Chapter 5: The Walls Start Cracking

Yo. I should've known it wasn't going to be easy, but damn. I didn't expect it to be like this. I didn't expect Isaiah to get under my skin so damn quickly.

We were sitting in the park that night, both of us on the swings, kicking our legs back and forth, just talking shit. It was the kind of vibe that should've felt like nothing, but to me, it felt like everything. I couldn't explain it—how he made me feel like I could be... more than just the guy who kept his head down. The guy who never let anyone close.

But with him? Everything felt different. My heart felt too loud every time he laughed. I didn't know how to explain that. How the hell do you tell someone you barely know that just the sound of their voice makes you feel like you're alive in a way you didn't even know was possible?

I wasn't ready for that.

"You okay?" Isaiah asked, breaking through my thoughts.

I looked over at him, seeing him push back a little harder on the swing like he was trying to keep some distance without actually doing it.

"Yeah," I lied, feeling the truth burn in my throat. "Just thinking."

"About what?" he pressed, giving me that look. That look that made me feel like he was waiting for me to say something real. But I couldn't. Not yet. Not when everything inside me was screaming to pull away before it hurt too much.

Instead, I shrugged, not trusting my voice. "Nothing really."

He didn't let it go. "Come on, man. I can tell when something's on your mind."

I paused, the weight of my own words pressing on me like a damn anchor. How could I explain this? How could I explain the fact that I was terrified of feeling anything for him? How do you admit that you're scared of something so simple and beautiful?

But Isaiah wasn't giving up. He had this way about him that made you feel like nothing was too heavy, like you could tell him anything without fear of him running. And I wanted to trust him. I really did.

But there was something deep inside me that said, "Don't. Don't trust anyone." Because the second I let someone in, the second they knew my secrets, my fears, I became vulnerable. And I couldn't afford that.

"I just..." I started, but stopped myself. My throat felt tight. "I just don't know if I can do this."

He tilted his head, eyes softening. "Do what?"

I couldn't look at him. "This. Whatever this is. Us. You don't know me, Isaiah. You don't know what happens when people get close. They... leave. They always leave."

The words came out before I could stop them, and I instantly regretted it. I hated showing that side of me. Hated being the guy who had so many scars from his past that he couldn't let anyone get close enough to see them.

Isaiah was silent for a minute. Just looking at me. And when he finally spoke, his voice was steady, but I could hear the quiet intensity in it. "Amir... I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be scared of me. I'm not like them."

His words hit me harder than anything. I felt the heat in my chest, the rush of wanting to believe him but still fighting it.

"I'm scared, man," I whispered. "Scared to get close to you. I'm not the kind of guy who can just... let someone in."

Isaiah didn't respond with words. Instead, he reached over, gently resting his hand on mine. I froze. It wasn't even a big gesture, but it meant everything. His hand on mine felt like an anchor, like he wasn't going anywhere. And for the first time in a long time, I wanted to believe him.

"You don't have to be scared with me," he said softly. "I'll be here, Amir. I'm not going anywhere."