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My phone is ringing again and it takes all the self-control I have to not pick it up and hurl it at the nearest wall. I settle for punching in my PIN a little harder than usual and I put the ringer on silent.

"Aika, are you... not going to answer?" Lev asks, looking up from the papers he has scattered on his lap.

I lean back against his bed and sigh. "No."

"Why?"

"Because I want peace and quiet."

Lev is silent for a moment. I close my eyes and try to calm down. I hear Lev shuffle his papers around and scoot closer to me, so I pop an eye open and peek in his direction. He looks... concerned?

"You haven't smiled much today," I say. "Though, you are studying, so I guess that's normal?"

Lev furrows his brows.

"...What?"

"You haven't talked about... what happened... and you're ignoring calls that are probably from your dad or-"

"They're from Evren." Lev doesn't immediately answer, and I can tell he's trying to tread lightly around me. I'm not here for that bullshit. "Look, you don't have to treat me like a helpless victim."

"You don't have to use that tone with someone trying to help you."

My eyes sting. I grab at my hair and let out a frustrated groan.

"Sorry," I hear Lev add softly.

"No, I'm sorry." I take a steadying breath. He doesn't deserve the angry outbursts. He's not at fault here. "I have talked with Dad. And with Takumi. Hadley's helped me report the whole thing to the NCC officials. They said they'll be taking it seriously and are investigating."

"But have you talked about... the rest of it?" Lev waves his hands around, trying to find the word. "The... the... emotions."

The emotions? "Like what?"

"Like... why you're angry and snappy at everyone."

"I'm not snappy," I snap. I immediately curl up in guilt. "Right. Sorry. Yeah."

"It's fine." Lev moves closer and rubs my shoulder. "Just... I understand that this whole thing was horrible. Like, really, it's valid to be angry and to want to beat people up. Just don't let it be me," he adds. I snort. It seems to give Lev confidence. "But, like... I don't mean this in a bad way, but you were kind of like that before all of this happened. Right before your fight."

I blink. "What do you mean?"

"You were kind of... broody?" he replies awkwardly. "I didn't want to ask about it, 'cause I thought it was just the stress from the NCC and your injury, but then this happened..." He pauses, and I know it's because he's about to say something I won't like. "Did you know this was coming?"

I shove him off me and glare at him. "The hell do you mean by that?"

He looks regretful. Good. "The hell do you think I mean by that?"

"You think I'm lying about this whole thing? That I'm making up being assaulted, and that I'm making it up that Evren apparently set her rabid fans loose on me?"

Lev stares at me, wide-eyed. "No, I meant that if they were sending you things, like more of those letters, or if you were being bullied-"

"I looked online," I say. "Her fan club's got a pretty shitty track record. She has to have known that. And she approached me randomly anyway!"

"Er, we approached her, Aika. I sent that Visalogue mess-"

"Yeah, but she was the one who kept texting me after that. And she always made me feel nervous around her. And she's been getting nervous recently too, ever since one of her fans came by at Angel's. How could I not have seen it before? My body knew what kind of person she was, but I was too slow to clue in."

"Aika." Lev cuts in, louder than before, and it startles me enough to stop. "You're not listening to me. Actually, are you even listening to yourself?"

"...What?"

"Evren would never do something like that to you. I know you know this."

"Are you calling me a liar?"

Lev gives me a stern look. "Maybe, because I think you're lying to yourself."

I snap at him again. "I can't believe you're doing this to me!"

"Aika, I'm not against you! Why can't you just stop and think?"

"Because I was jumped!" I yell. Lev stays quiet. I try to bite my lip to keep from exploding further but I just can't help it. "Because I finally had something good happen to me and it was ruined?! Because my friend and idol might actually be a monster?! Because... I don't know! I'm just..." I bury my face in my hands.

I feel Lev's hand on my shoulder again. "I'm sorry," he says. "But, I also don't think you really believe that Evren would do this to you. You know her. She'd never try to hurt you."

"No," I agree. "She wouldn't."

"So why are you trying to convince yourself of a lie?"

Because I'm scared. I'm frantic. I'm stressed and I can't sleep because my head is constantly pounding and my wrist feels like it's burning off and I'm constantly worried that someone will jump through my already-cracked window with a bat. I can't remember the last time I made a friend so fast and after all we've been through, it's occurred to me: what if I'm putting my trust in Evren too quickly?

What if she's manipulating me?

She's the opponent I vowed to take down the moment I stepped foot on the NCC stage. She's the commander of space itself and damn if I don't know that being close to your opponent can be just as dangerous as keeping an ignorant distance. I thought I'd get to know her weakness. But I've gotten to know more about her, as a person, as a girl from a mixed family and a town 80% cornfield. And she's shown me the kind of care I thought only Lev was capable of giving. And beyond. There's been a gnawing at my throat ever since our meeting at the café, and frankly, I'm terrified of it.

"I don't know." I shrug. Lev narrows his eyes at me. I sigh. "It's easier to let her go if I pretend she's hurt me."

"...What?"

"If... I pretend Evren's responsible then I don't have to face the... gnawing."

Yep, that was it. I've completely lost him. Lev's looking at me like I've just grown a third arm. That'd be really useful right now, though, now that I think about it.

"I know that Evren doesn't deserve it, but-"

"Yeah, she sure as hell doesn't, Aika." Lev cuts me off again and I honestly don't have anything to say to that. He's right. He knows it. He knows I know it. "You were practically obsessing over her, you have been practically obsessing over her, for... for years at this point. Then you finally befriended her and you're just... dropping her? Aika, that's... I didn't think you were that cold. Is the NCC just a game to you?"

"No," I reply immediately.

"Is making friends just a game to you?"

"No," I say more vehemently.

"Then what the hell is this 'I should drop her' nonsense?"

"I'm just... scared." It took courage to admit it, but Lev looks thoroughly unimpressed.

"The NCC is about taking risks," he says. "I feel like you're the last person I need to tell that." I rub at my wrist guiltily. "Relationships... are exactly the same. You took a risk befriending me all those years ago. And man, it was awkward at first. I couldn't get rid of you." I feel the corner of my mouth twitch. "But you took the leap anyway. You would go into a near panic attack every time you saw me at the hospital, but you took a breath and talked through it with me. Evren shouldn't be any different."

I don't know what to say.

"Evren didn't befriend you to take advantage of you. And I know you didn't befriend Evren to take advantage of her. But if you up and leave her hanging all of a sudden, it kind of seems that way, no?" I stare blankly at my friend. ...Does it? "The moment her reputation's up for the guillotine you up and abandon her? Listen, none of what happened was your fault. You know that. We've told you. But, none of what happened was her fault either. Has anyone told her?"

It hits me then. I imagine a frantic Evren, trying to call me to figure out what happened, trying to apologize – I can imagine her 'sorry's through her tears – for her fans whose actions she doesn't control. But... "She's been weird around me recently-"

"Well, yeah, have you seen yourself?" Right. He said that earlier too. "Look, it's fine if you need a break, if you're not up for talking with her yet," Lev continues. "What happened to you was..." He pauses and doesn't finish his sentence. His jaw tightens. "But you should let her know if that's the case too."

"Yeah," I finally manage to drag out. Lev drops his shoulders and sighs. Was he that nervous about me reacting badly? "Sorry." I try to sound sincere. "And thanks." Lev smiles and I know I've said the right thing. I give him a hug.

"You're welcome," Lev says, back to his cheerful persona. "Now, anything else we need to chat about or can I get back to cramming?"

I chuckle and reach for my phone. "Nah, go back to your nerd studies," I say. "I'm texting Evren."