Chapter 12

It's been six months since they sent Nunew to his last destination.

Six months had passed since he died but the pain for those people who he had left behind never goes away.

They never move on from how painful it is for those who he had left. They lived but never been the same again.

For the family Keerati. It's like every part of them was taken out. Their big house that has filled with his voice, was now gone.  His good morning that would echoes the whole house was not there anymore. His laughter that make everyone who hears smile with him hasn't heard anymore .

The boy who would run down the stairs in excitement as he would start his day in a good way.

What echoes the whole house was the silence and darkness it has now. The curtains were all closed even if it's still morning.

Pat Keerati who was always been in her sons room hugging his pillow always wishing it was her son who was there she was hugging. She would always look at his beautiful photo that he had put on his bedside table. She missed his son so much that it's so hard. She was breathing but not living anymore. She even wish her son would come to her and take her with him. But he never came.

Chai who was still doing his best to work for the company even if all he wants was to stay with his wife and grieves with her and take care of her as she was now breaking down slowly.

He is now thinking to sell his company and he is now slowly not wanting it all.  He was just working for nothing now.

What's with the money they have when they don't have their son who they have been giving their future with.

Pen who was on his house and doesn't want to go out was been taken care by his own caretaker. The last time he mourned was when the day his wife died and that was 15 years ago. Now he was grieving for his grandson's death.  Who would have thought he would be the first to leave than him who got an ultimatum in life. How unfair life can be.

He was filled with guilt inside. If they had just told him earlier than that, that they will cancel the wedding. They wouldn't have let them him run away like he had did back then and had an accident and die. He would've still be here with them. He would've still be alive.

But he is dead and nothing he could do about it.

He just need to wait for the time that they can see each other again so he can hug him again tightly.

+++

He came inside the house and saw Ja waiting for her. She got his bag and give it to one of the house keeper.

"Did she eat today Ja?" He ask Ja who smiled sadly.

"She eats a little only this afternoon Khun Chai." Chai sigh and pat Ja's shoulder.

"That's still a good news Ja. Thank you." Chai said

"Would you want to eat now Khun" she ask but Chai shake his head.

"I'll just try to pursued her to eat with me tonight Ja." Chai said as Ja nodded.

Chai walk upstairs and went directly to his son's room. This had been his routine for the past months since his son's death. After he got home from work he would always go to his son's room as he would always find his wife in there sleeping and sometimes staring in space.

He sometimes thought if maybe his wife was now mentally not okay. But he knows she is still mentally fine. He was just not, physically and emotionally.

And he was there making sure she wouldn't do anything to harm herself.

He open the door and walk inside and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed hugging once again their sons picture frame. He sighs and walks towards her. He knelt in front of her and look at her. She look at him to and smile sadly.

"He used to say he wanted his hair long as he wanted me to tie it for him." She started reminiscing their son again. This would always what she do.

"But he would still cut it cuz it always got on his eyes and he can't paint comfortably with it." I respond and smile at her.

"Sometime he wanted to eat pineapple and wanted Ja to buy it for him." She said.

"But after he eat one small piece he would stop eating and give it to our housekeepers." He said smiling.

"Cuz it's hurting his tongue hon." She explained.

"I know, that's why you always recommend Ja to buy him the pineapple juice for that craving of him." He said that makes her laugh. Then suddenly she stop and her tears fall on his eyes.

"Why did he leave us early hon.?" She ask more like stating and he hug her waist tightly giving her comfort even if he wanted to cry with her but he have to hold it in until he's just the only one. He can't cry in front of her.

"It's okay. We would meet him someday hon. Not now, but someday.  We will." He said making her stop from crying.

"Will that someday be right now. I miss him soo much." She said and sobbed in his arms.

"I missed him too, so bad hon. But that can't be hon right now. Our time is not yet finish here." He said making her understand.

"When will that time be finish?" She ask again.

"I don't know, we don't know. Let's just be patient and wait" he said.

She didn't respond and cry for a minute before she raise his head and look at his husband again still sobbing.

"Let's go to eat first." He stand and wipe his wife tears.

"Then after we eat let's go to his art room hmm." Then she nodded slowly and he help her stand and walk out of the room.

That's sometimes what they do to help relieve the pain of their sons death. Reminiscing the memory of their son and cry. After that they would walk to his art room and look at his every painting and figured to themselves of what could be the meaning behind beautiful paintings he created.

*************

MAX'S POV

I'm still not coping at anything that happens and never wanted to as I am blaming myself with guilt and regret.

If I didn't encourage him to cancel the wedding even if we continue to get married he would still be alive by now. He wouldn't be died by now. But life is unpredictable as we wouldn't know when would be our time.

"Max?" I was startled when I was disturbed by someone. I look up and saw Nat.

I even forgot that he was now working for me us my personal assistant. My family have ask about Nat but I wasn't ready to tell them what we really are so I introduced Nat as my personal assistant.

"I'm sorry Nat. What is it again?" I ask him.

"Your coffee is getting cold." He said pointing at the coffee. I look at it and remember how Nunew would insist on making my coffee if he visits my office.

"You are staring in place again. You're thinking about him again, right?" He said sadly and I immediately look up to him.

"Sorry Nat." As I look down on my thigh

"It's just too hard for me. I'm still regretting everything for what happened to him." I said as tears started to fall.

"It's not your fault Max. He died because of an accident." Nat said.

"He wouldn't have an accident if I didn't let him go that time." I said and he walk beside me and hug me.

"I'm sure he would never blame you for what happened Max. I'm sure of that." Bat said as I hug him back tightly as. I cried even more.

I know he wouldn't be angry at me, he wouldn't blame me. Not anyone would he blame, and I'm hating myself for that.

A very good hearted person like him died in an unexpected way. An accident that no one would've thought of.

"I hope he would forgive me Nat." I sobbed.

"He would forgive you Max, he would." As he cried along with me.

How I really wish he could hear how sorry I am for his death.

*******************

ZEE'S POV

"Aaaahhhhh.. baby Nunu. Nunew.. why?" As I throw the battle of beer that I drink. I cry again and again cuz the pain is just too much for me.

The pain of trying to let him go then doesn't compare to the pain of losing him forever.

I clutched my chest tightly as the pain started to ache again.

Everything that happens feels like it just happened yesterday. The pain that I'm feeling had never lessened in any bit, it even double in every passing days. I don't even know how long was it since he died  all I know he left in this world because of me. It was my fault.

All of this happened because of me and I won't ever forgive myself, never will I forgive.

The days pass, weeks, months I don't know what really is the exact. I was only here inside my condo drowning my self again with alcohol. If I could ever turn back time or maybe if I die this pain I'm feeling would stop and I could see him again.

That maybe is the right thing to do. If I die all this would stop. This suffering, this grieving, this pain, this guilt, this all I went through this past months would be over, and I could see him again right?

I am so tired of living, cuz leaving is real and his dying is too unreal for me. All I want is to see him again and the only way is to follow him. Maybe I could see his face again. I could hold him again. Tell him my sorry over and over again.

I pick up the broken glass that was on the floor. If I die life would not be unfair anymore. I am determined to see him again. I wanted to see his face again, to see his smile and to hear his beautiful voice.

I want to hug him tightly and told him how much I miss him.

I could do all that if I follow after him.

I held the sharply broken glass and pointed it closer to my wrist. "This is the only way I could see you again my Nunu."   With no hesitation I instantly cut my wrist deeper. I felt how it cuts me as the blood spilled and burst out from my wrist.

I slowly lost strength as I felt my blood dropping on the floor and all over me.

If you ask if it's painful, no. The pain in my heart is nothing to compare than this. This pain is nothing than the pain of his death. Now I can see him again.

My eyes slowly close on its own. I'm not gonna be tired of living anymore as I'll be leaving in this world. I could go to see him now.

"Nunu my baby we're going see each other now"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The siren of the ambulance stops at the entrance of the hospital.

They immediately pulled down his almost lifeless body out of the ambulance as the medic came instantly.

They immediately checked the patient and saw he was bleeding so bad and it was like he was not gonna live anymore.

"Please save my brother." Tutor pleading the doctors as his tears started to fall.

They immediately tend to his wrist that was covered to stop the bleeding and they wrap his wrist tightly. Then they put the oxygen mask on as the doctor can detect and hear a little bit of heart beat from him. One doctor went up above Zee pumping his chest trying to get his heart beat back again.

When the heart beat starts to come back to him they hurriedly take him to the emergency room. Tutor who's there instantly followed them inside.

He saw the doctors and the nurses helping his brother to stay alive.

"Phi..God what have you done to your self." As he continued to cry for his brother.

"I shouldn't have left for work. You wouldn't be here and hurt yourself if I just take care of you and never leave you this day." He blame himself.

For the last months since Nunew died he never left his brothers side. He was there taking care of him as he would always drown himself with an alcohol. Even his wine that's been display on his bar cellar he had been drinking it and it was almost out. But thankfully Tutor was there making him eat forcing him to stop from drinking and making him eat.

Zee would follow his brother but sometimes he would have lock himself to his room and cry or even break the bottles and so as Tutor would be there to hug him and comfort him.

It was been okay like that but today Tutor came to his brothers company to get some files and other works to deal with. He thought his brother would be okay leave on his own, but when he came back he felt like life was taken out of him when he see his brother were bath on his own blood. He cut his wrist to Tutor's horror.

He knows it would come a time he would harm himself. He didn't know it would be like that. When he discovered his brother did to himself he immediately call for help. Now he was here watching his brother almost lost his life.

"Gege. What have you done." He cried.

"The patient had lost so much blood. He would not take long. We need blood transfusion now." Doctor hurriedly inform other doctors and nurses.

Tutor heard it couldn't believe what he was hearing. His brother would die soon

"Where's the patient guardian?" One of the doctors ask.

"It's me doc. I'm his brother." Tutor said raising his hand.

"We would need your parents approval first." He said makes Tutor frown.

"I'm old enough to decide. I can approve to that." He said

"No sir, I'm sorry but your parents should be the one to approve. It's the procedure." He said calmly but Tutor wanted to burst out his anger. His brother is going to die and they need an approval to get him a blood transfusion and that's crazy.

But he needs to calm down. Even if he doesn't want to.

"Our parents is not here in Thailand. They live in China." I instantly explain.

"Then you should call them to get their approval." The doctor said again. Then there's another way to get their parents approval.

Even if he didn't plan to tell their parents about this as he doesn't want them to worry but they need to know. They have the right to know.

He immediately got his phone and dial his parents.

It takes a minute before they answer.

"Hello son. What's with the call late at night." His father answers. It's like he was just came from sleeping.

"Dad." He started as he try to hold back his sobbing.

"I need you here dad." He said as tears and sobbed escape in his mouth. He don't want them to worry but he can't keep on being calm right now.

"Son. What happened?" His fathers voice was now alert.

"It's Gege, dad." He said.

"What happened to Zee? Tell me what happened Tutor." He now sounds worried as he heard his son talking about his big brother.

"What happened love" Tutor heard his mother on the line.

"Gege needs you here, he's dying dad." He finally said.

"What are you talking about Tutor. Son don't talk something like this. If this is a joke don't play around please." His father said, but he cried even more.

"They need blood transfusion as he lost so much blood. They need your approval dad. Talk to the doctor please." He said.

"Where's the doctor give it to him." Then Tutor handed the phone to the doctor who was waiting for his father's approval.

Then he heard the doctor explain the situation to his father and then the next thing the doctor nodded to what his father said and give back the phone to Tutor while the doctor came back and walked to inform his other doctors to proceed on the operation.

He saw his brother was taken in to the operating room.

Then he put the phone back to his ear.

"Dad they're taking him to the operating room." Tutor said sobbing.

"Son where now booking a ticket in a early flight we can have." His mom said on the phone now.

"Don't worry baby your dad and I will be there on time" she said.

"Tur, listen to me son." As his dad take the phone from his mom.  "Be calm and wait for us. The doctor will do anything they can to save your brother." He heard his dad said and he said yes while nodding.

"Will be there any time soon, son" He said before they said goodbye to him.

When the phone cuts he felt weak and sat on the bench near the operating room as his tears started to fall again.

He was blaming himself for what happened to his brother. If he didn't just go for work he could have prevent this to happened.

Hours pass before the doctor comes out the operating room and declare that his brother is now out of danger.

Tutor sigh in relief as he heard it and tears fall again in his eyes.

They take Zee to a private room as he followed after. He was relieved that his brother is still alive.

But seeing how his brother doesn't hesitate to kill himself just to follow the one he makes him angry. Why was life soo easy to his Phi. Why didn't he thinks about them. He wants to get angry at him but right now the most important is to make sure that from now on his brother would stay alive and never harm himself again.

+++

It was 6 in the morning when Mr. and Mrs. Wang arrive at the hospital. They immediately went to the room where Zee's at.

When they arrive at the room they saw their son Zee lying in bed while a monitor was attached to him as there youngest Tutor who instantly stand when he saw them.

Tutor walk to his parents and hug them immediately.

"I'm sorry I didn't take good care of him." He said while his parents hug him tightly.

"Don't blame yourself son." Mr. Wang rubbing his son's hair.

"Tell us what happened to your big brother, baby." Mrs. Wang ask his son while holding his face wiping it to dry.

"Do you remember Nunew mom?" He ask, his mother frown.

"Yeah, of course I remember Nunew. Zee would never fail to tell me about him. He is the reason why your brother stays in Thailand." Mrs. Wang said.

"What happened to that boy? What does he do to him?" Mr. Wang felt his anger as he could see his son  was not doing good and had that to happen to him because of that person.

He wasn't angry at his son to stay in Thailand and build his own business as he wouldn't leave for a reason that he had someone he love so much in this place. He was upset then yes, but angry No.

But now that this happened how can he not be angry anymore.

"That boy died six months ago dad. He got into an accident trying to go after Phi Zee when Phi decided to leave for good, as he was going to Europe." They went speechless. Mr. Wang's anger dissolve in second.

"You know how phi loves him so much, right? He was about to get married but he run away to go after Phi, but he got an accident and died. Phi couldn't accept his d3eath that's why he try to kill himself last night."

"Ohh God.. my son" as Mrs. Wang started to cry of what his oldest son had went through. How could they be called a parents when they didn't know that this happened to him.  "How can we let this happen to him love?"

"He is okay now love. He's out of danger." Mr. Wang said try to comfort while hugging his wife as she continues to cry. He wanted to blame himself for not doing anything for his son when he was here struggling for the past months. He sighs deeply as he still hugs his wife

They walk to Zee and hold his hands trying to say sorry for not being there for him when he needs someone to hold on.

They were in the room for an hour waiting for Zee to wake up when someone knock the door and open it.

Tutor who was sitting on the edge of the bed look back and saw Mr. and Mrs. Keerati who came in with a worry look on their eyes. The Wang's frown didn't expect someone to come.

"Mr. and Mrs. Keerati good morning." Tutor greeted as he waid to them.

M

"Good morning nong Tutor. Is Zee okay?" Chai asked as he looked at Zee and he noticed other person in the room. He look at the man and frown that it was familiar to him then he realized some we 8lthing.

It was the business tycoon Jiro Wang and his wife Jane Wang.

"I'm sorry we barge in just like that." Chai said apologizing to the spouse as they both walk closer to them.

"It's okay. Hi, I'm Jiro Wang. You are?" Jiro ask.

"Hello Mr. Wang. I'm Chai Keerati and this is my wife Pat Keerati." He introduced his wife who bowed to the couple as she then introduced herself to the wife of Jiro Wang.

"Hello I'm Pat Keerati."

"I'm Jane Wang, Zee's mother." Jane said extended her hand to Pat.

"Nice to meet you. I'm the mother of Zee's friend" she said.

"They are Nunew's parents." Tutor interrupted that makes the Wang speechless.

"My condolences." Mrs. Jane said sadly when she finds the courage to talk.

"My condolences." Mr. Jiro Wang said.

"Thank you." The Keerati reply in unison.

The Wang's can see the sadness in their eyes.

"Is Zee okay?" Chai ask interrupted the silence that went over them.

"He's okay now. Thank you for asking." Jane replies. Mr. and Mrs. Keerati repl lol

"What happened nong?" Pat now asking.

"He try to take his life aunty." Pat gasp and Chai instantly look at Zee in sadness.

They couldn't believe that Zee would do such a thing.

"Ohh God. He must still blame himself for what happened to Nunew." Pat said and look down on her feet.

"We're sorry that this happened to Zee." Chai said

"No. You don't have to say sorry, it's not your fault." Jiro replies assuring them that it's fine.

Before Chai could say anything they heard Zee groan indicating that his starting to wake up.

Zee slowly open his eyes and look at everyone in the room. He look so lost.

"Son. How are you?" Jiro started to ask. When Zee remembered again his eyes started to water as tears slowly streamed down on his face. He shake his head couldn't believe that he was still there, alive and still breathing.

"It's okay son." His mother said as he hold his hand.

Zee feel the pain again. He sobbed and still shake his head. For all the things that happened to him why was he still there that's what all on his thoughts.

"Mom.." as he started to talk and cry.  "He's gone. It's all my fault."  He started to blame himself.

"Son. It's not your fault." Jiro try to calm his son.

"Why am I still here. You shouldn't let me live." He said. Tutor felt anger as he heard his brother not valuing his life anymore as the valued his very much.

"What do you want us to do. Let you die because that's what you wanted?" Tutor started to shout to his brother.

Zee stop and look at Tutor but his tears never leave.

"You want us, your family would went through the same as you and them." As he pointed out the Keerati who was looking at Zee all worried.

"You don't understand..aah. He's dead because. He is gone because of me." Zee shouted in cry.

"And you think killing yourself will make you feel better? No Phi, Never." Tutor reply in a cold way. Zee cried even more and didn't respond.

"And you know what. I know Nong Nunew will never forgive you for trying to kill yourself last night." He said that make Zee look up to him as slowly stop crying.

"He surely gonna hate you for what you did now Phi." Tutor continue.

"Son. What happened was not your fault, it was an accident that know one can predict." Jiro said looking at his son.

"But it's painful dad. It's even painful than this." As he pointed his wrist that's he had cut.

"And you need to be strong and fight the pain son." Jane says trying not to cry as she saw her son in pain.

"How? I don't want to lived anymore. I want to go to him." He said as he clutch his chest in pain.

"Then at least lived with his memories Zee." Chai interrupted. Zee immediately look up to Nunew's father. It's like he now only realizes that the Keerati was there, that Nunew's father was there.

"We are in pain too, son. Each passing day is too painful to bear. Nong Tutor was right Nunew wouldn't forgive us if we did something, like taking our lives." Chai continue to tell Zee that makes him speechless.

"You know that he would never blame for what happened to him. So never blame yourself for something we don't have any control of" As he continue.

"We might never move on, son. But let's move forward along with Nunew's memories." Pat said as tears fell in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Aunty Pat, Uncle Chai. I never know." Zee said sorry as he continues to cry.

Pat and Chai slowly come to his other side and hold his hand.

"Stop saying sorry to us or to yourself Zee son" Pat as he was rubbing his back to comfort him.

"My son would be happy up where he is right now if he sees you not blaming yourself anymore." Chai smile.

Zee nodded as he was thinking the right way now. They are right, Nunew would never be happy seeing him doing something like this. He needs to move forward and most importantly he needs to say sorry to him for trying to harm himself.

"Let's move our life forward as someday we might be able to meet him again, we become stronger, and I know he would be happy to see that." Pat said as she wiped her tears and smiled and Zee nodded slowly as tears streamed down again in his eyes.

***************

After 10 months

ZEE'S POV

"Good morning, Nunu baby. How are you?" I greeted him as I placed down the pink rose above his grave.

Pink rose is his most favorite so every time I visit him which is every morning I would always bring a single pink rose to give him.

It has been ten months since I almost killed myself. I am still coping with his death as it's still painful for me, but now I have a purpose to move forward. With his memories that I am always looking back to. Every time it's hard to go with my day and my life or even when I started to missed him. Our memories together have always been with me and my strength to go on.

When I was out of the hospital my parents talked to me about visiting a psychiatrist as they were worried of me as I might have a tendency to do something to myself again.

I was a bit hesitant at first but in the end I agreed to them as I know to myself that I'm not okay.

"This is the last day of my visit to the doctor baby. Wish me luck okay?" I said as I wipe the small dirt on his grave.

"I am nervous actually." As I laugh talking to him.

My doctor told me back then that my every visit and talk to Nunew would help me to cope from his death and somehow that really helps me.

I may not hear his voice but visiting him would always makes me happy and makes my day.

I was thankful that the people around me were always there to support me in every way. My graving of him turns to be now a motivation of me to go on in life as my family and Nunews family were there to always support me.

Nunew's parents became my second parents as I've always been there for them and visiting them every day. I now started to call them ma and pa as they insisted, and I was happy to calm them that.

Life was now bearable for all of us.

"You know what baby yesterday I learn to draw a sunset. That wasn't easy you know it was really hard. I was even curious of how could you do it when you don't have any references. We even have a picture to guide but it's still ugly." I pouted. It's like I was really talking to him in person.

"If you see it you would laugh at me." I laugh to myself.

Will five months ago I went to an art training trying to learn what Nunew had been doing. But it was hard, but it makes me happy as I was thinking my Nunew would be happy to know that I've learned what he love to do.

Many things I did that I know he would love to hear from me.

Now Nunew may have gone in our life but he would never leave in our hearts and in our memory.

_________________________________________________________________

I've been hurting you all for the four chapters I updated and I'm deeply sorry for that.

This update stops here but it doesn't end here. This story has more potential than my writing skills I promise. There's more to it than you all are expecting and we're not even reach in the middle of this story yet.

Zee needs a happy ending you agree right? Of course he needs a happy ending.

I would still give Zee a happy ending he deserves so please wait patiently.

See you again after the holidays end.

Your author Tiffy saying goodbye for now.👋🥰

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance 🌲❄️