20: Afraid

DRAKE POV

“I dunno what you so upset about, man. We had to know,” Callum insists for what feels like the hundredth time since Nikki left us in our favorite training spot. We’re back home now, trying to work, but I for one can’t focus worth a damn.

“I thought it was pretty obvious from when we first met her that she isn’t human, and we still don’t know what she is,” I retort irritably. “What was the point of asking that question like that, first thing—”

“If you’re so convinced she’s the one, I would think nailing down that minor piece of information would be pretty fucking important,” Xander counters with heavy sarcasm.

“I’ve told you, I’ll handle it. I just don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking it slow, having a normal sort of courtship—”

“Courtship? My dude, plenty of supernaturals and humans alike go all the way on the first date. There’s absolutely no reason for you to be dragging this out the way you are.”

“Unless you afraid o’ somethin’,” Callum adds sagely. He has a gift for reading people. Right now it seems like he’s looking right through me, and I hate it.

“Afraid of what? If she’s really the one, she ain’t gonna reject you,” Xander scoffs.

“But as you both continually point out,” I grumble, “I’ve been really attracted to someone before only to find out, when we kissed, that she isn’t my mate. And Nikki is…”

“Way more attractive than the others you’ve shown interest in,” Callum supplies when my words fail.

“Not just physically, either. She seems too good to be true, and…I just want to…enjoy the possibility, that she could be the one, rather than find out that she’s not.”

“What makes you think that’s gonna be how this goes down?” Xander demands.

“Our mates are usually other lycans or, sometimes, humans,” Callum reminds him, voicing my worries for me. “Seems pretty clear that Nikki is neither.”

“Well, she’s no vampire, either, at least.”

“We’ve agreed that I’m going to try to guess what she is. One guess each time we see each other,” I admit. They’ll probably think this is childish and stupid. But I didn’t want to turn down the suggestion. I don’t want to screw this up.

“Seems weird, but okay. What’d you guess today?” Callum prompts.

“Vegetation elemental.”

“That would explain her eyes, anyway,” Xander nods.

“That was my thought, yeah. But that’s not it, apparently.”

“Didn’t figure,” Callum mutters. “Wouldn’t explain the way she moves.”

“I can’t think of anything that fits her that would explain that. Water elementalism, maybe, but her eyes don’t fit that.”

“Maybe she’s fae?” Xander suggests.

“Xander, you ever met a fae?” Callum demands. He seems to find this idea particularly idiotic.

“No, but supposedly they can be anything they want—”

“And they have this…vibe about them, real unsettling. Nightmare fuel. That ain’t Nikki.”

“When have you ever met one?”

“New Orleans, before Ma and I came to Maine with Vance. Plenty o’ fortune tellers ’n’ the like down there, fae masqueradin’ as humans. Voodoo’s a perfect cover for them, and for sorcerers.”

“Makes sense.”

“Let’s say I wanted to be optimistic,” I interject. Much as I love to hear about New Orleans from Callum, this problem is eating me up on the inside. I want to just pretend that there’s nothing supernatural about Nikki or me and just enjoy it, take things slow, but sooner or later the truth will come out, and I’m not sure how long my fear will outweigh my curiosity. “What should I hope she is, if she’s actually the one? What would she have to be for us to work?”

“History indicates that in rare cases lycans mate with other shifters,” Callum offers after a few moments of thinking.

“Other shifters?” Xander inquires. “Like, shape-shifters? You’re classifying lycans as shape-shifters?”

“I mean, that’s technically what we are. Werewolves only shift under a full moon and are stuck halfway between human and wolf during their shifts. That’s not us,” I remind him. I swear we covered this in school with the other pups in the pack, growing up, but Xander was never much for paying attention in school.

“But we can’t become whatever we want.”

“Most shifters can’t, and the ones that can are usually specialized sorcerers,” Callum explains, more patiently than I could have. “Legend has it that each clan of shifters came from humans who prayed to old gods for help and protection in times of war. The gods were associated with animals, and those blessed by a particular god gained the ability to shift freely between that god’s chosen creature and their human form.”

“I know that’s the old story, and I know that’s how our pack came to be, allegedly. I just didn’t think…. Why would any of the ancient peoples want to become animals other than wolves?”

“Anyone’s guess as to whether gaining shape-shifting abilities even crossed their minds when they offered the prayers. The legend just says ‘help and protection’, not…everything we can do,” I point out sourly.

“And wolves ain’t native everywhere,” Callum adds. “Where’d you say Nikki’s from, Drake?”

“Russia, but that her dad is Somalian,” I supply, wondering if that’s information she’d be okay with me sharing. She seemed really shy when she told me, though I can’t fathom why.

“Maybe a bear, then?” Xander muses.

“Ain’t no bears movin’ like her,” Callum argues. “Cobra, maybe.”

That idea makes me shudder involuntarily. “She doesn’t have snake energy,” I protest. “Maybe some kind of bird?”

“Guess that’s for you to find out, since you don’t want me askin’ ’er that kind o’ question. But, Drake?”

“Yeah?”

“Best be figurin’ it out sooner rather than later. The longer you drag this out, the more it gon’ suck if your fears turn out to be real.”