Four

2 years later

"Brown or blue eyes?"

I glanced over at Katie, who was eyeing a couple of guys at the bar. "Are you picking out a date or a doll?" I joked.

"You're not funny," Katie said, but she laughed.

"She is kind of funny," Izabelle added, spotting the cowboys Katie was watching, and smiling. "If Lucy isn't interested, I'll split them with you. I like both."

"Their backs are to us and you can't see their eyes." I smiled at the absurdity of the conversation that was typical for the three of us.

"With the way they fill out those jeans, who cares about eyes." Izabelle took a pull of her long neck. "I'd give the guy in the dark jeans a ten. The babe in the faded jeans is off the charts. I call dibs on him."

"How would you feel if a guy was ogling you like that?" I asked, trying to keep it light. I'd learned there was a fine line between lighthearted comments and being a killjoy.

Izabelle peeled the wrapper off of her beer bottle, while she thought about the question. "Better to know he's with me because of my hot bod than to think he actually cares."

Both Katie and I started to speak, but Izabelle cut us off.

"No drama tonight, girls. I just want to have fun, and I definitely don't want to think about Scott."

Katie shot me a questioning look silently asking me, Is she okay?

I wasn't sure, but I understood Izabelle wanted to have fun without having us fuss over her. I shrugged at Katie, and she went back to watching the cowboys.

"What's your opinion, Lucy?"

Izabelle rolled her eyes. "She can't answer that. Ogling guys is a sin."

I didn't take the bait. "Dark Jeans has blue eyes and Faded Jeans has brown. I noticed as they passed us. Eyes are always what I notice first about a guy."

"Seriously?" Izabelle flipped her long, straight, shiny black hair. "I always notice how tall they are, then I do my ABCs—abs, booty, and chest."

Katie laughed.

Izabelle frowned, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder. "I feel like I'm a bad influence on you two virgins."

Katie took a long sip of her beer and appeared smug as she flicked her gaze to me. "You don't know everything, Izzy," she said vaguely, trying to get a rise out of Izabelle.

"Why are you looking at Lucy like that?" Izabelle asked as if she knew something was off. "Wait a sec, did you and Brandon..." She made a gesture with her hand.

I choked on my tea. Brandon was a guy I went out with a couple of times last year, but he dropped me after he'd met my cousin Lindsay and now they were planning a wedding. I never even kissed him.

"You told Katie and not me?" Izabelle asked, hurt.

I opened my mouth to tell her I'd never slept with Brandon or anyone else, but Katie spoke first.

"I found out by accident," Katie lied smoothly. "You know how Lucy never likes to talk about herself. If I hadn't come home early that day, I'd never have known."

"You walked in on them?" Izabelle's eyebrows shot up, and her gaze sparkled with fascination.

I wanted to call a time-out, but they were having too much fun.

"Did you actually see them together?" Izabelle waited expectantly.

Katie giggled and leaned over so only I could hear. "You always say she judges you. This will get her off your back."

Lying was just as bad as pre-marital sex, but I kept that to myself and stuck with the truth. "I didn't sleep with anyone."

Izabelle rolled her eyes. "Of course, you didn't."

Several guys stopped to stare at Izabelle; she had the kind of heart-stopping beauty that made people notice. Katie and I got a few looks as well. Together we made a striking threesome—a raven-haired beauty—Izzy, a gorgeous redhead—Katie, and me, a blonde.

Guys usually approached Izabelle first, probably because of her outgoing personality. Like her brother, she had an innate charisma that attracted people and made them want to be around her.

Katie was as striking as Izabelle. When we were younger she had jokingly referred to herself as the ugly duckling, and now she was definitely a beautiful swan. I couldn't wait for our high school reunion so that Katie could show up and amaze everyone that had once been mean to her.

Katie's hair, which had once been the color of a carrot, was now a deep, burnished auburn. She'd gotten contacts after graduation and now, along with perfect skin, Katie's sea-green eyes were one of her best features.

I wasn't sure how to describe myself. I have blue eyes, blonde hair that never needs highlights, but my locks have a mind, or you could say a wave, of their own and they don't like to be tamed. They're always escaping a ponytail and have declared a personal war with the flat iron.

My skin is clear, but I have a duck mouth—my top lip is slightly fuller than my lower lip. My Aunt Karen says that I could fix my mouth with collagen injections, but my dad said not to listen to her and that I'm beautiful. Of course, he's my dad and has to tell me stuff like that, but I still love hearing it and I love him.

God doesn't make mistakes. I'd never want to change anything about me even the flaws. Mama always said, Jesus loves you just as you are.

"What happened to Ava? I thought she was meeting us here." Katie glanced at Izabelle.

"She wanted to stop by the hospital and visit Kyle."

My heart tripped a beat just hearing his name.

I refused to look at Katie, knowing she would be watching me with the same concern she directed at Izabelle whenever someone brought up Scott.

Katie knew me better than anyone so I didn't really understand her friend radar going all red-alert whenever Kyle's name was mentioned because Katie, of all people, should have known I was strong enough not to fall apart.

"How's he doing?" I asked Izabelle, even though I knew the answer to that. Kyle had undergone six surgeries in the last three months to repair the damage to his lower leg caused by an explosion in Afghanistan, and I'd visited him after each one.

That he hadn't been conscious and never knew I was there didn't matter. It wasn't like I thought Kyle would expect a visit from me since he had Ava.

I'd never told Izabelle about what happened between us. It wasn't as if I meant to keep it from her, it just never came up and she was determined that Kyle would get back together with Ava.

Sometimes I wished I could forget about her brother, but whenever I'd meet a guy I liked I would start comparing him to Kyle Huxley. No man had ever made me feel even a glimmer of what I'd felt with Kyle, and I wondered if I was destined to end up alone.

When I was working I'd ask the other nurses about him, and I'd leave him things I knew he liked—a Christian mystery book, sketchpads, pencils, and daisies. I wasn't sure if he liked the daisies or not, but I thought they made the room a little cheerier. I did a watercolor of a sunset on a little canvas and wrote a Bible verse on it for him.

So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.

"He's been down lately, but I guess that's to be expected. Three months in and out of the hospital sucks, but he's being released soon. I'm hoping Ava can cheer him up."

"I'm sure she will," I said with forced enthusiasm.

Katie gave me a sympathetic look but, luckily, she waited until Izabelle had glanced away. They both danced with Faded Jeans and Dark Jeans, leaving me alone with thoughts of Kyle.

He and I had emailed while he'd been in Afghanistan. When I got his first one, my heart did a little jig in my chest just seeing it. I'd waited an hour to open it, just to give myself time to savor the possibility of what he wrote.

Over the years we sent countless emails. I looked forward to them more than I could imagine. I'd even memorized a few of them.

Kyle,

I'm glad to know that you're safe and I pray that you'll continue to stay that way.

Izabelle, Katie, and I went to The Pit tonight. I thought of you. The live band was good. Katie has a crush on the drummer, and I think Izabelle has a date tomorrow night with the lead singer. You probably don't want to hear about this.

I'm taking eighteen college hours this semester, and I've been busy. My counselor says if I keep taking this kind of load, I'll graduate in two more years.

Izzy and Lucy are popular. I guess Izabelle probably told you. It's fun working with your sister. The kids at the hospital seem to love us. The smiles on their faces are priceless. It makes the long days worth it.

I don't want to bore you. I'll stop here. Take care, Kyle. Be safe. God be with you. ~ Lucy

The last four words I typed and deleted at least four times before leaving them.

Lucy,

You could never bore me. I look forward to your emails. Remember what I said about missing the little things? I still do. More than I can say. I wish we could out again, have dinner, and dance. Most of all I miss talking to you.

I keep hearing the song in my head that was on the radio that night. Sometimes I think I hear your voice, which sounds crazy. I'll even catch the smell of strawberries that reminds me of the scent of your hair.

I love hearing about what's going on in your life. It makes me less homesick. The nights are difficult. That's when I think of you the most.

Lucy, the time I spent with you was special to me. I replay it in my mind when the nights are long. I think of you a lot. Sorry if this is too much. I won't blame you if you don't write back, but I want you to.

Write to me about whatever you like. Just write to me. Please. God be with you, Lucy. ~

Kyle

Kyle,

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about you and praying you were safe. Izabelle would have heard if something happened. That gives me a little comfort. I pray for you every day.

Last night I realized how much I don't know about you. I thought we could exchange a few basic facts. I'll start. My full name is Lucinda Ruth Donovan. I was born on August 7th. My favorite color is green. Daisies are my favorite flower. I like to run. The verdict is still out on golf. I love animals and kids. I'm an only child. It's was sometimes lonely. I'd like to have at least two kids. I hope you don't think all of this is silly.

In the summer Dad and I vacation in the hill country. We love to tube the Frio. I think it's one of the most beautiful places on earth. If I could go anywhere in the world, I'd go to Big Bend because that's where my mom always wanted to go, but she never got the chance.

I've been thinking a lot about church. When I was young, I loved it, especially Vacation Bible School. The songs, the stories about Jesus, the crafts, and of course the popsicles are some of my favorite childhood memories.

Last Sunday I got up, got dressed, and drove to a church, but I never went inside. I don't why. That's not exactly true. I'm afraid. I haven't been reading the Bible, and I probably wouldn't fit in there. I don't know why I'm telling you this.

I'll understand if you don't write back, but I really love hearing from you.

I pray God watches over you, Kyle. ~Lucy

Lucy,

When I can't sleep I think of you. That's what I'm doing now. Please don't worry about me. Surviving is one thing I'm good at. Think of things that make you happy.

I'd love to go to Big Bend with you. Maybe someday. Nothing you say is silly to me. In fact, your letters keep me going on days when the darkness closes in on me. You make me smile and there isn't much to smile about here.

Izabelle and I used to go to Galveston in the summers. If I could go anywhere in the world, I'd come home.

My middle name is Michael. I was born on July 17. My favorite color is blue—like your eyes. Daisies were my mom's favorite flower. I like to run, and one day I'd like to play golf.

I read the Bible every night, and I pray. I came across this when I was reading. It helps me and I hope it will help you too.

So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.

It's from Isaiah 41:10. There's more if you want to read it. I read when I'm afraid. I'm afraid of a lot of things, including never seeing you again.

Write me back. I'm praying for you too, Lucy. ~Kyle

I kept writing Kyle until six months ago when Izabelle told me that Ava had broken up with Cade, and wanted to get back together with her brother. I didn't just stop emailing him because that didn't feel right.

I wrote less frequently and tried not to open up to him more than I already had for fear of having my heart completely shattered when he came home to Ava.

He asked what was wrong, and I told him I'd been busy. That made me feel guilty. Sure, I was busy but I wasn't completely honest, something I'd come to realize was important to Kyle.

Three months after that, Izabelle got the news that Kyle's camp was bombed and he was missing in action. The news was devastating and during those horrible days, when I'd feared I'd never see him again, I realized how much I loved him.

I went to church for the first time since my mom died, and I prayed with all my heart for Kyle. I'd read some of the Bible and knew that God had a plan for his children. I was a new believer still searching for answers, but I knew one thing for certain. Kyle belonged to God, and God wasn't giving up on him.

Maybe he wouldn't give up on me either.