36.1. Hurt - Part 1

Numb.

I feel... numb.

Weak.

Sore all over.

My right wing is hurting as if thousands of needles are piercing into the wound and it's maddening. My mana is leaking through the injury, making me dizzy. I try stopping it but it's no use. I can't focus. I can hardly lift a finger.

According to the lore, our mana circuit is most complex in the spine and wings. Other races would probably guess it's our hands because most casters prefer to hold their palms stretched out and make a transfiguration symbol right in front. But that's totally unnecessary. It's not our hands, those are actually not important at all during spellcasting. It's our wings. Mana gets out of our body through them when we channel.

And right now that most important part of my body is injured. Not only it hurts like hell since Celestial wings are unbelievably sensitive, I can feel that it also disrupts mana energies in my whole body. If I tried to cast, I'd probably make it only worse. Not that I'd be able to cast anything in my current state.

I feel that some of my ribs are broken and it makes breathing difficult but they don't bother me that much really. All I can think about are my feathered limbs. Just how important are wings to Celestials? Are we really going to die instantly if the injury is too severe? It's not just a penalty like it was ingame. It's a literal game over here in real life. Even if our heart is still beating and all organs stay intact, we would just die. And considering how huge our wings are... they're a pretty easy target to hit.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET HIM GO THERE!"

Oh, it's Liana. How nice to hear her voice, even when she's raging. I focus on shallow breathing and snuggle under the blanket. It's heated, how nice. Let's just listen for now, I'm too tired for anything else anyway.

"Everything was happening too fast, Your Excellency," Vermiel isn't opposing, only feebly explaining. "It was pure chaos and then suddenly our Emperor is floating in the air. We were shocked, too. Nobody expected His Majesty would be able to fly so soon."

"I was shielding Aefener with my own body the whole time but nothing could prepare us for him trying to fly," Fefnir supports poor Vermiel.

"YOU-SHOULD-HAVE-NEVER-LET-HIM-GO-THERE-IN-THE-FIRST-PLACE!" Liana is dramatically pausing after every single word. "You were supposed to protect him, Vermiel, not let him lead a damn SWAT team! We can't lose our Emperor! He's irreplaceable, for fuck's sake!"

"Don't you think I know that?" Vermiel loses it. "But you weren't there, Viceroy! If it wasn't for His Majesty, we wouldn't even be here right now."

With Liana finally calming down, the room grows silent which means that everyone hears my quiet whine when I try to move.

"Is he awake?" Liana gets startled. "You told us he'll be sleeping for at least ten hours straight."

"Shouldn't be so soon," Julia is astonished. Of course, I must be in her infirmary, where else. "But that sedative is made for humans so it's apparently not as effective for Draconians."

Liana jumps to me and clutches my hand. I connect to her immediately. I'm too weak to resist right now. She was expecting it so she doesn't flinch and lets me in. Oh, what comfort. What familiarity. I love her Celestial mind. I love her. I'm glad I could save her. Save everyone.

"Aefener, you silly, why did you do such a dangerous thing?" she berates me but her mind is overflowing with kindness.

I want to reply something but Julia flashes an injection above my arm and the world goes dark again.

*****

This time I must have been sleeping properly because I feel tiny bit better. I yawn and I'm not even fully awakened yet when someone's arms carefully pull me up and there's suddenly a bottle under my lips. With anyone else I'd probably struggle as I don't feel like eating anything but there's one person I'd never resist—Erik.

Before I even get the chance to pronounce his name, the bottle is shoved into my mouth and I have to gulp one of Julia's protein drinks. This one tastes like chocolate. Okay, I can deal with that. Erik is very patient with me, I can take my time, but he insists I have to finish it whole.

Ryuu, you stupid... I love you... I hate you! He keeps repeating in his mind while he's feeding me, showering me with his concerned affection.

I finally finish every last drop and slowly open my eyes. Erik kisses me on my forehead and gently puts me down on my left side. Still feeling quite numb, I'm trying to recall what exactly happened before I lost consciousness but my memory is a bit hazy. We did win, didn't we?

"Erik, m-my wing...?" I whisper, almost afraid to ask. I'm too weak to even turn my head. "There was b-blood?"

"You got shot close to the bone," Erik's expression is so tender and painful at the same time. "The bone is intact, thank God, but the bullet hit your wing muscle. Julia had to stitch you and you lost some feathers. As for your ribs—three are broken. Don't excite yourself or it'll hurt more."

"I need to see it!"

Erik sighs but he takes a photo with his phone and shows me the injured part. It's not as bad as it feels, presumably because it's covered in bandages right now. Except for the pain, I can feel a strange sensation of being totally bare there. Wait, did Julia pluck my feathers that were in the way?!

"Well, she had to," Erik answers my unspoken question. "Most of them were too damaged anyway and it seems new ones will regrow only if they have space."

"I'm really sorry, Your Majesty, but it had to be done," Julia apologises, standing just a few inches away from my wings. "I couldn't operate on you with those obstructing me and as your partner said, they were too damaged anyway. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get new feathers in no time!"

"Ohh, that's so... embarrassing," I whine.

For some reason, I feel really ashamed that a part of my wing is without feathers and my skin exposed. I'm not a particularly shy person when it comes to nudity so I'm twice as surprised about it.

"Is that what worries you the most? Really?" Erik rolls his eyes but he's happy that I'm obviously better if I have space to worry about unimportant stuff.

"A Celestial quirk?" Julia guesses. "Celestials are so proud of their wings I wouldn't be surprised that it's embarrassing for them."

I feel an enormous wave of worries coming from the chair in the corner. I manage to move my head a little and Liana gets into my field of vision. And she looks dreadful. She has bags under her eyes, her haircut is messy and, overall, she's just dead exhausted. She's holding her majestic black wings only partly folded as if it's too tiring for her.

"Thanks for your positive attitude, Julia," my Viceroy says wearily, "especially when you did something you don't even have an expertise for and you managed so admirably. Not every GP would be able to take out a bullet and stitch a person. A generous bonus to your salary is in order."

"Well," Julia blushes, "I wouldn't dare to take out a bullet if it hit an organ but that one was shallow. Plucking His Majesty's feathers was actually worse. They hold so extremely firmly that I had to use pliers."

A shiver goes down my spine upon that mention. Pliers?! Never ever such a disgusting thing comes close to my wings again!

"Right, because we don't lose them naturally the way birds do," Liana nods. "Ours are being restored by mana over time unless they're damaged too much."

"Ohh!" the last scene before I lost consciousness is finally coming back to me vividly now that I've relaxed a bit. "W-what happened after I was shot? Did you manage to help everyone who was injured? Where are they anyway? Why am I the only one in the infirmary?"

The atmosphere goes dark in an instant. Julia averts her gaze entirely, Erik trembles just being reminded of that while Liana's rage gets reignited. At first, they probably consider not telling me right away in order not to excite me unnecessarily but they know I can feel their turbulent emotions anyway.

"Three of our people are dead, Aefener," Liana whispers and her hands form into fists. "Four more had to be transported into hospital, their injuries were too severe. We were thinking about transporting you as well but it would be too risky considering your special condition and status. Luckily, Julia managed somehow."

I hold my breath, my eyes water and million things go through my head at once. What did I do wrong? Did we startle the intruders? Would it be better if I went alone? Was my magic not good enough? Not fast enough? Not effective enough? I wasn't able to... I couldn't...

"DON'T!" Erik clutches my hand so tight that it almost hurts. "You protected everyone, Ryuu, how can you feel guilty?"

"He feels guilty?!" Liana jumps from her chair but she lands back right away with a moan. She's too weak to stand up on her own, being in the middle of her growth spur.

Tears are pouring down my face like rivers at this point. Dead... four Draconians are dead and I could have prevented it... I could have saved them... done something...

"THOSE BASTARDS WANTED TO PLANT A FUCKING BOMB, AEFENER!" Liana is both extremely rageful and sad at the same time. "IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, WE'D ALL BE DEAD BY NOW!"

I kind of suspected a bomb. The way the intruders were confident—I pretty much guessed their goal was to get in, plant a bomb or sabotage something and flee. Still, I can't help feeling miserable that I couldn't save everyone.

"Don't, just don't!" Erik dries my tears with his shirt and hugs me. He lets me stay in his comforting arms until I calm down a bit.

"And the intruders? Have you interrogated them yet?" I ask faintly. "Who are they? Why...?"

"The one that survived we handed over to Europol for questioning," Liana says. "We don't have the means to keep such a dangerous criminal here and we can't burden you with another telepathic interrogation. Nothing from the EU so far."

I freeze and my breathing gets wild again.

"W-what d-do you m-mean the one t-that s-survived?" I gasp for breath even though I know the answer. All the details are coming to me now. All those horrid things I did. I didn't just render the intruders unconscious as I originally wanted... I...

"Aefener, you killed four of them and Fefnir took care of the last one," Liana summarises in a tone indicating there's nothing wrong with that. On the contrary, she feels proud of me.

"Li, not helping!" Erik scolds her for being too Celestials about it because he feels that I'm developing a panic attack.

But it's too late. I start trembling uncontrollably which makes the pain in my right wing only worse. My heart suddenly feels too tight and it's suffocating. I'M A MURDERER?! And the worst thing about it is that in that moment I felt powerful. I felt good. Superior. Maybe humans were right all along. Maybe we are monsters. And if that's true, I'm the biggest monsters of us all!

Erik is doing his best to calm me down but I close my mind do him completely. I don't deserve him. And he doesn't deserve to have a monster for a partner. My mana starts leaking out, reacting to my distorted mental state just as the psychologist predicted. I depleted most of it during the battle but it's enough to make all objects in the room shake.

As the mana leaks out through my feathers, it damages the stitches on my right wing. I scream in pain because I start bleeding again but I can't stop my mana from pouring out. I'm a murderer. A murderer... a monster... What a joke. I was a freak from the beginning. How could I start thinking otherwise?

Something breaks... something else falls on the ground and shatters. Julia is screaming, Liana probably tries to hold things with her own telekinesis and Erik keeps shouting my name but I push him away with a telekinetic wave. Then four Celestial guards burst into the infirmary and finally manage to get to me. A feel a sting in my arm and my consciousness fades.