Self-Doubt

LIANA

I can’t believe I ran. ~Again~. But this whole situation—it’s just not possible! I may be the daughter of an alpha but I am not destined to be a queen!

I slam the door to my room and stand in front of the mirror.

I mean, look at me! Who the hell would ever want ~me~ as their queen? I am not worthy of such a title, nor have I ever done anything to earn it.

This cannot be happening!

King Alpha Lucian. Complete sex god of lycans and wolves alike—and I’m supposed to be his mate?

What will Zeke say? How will he feel? How do I even feel? I simply don’t know.

“Oh, Goddess, what have you done?” I say out loud. I shake my head at my reflection, turning away from the frump looking back at me.

This isn’t fair… I would look ridiculous standing next to the king. He’s notoriously perfect in every way and I… Well, I’m not perfect in ~any~ way.

I bite back tears and crawl onto my bed, still smelling Zeke’s scent on my pillows. Anyone would be lucky to have the king as a mate. It should be Ariel, so neat, proper, and beautiful. She’d make a perfect queen. And she ~wants~ him. As for me—I don’t know what I want, other than for people not to make fun of me.

How does he not see how utterly ridiculous it would be for us to be together? He looked at me, but he didn’t seem to see me. Somehow, he looked right through me. Was he not disgusted, like all the other males at his ball? It didn’t sound like it when he said he didn’t mind waiting a few more minutes for me—but now that he’s seen me, surely he will change his mind?

Wolves have been known to reject their mates. And lycans seem even more ruthless than wolves. I should just get myself ready for his rejection, just brace myself for the pain. And it will be painful. Even though I’ve barely spoken a word to the king, my blood and my heart and every part of my body knows he is my mate. But I will heal. In time, I will heal—mentally and physically. I will be fine.

Rejection won’t feel any worse than the pain of accepting his bite…

~Oh, his bite. That would feel good…~

I scold myself and shake my head, pushing the thoughts away.

Fuck him, fuck his bite, I don’t want to be a lycan anyway. I’m fine with the fact I am just a wolf.

~Mmm, what it would feel like to fuck him.~

“Enough!” I snap at myself, knowing my wayward thoughts are my wolf’s doing. I cross my arms in a huff.

I can’t be his mate. He would never want me so why should I want him?

Yeah, exactly. I don’t want him. So what? He smells nice but that’s it…

~He looks like a SEX GOD!~

I growl out loud, well and truly hating myself and the higher powers of this world right now—because seriously? Fuck them for ever thinking this would be a “good idea.”

Zeke is still wildly out of my league but at least he’s put the time and effort into getting to know me. He’s strong and sane—and he’d make a good alpha one day, one that this pack needs.

I slump back onto my pillow and wrap my comforter around me. I refuse to leave this room until the king leaves, and that’s final!

***

A soft tap on my door disturbs me and I shoot up in bed, looking around in the dim light.

“Who is it?” I call out anxiously.

“It’s only me, Princess.”

Emily.

“Come in,” I call back, relaxing.

She comes in with a tray of warm, steaming food that makes my stomach rumble. She smiles as she places the tray on the bed. “Alpha said you were not feeling well so I made you your favorite, venison stew.”

It is true, I linked my father telling him I feel unwell, though I know he probably doesn’t believe me.

“Thank you, Emily.”

She nods as I take a mouthful with a contented sigh.

“Are you too unwell for dessert?” she asks with a knowing smirk that I return.

“I suddenly feel a lot better,” I say with a wink, and she chuckles.

“I have a pear pie with fresh cream.” I almost choke on my stew at her words. “Are you okay, Princess?” She asks concerned but I just nod, wide-eyed, and she smiles. “Very well, Princess. I shall go and get you a slice.”

“Thank you,” I answer quietly, still a little in shock.

Pear pie… sweet pears and cedar wood…

I shiver at the memory. ~Not now~. A small flush creeps up my cheeks. An automatic image of the king’s thick, bulging arms comes to mind, and I quickly push my food away. I’m never put off food, but that man could make a woman do a whole lot of things.

Another soft knock comes a few minutes later, and I call out to Emily, “Come in.” I try to sound relaxed, although I’m anything but.

The door opens, letting in the smell of pears, and I smile.

“Smells good!” I look up, and my smile vanishes as a deep chuckle fills my room.

“I’m glad you think so. Hello, Princess.” The king smiles straight at me and I almost expire.

Well, fuck.

“W-what are you doing here?” I stutter and he chuckles again.

“Ouch… I’ve come to see my mate. Is that not okay?”

“Uhm…” Words seem to elude me. The way he stands there, leaning against the door, takes my breath away. Knowing wolves well, I’m surprised he hasn’t just attacked me like a beast.

I’ve seen wolves find their mates and it’s not always romantic and beautiful. Sometimes it’s just downright aggressive.

“Cat got your tongue, little one?” he asks teasingly and looks around my room. Lifting his nose, he catches a scent and his jaw tenses a little, as does my entire body.

“You…shouldn’t be in here,” I say—but honestly, now he is here? I think I’d rather he didn’t leave.

“I am king, Liana. I do as I please.” He sounds kind of stern and I fear he’s caught the scent of the male who shared my bed last night.

“So why haven’t you, then?” I blurt out, and want to slap myself for it. His brow furrows and his head turns back toward me.

“Why haven’t I done what? Fuck you?” I blush crimson and look away as he chuckles. “You have nothing to fear from me, little pup.” His voice is low and somehow I believe his words.

“Don’t I?” I press and he smiles, shaking his head.

“I have some self-control, you could mark that in my favor. Besides…I would much rather you came to me willingly.”

Why does he make me so nervous? Shouldn’t I have felt floods of love for him the second I laid eyes on him?

“You frighten me…” I don’t know why I am being so bold and honest, but as he hasn’t lunged for me yet, I feel like I can have some trust in him.

He gives a low laugh. “I assumed as much, it is a common enough reaction.” His voice is so…nonchalant.

I frown, feeling confused. I have never met anyone quite like him. “Are you just going to stand there?” I don’t know why I ask, but his smile turns slightly wicked.

“My self-control has its limits…”

I flush again but feel the heat spread through me. Oh Goddess, don’t! He’ll smell me.

Thankfully, his face doesn’t change. If he has noticed, he doesn’t let on.

“So, if you aren’t here for…that…then what are you here for?”

He frowns as if asking himself the same question. Then he sighs and leans his head back against the door. With his eyes cast away, mine are free to roam—and all I can think is how damn yummy he looks.

“You have no idea how long I have waited for you,” he says quietly, almost as if he doesn’t want to tell me.

The longer he’s near me, the more comfortable I feel. I sit up, much more relaxed now, and cross my legs, unable to tear my eyes away from him.

“How long?” I ask almost as if I were in a trance.

“Three hundred years, give or take.” He chuckles lightly but I pale. Damn… He doesn’t look that old. He’s very well preserved.

“So, am I your second chance mate or something?” I ask, curious as to how long he has really been alone. If I’m his second chance…maybe he won’t want me as much.

“You are my only chance…” he whispers, shaking his head.

I bite my lip and nod to myself.

I don’t know if it’s because of the bond or if it’s just that he’s very attractive, but I shuffle a little closer to him. His scent gets stronger and I feel dizzy.

He doesn’t move, just stays leaning against the door, his eyes averted. I don’t know how this lures me in, but it does. Even though I know he’ll hear me, I creep off the bed and take a few steps closer to him, looking over the specimen that he is.

“Come out with me?” he asks, and I halt, frowning.

“What?” I blanch.

“Tomorrow…let me take you out?” He pushes off the door slightly and looks down at me with those impossibly blue eyes.

“Where?”

“Lunch? Dinner? I think it’s only fair that I get to know you too.”

I bite my lip, unsure, and he takes another step closer to me, close enough that I can feel his warmth.

“Uhmm…”

He lifts a hand and I don’t flinch like I expected to. Then he reaches across the small gap and cups my cheek, gently thumbing over the skin.

“That cat has your tongue again, pup,” he murmurs, almost irresistibly close now. His hand slides to my neck like it did earlier, but this time he leans down. I think he’s coming to my mouth but he passes it and brushes his nose up the column of my neck. I gasp softly.

I can hear him inhale and his hand grips a little tighter, holding me to him before he runs it down the side of my breast to my waist, then around my hip and all the way down to the top of my thigh. Then, slowly, he brings it back up again.

“So beautiful,” he mumbles against my neck and I flush, but for some stupid reason I also giggle. “Mmm, such a lovely sound.”

Damn, he makes me feel like a lovesick puppy.

This has to stop. For all kinds of reasons, this has to ~stop~.

I gently pull myself away and take a deep breath, trying to get some distance. He straightens but doesn’t look offended.

“Okay…” I whisper, chewing on my lip.

“Okay?” he checks and I nod.

“Yeah… Like you said, it’s only fair.”

He smiles and nods. “Let’s do something in the morning too—that is, if you’d like?”

“Thank you.” Has anyone ever shown me such plain and simple kindness? ~Yes, actually.~ ~Zeke is kind…~

“Thank ~you~, Liana.” My spine tingles at the way he says my name. He steps back and reaches for the door handle. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” I whisper back with a smile, and I’m blushing again. I can see his own smile as he leaves, closing the door behind him. I flop back on my bed, almost spilling the leftover stew as I puff out a deep breath.

Oh Goddess, what have I just done?!

Holy fuck!

I’m going on a date with the king of all the packs. The ~king~.