I'll murder you."

He tilted his head, "How poetic."

I rolled my eyes as I walked out of the room. I walked to the front door and opened it, keeping my hand on the door. "Why are you here?" I looked at both of them.

They looked at each other before looking back at me with a confused look.

"I told you we had to talk to you about something. Let us in."

I was hesitant to let them in, unsure of what may happen if they saw Kai. I pulled the door open as I stepped back. I took another step and crossed my arms. I looked up at them.

Damon turned to me as he shut the door after he and his brother walked in. "Have you seen Kai?"

I felt my stomach churn. "Why? Did he do something?"

Stefan took his turn to speak, "Last night, he tried to kill Jo."

He was here last night. I almost blurted that out, but I kept it to myself. "What?"

"Yeah, do you know where he is?" Damon asked.

I furrowed my brows. "Why would I know where he is?"

"Because you two are buddies."

"We're not buddies. And I don't know where he is."

Damon tilted his head, "Are you sure about that?"

I looked at Stefan. "You guys can leave now. He's not here, and I don't know where he is."

He looked at Damon before looking at me again. "Just... don't be around him, Evelyn."

"Why do you think I would want to be around him?"

"Because you want to sleep with him," Damon answered.

I looked at him, "So? That doesn't mean I want to be around him."

"So you do want to sleep with him?"

I walked to the door and pulled it open, turning to them. "Get out. Go look for him somewhere else."

They exchanged glances before turning their attention back to me. I kept my hand on the doorknob. Damon glared at me as he walked out of the house. Stefan stopped in front of me, staring into my eyes.

"Don't do anything stupid, Ev."

"Like what? Have sex with him?"

He tilted his head, "Like get close to him and try to fix him. It won't end well for anyone."

I stared back at him, an unwavering expression. I tried not to let his words sink too deeply. "Is Jo okay?"

"She will be."

He walked out of the house and I shut the door. I stepped back and stared at it for a minute. I walked to the kitchen. Kai was still in the spot where I left him. He was reading a newspaper.

I walked over and sat in the chair at the end of the table. I buried my face in my hands, propping my elbows on the table.

"What's up, baby?"

I lifted my head, "Don't call me that when we're not having sex." I looked at him. "Especially not with vampires around."

His eyes widened for a second then returned to normal. "Usually after sex, I'm not so tense, what the hell is your deal?"

I slapped my hands on the table. "You tried to kill Jo! You told me no one gets hurt. You lied to me."

He tossed the newspaper on the table. "I didn't try to kill her. I tried to take her magic so that I could do the merging spell. Which reminds me that I need to finish what I started."

"No! You know that if you merge with her she will die!"

He furrowed his brows, "If I don't merge with her then we'll both die, so..."

I tilted my head, "You really are just a psychotic prick who only cares about himself."

"Were you expecting something different?" He stared at me for a minute, waiting for an answer.

"No, actually. I just expected you to not go around killing people." My phone started ringing.

He sat back, "I'm not going around and killing people. I'm just doing what needs to be done."

"I'm sure there are other ways you can do the spell without someone dying." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and answered Caroline's call, putting the phone to my ear. "What?"

"What time do you plan on coming down?"

I sat back and stared at the table. "I don't know. Why?"

"I was just..." She trailed off. She didn't say anything else.

"What's wrong, Caroline?" I felt panic rising in me.

She took a minute to answer. "It's mom. She's not waking up." She sucked in a breath of air. "She's breathing and her heart's beating, but it's-" Her voice caught in her throat.

"I'll be there soon. Stay with her, Care."

"Okay," She sighed.

I ended the call. I looked over to see that Kai had left amidst my panic session without me realizing. I felt angrier with him now. I can't expect much from him though, especially not communication.

I pulled myself out of my anger and got up. I walked to the door. I grabbed my keys and walked to the door. I reached for the doorknob. I felt a wave of tears that wanted to work its way out of my eyes. I stopped suddenly.

This could be the last day she's alive. I bit back the tears and pulled open the door. I pulled the door shut. I fumbled with my keys, trying to find the right one.

"Evelyn." I was startled to hear someone. I turned to see Bonnie. She took in the expression on my face. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, "It's my mom. She's..." I exhaled shakily.

She shook her head as she walked closer, "You don't have to finish." She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a hug.

A cry slipped past my lips as I took in the embrace. She didn't pull away until I did. She took the keys from my hand.

"Go wait in the car, Ev."

I nodded and walked to my car. I got in the passenger seat.

...

The last few hours blurred together. There was a silent car drive. Hugs between some people. I sat in the room with her for a minute before I felt physically unable to see her that way. She was pale and sweating. Weak and hardly able to move. Her shallow breathing made my eyes fill with tears. The moment someone stepped toward me, I ran off.

I'm at the end of the dock, watching my feet dangle. The freezing air is chilling, but no more chilling than what's waiting in the house for me. I felt a tear fall from my eye and roll down my cheek slowly. I closed my eyes.

I listened as footsteps came closer to me. I felt movement beside me as they sat down.

"She doesn't deserve this. You don't deserve to lose her. And if I could trade places with her I would."

Damon's words only led to more tears. I sucked in a breath of air as I looked up from the lake. I could see how peaceful everything was. The moon is shining brighter than I want it to, illuminating everything. But in comparison to the stars, it's darkness itself.

"I can't imagine how hard this is for you, Evelyn, but I need you to understand that you're not doing this alone. We're all here for you. Terrible things have happened to you, and they just keep happening. I wish I could do something about it but I can't. The only thing I can do, any of us can do, is be here for you. The only thing you have to do is talk to us."

I looked at the frozen water again. "I'm not going to kill myself. I know that's what you're talking about. You're the only one who has the balls to say something about it without tiptoeing around it completely."

"Last time it got this bad, you-"

"I know." I looked at him. "I know what happened. I remember it. But that's not going to happen again. I'm not going to let it happen."

"Just promise me that you won't keep it to yourself." He tried to keep his casual expression, but I could see the sliver of compassion and worry that crashed through.

"I... I can't do that." I shook my head. "I'm not making a promise I can't keep."

His face twisted into concern, "Evelyn -"

"Damon, it's fine. I know how bad this can get. I understand that what happened last time may happen again. But I can't promise you that I'm going to keep things to myself. When I'm ready, I'll talk about it. For now, I just need to keep it to myself because I know that if I don't, it will happen again." I felt more tears in my eyes.

He rested his hand at the side of my face. "Everything will be okay, kid. That's a promise I can keep."

I tried to keep my hands from shaking. "This doesn't feel real," I whispered.

He shook his head once. He pulled his hand from my face. He grabbed my hand. "It's late, Ev. You should go get some sleep."

I nodded slowly, "Okay."

He helped me to my feet. He walked by my side to the house.

My mind felt like it was outside of my body. It was only filled with grief. I felt absent from my own life.

...

I don't remember going to bed that night or waking up. All I know is that I'm staring at her door. The indecision is resting inside of me. It's made itself at home and doesn't plan on leaving anytime soon. The door isn't opening like I hope it will. I have to do it myself.

I took a breath before walking closer to the door. I opened the door slowly. She's unmoved. I stepped inside, leaving the door open. I slowly walked closer. I stopped. She looked up at me, her eyes open.

"Evelyn," Her voice is soft and warm. It's not frail or shaky like I had imagined. She looks less pale. She looks a little healthier. I inhale hope as I breathe in slowly. I watched as she pushed herself to sit up. Her arms were a little shaky but stopped after a minute. She's smiling now. A big smile, directed at me. "Hi, sweetie."

It feels fake. Like a dream. I walked slowly toward her. I sat at the edge of the bed, keeping my eyes on her. I fear that if I look away, she will disappear.

She reached forward and grabbed my hands, squeezing them gently. I swallowed the tears that rose in my throat.

The next collection of phrases is lost to me as my ears ring.

We're in the kitchen now. I'm sitting at the island, watching her move steadily and strongly around. She's humming along to the radio, something by The Fray, as she flips pancakes. My body feels light, like it can be blown away.

"Mom?" Caroline's voice breaks me out of my mind. I don't look at her, I don't look at either of them. I stare at the food she's making.

Their conversation is like white noise. I'm trying to grasp onto a reality that's fluctuating every five minutes. One day, my heart is being treated like a voodoo doll, and the next, I'm watching a woman who was on her deathbed five hours ago dance around to my favorite band.

"How did that happen," Stefan whispered to me.

I looked at him. I don't remember if he stayed last night or not. Considering he's here at eight in the morning, I'm assuming he stayed in one of the guest bedrooms. "I don't know," I answered calmly.

...

After breakfast, she wanted to leave the lakehouse and go home. I don't want her to go home, but I kept my mouth shut.

I felt afraid to drive in the car with her. I was afraid that she might give in to the death that's like a wave: pulling back then washing over her again and almost ending her life.

"Evelyn."

I looked over at Stefan in the driver seat. "What?"

He glanced at me before focusing on the road. "I've said your name four times. You've been in your head the entire day. What are you thinking about?"

I sighed and looked out my window. "She's only going to be like this for today. Tomorrow, she could be dead. And I'm just trying not to have hope that she's going to be alive in a week."

"Even if it is temporary, you should at least be present."

"I'll get used to it."

"Detaching from what's happening is what you're getting used to." He parked the car.

I looked at him. "It's better than forming an attachment to something I know I'll lose."

"Evelyn, I'm just saying that you should live in this moment because it could be your last. I'm not saying to live in it because it will be here forever."

I didn't like what he was telling me. It made my mind hurt, trying to comprehend that he's right. He usually is, but if he's right about this situation, then I don't know what to feel.

I got out of the car and started walking toward the house. I looked up from the ground. I stopped immediately. There's a man a few houses down staring at me. I slowly took a few steps. His head tilted. It's hard to see who it is, but it's not impossible. From the way he's staring at me, I can tell that it's Kai.

I turned and walked into the house, ignoring his existence. Hopefully, I can keep ignoring his existence.

...

Over my dead body, I would take Stefan's advice. The comfort of sitting at the end of the couch with my legs pulled to my chest is a much better option. Hearing them laugh and talk like this is a party is fueling the anger that I don't want. Even though this might as well be a party, it's not.

Everyone's here. Unfortunately. But I can't run to my room because someone will bother me and ask what's wrong. Which is a stupid question considering the circumstances. Maybe I can't escape to my room, but I can escape to another room that's not filled with people.

I removed myself from the room and went into the kitchen as discreetly as possible. I walked over to the rack of wine. I stared at it for a minute. Drinking this away is counterproductive and stupid.

My phone started to ring. I pulled it out of my pocket. Kai's name on my screen bugged me. The way he left is infuriating. The way he acts is even worse. His only good quality is his dick. I declined the call and put my phone back in my pocket.

I looked at the clock on the stove. 8:04. Why am I exhausted?

Stupid question.

I walked out of the kitchen and went up to my room. I'm too tired to care about anything else except sleeping.

...

An uneasy feeling in my stomach causes me to wake up. I'm not nauseous. But I wish I was going to throw up because I know the alternative is worse. I checked the time. 4:27.

I slowly got out of bed. I shuffled out of my room, expanding the amount of time I was spending. I pulled open my door. I stood there for a moment, imagining what could possibly happen to me. I took a deep breath, a shaky one. I walked toward her door.

I felt like I was ten years old again. I put myself there again. I'm walking to tell her I had a nightmare. She'll wake up and just know. She'll let me fall asleep with her again after telling me that she would protect me forever.

How's forever now?

My hand hovered over the knob. I stared at the door with watery eyes. This isn't how this is supposed to happen. The feeling in my gut isn't going away. I opened the door slowly. I looked into the room. She's lying on her back with her head facing me. Her chest isn't moving. Her heart isn't beating. She isn't breathing. She's pale and lifeless. Unbelievable.

I walked further. "Mom?" My voice was almost undetectable.

There was no response.

I put my hand on her, shaking her. "Mom," I whispered.

No response. Tears slipped from my eyes. I inhaled sharply to try and stall the crying, but it made it worse. A cry escaped my throat, slipping past my lips. It broke the silence in the house. I dropped to my knees beside the bed and hugged her body, burying my face in her cold stomach.

I could hear running footsteps and then voices. None of them make a real sound.

I'm not waking up from a nightmare because I'm living in one.

I grip her shirt harder, trying to squeeze her back to life.

I feel myself being pulled away from her, but I'm too lost in grief to respond. The hold around me tightens, carrying me away from my nightmare. I'm released from the hold of the person only to be encircled by it again. From the way the hug feels, it's Stefan. One arm is firmly holding me against him, and the other is cradling my head.

There's only a moment of comfort that I'm able to feel before I'm consumed by grief wholly.