29.2. Celestial Inside Out - Part 2

We work for three more hours after lunch and I'm getting progressively more nervous. I eye Erik every few minutes and sometimes he catches me and smiles. But I can tell that he's uneasy. Nothing eludes a telepath. I don't feel his love for me wavering but seeing me in full Celestial wrath mode shocked him. I guess he was still considering me human from the inside.

We'll finally have that super important conversation today but not only about our mutual telepathic addition. I have to make sure how he's copying with my Celestial-ness if I can call it like that. And how he really feels about being almost the only human among so many Draconians.

"Ryuu," he catches me staring at him again and kicks me under the table. "Finish your work already so that we can call it a day."

"Oi!" I let out because a kitten suddenly lands on my lap. It's pure white except for black dots around its spine.

Liana was benevolent enough to allow Emi bring her new pets into the office when the meeting ended. They're mostly all over the Clawfang Alpha but sometimes they go exploring and this time one critter ended up on me.

"Why didn't I think of that sooner!" Emi exclaims out of the blue and looks at me with a wild expression on her face. "Do you feel emotions also from animals?"

"Sure," I nod and pet the kitten. "This one is really happy."

"How is it?" Emi is mega curious. "Is it different?"

"A lot different," I nod. "Their emotions are strong but not as complex. They can usually feel only one emotion at the time."

"Can you connect to them?" she asks eagerly.

"Not really," I have to disappoint her. "Animal minds aren't as conscious as ours. I could probably calm an animal by sending it comforting feelings but that's about it. I think your scents work much better on animals."

"You know, let's call it a day," Liana surprises us by resolutely switching off her computer. "I can hardly keep my eyes open, you're not paying attention anyway and Ingri is sleeping already."

"Right, she is," Fefnir pokes Ingri who fell asleep over an opened textbook. For a moment it looks like he's about to wake her up but then he flexes his muscles and takes the sleeping Earthborn girl into his arms. "Good night, guys."

"Good night, Fefnir," Liana stands up, stretches and yawns.

"You can finish it tomorrow," Erik puts my computer into the sleep mode for me because he suspects why I'm stalling—I'm afraid of our upcoming conversation. But it must happen. I know it must.

"Let's goooo, little ones," Emi sings and seizes the kittens in shorter time that I'd ever think possible considering they're all over the room. But it's as if she calls them with her scent and they obediently come. Clawfangs might not have magic but their abilities are no less amazing.

*****

"I'm okay with your mental change," Erik blurts the moment the sound-proof door of our apartment closes behind us. "You've been worrying that it scared me, right? Well, it didn't. I wasn't afraid of you at that time, just surprised by the sudden change."

"Celestial wrath," I say slowly and manoeuvre him into the living room. "A character flaw my race shares."

"I finally get it when you were telling me that Celestials are the least peaceful race," he tries to joke and we sit on the sofa. "I couldn't quite imagine it before but at that moment you were much more intimidating than Fefnir."

"And I also told you that the Dragonkin are actually the most peaceful race," I remind him, spread my wings and hug him with them. "Despite their formidable appearance. And despite our innocent visage."

"Right," he scratches my left wing and enjoys being enwrapped by me. "So Celestials are really war-like? But you're so pretty. Beautiful angels."

"Looks can be deceiving."

"Don't tell me you feel like conquering, my cutie," he laughs and scratches my other wing. "I wouldn't believe you. You're one of the kindest people I know."

"So let's hope I stay that way," I say. "And that I can persuade other Celestials."

"All Draconians are still basically just ex-gamers, right?" he says, hopeful.

"Which is potentially even worse," I ponder. "Imagine millions of people dreaming about coming into powers... and then they actually do."

"I... didn't think about it like that," he admits.

"Take my new Celestials guards, for instance," I pinpoint. "They don't have any real training but they were able to disarm Bodin's bodyguards easily. And they felt good about it. Really good. Powerful. Invincible."

"Damn, Ryuu," Erik clicks his tongue.

"And I'm the same as them," I whisper. "I'm Celestial... inside out."

"I know that," he nods.

"Do you really?" I sigh. "When I was connecting to you before, I think I have been subconsciously mirroring your humanity."

"Well, I'm not the telepath here but you never felt exactly human even before the transformation," Erik says slowly.

"W-what?" I blink, not sure what he means by it.

"That day when you connected to me fully for the first time and told me your secret," he reminiscences. "I knew right away that you're not quite human. Your consciousness just felt different. But I fell for you nonetheless."

I'm overcome with joy—what a confession, especially for a non-human. I hug him tighter, my feathers all over him. I'm surprised to catch a hint of worry. Uncertainty.

"W-what is it?" I want to release the feathered cocoon to give him some space but he doesn't let me.

"There is one thing I'm afraid of, though," he doesn't feel easy telling me but he does anyway. I love his directness. I don't want to dig it out of his mind so I wait for him to say it.

"I'm afraid," he takes a deep breath, "that one day you'll want to be with another Celestial."

I open my mouth, absolutely astonished, and forget to close it.

"I'm afraid," he continues before I can think of any response, "that the day will come when I won't be enough for you. That I'll be... only human."

I have no idea how to answer him so I climb onto his lap instead and pull my wings even closer. I kiss him and put into that kiss all love I have for him. And also my own uncertainty. If he's afraid that I will prefer a Celestial in future, then I'm afraid that he'll leave me for a human. I really am. What if he gets tired of me eventually? It must be draining to be dating both a telepath and the Celestial Emperor.

"Honestly, why are we like this?" he bursts laughing the moment I release his lips to take a breath. "We're madly in love with each other but still full of worries. Are we stupid or what?"

"Probably," I smile faintly but there's once more concern we have to clear. "But it might be that my telepathy is affecting you."

"What, can you make people love you?" he raises his eyebrows.

"Of course not," I shake my head violently. "But my telepathy might be a double-edged weapon. You realise that I'm a telepath addict, right?"

"Yep, addicted to me," he says proudly.

"I say double-edged," I poke him. "My telepathy might make you addicted to me whether you want it or not."

"I'm your zombie in love then," he chuckles.

"I'm serious, Erik," I poke him harder. "I might be influencing you without you knowing."

"If you're referring to my free will, I assure you that I still have mine," he's pretty confident about it. "And don't forget that I loved you before your telepathy levelled up. I just became clingier because you finally let me. If your Celestial character flaw is wrath and desire for conquest, then mine is possessiveness."

I have to smile, this time sincerely. I keep examining his feelings and thinking processes and I must come to a conclusion that he's not under my spell after all. I probably do influence him to a certain level of basic desire and longing but if he can retain his free will, it should be okay.

"Besides, I'm the dominant one in bed so there's no way you're controlling me," he smirks, takes me into his arms and stands up. "Who would ever guess that the Celestial Emperor is a total bottom, right?"

"Oh, shut up," I blush and let him carry me to the bedroom.

I'm a Celestial... inside out. I know it now. But I don't feel like conquering anything right now. Instead, Erik gently puts me into our bed and I allow him to conquer me. There's something comforting in surrendering to him. Now more than ever because out there, I have to be a leader.

Erik's words resonate within me and give me hope: You're the kindest person I know. How could I be anything else when I literally know what other people feel? Maybe it's a good thing that I'm the Celestial Emperor after all. Because I won't allow my race to succumb to their character flaw. I'm Celestial but also an empath. And that can become my strength.

A shiver goes down my spine and spreads into my wings—Erik is kissing my feathers. He's becoming devilishly good at pleasuring my new body.

"Ah," I moan when he prepares me enough to enter me.

I connect to his mind fully but I don't get lost this time. My mind doesn't absorb his human mind in the same insatiable way as before. Because I'm at peace with myself so I don't need it anymore. Erik is still my bridge to understand humanity but I don't have to cross it. There's no need to because it doesn't have to mean separation. We can be different and still in love and understanding towards one another.

I don't wreck our apartment when I climax. I still naturally leak some mana and create air currents but I have it completely under control. Erik's eyes close and he falls asleep before me. I touch his forehead with mine, hug him with my wing and my eyes close, too. And this time I'm dreaming only about Celestial things. Vastness of the blue sky, the wind and the horizon that stretches infinitely.