FOUR

★Kiara★

September 1st, 1989, dear diary—nah I'm kidding. Though, it is September now, and I am fucked.

Classes have officially started today. Woohoo.

I was woken up this morning by Lucille's alarm. She set it for 5 fucking AM. My first class isn't even until 8. Another thing that sucks for me is that once I wake up, I can NEVER fall back asleep. So I start getting ready.

Lucille has been just as irritable these past 5 days, potentially even more so than when she first showed up. This morning, however, I think we were both too tired to say anything snarky to one another. I suppose I'm usually the instigator, so I guess I was too tired, but I digress.

Excluding today though, annoying her is just as funny as ever. She's just too easy to rile up. If I so much as look at her for a second too long she starts glaring at me.

It's cute, honestly, considering her absolutely nonthreatening appearance. She's wearing a half up, half down style with her hair this morning. The half up part is little space buns. She's wearing a pastel pink sweater and cashmere colored pants. This is the girl that would probably kill me if given the right opportunity.

I pour myself a bowl of Cheerios, only to find that Lucille only bought almond milk when she went shopping a few days ago. Now that I think about it, she didn't buy any meat either. We also have no eggs. We do have cheese, but still.

"Are you vegan?" I ask her.

She turns from where she was crouched on the floor, packing her backpack with notebooks and her laptop. "No. Why?" It sounds like a harmless answer, but the look on her face is so bitchy.

"You only bought almond milk. And didn't buy any meat or eggs." I explain my thinking. She still looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"Well I can't cook for the life of me, so I wouldn't be able to prepare meat properly, I don't see me ever needing eggs, and almond milk just tastes better." She's tying on her pink converse now. It's 6:30. She must have early classes, I assume.

"I see... Your opinion is wrong, but alright."

"That's the cool thing about opinions, they don't need to be factual." She stands up, slinging her bag over her shoulders then crossing her arms.

"I suppose, but if you were to tell me that in your opinion gravity doesn't exist, that would be wrong." I argue as I reluctantly pour some almond milk into my bowl of Cheerios.

"That is a completely different scenario, because science has proved gravity does exist." She rolls her eyes, approaching the door to leave. She didn't eat breakfast.

"Science has also proved evolution." I say, "And not everyone believes it. Same thing for gravity for some fucking reason."

"Okay, whatever. It's too early for this shit. Goodbye, have an awful day."

"Already having one, hun."

"Right, and—let me guess—that's all my fault." She turns the doorknob, about to step out to leave.

"Yes, actually! Good job." I clap softly. She rolls her eyes again and finally leaves. She shuts the door a little harder than necessary.

It's quiet again, other than the sound of my spoon scraping my bowl as I eat the cereal. Lucille bought ceramic plates and bowls, plus proper silverware. She clearly has good money. I was ready to settle on paper plates and plastic utensils. I'm definitely grateful, though she did say that if I'm going to use her dishes then I have to wash them. When I was 14, I had a job washing dishes, I did it most days at home too, so this really isn't much of a setback for me.

When I'm finished eating I wash the bowl and spoon I used. From there, I just endlessly scroll on my phone until I need to leave for my first class.

★★★

Once all my classes finish, I'm at Starbucks again. There's one basically right on the border between Brookline and Boston, so it's the perfect place to meet up with Deven.

I'm surprised at how much we've hung out since coming out to Mass for college. Well, really, it's only been twice... But back home it was more like twice a year, so this is pretty great.

Deven started classes today as well, so I was surprised when they asked to hangout. No complaints though. I suppose it's nice to be able to talk to someone.

Eventually, they show up. They're a little late thanks to Boston traffic, but I don't mind. The fact that they're meeting me at all is really awesome.

"So," Deven says after taking a sip of their tea. "The barista just gave me her number, so that was very awkward..."

"Really?" I ask, chuckling softly. "I'm actually not surprised, dude."

"It's the second chick today!" They exclaim, throwing their hands up. An old man glares at us.

"No guys?" I infer.

"Nope. But, there is a super cute guy in my art history class and he has a bi pin on his bag..." They trail off, grinning as they take another sip of their tea.

"I wish you luck then I suppose..." I sip my own coffee. It's the perfect mix between bitter and sweet.

"So, how are things with your roommate? You complained about her last time... Are you guys tolerating each other yet?"

"She's as uptight and bitchy as ever." I mutter. Deven laughs. "She said I could eat any of the food she bought, but a few nights ago I made myself Mac and Cheese and she demanded some because she was the one who bought it after all."

Deven shrugs. "Sounds justified in my eyes, Ki."

"Yeah, but you're supposed to be on my side."

"Right. How dare she. What an absolute bitch." They deadpan.

I roll my eyes, biting back a smile. "Can I just say that it was a single serving, so I didn't even have much to give her."

"If it was a single serving, maybe you shouldn't have eaten it, girl. She was probably saving it for herself."

"She bought like 10 boxes, I think she can handle me taking one."

Deven shrugs again. Playing the devil's advocate is what they're best at.

I take another sip of my drink when another memory comes to mind. "Oh! And yesterday I was getting dressed, and I had my pajamas on the floor because, well, I was actively changing and she got all pissy over it. Meanwhile she literally had her pajamas on the floor as well."

"Hm... Wait—were you changing in front of her?" Deven cocks an eyebrow at me. Ugh.

"Yes, but don't make it weird. We're gonna be roommates for the next year, I'm not gonna go in the bathroom every time I need to get changed. We're both girls anyway."

"You're also both gay." They argue, bouncing their eyebrows suggestively at me. I roll my eyes.

"Hey—I don't know if she's queer." I hold up my hands.

"You said she has partially dyed hair. She's probably queer." They say bluntly. "I've gotta meet her though. See if she's as awful as you say. Also see if she makes my gaydar beep..."

"I would never wish that upon you. She is evil."

"You sure have been talking about her a lot... It's like you're obsessed with her." They tease.

"I do not have a crush on her. I can assure you of that. I like girls who aren't uptight, spoiled asshats."

"I never said you did..."

"Yeah, but I know you. And I know that you were implying that. Though if it will make you shut up, I will admit that she is pretty." I say, feeling my cheeks become warmer at my admission. I don't even know why I felt the need to say that, but might as well get all my opinions towards Lucille out there. And, in my opinion, she's the girl that people like me compare themselves to. Her natural blonde hair, her gray-blue eyes, her fair skin. She's thin and has a button nose. I saw her smile only once, but even that was perfect.

"I never asked if she was pretty, but the fact that you've thought about it is enough for me to assume you guys will be dating by the end of the semester." Deven says.

"Absolutely not. That is never going to happen."

"Never say never, Ki. We'll see." They go to take another sip of their tea, only to find that they've drank it all already. "Be right back, gonna get another."

They slide out of the booth we're sitting at. I watch as they go. I notice the cashier's cheeks becoming pinker as they walk up to her.

Deven is also good looking. They have curly brown hair, cut into a mullet. They have pretty hazel eyes and a defined jawline. They also have many piercings and a tattoo along their collarbone. They wear tank tops a lot, and I'm pretty sure it's just to show it off.

We've been mistaken for a couple a few times due to our similar aesthetics. Most of the time we don't bother to correct people but it can be awkward. I'm not sure if Deven considers me one of their best friends. They're one of mine. Well, my only. But maybe the fact they don't care about being seen as closer than just friends is a good sign. I know they aren't interested in me—they're achillean, so they're really only interested in men—but I doubt they see me as an acquaintance considering this.

I'm probably overthinking it. No, I definitely am, but I can't help it. And I can't help but worry that I could be wrong. That I am just an acquaintance to them. Bleh.

They finally return, "The barista asked upfront if I was interested... Had to give the tragic I like dick speech."

"Did you actually say that?" I ask, smirking. I wouldn't put it past them.

"I did, actually. I don't know why, it just came out that way. Second hopeful heart I've broken this week..."

"You have such a hard life, don't you?" I say sarcastically.

"So hard." They agree, and then smirk at me.

"Stop with the dick jokes, please." I groan, holding back a grin.

"I honestly didn't even notice until I already said it. Anyway, has any other shit happend to you recently? Your life is more interesting than mine."

"You've rejected two girls in, what? The last 10 hours? I think that's way more interesting, but okay..." I think for a moment. "Oh, I went to a party last Tuesday."

Their jaw drops. "No way! You left the house without me knowing?"

"Jesus you made that way sadder—and realer—than you needed too... But yeah. It sucked though."

"Why? Any assholes I need to fuck up?"

I pause, expecting another gay joke, but when they don't take the opening, I continue. "It was loud, I didn't know anyone there, I talked to two people and both were men—"

"Hot men?" They interrupt.

"Basic frat boys, so take that as you will..." I say with a sigh.

"Damn."

"And I hid in the bathroom for a bit... and cried... Then as I was leaving, I ran into Lucille, who was as rude as ever..."

"Hm. I don't really know what to say in consolation, because I can't in any way relate, but that sucks Ki."

"It's fine. At least I know I hate parties now." I shrug it off.

"That's too bad. I was gonna invite you to a party some kids at my school were gonna throw on Friday... Maybe that's not the best idea though..." They admit.

"I definitely agree... You definitely need to go though! Let me know how it is." I smile softly.

"You sure? We would hang out that night." Deven suggests. I'm a little surprised. They sound like they'd rather hang out with me. I have to admit it makes me feel good.

"If you want to go, you really should. I'll probably be too tired from classes to hangout anyway." I say, regretting it deep down.

"Alright, if you say so. Who knows, I'll probably end up leaving early anyway. Unless I meet some hottie, that is..."

"Or maybe you'll run into the cutie from your art history class." I suggest, noticing them instantly blushing. "I'm definitely shipping you two now."

"Shut up!" They try to hold back their smile, failing terribly. I laugh with them.

They pull out their phone to check the time, "I should probably start heading back before the 4 o'clock traffic hits. Keep me updated on the situation with your roommate though." They slide out of the booth, tea in hand.

I get out as well. "Only if you keep me updated on the art history hottie."

"Oh I will be texting you every time I see his face." They say it innocently, but I know that they mean it, and that it should be taken as a threat.

We wave each other goodbye as we walk to our cars. I don't know why, but hanging out with Deven always brightens my mood. Maybe it's because they're really the only good person in my life. Maybe it's because they treat me like a person.