37.3. Betrayed Trust - Part 3

"Everything okay, Your Majesty?" two guards peek into the bedroom. "The doctor looked quite shaken when she was leaving."

They know. I don't even remember their names and they know my secret. They're looking at me kindly but also apprehensively, knowing that I'm reading their emotions. Guessing how much I can feel from them.

"Some privacy here?" I click my tongue, forget that I shouldn't use my powers and close the door with telekinesis. "Ouch," I whine because the wound stings when my mana goes out through it.

"Oh, Ryuu," Erik is doing his best comforting me but it's no use.

I'm raging. I'm deeply disappointed. I... dammit! I shouldn't have thrown Julia out like that, she did nothing wrong. It was my Viceroy who okayed it, not the poor doctor who was just doing her job. And much more. She might be deceiving everyone else that she's staying with us for her own benefit but she's way past that. She's staying for the same reason Erik is—to make a difference.

"I don't approve of any sorts," Erik says gently. "Liana should definitely consult you first. But try to look at it from the bright side. We don't have to be sneaky around our guards and maids anymore."

"Always seeing the positive. Not working right now, sorry," I retort venomously but regret it immediately. Erik was just trying to make me feel better. I apologise in my mind and he kindly nods that my apology was accepted.

"I get it you're angry with Liana, Ryuu, I really do," he caresses my long silver hair and measures it with his fingers. It now goes all the way down, reaching to the half of my back. "It certainly wasn't Liana's secret to tell but as I know her, she was thinking about what's the best for you."

"The best for me or the best for the Emperor?" I sulk.

"I'm afraid Celestials don't see any difference," he doesn't dare to sugar-coat it.

"Why?" I rest my chin on his shoulder. "Why every time I think it's going to be okay and I'll get used to it somehow, it becomes much worse? Oh, Erik, I don't want to pull you into this mess. As the Royal Consort, you won't..."

"Too late for that, don't you think?" he switches to playing with the feathers between my wings. "Not like I can return to my mundane life now when the whole world knows my face. Not that I even want to. I know what I signed up for, Ryuuto. It was my decision, never think otherwise."

I rest both in his embrace and his mind. I ponder what the psychologist Zetraya told me about our relationship. Co-dependency. I see how unhealthily I depend on Erik but what about his side? What does he get out of it? He seems so perfect, unlike me. So stable.

"You're kidding right now, aren't you?" Erik pulls my feathers. "Me? Perfect?"

"Aren't you?" I raise my head and all I can see is my loving perfect boyfriend.

"Having an unrealistic image of one's partner is among the signs of a co-dependent relationship. I looked it up," he pokes my chin sadly. "As for my vices, I don't understand how you couldn't have noticed how jealous and possessive I act."

"Jealous of what? Whom I mean?" I'm a bit lost. I've always known he's a jealous type but it never seemed to manifest really.

"What about every perspective man around you? Mainly Celestials if I should be specific," he says and he has to make an effort to admit it. "Why do you think you got Luviael as your adjutant?"

"Eh?" I have no idea what he means by that.

"Capable as she might be, she hasn't even finished her master's," Erik chews his lips and I can tell he's carefully considering every single word. "Actually, there was one much better Celestial candidate for that position. Liana seriously wanted that person because they had ten-year experience as a consultant and a personal assistant to the director. Any idea why it was Luvi who got the job in the end?"

I look at him, analysing his feelings. He's afraid—afraid that I might start looking at him differently when he reveals it. But takes the leap of faith and does it anyway.

"Luvi was chosen because I told Liana I just won't stand it to have a perspective Celestial man in your proximity all the time," he says extremely slowly. "I saw his profile. He was really handsome and just eight years older than you. And he was openly bi, single and well... he has wings, obviously. I was scared, to be honest. I'm scared that one day, I won't be enough for you. That you will exchange me for your own kind."

I must be staring at him for too long because he gets flustered.

"W-well...?" he nudges me nervously. "Say something, please. Say that I'm a possessive bastard who thinks that can own you."

But I don't mind really. Am I that messed up and in need of a psychologist? Is our telepathic connection interfering? I can't be angry that he did something behind my wings when he did it out of fear of losing me. Besides, I'm glad that I got Luvi in the end—someone who is close to me in both age and life experience.

"That's not the point, Ryuu," Erik nudges me again, reading my thoughts, because he still didn't get my answer. And he wants to hear it aloud.

"Okay," I take a breath. "First, you're stupid if you think I'll stop loving you just because you're not a Celestial. Second, you're stupid if you think that I don't love and appreciate you even more for being human and giving me exactly what I need right now. And thirdly, you're stupid if you think that I might not enjoy being owned by you."

"Ryuu," Erik blushes. "That's arousing of you to say but we should find some healthy balance."

"We can start looking for it now," I kiss him and gobble his mind. We might both be messed up but, in my eyes, he's perfect.

We begin to cuddle but just as we think that we'll actually manage to have a very careful sex if we watch for my injured wing, there's an urgent knocking on the door. Who's bothering us now?!

"Oh, I feel Liana and Fefnir," I lean back from Erik's chest and my annoyance disappears.

"Probably came to apologise?" Erik remarks. "Do come in!"

The door slowly opens and Fefnir appears, carrying Liana in his arms. It's evident that her weight is nothing to him, did he get bigger again? How many hours a day does he exercise to get muscles like that? Liana looks so tiny compared to him even if her black huge wings make her look larger.

I'm angry at her. I should be angry at her. Yet, I can't muster real anger when I see her face to face. She's my Viceroy. She's doing the best she can, I have no doubt. But I feel betrayed and it hurts. I want my absolute trust in her back. Is that even possible?

"Aefener," she looks at me with a guilty expression and doesn't know how to starts so she blurts out the most generic phrase: "Do you feel better?"

"Obviously," I say coldly on purpose. "Do you have a reason why you're interrupting me cuddling with my partner? I have nothing to say to you."

"Please, don't be like that," she surprises me because her voice gets teary. And I've never seen her truly emotionally teary, not even when her wings were coming out. It makes me soften a bit.

"Just hear her out," Fefnir sighs and seats Liana on our bed. "For the record, I disagreed but I think it wasn't such a bad thing to do."

Liana devotes a few seconds to stretching her wings. They're really huge now and it appears she's struggling with their new size. And she's stalling. I don't think I've ever seen her this anxious. The Emperor who lost trust in his Viceroy... she just won't have it. I don't want to have it either. We need to heal our relationship and there's something purely Celestial about it—as if we're not doing it for ourselves but for the good of our race.

"Okay... so," she finally starts and tries looking straight into my eyes. "I stand by my decision but I should have consulted you before I did it."

"That you should," I say grumpily, waiting for her to continue. I can feel she earnestly wants to apologise but at the same time she's convinced about her truth.

"Most of the guards closest to you, apart from those you connected to during the attack, half-suspected already," she clutches her robe nervously because she knows that her argument isn't exactly satisfactory to me. "Vermiel told me that his colleagues were constantly asking him about it."

"You weren't as careful as you thought," Fefnir repeats what Julia mentioned. "It's almost impossible to try hiding something from a person whose job is to literally watch over you. The guards were starting to notice that you and Erik behave strangely around each other. You didn't talk enough, yet you always knew everything about the other. And your expressions kept changing without an apparent reason. I recall that's how Ingri found out first, right?"

"But the guards kept their suspicion to themselves, they didn't gossip about it to anyone else," Liana adds. "I assessed that proved their loyalty enough so I decided to tell them. Now you don't have to hide anything in front of them and we can speak freely even with them around."

"And the maids?" I'm still not convinced I want to forgive her so easily. "They're new..."

"Well, I assumed," she feels most guilty about this part, "that it'll be simply easier for you if they know. They're taking care of your apartment, they'll be around a lot. I didn't want you having to hide it at your home but at the same time I knew that you'd probably hesitate to tell them for a long time. So... I took the liberty. I know that I shouldn't have but I did it and I don't regret it."

"So are you sorry or not, Liana?" I want to hear it clearly because I feel two conflicting emotions inside of her.

"I'm sorry that I acted behind your wings and disappointed your trust in me," she declares and tries to sound firm. Tries. "But at the same time I think I had to do it. For you."

"Did you do it for me, your friend, or for me, the Emperor?" I decide to ask a trick question because I'm really interested in the answer.

So far, Liana seemed closest to me in thinking. She didn't appear as effected by mental changes as the rest of Draconians. Or so I thought at least before she blinks and looks at me, confused.

"I don't see any difference," she says without a trace of doubt in her mind.