38.3. Uncomfortable - Part 3

"I'm sorry," I say to Julia when she comes again to check up on me. "I shouldn't have thrown you out. You're taking care of me and I was..."

"Nah, that's okay," she waves her hand and opens her medical suitcase. "And I should have asked for a permission to be experimenting with your samples anyway. I guess I just couldn't resist."

"Still trying to become famous through Draconians?" Erik asks a little bit too bluntly and venomously. He's quite fond of the doctor but he has no illusions about her motivation.

"I already am famous, Erik," she looks at him, not offended at all. "I'm His Majesty's private physician. A lot of doctors would sell their soul if they could have my post and the salary. And the publicity. I attained it all and I don't desire more. Now I just want to be useful to you."

By all standards, she should feel content and proud of herself but I don't feel anything like that coming from her. On the contrary, I perceive deep sadness and frustration.

"Julia," I say softly. "Why do I feel that you're not as happy as you should be considering you got everything you've ever wished for?"

She looks at me and her expression grows darker. At first, she's hesitant to tell us the real reason but then she sighs and decides to open up.

"Because I can't make that one person happy with me and I never will," she drops her usual confident attitude and suddenly there's a heartbroken woman sitting in front of us. "My father told me that I'm playing friends with freaks and that he's ashamed of me. His idea of researching Draconians is dissecting you, not helping you."

My heart aches for her in that moment of sincerity. I want to console her somehow and express my endless gratitude. I decide to try Erik's strategy that always seems to work with me and I hug her. I hope I'm not too stiff and that she's not against connecting to me right now but she hugs me back and is really grateful for that.

I gently touch her mind and try sending her comfort while enveloping her in my wings. I can't really send her love the way I do with Erik but I like her a lot so I send her that. Oh, I realise that actually befriended a doctor! Not bad for a person with phobia of doctors and hospitals, huh?

"I understand why Erik is so addicted to it," she whispers after a while in my feathery embrace. "It's really pleasant. Okay, I feel much better now, let's take those stitches out, yes?"

I'm certainly not looking forward to that but I bravely stretch my right wing towards her. Julia carefully takes of the bandages and gasps in surprise.

"W-what is it? Something bad?" I'm startled.

"N-no, not bad," she shakes her head. "But it seems your body has already expelled the threat on its own. Look!"

She shows me the bandage and there's the threat in several pieces sticked to it.

"And your calamus is regrowing nicely," she carefully massages the injured spot. "It's healed but the muscle will be sore for a few more days. Try stretching your wings fully for me, please."

I do but as I do so, I accidentally hit the glass on Erik's end table. Before I manage to react, it shatters against the ground. At least there wasn't any water in it.

"It's soooo cramped in here!" I complain grumpily and stretch my wings even more. Now I hit the wardrobes.

"Okay, that's... well," Julia is staring at my huge wings. "Even bigger than I thought? Well, maybe not by inches but seeing them like that in reality... mind-blowing."

"He feels uncomfortable lately, doc," Erik mentions.

"I would imagine so," she nods. "His wing muscles need exercise and it's too small for him here to stretch properly. Does your back hurt, Your Majesty?"

"Quite often lately," I complain. "The wings are heavy. I should keep them moving."

"But you certainly didn't fly all the time ingame?" Julia asks, concerned that I don't get nearly enough exercise.

"Not all the time, of course, but a lot," I say. "And Celestial building ingame were much more spacious. The architecture mirrored our needs."

"The Dragonkin have similar problems," she notes. "Their bodies are big and bulky so they don't fit human furniture as well. Celestial bodies are tiny and slender compared to them but your wings certainly make up for it."

"Clawfangs and the Earthborn seem rather fine," Erik comments.

"Only seemingly," Julia shakes her head. "Clawfangs often feel too hot because of their fur and get restless when they have to stay still for too long. The Earthborn need to connect to the nature on daily basis or they don't feel well. You don't have it easy, neither of you."

Then she scans my chest and announces that my ribs are almost fully healed.

"Tomorrow I'll allow you to start working lightly," she says. "Please, give it one more day and stay in bed."

"Liana isn't resting at all," I frown. "Her wings are also growing rapidly."

"Her Excellency's wings are still growing slower than yours, she isn't so tragically underweight and wasn't shot recently," Julia switches into her strict doctor mode. "Actually, it was her who insisted I order you absolute rest. I get it that you're still angry with her for telling your secret without consent but she always has only your best interest in mind. She really does."

I know that. I can feel it from her, of course. I can't help feeling disappointed, but, strangely, I still trust Liana immensely. She's my Viceroy and it somehow resonates with my Celestial Emperor's nature. I can't explain it. It's like a bond that's impossible to severe. Different from the one I have with Erik, but not less valuable.

"Rest a lot and eat a lot today," Julia concludes. "If you feel energised in the morning, you can go to work but don't overexert yourself and take regular breaks, okay?"

"Roger," I nod obediently. I might be the Emperor but there's no opposing my doctor.

*****

"Are you sure you feel strong enough?" Erik asks me for the sixth time already this morning.

The feathers around the injury aren't fully grown yet but at least there's white fluff covering the spot so I don't feel self-conscious by showing up in public with my wing skin bare which turns out to be really embarrassing for Celestials.

"Yes, I am," I answer patiently and let the maids dress me in the royal attire.

I notice that it's a new model and looks even more expensive than my current robes. I get that my Viceroy is ultra-rich but should we waste money like that? The maids have to touch my wings when they're gently pushing them through the holes in the dress. Their hands are trembling when they do so, being aware now that I can read their thoughts.

Cien, a Celestial woman with brown wings and long blond hair, can't be much older than me. Yet, I can feel the rift between us. She doesn't see me as her peer; she sees me as her Emperor and nothing else. Even if I wanted to be familiar with her, she wouldn't allow it.

Ayala, a Celestial woman with sandy wings and short blue hair, is around the same age as Liana. I wonder what she was doing before the Great Evolution and whether she doesn't mind becoming my maid. While I doubt Liana would assign me anyone whose profession could have been more useful elsewhere, Ayala doesn't look like someone not interested in career. Her visage is perfect and expression serious.

This hairpin or that one that's brand new? Ayala is pondering in her mind. The older one looks better with His Majesty's violet robe but this one has such a nice semiprecious stone.

Cien is also thinking frantically: Did his Majesty lose some weight again? Does the doctor know about it? Should I report it?

"Please, don't," I answer her aloud. "I'll eat more, promise."

Cien flinches and lets go of my feathers she was carefully pushing under the fabric. Ayla also stops working and stares at me, panic-stricken.

"S-sorry," I cough. "But Liana did tell you that I can hear your thoughts upon direct touch, right?"

They both nod but that doesn't make them any calmer. I guess actually experiencing my telepathy is shocking even if one knows about it.

"I won't intrude your privacy," I assure them. "But you have to know that I can perceive your strongest current thoughts when you're touching me."

They nod again, tiny bit calmer now, and resume their work. I glance at Erik who is dressing by himself. He was also offered assistance in the beginning but he refused resolutely and the maids respect that. No such luck in my case.

It's quite ironic, to be honest. They want me to decide things that can influence the whole political and social scene, yet I'm not allowed any personal freedom. The maids basically overtook our apartment, the Royal Guards won't let anyone enter this floor and my timetable is in Luviael's hands.

You look lovely, hon.

I almost jerk when Erik suddenly sends his thought to me, testing our new strengthened telepathic connection.

Don't startle me like that, moron, or we'll leak our secret, I berate him, trying hard to keep my face emotionless and letting Ayla style my hair.

Sorry, but I'm too excited. We can do so many things with it! And how far can we reach I wonder? Let's test that asap!

I resist sighing. Yep, he's too excited. I would be too, if only I wasn't afraid of more migraines. Not that I'm thinking about it—I haven't had one for almost a month now. Either I'm getting better at controlling my ability or it's because Draconian minds aren't hurting me and I'm mostly surrounded by them.

"Done, you look so regal, Your Majesty," Ayala compliments me and steps away.

"Thanks," I appreciate and look at myself in the mirror.

I see me. Just me. Me in a fancy dress with a fancy hairstyle and a golden hairpin. It seems as if I've always looked like this. But I know I didn't. I remember my old self—black hair, black eyes, no wings. It's like a very distant memory, though. I can't imagine life without my wings anymore. Even if they weight quite heavily on my back and I'm clumsy and cumbersome because of them, I wouldn't give them up for anything. I'd rather die.

I guess that may be part of the reason why Celestials die instantly when our wings are injured beyond healing. We just give up on life. There's no point in living for us if we can't roam the sky ever again.

"Enthusiastic to go back to work?" Erik clutches my hand, interrupting my pondering.

"Enthusiastic or not, they need me," I say. "I can feel their nervousness all the way up here. I think something's going on."

I side-glance at my maids who are gobbling every word. I'm still pissed at Liana for telling them my secret but I have to admit that it's pleasant not having to hide it all the time. At least in our apartment we can speak freely. And I like their minds.

"Thank you, Cien, Ayla," I say when they see us off to the hall. "I'd like to get to know you better when there's time."

They beam at me, happy that I'm interested in them. For a moment, a warm sensation overcomes me. Is that... love that I'm feeling? It's much different from my affection towards Erik, of course, but I realise that I do love them. In a different way, naturally, but I do. And I don't even know them that well. I love them because they're Celestials. My race I'm supposed to protect.

Erik catches what goes through my head and his grip tightens. Am I thinking too alien in this moment? Too Celestial? I have feelings I can't explain. I touch his mind to absorb some humanity from him but it does nothing. I still like that feeling but it doesn't influence me anymore. Should I panic?

"No reason to," he shakes his head. "I love you as you are, nothing essential has changed for me. Besides, you weren't completely human from the beginning, right? And I still fell in love with you."

He's hinting at my telepathy aloud even when they're six guards joining us outside the apartment. I take a deep breath, having to digest that we can really speak freely. My anger at Liana lessens a bit. She was probably right. If it was up to me, I wouldn't be brave enough to tell them for quite some time and all that secrecy was becoming bothersome.

"We're not going down there, Your Majesty," Miruel gently stops my hand as I'm about to hit the button for the 37th floor.

"I just was to grab some sandwich," I tilt my head, confused.

"Your breakfast will be served in the office," she says. "We can't go to the cafeteria, people would go crazy if they saw you."

"Oh, right," I murmur and try not showing on my face that I'm annoyed.

So now I can't even visit cafeteria without making a ruckus, is that it? How far will this go? Do they even realise that they're literally putting me in a cage in their efforts to protect me? Can I even get used to such life? I don't want to drag Erik into the cage with me.

The door closes and the elevator feels even more cramped than usual. My wings are almost their full size now and the others are also slowly entering their growth spur. We're all touching whether we want to or not and the tiny space is full of feathers. I twitch my wings, feeling totally uncomfortable, and accidentally hit the wall behind me.

"Calm down, Ryuu," Erik pushes me to his chest in order to make the gap between me and the two guards wider. It doesn't help much.

My head spins and I feel nauseous all of a sudden. Did the elevator shrink? Aren't the walls a little bit too close? I get chills and my wings start trembling. My heart begins to beat faster, resembling a panic attack. But I know that's not the case. It's one of my racial weaknesses that hits me full force.

Claustrophobia.