Chapter 806. Sequence 7

When she came out of the bathroom with her hair wrapped in a towel, the smell of doenjang-guk tickled her nose. The smell was quite fainter than what her mother made. On the table were side dishes neatly placed in individual bowls. Kimchi, stir-fried garlic stalk, bean sprouts, and finally stir-fried anchovies. She picked up a shiny-looking piece of almond and put it in her mouth.

“Did you fry this with honey?”

“I put it in honey and oligosaccharide and then fried it.”

“It’s good. I should try this at home.”

“I have some left, so you can take it.”

“Then I want the stir-fried garlic stalks and kimchi as well.”

“Fine, take them all.”

Maru, who was tasting the soup in front of the pot, smiled in satisfaction before turning off the stove.

“Where’s the rice? I’ll get it ready.”

“The rice cooker is right next to the microwave.”

The rice cooker was next to the door leading to the veranda which was next to the kitchen. She picked up the rice scooper and opened the lid.

“It’s multi-grain rice.”

“That’s what’s good for health, so yeah.”

“You’re quite attentive when it comes to things like this.”

She scooped some rice and put it in a bowl.

“Is this much okay for you?” she asked as she held out the rice bowl in front of him.

He replied that it was enough. Gaeul scooped enough rice to fill half her bowl before closing the lid of the rice cooker. She was hungry and felt like she would be able to eat triple the amount, but she held back in consideration of the regret that she would have once she ate that much.

She placed the cutlery on the table before sitting down. It had been a very long time since she ate together with someone else in the morning when she didn’t have a shoot. Not only that, the rice was just cooked. The savory smell of just-cooked multi-grain rice stimulated her appetite.

“Are you not done yet?”

“I’m done. You must be hungry.”

Maru put down the pot on the table.

“Try it. I think you’ll like it.”

“I’m quite a picky eater you know?”

Gaeul emphasized once again that she was a gourmet as she picked up a piece of mushroom floating on the top and ate it. The texture was just right; it was not mushy from overcooking nor stiff from undercooking. Thanks to the small amount of doenjang put in the soup, the flavor of the mushroom was quite strong as well. She felt that a thick soup was her preference, but this was good as well.

“It’s good.”

“Of course it is. Who do you think cooked it?”

“Did you learn cooking or something?”

“I did. For a long time.”

He sat down and picked up a spoon. Gaeul looked at Maru putting some rice in his mouth. Everything that happened since last night felt like a dream. She felt as though this enjoyable breakfast would scatter like a mirage once she blinked.

“I’m not going anywhere, so keep eating,” he said.

Hearing him affirm that this was not a dream, she smiled and nodded. They didn’t talk much while they ate. At most, they talked about food. After devouring all the food on the table, they talked about what they ate recently. There were many things she wanted to say and hear, but she judged that now was not the right time. He probably felt the same.

After they finished breakfast and she started washing the dishes, he opened the curtain as well as all the windows. He also put the blanket he placed on the sofa back into the bedroom and also used some tape to clean up the dog fur. He looked natural and proficient as though this was his usual pattern; he did not look like he was doing this because he had a guest over.

“I realized this when I woke up, but this place is cleaner than mine. Don’t men live a dirtier life?”

“That’s a very wrong bias you have there. Don’t you know that cleaning is a man’s dream?”

She shrugged.

“I’m about to make some coffee.”

“There are coffee capsules in the kitchen cupboard. You can choose what you want.”

“How about you?”

“I’ll gladly drink anything you make.”

Gaeul opened the cupboard which had a gray sheet covering it. There were many neatly arranged bottles. She was reminded of when she stayed at a hotel. This looked similar to the cans of beer that were arranged so that the labels could be seen from the front. She stared at the lined-up bottles for a while before turning two of the bottles the other way round.

“That’s better.”

She took out two coffee capsules and started making coffee. She grabbed the mugs with coffee in them and approached Maru, who was on the sofa.

“Black? Or latte?”

“Black.”

“Then here’s your latte.”

He cringed before accepting the mug. A suitably filled stomach, the soft sofa, and a cup of coffee to top it off. There was nothing more she could wish for. She savored the bitter taste of coffee as she looked at the clock. The second hand was indifferently circling around inside the black, circular clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock – the sound was quiet to the point that the ticking could be heard. Gaeul did not want to break the silence. She put her lips together and sipped the coffee as though to wet her lips, wishing that the intentional silence lasted a long time.

“It’s quiet,” he said.

“True,” she replied.

When she was behind the wheel last night, she wanted to know what happened to him during the past five years as well as what exactly happened as they broke up. She wanted to ask why he rejected that public TV drama series, whether it was pity or consideration that he introduced her to the director as though he was yielding his spot, as well as what kind of thoughts were in his mind when he announced his military service as soon as he broke up. There were numerous things she wanted to ask, but right now, she didn’t want to listen to anything. They had a time when conversation wasn’t necessary. She understood what he meant without talking. He must have had inevitable circumstances. He should have tried to resolve them in the easiest manner possible, which must have consequently ended up in the two breaking up. She resented him but at the same time, pitied him. The desire to nitpick his past wrongdoings disappeared when she ate the doenjang-guk in the morning.

“I should have held onto you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to.”

She detached her lips from the mug and looked at him. He was the kind of man who would keep what he said. It seemed that he didn’t forget about the promise that they should talk about everything tomorrow. It’s okay – she couldn’t say those words. Strictly speaking, she was the reason for all this. This all started because she kept a distance from him in order to maintain that puny pride of hers.

“How were you supposed to grab a person who was running away with all her might? Maru, you don’t have to be sorry. It was me who asked you to keep a distance. I knew it, but I still felt angry. I’m a terrible woman, aren’t I?”

“You aren’t.”

“If you can’t talk about it, then you don’t have to. We just have to leave the past as it is and start living the present fully.”

She grabbed Maru’s hand. Looking at his agonizing expression, she felt her heart ache.

“We are okay now, aren’t we?”

She waited for his answer. He sighed deeply before speaking,

“Before we talk about what’s ahead of us, there’s something I must confirm with you first. You should not be able to understand what I’m about to tell you. In fact, I think that it’s natural that you won’t believe it. It’s that absurd after all.”

He, who always mentioned the certain, talked about the uncertain for the first time. She felt a sense of ominousness much bigger than when he announced his breakup was coming towards her. It was to the point that she didn’t want to listen. His expression and the shaking of his hands; both of those expressed the weight of his coming words. Perhaps she should tell him not to say it. Perhaps she should persuade him to look forward and not mention the past. She shut her mouth and looked into his eyes. The result of running away was the five years of breakup they just experienced. One mistake was enough. No matter how unpleasant it was, she was willing to listen as long as she was grabbing onto his hand like this.

“Tell me. I’m ready to listen.”

She grabbed his hand tightly, with the resolve to never let go. His lips opened. His upper lip started shaking up and down. She closed her eyes slightly. She was afraid of what he was about to say. Just then, something soft touched her forehead. She opened her eyes faintly. He, who had kissed her on the forehead, was smiling as he took steps back.

“How cute.”

“What the heck?”

“What do you mean what the heck? I just tried acting heavy.”

“I thought you had something to tell me.”

“I do. I was just about to tell you that a famous actress was about to have a party with a nameless actor this weekend.”

“That’s it?”

“What else did you expect?”

He reached out his hand. He stroked her cheeks and spoke,

“I’ll put this simply. Just like how you distanced yourself from me because of your pride, I also did something reckless because I was worried. The plan was to leave behind the woman who would not look at me and then go to her in a cool fashion after military service,” he said with his eyes strained.

“That’s it?”

“What else can there be? I cried like hell after I broke up with you. You won’t know how much I cried. But I’d already applied to the military, so I couldn’t turn back. I thought about how immature I was in the military, you know?”

She had a close look at his face. He didn’t seem like he was lying.

“It’d sound cool if I had a story like I had a time limit to my life or something, but unfortunately, I don’t have anything. It was just the immature romance of an immature man.”

“Then why did you reject the drama?”

“I really wanted to check my own acting. As you know, I did quite a lot of things before that, didn’t I? I kept feeling that my foundation was lacking the more I did it. I thought that I should hone it before it becomes a fixed habit. I’ve never regretted my time in Daehak-ro.”

She recalled Maru’s performance that she saw last time. He definitely looked a lot more refined and honed. He wouldn’t have improved at all if he was simply wandering around, but he had definitely matured.

“Nothing much, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing much.”

She smiled and hugged him. A sense of iffiness in the corner of her heart was screaming for attention, but she decided to ignore it. No matter how mature Maru was back then, he was definitely a ‘kid’. Back then, they ‘both’ must have made the same mistakes.

“I’ll listen to you well from now on.”

“You have to, okay?”

“I promise.”

Feeling his hand patting her head, she heaved a slow breath out. The past no longer mattered. What was important was that she was in his arms.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly.

* * *

Maru sat at the table and looked at the refrigerator. The memo she wrote ‘I really love you’ was still on it. No matter how many times he looked at it, he couldn’t get tired of reading it.

“So after everything, it comes down to this, huh.”

He wanted to talk about the cycle of lives. He wanted to ask if she knew about the rabbit. The moment he took the risk of being treated like he was mentally ill and was about to speak, his vision turned pitch black. It was only an instant, but it felt like an eternity. He instantly realized what that was about. It was God’s warning. It was a strict order telling him that he must not speak of anything.

When he spoke of the excuse he had prepared beforehand, he did the act of his lifetime. It was an act that contained his entire soul that he had never shown even on stage. She might have a shred of suspicion left but would still have accepted nonetheless.

-If you die and lose all of these memories, you might be able to become happy again. Your misfortune is the misfortune stemming from knowledge.

The man, who had been silent for the past five years, had finally spoken. Maru did not reply. That was because the masked man’s words sounded blissful. Even if he repeatedly went back to the past, he would be able to live with her happily for eternity after all if he forgot about the fact that their lives were repeated. He would be able to smile even if his life ended at 45.

“It looks like I’m really crazy for her.”

-I know that feeling really well.

“I can’t leave her to die.”

-I’m sure that’s the case.

“It’s a damned thing.”

-Yes, it’s a damned thing indeed.

Maru stared at the memo stuck on the refrigerator for a long while. I really love you – were those eternal, immortal words a blessing or a curse? He closed his eyes and smiled foolishly.