Chapter 11

ZEE'S POV

When the taxi stops at the hospital I immediately came out. Someone hold my shoulder and I look back. It was Tutor who's eyes were swollen from crying.

"Where is Nunew, nong?" I immediately ask as I holds back my emotions.

"Phi.. You have to be strong please." He said as tears started to fall on his eyes.

"Stop it Tutor. I'm not playing here.  Where is he.  What ward? What's his room number? Is he in the emergency room? Come on let's go.. I need to check if his okay." As I try to walk the Emergency door of the hospital, but he stops me and hold my arm.

"He's in the mourge Phi." Tutor said. My anger boils as I shove his hands and hold his collar.

"I said don't play with me, Tur. What's wrong with you." I shouted at him. God what is wrong with him. All I just need to know is his room number why can't he say it.

Net who was there try to stop me from hurting my brother.

"Come on Zee.. you'd hurt your brother."

"Why can't you just tell me his room number." I shouted again as anger filled me and my eyes sting with the emotions that I tried to hold back.

"Cuz he's not in any of the room number in this hospital phi.." he shouted back and pull my hands away from him.

I went silent and look at him unbelievable.

"If you think I'm playing games here. Come here." Then he pull me to where he wants me to go.

When we turned left I saw the word Mourge written in bold in the hallway.

I want to run away from the place. My body tremble This is not true, but I want to see it for my self right so I didn't need to run. Nunew is not dead.

My breath coming faster as we walk inside. Then I heard a loud cries. A familiar voices that now crying in agony.

My breath stops as the world stops0 when I saw them. All of them. The people that I've known. The people that he loves. The people that I know has been part of our lives.

"Oohh..Nunu baby. Wake up now,  your mommy is here. Please baby wake up."

Mrs. Keerati and Mr. Keerati crying in despair. They were holding on to a dead body that covers in white sheet.

"Aahh this is my fault. I shouldn't have let him go. Nunu my grandson. I'm so so sorry." Mr. Pen Keerati who was on the floor while aunty Ja was holding him as she was also crying uncontrollably.

"This is my fault.. aaahhh, Nat. This is my fault I shouldn't have let him go. I shouldn't have..aahh"

Then Max who was kneeling in the ground shouting and crying while a guy was holding him. And Keng who was also kneeling but was crying in silence as he was holding his chest.

Nunew's friends that I know the name of Firstone, Tle and Latte, they were crying and shouting in agony calling Nunew's name.

I was speechless as my body started to go weak. I don't believe this thing. I shake my head.

I think I'm having a nightmare. Nothing of this is all true.

" Ahhh my son, my baby.. honey. This is not true tell me. My son is not dead. Our son is alive, he's not dead" Pat shouted while shaking his husband.

"Pat.. I don't even know anymore. I wish this was all a dream too." Chai said crying even more. Then he hug her tightly.

"You need to wake me up now. This is just a dream.. all of this is not true. My son is alive.." he tried to convince herself.

Just like me I'm convincing myself cuz I know  this was all a dream right?  Fuck, who am I kidding here.

I'm already telling that to myself from we're in the airport to here but I'm still not waking up from this fucking nightmare that I said to my self.

I need to face this nightmare cuz I can't accept this just like that. I can't.

I slowly walk to the covered body and they all stop when they saw me.

When I was close to him that's when I realized my tears were falling in my eyes without me knowing.

Never in my whole life I wanted a dream or want a nightmare just like this. Not with my Nunu.

My hand slowly went to the sheet trembling. Then slowly I open the sheet. When I saw it my world literally drop on me as I drop along on the floor. His burned hand drop and his engagement ring and the bracelet that Max had gifted him were in it.

I couldn't believe what I see. I don't want to believe what I see. My Nunew is not died and that's what I wanted to believe. Not when I saw his half burn face and his other half face was all cut and bruise with what it went through. His ear that has a heart earrings that I know I've gifted to him in one occasion.  His wedding suit was still intact but has slight burn in it.

I don't want to believe that this is happening, but what do i really want to believe?

Even if I want to deny it, anyone who could see him would instantly recognize it was him so what do I want to believe in?

What do I want to make myself believe.

But I can't. I just can't accept it.

The one that I love so much is now dead? I can't accept it.

Who would want to accept it. Not me, no not me.

I Don't Accept anything like this.

My tears never stop to fall as then I felt someone hold my shoulder. Then I notice Mrs. Keerati kneeling in front of me. I look up to her and saw her smiling confusedly.

"Zee.. maybe you know where my son is?" Mrs. Keerati ask that makes confused while staring at her. The look in her eyes makes me want to go crazy. She looks hopeful. It's like he is mirroring my feelings right now. Cuz god we both don't accept that he is dead even if there's body of him an evidence that he is gone forever.

FOREVER?

No..

"He was with you right?" She ask me again that makes me stop and just look at her.

Now who can I make my self believe that he's alive when I want to ask that same question to her, to them. To anyone in the room.

"He said he is going to chase his happiness. You're his happiness. Maybe his with you. Can you call him please. Tell him to go home." She said again as his agony was mixed with hope. But what would I tell her.

How should I call him?

Nunew isn't with me. I know that to myself, he isn't with me, so how am I supposed to do the things she wanted me to do.

Tell me who are going to tell us that Nunew is not died, that his really alive. Is there no one?

"Stop this Pat. Stand up. Zee doesn't have to answer you. He's here." Mr. Keerati said as he pointed the dead body on the table.

"That's Nunew. Whether we accept this or not. His there Pat. His dead . So please.. stop this now please."

He shouted that makes everyone in the room look at him. The gentle man, the very composed man I know is slowly losing his self.

He kneel in front of his wife and hold her shoulder. He look at her in the eyes while his tears was falling rapidly.

"I can't accept this too, Pat. I can't. But.. oohh Pat But who would we want to lie to. He's dead, he's gone and we can't make him come back. We can't and I can't accept that" He bawl and cry even more that makes me clutch my chest.

His every word is like a knife that cutting my heart so much deeper. It soo deep that it's feels like it bleeding inside along with soul.

"If we lie to our self Pat. That means we're lying to our son. If we can't accept this that means, we don't accept him. God, knows I would rather switch places with him." He said again as I listen to everything he said.

"He suffer and die alone, and I couldn't do anything about it. But we have to accept this." He said but the look in his eyes don't really want to believe that it's happening that to his son. But who would really accept their son, only their parents. His parents should be the first one to accept his death, and no one else. Even if it's hard even if it's killing them, they had to.

"Aahh..Even if it's hard, even if it's killing me. I..I haaah I need to, we need to Pat.. so we can send his soul in the peaceful place that he needs to be."

"Aahh Chai. This is my fault. I push my son to ran away. If I had known that he would die I shouldn't have let him go. We shouldn't have let him walk away." She said, as Chai embraced her so tightly.

So Nunew ran away on his wedding day and that leads him to die. God I let him die. I should have been there I could have prevented him from running away. He wouldn't be here lying dead if I just fight for him until the end.

I should have not left him last night. I breathe faster as my emotions were starting to get inside of me deeper making me slowly catching my breath. My heart aches, broke and bleed as my cries never even stop for a second.

"This couldn't have happened if I didn't tell him" Max said that makes us all look at him immediately.

"He wasn't supposed to go to Zee." I was shock of what he said.  What is he talking about?. I slowly stand and walk to him.

"W-what are you talking about Max" I ask when I find my voice.

"The gift you said I should give after the wedding. I gave it to him earlier Zee. After he read your letter he decided to cancel the wedding instantly. He drove off to the airport to go after you" He explained while his cry never stops. I was stunned by what he said.

"Is that why you called me?" Tutor ask Max in shock and I look at him frowning in confusion. Max called him?

"What do you mean he called you Nong?" God I can't take this. I don't want to hear what they would say next.

"He called me hours ago before you came inside the departure area. I ask why he ask me your time of flight but he put down the phone after a told him. I thought it was nothing Phi so I didn't told you." Tutor said and my knees go weak as I knelt on the floor.

"I ask the time of flight to Tutor cuz we've called you many times but you're unreachable. When I know the time I just turn off cuz Nunew was in a hurry to catch your flight Zee." Max again. Everything becomes hazy and my mind doesn't want to hear anything from them anymore.

"I didn't know he would go to you Phi. I didn't know gege." I heard Tutor said while he started crying but I don't want to hear anything more. Please, I want them to stop. God why are you doing this to me?

"Zee.. he just wants to go to you." Max said that makes me shake my head.

"Gege, I'm sorry. I should have told you about the call."

"Stop..stop stop, please." I mumbled as pain was killing me inside. I slowly stand and look back to his dead body that's now been covered again.

I can't accept this. Not the truth that he ran away just to come to me. I just can't cuz right now I want to kill myself, cuz the reason his dead is because of me.

I walk slowly to him and in every step I take is a painful reality that hitting me so badly. How can this be. The one I love laying in the bed lifeless and forever gone because of me, because of my stupidity.

When I'm in front of him I slowly hold his hand that had burns and hold him tightly. I can feel his cold hand reminding me the truth that he is dead. The pain in my heart even double and it was too painful to even bear it. I bawl and cry clasping his hand putting it on my chest. God just last night I can hold his body but now only holding his hand the thing I can hold and it's so hurt, so painful.

How could this all happened with just an hour that I left. I said I'm letting him go but not like this kind of letting go. This is never a letting go that i would ever wanted.

"Nunu.. ahh. Why? You shouldn't have come to me.. You shouldn't have. ahh God, bring him back to me please. This is not true." As I break down and cry in pain and agony. How can I let this happened.?

"I'm sorry I didn't know baby. I'm so so so sorry Nunu baby." As I shake my head  "God, No I can't take this. Nu-Nuneww..." I whimper and cry even more. It's too painful. I don't know what to do. It's like I can't ever take the pain away.  What do I do Nunew. What do I do. The pain is unbearable. It's aching and burning inside of me. What can I do to take this pain. Ohh no, I deserve this pain cuz I'm the one who did this to you.

I can't even imagine the pain and the suffering he went through before he died. Why did God make him experience the death he doesn't deserve. He doesn't deserve all of this. This is not how it supposed to be.

Nunew is too good to die and suffer in a cruel way. I can't accept this.

I want to be angry to everything. To everyone and especially to my self.

WHY?

This is my fault, all of this. I am the one who should die and not him. If I could just turn back time. I would have prevent this to happen

He wouldn't be here dead.

But nothing can change. Nothing will ever change. He's already dead.. and the time won't go back.

All I can do is to blame my self. Hate myself for doing this to him.

"Please forgive me Nunu. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry Nunu... I'm so sorry..aahh baby Nunu. Sorry" as I continue to say my sorry now hugging his dead body as I whimper on pain and cried painfully.

+

All that's heard in the room was the cries of agony and misery everyone is at.

No one is in the room is accepting the reality that Nunew is already dead. Even if it's all real and his in front of them. No one really wants to.

Everyone in that room are blaming themselves for what happened to him and all they can do is blaming, as he is forever gone and would never come back anymore.

Life had ended for Nunew and there was nothing they could do to bring it back.

And the cry continues to echo the whole place.

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THE FUNERAL

Every person they know, the families relatives and friends came in the last day of Nunew's memorial.

It was the last day they would be sending him off to his last and final day and many had come giving their last condolences to the family.

The patriarch Pen Keerati was thankfully didn't get any heart attack in the day they had found out Nunew's death but he had wish in many times that he would die along with his grandson. Wishing to see him again but guess it wasn't his time yet. He just need to wait for the time his grandson would come and get him.

Pat was never been good since. She was breathing but not living anymore. All the days of the memorial she didn't talk to anyone. She only cries and blame herself for what happened.

Chai who's doing everything he can to not crumble down. Doing everything he can do be strong even if his about to lose his hope on life, but he needs to be strong, he have to as his wife and his father still needs him. He needs to be there for them even if it's really really hard for him.

Max who was still blaming himself and wishing to turn back time. He was there with his family and Nat who his family didn't talk to for their attention was only for the supposed to be their sons husband. They don't want to say anything with the family. Didn't want to blame them as they didn't know this could happen to Nunew. They were there to give their support as the Keerati lost the most precious thing in their life.

Keng who couldn't do anything about his dead friend had been also crying along with Firstone, Tle and Latte. All they did was to cry on deswwww\pair. They didn't just lost a sweet and loving friend. They lost someone they had cared and loved  and it was painful for them all, it is not very easy for all.

And Zee, Zee never leaves Nunew's side. He was always at his coffins side always staring as tears would unconsciously streams on his eyes. He was still on the point of believing and not believing at all. He would come to the point where he unconsciously close his eyes and when he thought he was just dreaming he would wake up to the reality that it was really true. Nunew was there, Yes. Lying inside his coffin dead and wasn't breathing.

Zee would cry even more and everyone who was witnessing his pain and looking at him would cry in anguish. The pain he was feeling they all can feel it.

When Zee was just there, never standing, never sleeping and eating, Chai would always be there giving his wife and Zee a water stay on.

Tutor also who was holding on for his brother even if he also cried every time would always and be there to help the family and especially his brother Zee. Nunew has also been a good friend to him and his death was painful to him too. But he have to hold on for his brother's sake.

Tutor never saw his brother in the kind of situation before and it's so painful for him to see it.

Now here they are sending Nunew off. Sending him to his final destination.

Zee was just standing in front. In a brink of falling apart at any moment. He was staring at Nunew's absentmindedly never want to look at anything else only the casket Nunew was in.

Pat standing close to his son's casket while Chai standing at her back slowly losing reasons to move from this all. He never imagine a day like this would be coming. A day where they would be sending their son off to his final destination.

As a parent it's very painful to witness your son death, that you could just wish to be the one who's on that position and not them.

When the casket slowly put on from the ground each of the family friends and anyone who's their take their flowers and put it above his casket as a sign of goodbye to Nunew. Each and everyone of them cries in agony.

Then grandpa Pen put the flower as letting go of his beloved and one and only grandson who he wish to meet when he die soon. He would never forget his sweet grandson, instead he would forever be reminded of guilt that it come to his death.

Chai was next to put the flower on. His knees slowly went down on the ground. Now is the last time and even if he wanted to be strong in that moment he just can't do it. He was slowly taken his own life with how painful everything is.

Why does it have to be his son. Why isn't just him who would be inside that coffin and not him.

It was now he was just realize he was already gone forever and would never coming back to him.

If he just knew he would have hugged him more, and hugged him longer and kissed him on his check just like his wife would always do. He could have said I love you too when he said it the last time they all talk. He should have said it. He should have tell him how much he miss him.

But it's too late now. His son couldn't hear it anymore.

All they could do is to grieve for his death.

Pat cried even more. For all the days she cried she never run out of tears to cry on and that's the thing she had been doing, but today her pain doubles as he couldn't take anymore. Her sweet little love, her baby, her one and only son is gone out of her. She could never bring him back. She can't hold him ever again. How was it soo painful, that his own flesh and blood who came out from her. Who she cherish, who she always hug and comfort when time get though for him. The baby she carried in her arms for years is now dead.

Her baby is dead and she can't accept. Even a million years would come she would never want to accept that he is gone forever.

He went down as the flower in her hands she clutch into her chest wishing it was his son he would be hugging and not this flower.

But guess she could only wish.

When she finally put the flowers on top of his sons casket her husband Chai came to her and hug her tightly giving each other strength.

When it was Zee's turn, he was the last one to put it on. He shakes his head when Max and Tutor encourage him to let the flower go and put it above.

He just couldn't. He don't want to.

It's like he was letting go of him, but he didn't want to let go. It's very very hard for him to let him go. How can he let go on someone he love so much in this kind of way.

"Phi.. it's time to let him go." Tutor said and everyone looked at him waiting for him to put the last pink rose in his hand. He look at the family Keerati who was still crying while looking at him waiting for his turn. Then he slowly walk to the family Keerati and knelt in front of them.

They all went shock of what he just did as there tears stop looking at him confused.

"I'm so so sorry Aunty, uncle, grandpa Pen. I didn't know he would come to me. If I had known. I should have never go. I'm so sorry." As Zee cry in pain bearing the guilt and agony and pain in his heart. He never once forgive himself for what happened to Nunew.

"This is all my fault. He's dead because of me." As he blame himself. The three of them look at each other.

Chai immediately held Zee as Pat knelt in front of him.

"We never blame you son." Chai started.  "It was never your fault. No one expected it to happen."

"You were never at fault to what happened Zee. It's so painful but it's not your fault that he die. We didn't know. If we have known we could have stop him from driving that time." Pat said crying as she hug Zee tightly and both sobbed.

Pat let's go and look at Zee again.

"Never blame yourself." She said again sobbing in pain as he hold Zee's hands.

Pen came close and pat Zee's shoulder.

"We're happy that in his last day he chooses you, his happiness. The sad part was he had never reach on you." Pen said that make Zee bawl and cry even more.

"If I could just turn back time." He sobbed.

They both think of that but nothing would change now, and they need to accept it.

He is gone and would never ever come back to them..

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This chapter is too painful for me and  to everyone of you. Many times I wanted to take down all the chapters, but I wanted this story to flow in the way it was supposed to.

I know you wanted to hate me but that's how this story goes.