35. statue of us

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

STATUE OF US

—

"Wake up, wake up! D, wake the fuck up!"

Groaning, Dmitri blinked his eyes open, the bouncing of the bed and Eden screaming into his ear enough to draw out another groan from his mouth as he mumbled, "E. The fuck is the matter?"

Whether Eden smiled or not, Dmitri couldn't tell, his vision a blur of sleep-induced fog. But when she yelled out a loud, "It's your birthday! Get up!", Dmitri knew that she had been smiling the whole time.

The same couldn't be said for him though.

He had burnt himself out over the past three days by thinking and overthinking this day, by focusing all his energy on work, on searching for a new job, though that wasn't something that he planned on telling anyone, on going to therapy.

And now, he was tired.

"Fuck," he muttered, throwing his right arm over his eyes, almost falling back asleep until Eden shook his shoulder, hard enough to jolt him awake. Jesus fucking Christ.

For one moment, the bed stopped shaking, and even though Eden was practically straddling him, she wasn't bothering him.

That is, until she said, "I know that today's hard for you. It always is. And if you don't want to do anythin' today, that's fine, but just let me wish you a proper happy birthday. Okay?"

That didn't sound too unreasonable, so Dmitri just nodded. "Let me brush my teeth first, we can have breakfast together. Is that cool?"

Celebrating— or at least semi-celebrating— his birthday was the least he could do, especially after all his shit that he forced Eden to put up with.

Not forced. She does it because she cares.

Eden smiled the brightest smile Dmitri had seen her smile in a long time. "Mhm! Go, go, brush your teeth!"

It was nice— seeing Eden this excited. She always was excited about something or the other, but he hadn't seen her this excited in a long time.

So, he went, he brushed his teeth, he washed his face, and he even changed his t-shirt out for a fresh one.

Maybe the day wouldn't be as bad as he expected it to be if he changed his clothes and did everything that he was supposed to do. Maybe he could trick his brain into thinking that things would be okay, maybe he could be in control of himself for once.

Once he was done, he got out of the bathroom, running smack dab into Eden, seated on the floor with her phone pressed to her ear in one hand and her other hand on the floor, watching Juno run in circles, over and over until she tired herself out.

She had finally gotten her splint off yesterday at the vet, and Dmitri could finally look at her without being reminded of that day, without the ache in his chest and the thorns in his throat.

But that also meant that she was going absolutely wild, running around wherever the fuck she wanted to run, because she hadn't been able to for over a month.

"Yeah, he's awake," Eden said into the phone, a small smile playing on her lips as she spoke, the smile that Dmitri only saw come out when she was speaking to Trinh. "I'll ask him!"

"Ask me what?" he questioned, his wet hair dripping water onto his t-shirt but he couldn't particularly be bothered. As long as he didn't get sick, which he was sure he wouldn't, since he had an immune system made of fucking steel, a bonus when he hung out with Tariq.

Placing her hand on Juno's fur when she sat down on the floor, Eden glanced up at him. "Trinh wants to know if she can come over. Can she? It's okay if she can't, wait, actually—" She looked down at her phone, and before Dmitri knew it, Trinh's voice was blaring out of the phone, saying:

"Happy birthday, Dmitri! Holy fuck, you're twenty four! You're old now, senile, archaic—"

Cutting her off with a laugh, Dmitri took a seat on the ground, Juno almost instantly coming up to him and curling up into a ball on his lap. Angel. She's an angel.

"Trinh, you're twenty six, shut up," he stated, drawing out a laugh from Trinh on the other end of the line. "Anyway, you can come over, I don't care. Only if it's to celebrate Juno's birthday though," he informed, because there was no way he was about to celebrate his own birthday. There was absolutely no way.

At least it had gotten easier to handle.

The previous year hadn't been as easy, hadn't been easy at all, considering his parents had called him, saying that they had a 'gift' for him, his siblings had come over and wrecked havoc, both, in the house and in his mind, and to top it all off, he had just been coming out of a depressive episode.

Of course, that had just made him spiral into another depressive episode, one that was just as bad as his recent one.

So, he was thankful that he could muster up a genuine smile at the very least this year.

Still, that didn't mean that things were fine. That his mind wasn't consistently replaying everything wrong with him, everything that needed to be fixed, everything that shouldn't be celebrated.

"Dmitri, you know that it's not actually Juno's birthday, right? It's your—"

"Anyway," Dmitri interrupted, a huff coming from both Eden and Trinh at the same time. "Come over whenever." Maybe bring Tariq. Maybe. Definitely. Please bring Tariq.

Trinh hummed into the phone, and Eden took that as her sign to go off speaker, pressing her phone to her ear as she continued to talk to Trinh, occassionally calling her shit like 'my love', and 'dear'.

The two of them were so nauseatingly cute, it hurt.

It hurt, but at the same time, he wanted that.

Deciding to use that spare time to check his texts, he unlocked his phone, the first message his eyes landed on being a message from Tariq.

And at once, the heaviness behind his eyes and the elastic pulling at his brain from all directions, causing him to think the thoughts that he didn't want to think, calmed down. Just by a little, but it was enough.

tariq :) -

happy birthday !!!!!🖤🖤🖤

tariq :) -

don't ignore me bitch☺️

tariq :) -

chocolate or vanilla?

tariq :) -

lmao jk i know ur favourite is lemon lol

If Tariq was making a cake, Dmitri didn't know what the fuck he would do. Nausea was already eating away at his stomach, and he hadn't even taken his meds yet, let alone eaten breakfast.

He couldn't not eat the cake, that would be rude. But he couldn't eat it when his stomach was trying to rip itself apart.

It's okay. It'll calm down once you eat breakfast.

Repeating that phrase to himself, over and over, Dmitri opened the rest of his messages, some from his friends from college, people he didn't even realise still knew his birthday, and one from Eden's sister, Tariq's sister, and Trinh's brother.

It was a wonder that he had received more than one text, if he was being honest, when all he did was text people once every three weeks, apologise for not checking his texts, and then continue the cycle.

"D!" Eden called from the kitchen, he didn't even know when she had gone to the kitchen, yelling his name once more. "Breakfast! Chop chop, Trinh's comin' soon!"

I can do it. I can do today.

Plugging his charger into his phone since he had forgotten to do it last night, he made his way out of his room, only to find Eden smiling at him, her hair still in a bonnet as she placed a plate on the table, three whole waffles. Three.

"Just one will do," he mumbled, the pure guilt eating at his stomach, doing nothing but increasing his nausea. Fuck.

He downed his medication in one gulp of water, glancing at Eden while he was at it, who looked to be waiting for him to continue. Explain why the fuck he didn't want to eat.

Or maybe she didn't want an explanation, and he was just reading into it too much, as he did all the time.

"I'm just—" He began, eyes involuntarily dropping contact with Eden's. "I'm not very hungry. Really fucking nauseated, I'm—"

Fortunately, he was cut off by Eden humming and taking two waffles off his plate and placing it on her own. "I know that today's hard for you, D. You don't have to apologise for somethin' as simple as that. I get it."

Sometimes, he wondered how he got lucky enough to meet someone as genuinely good as Eden.

She was good at everything. At keeping him sane, at understanding him, at respecting the fact that he wasn't happy all the time, at making sure that he didn't fall off the wagon.

And he couldn't have been more thankful.

"I... Fuck, okay," he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut for a second. "I'm not gonna cry today. Nope, no crying. I'm just— I'm really thankful for you, E. So fuckin' thankful. Today might not be the best day for me, but I'm glad I got to start it with you. I love you."

The fact that it was getting easier and easier for him to say those three words now was an achievement in itself.

Eden smiled, lightly placing her lips on his cheek and nodding. "I love you, D. Today might not be the best day for you," she agreed, pulling a chair out for herself and continuing, "But I'm glad you're here. Even when you aren't."

There goes my plan of not crying today. "Shut up," he mumbled, sniffing as he tried to blink back the heat behind his eyes. "You're annoying."

"Right back at you, bitch," Eden retorted with a smile on her face and in her words, shovelling her waffles into her mouth, because she was fucking repulsive like that.

The next few minutes went by in a comfortable silence, one that sent a sort of warmth down his spine, instead of the usual bone-deep chill that he was accustomed to, that he had conditioned himself into being accustomed to.

And even when Eden began to drink her spare maple syrup, the silence was comfortable.

But when she said, "I need to talk to you about somethin'," the silence became less comfortable, more harrowing.

Fuck. What the fuck? "Hm?"

Anticipation was always a terror to deal with, but when it stemmed from something related to Eden, that's when it became less of a terror and more of a deep-seated panic.

Eden let loose a long sigh, fingers reaching up to play with the hem of her t-shirt collar. Oh god. "I didn't wanna do this today, but I feel like I should just tell you," she started, but Dmitri didn't want her to beat around the bush.

"Please just rip it off."

Eyes widening in alarm, probably at the fact that he sounded like he was about to cry, Eden nodded. "Okay," she affirmed softly. "I'm... I'm gonna be moving in with Trinh. Approximately mid-June, so... in a month."

That wasn't what Dmitri had expected.

Then again, he wasn't entirely sure what he was expecting.

"Oh," he stated plainly, his own fingers scratching at his nails until Eden pulled his hands off each other. "Sorry. That's— that's really great, E. I'm happy for you. That's super great. Yeah, that's—"

"It's okay to be sad about it." A small, faint smile later, Eden continued, "You despise change, I know. Things have to remain constant for you. But Trinh and I plan on spending the rest of our lives together, and I can't pass up on an opportunity to move in with her. I love her so much."

I know how that feels.

Breathing out a shaky sigh, Dmitri nodded slowly. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry for the shitty reaction. My mind just isn't processing shit right now, and—" Voice cracking, he paused, shaking his head and glancing at Eden through blurry eyes. No. Don't cry. "You'll still like— come visit, right? Right?"

Eden laughed, genuinely laughed. "D, you're really fuckin' dense if you think that I'm gonna ditch you as soon as I move out. You seem to forget that you're just as much of a best friend to me as I am to you, and I'll miss you the exact same amount, if not more, than how much you'll miss me."

Surprisingly, that was enough to offer a brief moment of calm in his mind. Brief, but it was there.

"I love you."

A soft hum came from Eden's side. "I love you, Dmitri. You aren't getting rid of— oh, Trinh's here!" she exclaimed, hopping out of her chair and running to the door, a surprised yelp leaving her mouth as she opened it.

Dmitri squinted, craning his neck to see reason for her dramatic ass yelp, but as soon as his eyes fell on the person at the door, he knew that it was justified.

Giving Dmitri a small wave, Tariq made his way over to him, that smile on his face as he did.

And Dmitri automatically knew that he was fucked. He also knew that today was the day he would end up spilling to Tariq that he didn't want to take their kiss back, that he enjoyed every second of it, and that yes, he did feel something when he kissed him, because how could he not?

"Happy birthday," he greeted, voice soft, a little hoarse from three days ago, but still somehow smooth. "To you and to Juno, even though it literally isn't her birthday."

An amused huff involuntarily left his mouth as he scanned Tariq up and down, taking in his everything.

Earlier, Dmitri wouldn't have done something as bold as that, or even if he did, he would have done it in a more subtle manner. But after their kiss, he wasn't sure if anything he did was subtle anymore, right from the constant stares at his lips to the even more constant smiles that appeared on his face when he was around Tariq.

"I don't care if it's not her real birthday, it's her birthday to me and that's that," he shot back, standing up from the table and leaving his and Eden's in the dishwasher, the one that had a scratch on it's front from when Juno had lost her way and had run directly into it.

The house, albeit rented, had so many fucking memories, and it sucked that Eden was leaving, and that he would have to find a new roommate, someone who wouldn't even begin to compare to Eden, and that he had to—

"You look sad," Tariq pointed out, nudging him. When did he even come beside me? "I mean, you told me that you would be a little off today, but— you look a different kind of sad. Is everything—"

"Eden's moving out," he mumbled, leaning against the kitchen counters and watching as Trinh and Eden spoke to each other in hushed tones on the couch, an enchanted smile on Eden's face as she listened to Trinh speak.

Dmitri was happy for Eden. More than happy, she deserved everything good in the world, and living with Trinh was one of the best things for her.

He just wished that it didn't have to happen so soon. So that he could adjust, so that his brain could process having to live with a complete stranger, or worse, having to live alone.

"Oh," Tariq stated plainly, before repeating, "Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Dmitri was quick to say. It is. Is it? "Maybe it isn't, but like— I genuinely want her to live with Trinh. That's what she deserves. I just..." I just what? "I hate being alone. I really, really hate being alone."

There was nothing scarier than being completely alone with his thoughts. He could do it for a week, maybe two. Any longer than that and he was sure he would lose his mind.

Tariq just breathed out a small breath, nodding slowly. "I know," he murmured. He really did know. He always knew. "I promise you, you'll find a roommate by the time Eden moves out. You won't be alone. Even if Eden leaves, and even if she's a whole hour away from you. You're not going to be alone."

"Yeah," Dmitri voiced weakly. "Sorry, you just came over and shit got sad so quick, and—"

"Don't be ridiculous," Tariq interrupted almost immediately with a roll of his eyes. "You told me that today's difficult for you, it's okay to be sad. It's okay to say sad shit sometimes, you don't have to apologise for that."

Literally fuck me, oh my god.

Of course, he didn't say that, because that was fucking vulgar and also an unbelievably inappropriate response to the statement at hand.

So, instead, he said, "You're literally tempting me to kiss the fuck out of you."

Those were not the words he had intended to leave his mouth.

But Tariq didn't seem to be fazed, not in the least bit. He just laughed and said, "Save that for later, Dmitri. For now, cake."

Then, he turned around, rummaging through his bag and finally pulling out a small plastic container, definitely not large enough to fit a whole cake into it.

A small, almost understanding smile graced his lips as he handed him the box, cocking his head towards it. "Open it!"

God, did it ache to see Tariq so excited about his birthday when he couldn't be excited about it himself.

"Tariq," he muttered, the ache, the guilt, the nausea, the everything just growing with every word. "It's not a very good day for me, I'm sorry. I'm just really fucking nauseated today, my head hurts from just existing and thinking about the fact that I was born today and I tried to take that away, and—"

"I know," Tariq murmured, resting his hands on the kitchen counter behind him. "And you don't have to pretend that things are fine. It's fine if they're not, everyone here understands. I promise."

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't— oh fuck.

"Shut the fuck up," Dmitri whispered as he reached his hand up to wipe away the tears that were beginning to slip out of his eyes, slowly, but then faster.

But only when a dry sob ripped out of his throat did Eden and Trinh look over in his direction, Eden's eyebrows furrowing together in worry, concern, a range of emotions.

"The fuck did you do?" she asked Tariq, standing up from the sofa and making her way towards him, eyes softening as she said, "Hey. D. What's wrong?"

Unable to get out a single coherent sentence, he just mumbled out a weak, "It's— I just... I'm going to my room. I'm sorry," and shot Tariq a look, one that hopefully said, Please come with me, probably leaving Eden and Trinh more confused than ever.

Not even ten seconds of being in his room later, Tariq walked in, crouching down in front of him and saying, "It's okay if you can't do much today."

"I'm not even—" Dmitri started, words mixing with a quiet laugh. "I'm not even crying because today's hard. You're just... You're so nice? You understand the shit in my brain so fucking well, and I'm so thankful for everyone. I already told Eden this, but I'm so fucking thankful for you, and I'm so glad you're here."

Those were the only words that he wished someone would tell him when he wasn't in a good place. That they were glad he was there.

"I'm glad you're here, too, Dmitri," Tariq assured, and Dmitri just about burst into tears all over again. "I know that you feel off today, so... I didn't do much."

When Dmitri didn't say anything, couldn't say anything, he took that as his cue to continue by saying, "I— uh, I made a cupcake. Just one, because I knew that you wouldn't want to eat much today, it's lemon and—"

Body functioning faster than his mind, Dmitri threw his arms around Tariq, pushing them both to the ground, but he didn't particularly care because there were tears in his eyes and on his cheeks, and it was getting harder and harder to restrain himself from kissing Tariq.

"Woah," Tariq breathed out, laughing softly. "Hey. Tri, it's okay. Don't cry, this is nothing. I genuinely did nothing."

That was exactly it.

He did nothing, because he knew what Dmitri needed and what he didn't need. He knew how to calm him down when he didn't want to cry, he knew when he needed to cry, fuck, he knew everything.

Still on the ground with Tariq, still dangerously close, more than dangerously close to his body, Dmitri smiled. Through the tears and the ache that the day brought him, he smiled.

"Thank you," he mumbled, breathing in fresh clothes and lavender and Vicks Vapo Rub and Tariq. "Today isn't easy, but you made it a lot less hard."

Tariq smiled back, glancing at him. "Yeah?"

"Mhm."

Moving under Dmitri, just slightly, Tariq grinned. "Then I'm glad." He paused for a second, staring up at Dmitri, eyes shifting. Do it. Kiss me. But then, all he said was:

"You up for some cake?"

—

+3590

AN: 5 more chapters 5 more chapters 5 more chapters📣📣📣📣📣

will be posting the intro thingy to the new book sometime soon BUT i will not be updating that book until much later so😋 keep ur eyes peeled if ur interested, and add it to ur library if u want so that u can receive updates when they start coming🥰

as always, thank u all for reading !! i hope everyone has/had a good day today💓

(o also i learnt that today is the start of kwanzaa so to whoever who celebrates, i hope u have a good kwanzaa !!💞)