29. friend in me

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

FRIEND IN ME

—

Dmitri had missed spending time with Eden.

It was understandable that they hadn't been spending time together as often, though. They were both extremely busy, Eden more than him.

She was busy with school, teaching, setting papers for students, all the shit that Dmitri would have been doing if he hadn't gotten fired for the most ridiculous reason he had heard of.

He was busy with... surviving. Getting through each day.

As much as he hated to admit it, it was mostly his fault that the two of them hadn't spent any time together as of late. Whenever Eden had been free, he had either been falling apart, in a depressive episode, or both.

Now, however, he was actually spending quality time with Eden by making cookies with her, or to put it simply, she was making cookies while he worked, his history textbooks scattered around the dining table to use as reference.

"Did you ever get your eyes checked?" Eden questioned, singing softly along to the music that he was playing from his phone, Hozier since the both of them were painfully queer.

Dmitri shook his head, having to strain his eyes as he continued to type on his laptop, the increased font doing nothing but stressing him out even more, with the way each word was glaring at him.

It was times like these that he missed being a teacher. He didn't have to stare at a laptop for over four hours at a stretch, didn't have to smell coffee every waking moment of his day.

In fact, he was so tired of the smell that he had stopped drinking it altogether. Though that was mostly a joint effort between him and Tariq, because Tariq was the one who had admitted that he was becoming dependent on coffee.

"Nope!" Dmitri chirped in response, hastily typing out on his keyboard, his nails making a clicking sound every time they came in contact with the keys. "I will. Soon. I booked an appointment the other day, but then, I couldn't get out of bed, so I couldn't go. Wild. We love it when we're too depressed to move."

Eden just hummed at that, she was never really fazed by anything he said anymore, one of the things that he loved about her. Also, one of the things that he had missed in the last few weeks.

"Book another appointment," she instructed as she rolled out her cookie dough into flat circles, or ovals, more like. I should help. "Or I can do it for you, if you want. Book the appointment, I mean. Ooh, or Tariq could do it? He's been around so fuckin' often, it's so wild to think about," she rambled, nearly dropping the tray of unbaked cookies because of how clumsy she was.

Then, right as she was reaching up into the top shelves, she actually dropped the steel bowl which she was using to mix her dough.

Lord, help her. "Just—" Pushing the chair out of the table, Dmitri stood up, making his way over to Eden and picking up the bowl, placing it in the top shelf with ease. "What else goes up there? I'll do it," he muttered.

But Eden didn't hand him any of the things that needed to be shoved into the shelf. She didn't do anything other than reach up and smack him on his head, letting out a vicious cackle at the dramatic cry of pain that left his mouth.

"What the fuck was that for?" he exclaimed, only slightly serious.

Eden just shrugged, handing him the rest of the vessels. "Don't mutter at me, stupid. I haven't properly spoken to you in weeks, I don't wanna hear any of that mutterin' bullshit. Lemme hear your voice. You have a nice voice. Generic voice, but still nice. Very—"

"E. You're just rambling at this point."

Rolling her eyes, Eden just waited until he finished stacking all the vessels in the top shelf, occassionally poking his side because she was fucking annoying like that.

Finally, after he was done piling them all up in the shelf, and Eden was done putting her cookies in the oven, she made her way onto the couch, sprawling out onto it and patting the empty space next to her.

Plugging his charger into the laptop, Dmitri just stared at her as she played with the television remote. "What?"

Eden huffed, patting the space on her right, next to her feet, even more aggressively. "Sit down, bitch. You've worked the whole day."

"It's literally ten in the morning."

"And you've worked for like— four hours, already," Eden pointed out, lifting her legs up for Dmitri to sit down, only to place her feet on his thighs as soon as he did, taking up all the space on the couch.

She was such a fucking annoyance, sometimes, but at that particular moment, Dmitri couldn't have been more thankful for her.

Because he was looking for a reason to stop working, since his fucking eyes were burning from staring at a screen for that long, stinging to the point where he was almost certain that they were bloodshot, and the only time he ever wanted his eyes to be bloodshot was when he was high.

"Okay, okay," Eden chirped, smiling slightly, probably because he didn't tell her to get her feet off his lap. "How has shit been? Tell me about all the good shit, and the bad shit. I wanna know everythin'. Well, if you wanna tell me, that is."

Dmitri let out a laugh at that, propping his own feet up on the round table in the centre of the room, the one that was originally in the corner, but Juno kept bumping into it, so they had to move it to some place where she never went on her own.

"I blocked my parents," he offered up, ignoring the whoop of joy and the slew of excited expletives that left Eden's mouth at that. "Blocked everyone from my family, and honestly, I wouldn't think that would work, but apparently, Tariq had given them a piece of his mind. Very fun."

It was scary, how often, and how easily Tariq's name came up in conversation.

The confusion was blatant in Eden's voice when she hummed and said, "When the fuck did this happen? The Tariq thing?"

On one of the literal fucking worst days of my life. "Uh, on the day that Juno's leg—" I can't say that without crying, never mind. "That she got hurt," he finished, looking at everything but Eden, because he just knew that she felt bad about that day, too.

And he was proven right when her voice got softer as she said, "I really am sorry. About not being home when she got hurt, I shouldn't have left her alone."

"It wasn't your fault, E, please," Dmitri muttered, their conversation changing so quickly and so drastically that he could barely keep up. "We leave her alone all the time, that was just— unfortunate timing."

Very, very unfortunate timing.

"Yeah," Eden mumbled, her face brightening up almost instantly as she said, "Anyway. She's good now, so, no need to worry!" Shooting him a wide smile, her painfully white teeth contrasting her dark skin, she just shrugged. "Tell me more. What else happened?"

Dmitri just rolled his eyes, leaning forward and shoving her in the forehead with his fingers, a smile erupting on his face at the yelp that she let out. "You tell me what's been going on with you. I always miss out on a good chunk of your life during this time, it's fucking frustrating," he mused, mostly to himself.

"Not your fault," Eden was quick to say, continuing with a tiny giggle for some reason. "Trinh and I are goin' on a date on Sunday, so that's cool. I'm so hyped, they're comin' up with the date idea this time, and their date ideas are always the best," she rambled without breaks, she always got excited when she talked about their relationship.

It was cute, but most of the time, it was nauseating.

"Imagine having a love life. Couldn't be me," he lamented, cracking his knuckles. "Y'all are cute as fuck, though. Hate it."

Eden snorted, slinking further down onto the sofa. "Don't pretend like you've got nothin' goin' on with Tariq."

As soon as she said those words, Dmitri froze, turning his head around to stare at her, just stare for a minute, until he said, "Huh?"

"What?" Eden questioned, the self-satisfied smirk still on her lips, Dmitri didn't even know when it came. "Tell me I'm wrong."

Well, okay. "You're wrong," he stated. Of course, Eden let out a theatrical gasp at that, but he just continued, "So unbelievably wrong, that if this was a multiple choice question, you being right wouldn't even be one of the options."

Self-satisfied smirk morphing into a real smile, Eden laughed under her breath, the wispy laugh that sounded more like a whisper than anything. "Careful, D, your teacher is showin'. Anywho. If you honestly believe that you guys have absolutely zero spiciness goin' on right now, I'll take it. But like— you're still wrong!"

While one side of his brain processed Eden's words, the other side of his brain was doing its own thing, racing with millions of thoughts, starting with Wait, Tariq? and ending with, Holy fuck, Tariq.

"I—" Dmitri started, that was the only word he could get out, his brain aching from the information dump. "Wait. Wait, wait, wait—"

"I'm waitin'."

Dmitri paused, daring to glance at Eden. "Wait," he said again, blinking slowly. "Explain your logic, my brain is refusing to work," he mumbled, pushing Eden's feet off his lap and sitting cross-legged now.

"Rude," Eden grumbled, but still, she just imitated his position, facing his fully. "What's there to explain? I mean— I don't wanna tell you what you feel 'n everythin', only you can decide that. But like— do you genuinely not like him? Because right now, those aren't the vibes you're givin' me."

"What vibes am I giving you?"

Fuck, was he confused. More confused than he had been in a long, long time.

Laughing, Eden shrugged, picking up her mug of coffee and taking a sip. "The vibes that you're a flamin' fuckin' homosexual for Tariq, D. Those are the vibes you're givin' me. Do what you will with that information."

What the fuck is going on? "W-Wait, but—" He stuttered out, but before he could say anything else, Eden was interrupting him again.

"If you genuinely don't think you're into him, ignore me," she said, shrugging. "I could be completely off here, you know that I'm fuckin' terrible at this. I mean, we all know that it took a whole six months for me to even realise that Trinh was into me, and it took me even longer to realise that they wanted to date me. So, I'm just sayin', I might be—"

"You're not," Dmitri mumbled, and then, again, "You're not wrong. Fuck, E, what the fuck do I do?"

This was the worst thing that could happen. It wasn't right. He had done it once— fallen for Tariq, and while that had easily been one the best times of his life, it had ended, as all things did.

Attraction was one thing.

Dmitri could admit that he was attracted to Tariq, that he had never stopped being attracted to Tariq, because it was Tariq. Being attracted to Tariq was natural, it was instinct. It was easy.

Feelings weren't easy. They weren't easy for anyone, but they especially weren't easy for him, because feelings ended in hurt, and hurt was the last thing that he wanted to feel.

He gave himself enough hurt to last him a lifetime, he didn't need feelings, feelings for Tariq to come in and add onto that hurt.

"We've just started having civil conversations," he whispered to Eden, eyes involuntarily squeezing shut as if that would help him get out of the situation that he was in. "Fuck, E, what do I do? What the fuck happens now? And—"

"Dmitri," Eden interjected, reaching out to bump his knee with her fist. "It's okay. It's nothin' more than feelings, right? That's it? Just feelings?"

Just feelings. He wasn't entirely sure if there was even a thing like just feelings.

Because when Dmitri fell, he fell so hard and so fast, and he kept falling, falling, falling. Even if there was no safety net. Even if there was no one to catch him.

Again, Eden said, "Dmitri. I promise you, you don't have to panic over this. It'll go away. It's okay."

For a moment, he was about to ask, Why the fuck did I fall for him for the second time? but he already knew the answer to that.

Why the fuck wouldn't he?

"It's fine," he mumbled, shaking his head and shooting Eden his best smile. "It's okay. It's just— it's just feelings. Feelings come and go."

Eden opened her mouth to say something, but closed it as soon as she opened it, and just nodded. Fuck. If Eden doesn't believe it, then I'm fucked. Utterly fucked.

"It'll pass," Dmitri muttered to himself, nodding as if that would help confirm it. "It'll pass. These are just feelings." For Tariq. "And it'll pass before I know it."

Honestly, Dmitri wasn't sure who was even trying to convince. Eden or Juno, who was sitting in the corner of the room, looking like a fucking loaf of bread minus her splinted leg that was sticking out.

What he was sure of was that he hadn't convinced himself.

Right as we was getting up to leave Eden's coffee mug back, his phone vibrated in the pocket of his sweatpants.

Only when he pulled it out of his pocket did he realise that maybe, he was wrong.

tariq -

hey hey !!!! i managed to reach the top shelf of my cupboard today😌 i told u i was still growing :P

That maybe, it wouldn't pass.

—

+2350

AN: listen. i'm so mfing sleepy rn bc i just woke up so like. i hope everyone has a good day <3 good night i am going back to sleep 😋💓 thank u for reading❤️🤸🏽‍♀️