CH 73

It was still studio A8.

The familiar recording studio, the familiar Peng Xiangzhi and Dian Dian, also the familiar Su Chang behind the observation window.

In the blink of an eye, it was winter. Everyone was dressed in thicker clothes. Peng Xiangzhi was wearing black tight jeans with a pair of long knee-high boots and a loose brown sweater. Her hair was still very curly, but she pushed it aside because it blocked her face.

Yu Zhou suddenly remembered how she looked in the summer, a white shirt and a black tight skirt with bold lipstick, which made her too elegant to approach.

The recording of “Shrine” was going to end today.

Yu Zhou didn’t know what to say.

This short audio drama seemed to have brought about earth-shattering changes in her.

For example, if she encountered a girl like Peng Xiangzhi on the street in the past, she probably wouldn’t think that she and Peng Xiangzhi would know each other. How could a girl in a plain T-shirt have much to talk with a woman in ten-centimeter high heels and fiery red lipstick?

But now, Yu Zhou had seen Peng Xiangzhi stuffing herself until she was lying on the sofa and belching, she also had seen her drunk and falling headfirst into her own door.

People were a subject that required exploration and understanding.

Getting along was also a subject that required sincerity.

Su Chang’s last line was the announcement for the last episode.

She said,

“Adapted from the original work by Ba Da Qin Chai, the urban supernatural baihe audio drama ‘Shrine’, season two, episode fifteen, the finale.”

Today, Su Chang was sitting on a high stool while recording. She wore headphones with her back to them and a microphone in front of her.

After recording this line, she put one foot on the ground while the other lightly on the stool’s horizontal bar, slightly rotating the stool.

This small movement brought Yu Zhou back to reality in an instant.

Peng Xiangzhi listened to it again, confirmed that there were no problems and asked Dian Dian to save the project file. She then told Su Chang, “Okay, done.”

But Su Chang didn’t come out. She just turned the chair to face the glass window. Seeing Peng Xiangzhi looking at her, she put her right hand on the edge of the chair, extended her index finger and slowly, pointedly, drew half a circle.

It was a gesture to clear the room. Yu Zhou understood it. She was about to go out consciously when she saw Peng Xiangzhi laugh with a humph and exchange a glance with Su Chang before she patted Dian Dian on the shoulder, “Let’s go out after saving it, have something to eat.”

“It’s done.” Dian Dian moved the mouse a couple of times.

The two of them stood up, with Su Chang slightly swaying the chair inside. Yu Zhou glanced at her and was about to follow Peng Xiangzhi out, but saw Peng Xiangzhi pointing to the seat where Dian Dian had just sat and told her, “You, sit there.”

“Huh?” Yu Zhou was a bit slow to react.

“Aiya, sit there.” Peng Xiangzhi pushed her down on the stool.

Then she and Dian Dian left the studio, closing the door behind them.

Yu Zhou became nervous because only she and Su Chang were left in the recording studio. She knew that Su Chang wanted to talk to her, but she didn’t expect it to happen so quickly. She thought it would be at the wrap party, or at the earliest, after their work and dinner today.

But Su Chang seemed to be in a hurry, preparing to have the conversation in the recording studio.

Su Chang glanced at her, moved her throat and then turned back. She was still wearing her headphones, back to Yu Zhou and facing the microphone.

Yu Zhou watched her back. Today, she wore a gray oversized sweater, tight black pants and Doc Martens, casual and comfortable.

The studio’s excellent sound system could maximize the quality of a person’s voice, including its flaws.

So Yu Zhou heard the nervous breath before she spoke.

Then a voice came from the sound system, from all around.

The person inside said, “Author sama.”

Yu Zhou’s heart pounded.

“Now you have listened to all the recordings, are you satisfied with Shen Bai’s CV?”

The voice was so gentle, so gentle, like a boat transformed by the moon in the night of the deep sea.

“Uh…” Yu Zhou’s throat tightened, “I, I’m satisfied.”

She saw the person inside slightly turn her head, as if to tell her with a small gesture that she couldn’t hear clearly.

So Yu Zhou leaned closer to the microphone in front of her like Peng Xiangzhi and repeated, “Satisfied.”

The words clearly entered the headphones, because she heard the person wearing the headphones, laughing.

It’s killing me…

“So, now that the recording is over, can I ask you some questions?” The voice was soft, as if afraid of disturbing her.

“Yes, you can.” Yu Zhou took a deep breath. She had imagined a thousand ways of having this conversation, but truly, she hadn’t imagined this one.

Communicating through the microphone and headphones, the person inside only gave her a back view, which was like a working posture.

She heard Su Chang sigh. The first question seemed to be tough.

She asked, “Zhouzhou, do you have someone you like?”

There was a bit of nervousness, but not very noticeable. If it wasn’t for the excellent sound system, Yu Zhou probably wouldn’t have been able to tell.

She suddenly understood why Su Chang chose this method. Su Chang was too used to repressing her feelings and not used to expressing herself. But she only had this one chance. She wanted to lay bare all the emotions she had once hidden, using the best equipment, to let Yu Zhou hear clearly.

But being enveloped in such a voice was so tempting, tempting enough to make Yu Zhou feel slightly out of control.

“I do.”

As soon as the words came out, Yu Zhou instantly felt she liked this mode of communication because she could freely watch Su Chang’s back.

She hadn’t looked at her so intently for a long time.

Su Chang’s slow breath made her seem not too surprised, but equally nervous. She asked, “Is it someone I know?”

“Yes.” It’s someone you know.

“Is it me?” This sentence was almost a whisper.

“It’s you.”

Yu Zhou had never intended to hide. From the moment she reached out and wrapped her arm around Su Chang’s neck at her house, she knew that Su Chang had almost guessed it.

She heard a long and slow inhale, followed by a gentle exhale and then a very light laugh, a bit happy, but also a bit… aggrieved.

“Then why… why did you say…”

“Su Chang,” Yu Zhou moved closer to the microphone, her voice shaking a bit, “My problem with you was never about liking or not liking. I’ve always liked you, I liked you before and I still do now. You came to me, I couldn’t control myself because I like you, but…”

Her voice was shaking so much that she had to stop and swallow the bitterness in her mouth before she could continue slowly.

The figure in the recording studio moved slightly, and Su Chang seemed to want to turn back.

Yu Zhou quickly stopped her: “Don’t move, don’t turn around, listen to me.”

Su Chang indeed stopped, quietly standing there with her fingers pinching the side of the chair, a bit at a loss.

Looking at the woman she had loved for over four years, Yu Zhou always felt a sorrow.

“Our problem is that we’re not suitable. You must have felt it, in the latter part of our relationship, we didn’t have much to talk about. Every day when I woke up, you weren’t there, when I went to bed, you hadn’t finished work. Sometimes I could only see you sleeping beside me in a half-dream state. Sometimes we didn’t talk for an entire day and when we made love after we came home, I felt we were both familiar and strange.”

Even though the physical distance between them was negative, she didn’t know what Su Chang was thinking about and doing all day.

Su Chang wanted to speak, but gave up after taking a breath, just quietly listening to her.

“I told you about my work and you didn’t understand. I also felt that talking about those things seemed to annoy you, as if every day I was nitpicking about office politics, about what my boss said to me today and whether she was satisfied with me. You didn’t understand at all why she wouldn’t be satisfied with me. Over time, I even forgot which upsets I had told you about and which ones I hadn’t.”

“And your work was too far removed from me. At that time, I didn’t understand anything about online public opinion,” she laughed a bit, “I was so unknown, I had never experienced any of these things. You probably also thought you didn’t want to worry me, or maybe what you were dealing with wasn’t so pleasant, so you didn’t want to tell me.”

“I thought you weren’t interested,” Su Chang finally couldn’t help but respond.

“At that time, I wasn’t so interested, because I didn’t really like the aloof Su Chang on the internet then.” Yu Zhou’s voice choked up a bit.

So many people on the internet loved you, they seemed to understand you so well, they knew every audio drama you were in, even if it was just a guest performance. They could guess your next work arrangement through clues, they knew what you liked and what you didn’t, where in your character was appealing and what was taboo to you. They seemed to know you even better than I did, even though I shared a bed with you.

So many people treasured her, making Yu Zhou, who had never been acknowledged, feel like an outsider.

They would even confidently say: “Susu is straight, in a certain interview on a certain date, when the host asked her about her boyfriend, she just smiled and said no comment.”

The internet had pieced together a Su Chang, a Su Chang that was completely different from her girlfriend.

And the fact that she was not recognized left her with no grounds to refute.

Su Chang’s back seemed to be shaking and Yu Zhou’s voice was so acidic that she couldn’t hold it back. Tears fell from Yu Zhou’s eyes, making her appreciate this way of communication that preserved the basic dignity of the two.

At least they wouldn’t see each other crying in front of one another.

“I understand a bit now, because I also have some fans now. They message me every day to say good morning and good night. They care about my mood and are afraid I’m unhappy. They care very much about me. They’re like my friends on the internet. I understand a bit now that they don’t need to like the real me. They may just like a certain aspect of me, or perhaps they only like an imagined symbol, or to say, they only like the act of liking me. This act provides emotional value for them, so what the real me is like doesn’t seem that important.”

At least in her interaction with her online fan friends, they are sincere to each other. The wonderful misunderstandings caused by the information gap and never having met face-to-face may not need to be corrected.

“I understand a bit now how you feel about separating the online from the offline world,” Yu Zhou said.

Su Chang paused for a moment before speaking: “Then…”

“Can these be resolved?”

“To be honest, this point seems resolvable. And the issue of us not communicating seems to be solvable once I quit my job and get involved in your work environment. But there’s also the issue of our lives.”

“Mmm,” Su Chang signaled her to continue.

“I used to think that when two people are together, there are some habits that need to be compromised on. But I later realized that whether you take out the trash or not, whether you waste food or not, these are all very minor things. If it were a normal couple, they might just quarrel, bicker, you change a bit today, I change a bit tomorrow and then they just get on with it.”

“But Su Chang, our problem is that before today, you never realized how much I cared about whether you took out the trash, cleaned the house, whether you put the food in the refrigerator, these little things, right?”

Su Chang was silent, then said, “Right.”

“Right, the problem is, I didn’t dare.”

Didn’t dare to repeatedly ask her, didn’t dare to argue with her about it.

“Because I know you’ve always lived like this, I don’t think the process of getting along with me means you have to accommodate my level of consumption and my more frugal lifestyle. I’m afraid you’d think that being with me is a downgrade in consumption. I’m afraid you’d need to lower your original standard of living to accommodate me.”

“I’m not,” Su Chang’s voice also choked a bit.

“I know you wouldn’t think so, but I would. So the problem is with me, Su Chang, it’s me. I don’t have the confidence to reach for the moon and I’ve never believed that the moon should come to me.”

She tried hard to control her sobbing, which sounded like she was just exhaling slowly.

“During this time, being friends with you is actually more comfortable than when we were lovers. We don’t have to force ourselves to live together, occasionally go out to eat, occasionally chat and I don’t have to think so much.”

“But I would think that much,” Su Chang said in a hoarse voice.

Her silhouette quivered slightly as she continued, “But I would think that much. I would want to have you, want you, want to see you every day, want to rely on each other and want to grow old with you.”

I would think a lot about you, seeing a place, hearing a story, all plans about companionship include you.

“You’re just not willing to accept it now because you were broken up with in such an unclear way,” Yu Zhou said.

“I’m not unwilling to accept it.” Su Chang shook her head, “At the beginning of the breakup, I was hurt and upset. I thought I would never look for you again. Every day I told myself to give up, she doesn’t like me anymore.”

Her voice changed, it was thick with nasal sounds and her voice trembled at the end. Even the most professional voice actors could not control it.

“But when all the emotions calmed down, I only realized one thing, which is that I still want to be with you.”

It’s not that she couldn’t accept it, it’s just that there was really no other way.

But Su Chang had no idea how to persist if someone said they didn’t like her, so she waited for a chance to meet again in day after day of restraint, to approach Yu Zhou in a not excessive, dignified and self-respecting way.

“After I met you again, I’ve been thinking that maybe you didn’t stop liking me, it’s just that there are some things I didn’t do well enough. I guess every day, what exactly I didn’t do well, but…” but she got a very difficult test paper, she had no confidence in any question and she didn’t even know if there was a teacher to grade it.

“You said, if I want to compromise with you, it would mean downgrading my consumption. But what if I think the most expensive and desirable thing in the world is you?” Su Chang gripped the chair tightly but her voice was very soft.

Yu Zhou has never known how precious she is. She is passionate, kind and sincere, yet sensitive. She can empathize with many things, even a blade of grass. She has the most fanciful imagination, yet she can lead the most down-to-earth life.

She is the most romantic person Su Chang has ever seen, romantic in the sense that Yu Zhou herself is a combination of practicality and impracticality.

“Zhouzhou, do you know?”

Su Chang swallowed hard.

“I could find a hundred people who are suitable for me, I could find a hundred roommates who get along well, but I…”

“I can only love such a person with all my heart.”

Being suitable is important, but isn’t love important? Isn’t love rare? Should love be given up?

If she feels unwilling, it’s only because she’s unwilling that Yu Zhou gave up love among other options.

Yu Zhou couldn’t speak anymore. It seemed as if her vocal cords were firmly grasped by Su Chang and her heart was swelling disobediently, thumping and trying to occupy her whole body.

“I’ve heard everything you’ve said. I’ll try to do it and work hard to tell you. But can you give us a chance? I don’t want to force you. Can we just let things happen naturally?”

Su Chang asked her this at the end.

In her proudest yet most vulnerable field, through the top-of-the-line equipment, she asked Yu Zhou this.

Yu Zhou was shaken, she admitted, she was truly shaken.

She sniffed her moist nose and agreed.

“Okay, let’s let things happen naturally.”