CH 3.1

After returning to Heritage College, the busy days continued for a while. It was the season to prepare for the full-fledged college entrance exam.

John, who didn’t aim to go to college, had some room to relax. However, Valentine’s situation was the opposite, so he wasn’t as relaxed. He was smart, and he was tenacious in his one goal. So instead of trying to show off his skills, Valentine stayed locked up in the library and only came out for class.

As a result, the time they spent together had also decreased significantly. Through Valentine’s absence, John realized how big of a part Valentine played in John’s daily life. He didn’t mean to be childish, but John was captivated by an emptiness he couldn’t help feeling. All he could do was hope that the exam would be quickly over.

Unlike usual, John went straight to the dormitory after class. He felt chilly because he didn’t feel well. His fever wasn’t that high, but somehow the chills hadn’t stopped all day. Then, when John was about to pass through the first floor living room, rubbing his heavy, stiff eyes, a familiar laughter bursted out loud and a malicious sarcasm stuck in his ears.

“That Beta bastard, hiding behind Valentine Lindbergh.”

John’s steps stopped when he unintentionally overheard the conversation. He had a bad feeling about it. As he felt in his gut, the answer was harsh too.

“That’s what I mean. Who doesn’t know how he rolled into the Lindbergh family? He’s quite shameless though, acting so strong.”

“Darn it, just for how many years he has stuck his butt to this dorm.”

“Well, in a few months’ time, you don’t have to see him anymore.”

He could guess who they were even without seeing them. In addition to who they were being sarcastic about.

“Right, Joseph?”

As expected.

It was Joseph’s group, as John had figured out. All of them were from prestigious families, united by the sense of superiority of the Alphas from noble families to divide and discriminate the different classes. A smile flowed through John’s lips. He wondered where else would there be someone other than them, who didn’t have enough courtesy to ignore him just because he was a Beta.

Joseph Pierce was the grandson of the former Prime Minister and the only son of a high-class aristocratic family. He was also a dominant Alpha, who was somewhat aggressive but still conspicuous on the surface. That’s why there were always similar kinds of people around him.

However, his easily emotional temper and differentiated mind were enough to weaken Joseph’s original strengths. In British society, where pretenses were exchanged under the guise of being cultured, he was a very honest human being in a way; but being honest didn’t mean that it was all positive.

Yes, just like now.

‘It’s not like I didn’t know what everyone thought of me…’

At least within Heritage College, everyone was equal, and no student was given preferential treatment because of his background. John apparently broke the unwritten rule on campus, even though sleep disorders were the reason. Due to that, John knew that there were people who looked down on him.

John, who had been absent-minded for a while, came to his senses. Joseph had remained silent and then spoke.

“That bastard… I think I get upset just by looking at him.”

“…”

“He gets on my nerves.”

John bitterly smiled again and swept his cheek with the palm of his hand. No matter how much he understood Joseph, it wasn’t pleasant to be insulted for nothing. He wondered for a moment, but went into the room. John didn’t have to turn around because he had nothing to be afraid of. As John pulled on the handle of the living room door, the light quickly expanded through the hallway.

“Hi.”

At John’s greeting, the group of vulgar giggles froze at once. Feeling the crushing gazes on him, John deliberately smiled. When he laughed, the boys couldn’t hide their agitation. John carefully looked at Joseph’s face, and then said as if he was telling a light joke.

“Thank you for your passionate love confession. It’s touching that you care so much about me.”

“…”

“But from now on, if you have something to say, just say it to my face. It’s too shameful to gossip like this behind my back.”

After finishing his words, John turned his back without waiting. He pretended to be fine, but his steps to the stairs were faster than usual. His physical condition wasn’t that good, he couldn’t fight all of them at once.

However, fortunately, none of them followed John. Whether they knew that what they did wasn’t so honorable or not.

John chewed on his lips and rubbed his tired cheeks.

I can’t wait to go up and rest…

With that thought in mind, John had just grabbed the handrail.

“John.”

“…”

“Stop right there.”

A stiff voice snapped up John’s ear. John stopped walking reflexively and turned around slowly. Joseph was standing there as he expected, but instead of his usual arrogance, there was an impatient look on his face. Joseph, who was about to open his mouth hastily, paused. It was because John stared at him with an expressionless look, one that Joseph had never seen before.

John smoothly approached Joseph. Joseph’s face twisted as the distance between the two narrowed. More sharply than ever, the tension between the two increased. Facing Joseph at a close distance, John raised one lip. A clear laugh was overlaid over his thin lips. A voice, as cold as his face, said to Joseph.

“Joseph, I don’t know why you’re so eager to destroy me, but don’t you think it’s the same here?”

“What?”

John’s words caused a slight change in Joseph’s expression. John looked straight into his shaking eyes and emphasized each syllable. He continued to laugh while talking.

“Annoying and disgusting.”

“…”

“You, I mean.”

Unexpectedly, Joseph’s face turned red in an instant. It was an unhidden embarrassment. No matter how much Joseph quarreled, John has never shown disgust or insulted him. It was the first time John, who had always been sloppy, faced Joseph’s provocation face to face. That fact seemed to have embarrassed Joseph. No, it can’t be called embarrassment.

Why do you look like that, with all that you’ve done?

Thinking cynically, John turned his back on Joseph. John became more and more desperate for the idea of a fluffy bed. If he showered in hot water and listened to his favorite music buried in a fluffy blanket, it was clear that he would feel better. John was just about to go up the stairs.

“…!”

Suddenly, his body was grabbed from behind and he stumbled. John, who almost fell due to Joseph’s sudden grip on his wrist, turned his head without hiding his irritation. Joseph pulled his lips inward, as John’s cold gaze looked at him. Joseph’s stubborn voice flowed through his curved lips.

“I’m not done talking yet.”

“I’m not curious.”

“…”

“I don’t want to know what you’re thinking at all.”

“…You.”

“So let go of me.”

Joseph’s hand gradually began to relax in response to the cold answer. As soon as his hand fell down, John finally touched his wrist. Then he turned his back on Joseph.

For a long time after John climbed the stairs, there was no sign of Joseph moving.

* * *

No matter how indifferent John was, he was still only eighteen years old. The hatred he felt when he was mentally exhausted due to his poor condition, was deeply imprinted in his mind. He didn’t even realize it hurt. Whatever the unfamiliar unpleasantness was, John turned a cold eye on Joseph unlike ever before.

Joseph also didn’t pick a fight with John as casually as he did before. However, whenever he ran into John, Joseph just stared at John with an impatient look on his face, as if he were being chased by something.

It was honestly a lie if John said that it didn’t bother him. Hating someone was something that needed a lot of energy in its own way. John, who had been trying not to hate Joseph, felt a little sad about the situation that ended up like this.

Valentine seemed to have noticed that John was depressed. As John, who came out of the shower, sighed and flopped onto the sofa, Valentine, leaning against the head of the bed while reading, stood up.

“What happened?”

Valentine approached him in a relaxed manner, held a towel in his hand and draped it over John’s head. John’s eyes were closed as Valentine dried John’s hair. John shook his head quietly, leaving Valentine to dry his hair.

“Nothing much.”

“Liar. If nothing’s wrong, what’s up with the look on your face?”

“What do I look like?”

“I don’t know anyone else, but you can’t fool me, you know better.”

John raised his head to Valentine’s mild reprimand. Valentine looked down at him with a faint smile on his face. A fingertip slipped down John’s cheek. Valentine used his finger to hook the corner of John’s mouth. With a finger grabbing the edge of his mouth, John mumbled.

“Just… Valentine. I’m afraid I’m really going to have to practice being away from you.”

That stopped Valentine’s movement. His hand, which was groping John’s lips, went down and grabbed his chin at once. John, who was forced to raise his head, looked up at Valentine, who tilted his head with a face that had turned expressionless. One of his lips was slightly dry.

“You’ve been saying weird things, what do you mean?”

“…Valentine.”

“Tell me so I don’t misunderstand.”

On the surface it was a soft request, but it was in a tone close to being a command. Feeling a momentary sense of hostility, John couldn’t say anything. Valentine, who was waiting for his answer for a while, sat across the sofa. Their gaze interlocked. Mindful of John’s nervousness, Valentine asked in a soothing voice.

“Where did you hear that? What bastard?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…”

John lowered his head with a sigh. As he was looking at the ceiling where the light was spreading, he said, “Um…”

“It doesn’t mean anything, but when I think about it, it’s strange that I always stayed in this dorm when I’m a Beta.”

“I don’t know why that’s weird.”

“…Valentine, I like myself.”

“I like you too.”

“No… I mean, I never wanted to be an Alpha, but I don’t know. Why do I feel like this now?”

“For example?”

“I don’t know. I feel kind of intimidated right now, as if I had sneaked in from the back door, not the front one.”

Due to John’s words, Valentine straightened his back and crossed his arms. His eyes narrowed, staring at John as if searching for something. Then, John rolled his eyes sideways because he couldn’t stand the gaze he was facing.

“…!”

Suddenly Valentine kissed John on the lips. John’s eyes widened from the unexpected contact. A damp, hot tongue squeezed into the gap between the lips that opened reflexively. The tip of his tongue scratched the roof of John’s mouth.

“Um…”

Unusually, Valentine was ruthless and aggressive. John was out of breath in an instant. It was hard to keep up with rough and ruthless movements, like the first time they kissed. Unable to overcome the stimulus, John twisted his head, panting. Valentine stretched his hands to keep John from running away.

Valentine had one knee on the sofa and pressed down on John’s body. The sofa was soft and pressed into John’s back, unable to properly support him. His neck was completely bent up.

“…!”

John’s waist, barely getting Valentine’s kiss, shook. Valentine’s knee was pushed into John’s groin. John shook like a fish pierced by a harpoon because his sensitive area was recklessly pressed against.

“Va-Valentine!”

Startled, John hurriedly pushed away Valentine and took deep breaths. Valentine pressed his lips when their eyes met. The curved lips were swollen more than usual, giving off a color-sensitive glow and soaked in water. The scene where the tip of the red tongue licking his bottom lip was imprinted in John’s eyes.

Just now, what the hell…

John shook his head, confused. The blood in his body was rushing, and his heart beat violently. His groin, which had just been touched by Valentine’s knee, was constantly conscious that it became tense.

No… Don’t think too much.

It was time for John to try to calm down somehow. Valentine asked in a light tone.

“What’s wrong?”

“What?”

“You have a funny expression.”

When John couldn’t answer, Valentine reached out. John didn’t know, but his ears that couldn’t lie were bright red.

“D… don’t.”

John cringed at the touch of the fingers around his ears. His long stretched eyelids trembled.

Valentine whispered in a low voice, slowly taking a look at John, who couldn’t hide his agitation.

“Don’t think of anything stupid. Don’t listen to things that aren’t important to you. You’re just you.”

When John’s expression was about to loosen from Valentine’s confident words, the hand wandering around John’s cheek went down and wrapped around his neck. The sudden pressure around his neck made John freeze, as if he had become paralyzed.

When Valentine put strength on his hand, John’s neck was being held tightly. Feeling the strange tension, John gulped unconsciously. Perhaps because he felt the slight tremor, Valentine smiled and pulled back hand. Gently making waving movements, as if he were saying that he wouldn’t hurt John.

“And I, John…”

When John paused for an unknown sense of difference, Valentine, who tilted his head, spoke in a low voice. His dark eyes flickered slowly as if to clear his mind.

“It’s perfect when you are there.”

“What does that mean?”

Instead of answering, Valentine leaned over to John with a light smile. Leaning loosely on John’s shoulder, Valentine whispered quietly in his red ear.

“Just… that’s what happened the first time I saw you, so don’t abandon me for whatever reason, John.”

John’s expression was slightly broken by Valentine’s blunt longing for affection. Valentine was calm and mature, but there were times when he was disarmed, as if he had returned to his childhood. Just like now.

“Mn? John…”

Valentine pressed for an answer and rubbed the tip of his nose on John’s neck. His strangely bratty way of speaking was only seen by John. John’s hand was hovering in the air above Valentine’s back. Then Valentine burrowed more into John’s neck. The tension that had been pushing Valentine away until now, had already disappeared.

“…”

He seemed to have been overreacting a little a while ago. There remained a dubious part to consider simply, but the instinctive defense mechanism warned him not to think too deeply. John shook his head, as if to shake off the discomfort that made his back ache.

Blink, blink.

The eyes looked up from below, asking him for an answer. John coughed lightly.

“Why would I abandon you? That’s ridiculous.”

Only then did a smile spread over Valentine’s face. With his eyes folded thin, he rubbed his cheek against John’s neck as if acting charming. He acted like a big cat. John cringed at the itchy feeling,g but didn’t push Valentine away.

John was helpless against Valentine’s straightforward affection. The reason was simple. It was because no one in the world needed him as much as Valentine did. Valentine’s affection, which sometimes seemed blind, was one of the few psychological pilliars that John could easily lean on. That’s why John used to be helplessly weakened whenever Valentine relied on him, forced him, and demanded him.

It has always been that way, even now. John fiddled with Valentine’s hair with a relaxed face. Valentine curled up and grabbed John’s wrist. Their eyes met, Valentine smiled and lowered his head. The red lips left a kiss on the back of John’s hand.

“Why would you do that?”

Surprised, John pulled his hand back. Then Valentine giggled and hugged his waist. A soft white cheek was pressed on the flat stomach. Warm breaths flowed uniformly between the thin shirts.

“Can I kiss you, but not on the back of your hand?”

“…”

“Stop thinking trash and let’s go to bed.”

“Uck…!”

After finishing what he had to say, Valentine hugged John without even giving him a chance to answer. Although he was not as tall as Valentine, John was also tall and had a balanced physique. Valentine’s power to lift him lightly was beyond the norm.

John, who was pushed into bed as it is, was suddenly strapped to the sheets. Valentine laughed jokingly, as if he was satisfied with his work. Then he held John tightly in his arms and did the same with his limbs.

“…What are you doing?”

John, who suddenly became a cocoon, didn’t hide his bewilderment. Valentine smiled with his eyes closed.

“Hurrying to sleep.”

“You’re going to sleep like this?”

“Yes.”

“Hey… Untie me. This is really uncomfortable.”

“No. I’m going to do what I want today.”

John ended up laughing at his childish words. Valentine also gave strength to his arms, holding John with a drowsy smile.

* * *

Valentine’s comfort made John’s heart warm. The fact that Valentine needed him, who had nothing to lose, gave John a strange sense of security. There was a saying that satisfaction was unhealthy, but anyway, John was able to escape the depression that he had for a few days. Sometimes, he returned to a mental ease that everything was okay, even when he ran into Joseph.

Anyway, it was graduation in a few months, and even with the sick Alpha supremacists, there will be eternal farewells. That’s why John once again made up his mind not to waste his energy on useless things.

Right after lunch, John hurried to take the afternoon classes. The next class was held in an annex, which was quite far from the main building, and he forgot the time as he was playing soccer with his friends.

Anyway, every time I play, I get distracted…

John mentally beat himself up. Since he had washed his face with cold water to cool off his sweat, his hair was wet, with water dripping down, and his shirt was unbuttoned. He couldn’t say he was neat even if he didn’t mean it, but John couldn’t afford to care about that today.

It was just around the corner of the building.

“Let’s talk for a second.”

John, who almost bumped into a person blocking the front, raised his head quickly. After checking who the other person was, he unknowingly frowned. It was because Joseph was standing with an awkward look on his face. His face became cold when that uncomfortable person appeared, even though he was already in a hurry.

“Don’t be scared.”

John tried to pass him without a reply, but Joseph blocked him once more. With every step John took, Joseph blocked the path. Joseph, who stood crooked, raised his lips.

“Just a second.”

In the end, John sighed, raising his chin. Joseph looked down at him and said a few swear words. He caught John, but didn’t think he had anything to say. Awkward silence flowed as they confronted each other.

Impatient to be late for class, John pushed him aside.

“If you have nothing to say, I’ll go.”

“…I’m sorry.”

John, who had just passed Joseph, stopped walking reflexively.

What did Joseph just say?

John turned his head, not hiding his expression as if he hadn’t heard it right. Joseph bit his lips while frowning. His brows narrowed as if he was dissatisfied, and his face was flushed more than usual.

John didn’t hide his surprise and asked back.

“What did you just say?”

“I said I’m sorry.”

“…”

“Fuck, I’m sorry about what I said to you before…”

John stared at Joseph as if he were an alien. The face mixed with broken pride and humiliation was worth seeing, but Joseph was too strange for him to understand. Why are you apologizing, when you hate me so much?

“…”

But he can’t deny it, John didn’t feel so bad about receiving his apology. Although his feelings didn’t melt away at once, it was still surprising that Joseph was the one who offered the apology. John, who remained silent for a while, sighed with a slightly relaxed face.

“I actually don’t care much about what you say, so you don’t have to apologize. We’re not in a good relationship. In fact, if I bother you that much, I can just ignore you.”

Having said that, John muttered to himself with a frown.

“I don’t know why you hate me so much.”

As if he had managed to hear his voice that wasn’t that loud, Joseph breathed loudly as if he were frustrated.

“Shit, that’s, you…”

But the words were scattered into incomplete sentences. Joseph hesitated and closed his mouth. Looking at the expression full of irritation, it was clear that Joseph had something to say, but it was difficult to or couldn’t be sorted out. Come to think of it, Joseph boasted outstanding skills in Physical Education and Mathematics, but was completely poor at Literature and Linguistics. John stared at him and spat out.

“Joseph, actually I don’t hate you that much.”

Joseph’s eyes widened at John’s words. Looking into his bewildered face, John added that he would not make unnecessary misunderstandings.

“Of course, it’s not that I like you. You’re annoying.”

Joseph was impressed by John’s ensuing words, but he didn’t use abusive language or talk at all. Instead, he asked John again with a short sigh.

“Then you…”

“Mn?”

“Are you accepting the apology?”

Today’s Joseph was a total stranger to John. He had no idea why Joseph apologized to him and why he was obsessed with John receiving an apology. Seized by a strange feeling, John kept his mouth straight. Shining in the sunlight, Joseph carefully examined John’s face. Then, John answered in an awkward voice.

“Why is that important to you…”

“M-move!”

A lump of metal rushed towards them with a piercing noise. Before John realized its identity, Joseph pulled him with a great deal of reflexes. John, who stumbled unconsciously, bumped his nose into Joseph’s chest. The twisted couple lost their balance and fell to the floor.

Bang!

It was a grass tractor that ran towards them. An uncontrolled tractor collided with the stone wall with a loud sound. Students passing by screamed and avoided it.

He managed to avoid the tractor, but instead John fell down on Joseph. Thanks to Joseph, who unintentionally acted as a cushion, there wasn’t much physical impact, but it was fortunate that Joseph fell on his butt.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m… I’m sorry. The tractor, why… why did it happen…”

Joseph, who was moaning as if he was sick, got in a sitting position and growled. The gardener was flustered with a very bewildered face as he chased after the tractor. None of the school’s employees knew of Joseph’s terrible temper. The gardener’s face was pale, he felt that he had almost caused a big accident.

“…Forget it. Get that fucking piece of junk out of my sight.”

Joseph, who was staring at him with a displeased face, spat out. He didn’t use a kind tone, but it didn’t turn out to be a big deal, so the gardener hurriedly drove the tractor away with his head lowered. Nevertheless, John carefully opened his mouth to talk to Joseph, who was still staring at the same place with a disgruntled face.

“Thank you for what happened, but… Can you let me go now?”

Until then, Joseph was holding John’s forearm tightly, and John was sitting on his thigh. Only then did Joseph return to reality and removed his hands in surprise. His arms, holding John, were waving in the air and pointed to the stone floor with dry dust. This was the closest proximity they have ever been in.

“…”

Joseph’s eyes, resembling the sun’s light, shined brightly enough to make it difficult to face them and stared at John. The intensity that was hard to face was revealed at first glance and then disappeared. Under unknown pressure, John turned his head and tried to get up.

“…Wait.”

As the outstretched hand pulled on his arms again, John’s waist leaned forward once again. Since he was caught by surprise, John had to lower his head to catch his breath. John’s wet hair stretched over Joseph’s forehead, and the tips of their nose brushed. They were close enough to feel each other’s breath.

“Why?”

John, who pulled his head back, asked shakingly, but there was no return answer. Joseph just stared at John with a strange look. The restless students winked at them, without hiding their interesting faces. John moved in vain.

In the end, it was John who avoided his eyes first.

“…Let go. I have to go to class.”

“Ah.”

Unable to withstand the unknown pressure, John shook his arms. Only then did Joseph open his hands with a brief reply. John’s wrist was red as Joseph held it so hard. Waving his tingling arms lightly, John stood up. Joseph then followed John and patted off the dust on his pants. John glanced at Joseph.

“Why did you just do that?”

There was no return answer. Joseph stepped back. Before he knew it, he twisted one lip with an unpleasant look on his face.

“Just because.”

It was an answer that didn’t feel sincere. Joseph shrugged lightly at the bewildered John, no longer hesitating and turned his back on him. John knew he had to hurry, but somehow he couldn’t move easily. John stared away as if nothing had happened.

“…I don’t understand you.”

John, who murmured to himself, looked down at the white sand on his clothes. Joseph had a strange behavior he didn’t understand a single bit, but nevertheless…. It struck him that Joseph might not be such a bad guy.