Twenty-Two

Three days later he confronted me.

When I went to get the door I figured Katie had misplaced her key again but Kyle was standing on my doorstep wearing dark slacks, a blue dress shirt and a tie. He looked like a dashing young CEO. Seeing him made my heartache.

I considered forgetting about Ava and begging Kyle's forgiveness, but the nagging thought of her being right haunted me. They'd loved each other since they were five years old.

What she'd said made sense. If Kyle loved me, then we'd still end up together. I guess I was afraid to test our new relationship and afraid to find out that he loved her more. He grew up with her, and made love to her. You can't compete with that.

"Did you lose your phone?" he asked in a deceptively casual tone. I knew Kyle well enough to know that he was angry.

Opening the door wider, I stepped aside. "Come in."

His ocean blue eyes fastened on mine, and I felt my resolve crumble. I looked away quickly. Kyle stepped inside, turning to me the moment I closed the door, but he didn't say anything just waited for me to explain.

I swallowed hard. "You look very handsome."

His brows lifted. "Let's skip the small talk, please. It's been a long day."

"I think we need a break." Saying the words felt wrong, and I wanted to take them back.

He tensed but didn't seem surprised.

"If we see other people, we'd know for sure what we have is real." My voice shook and my heart pounded. Trembling, I looked up at him, fully expecting his anger but he was strangely silent.

"You want to see other people."

"No!"

"Lucy," he said gently. "I spoke with Ava. She's going through a rough time. I wish she hadn't confronted you, but she did. She knows it was wrong. It's done. This can all be forgotten if you will let that happen."

He will always love her more.

"Avoiding a problem won't make it go away."

He sucked in a breath and gripped the back of his neck. "I know I don't have a job now, but I went to the bank this afternoon to get approved for a business loan. I'm going to start doing carpentry work until I finish my degree. It's not much, but I'll be able to make a living." His expectant gaze met mine as if he believed what he was saying made a difference.

He thought his lack of employment was a problem. Another crack pierced my heart. "You'll be successful whatever you do. It's not that."

"Then what is it?" he asked, puzzled. "Because I've been thinking about it for three days, and I can't figure out what I did to deserve you ghosting me."

The words cut deep. "I love you, but you need time to work out your feelings for Ava."

Kyle stared at me in disbelief. "I don't have feelings for Ava to work out."

He's lying!

"You don't know that."

"Yeah, I do know, Lucy." He couldn't completely hide his frustration. "I already know what I want. You. If you're not sure, I'll wait for you while you figure things out."

His words hurt, and I silently begged him to understand. "It's not me that needs to figure things out."

"You sure about that?" He closed the distance between us and reached for me but stopped. His gaze glittered with distrust. "Have you asked God about this?"

"I did."

He nodded slowly as if coming to some realization. "Do what you need to do. I'll be here when you're done, and I'll still love you as much as I do now."

He will never love you as much as he loved her!

I could not believe what he was saying. Tears stung my eyes. Maybe Kyle really did love me. If he did, then what harm could come from a brief separation?

"You can go out with Ava and if you still want to be with me, I'll be waiting for you."

Fire flashed in his eyes. His jaw tightened. "You haven't heard a word I've said."

"I don't want us to break up for good." I felt a tear slide down my cheek. "You made love to Ava."

He flinched at the words. "I wasn't a believer then! If I could take it back, I would but life doesn't work that way. I've asked for God's forgiveness. Now, I'm asking yours."

He wants a woman he can make love to.

"I forgive you, but you will miss having that kind of relationship with your girlfriend." Insecurity was choosing my words, and I felt helpless to stop them.

He stepped closer, and I smelled his aftershave. "I'm a different person. The last woman I'm intimate with will be my wife."

"If would just listen—"

"Listen like you listened to me when I said I didn't love Ava? No, Lucy. This is over. You don't have to make excuses." He turned and strode towards the door without looking back.

"Kyle!" I cried, but the closed behind him.

If I'd done the right thing, why did it feel as if I'd made the worst mistake of my life? I ran after him.

My foot caught on something and suddenly I was tumbling down the first landing of stairs. Something fell with me, chasing me down the stairs. I banged my face against the railing, and a sharp pain shot inside my left wrist.

I lay there stunned. Finally, I lifted my head with effort and my eyes hit on Tyler's skateboard. I groaned.

I searched for Kyle, but he was gone.

***

"You're lucky Miss Donovan." The doctor examined my test results. "You don't have a concussion, which was my biggest concern. You may have a headache for a few days."

I tried to smile, but it hurt. "That's good."

"Your wrist isn't broken, but you do have a bad sprain. You'll have to wear a brace for a couple of weeks. The cuts and bruises are minor and should heal soon. I can give you something for pain," he said, giving me a quick look before turning his attention back to the chart in front of him.

"Thank you."

The nurse came to check my vitals. "Two women and a boy are in the waiting room anxious to see you, Jennifer and Tyler, and Izabelle."

"Thanks. Can I see them now?"

"Sure, sweetie," the nurse said with a smile.

A few minutes later, Izabelle swept into the sterile room instantly, lighting it up with her vibrant beauty. Jennifer and Tyler followed her, their expressions wary.

"The doctor said I'm fine. They're threatening to toss me out," I said trying to lighten the mood. "Just a sprained wrist and a few bruises."

Jennifer and Tyler began apologizing at the same time, and I felt awful for both of them, especially Tyler. I knew he blamed himself because I tripped on his skateboard.

"It was an accident." I squeezed Tyler's hand and smiled at his mother. "I wasn't watching where I was going. I'll feel terrible if you blame yourself for my clumsiness."

That seemed to comfort them and we talked a little while longer before Jennifer said, "If there's anything we can do for you let us know."

I told her I would, knowing I probably wouldn't, and then I was left alone with Izabelle, who'd been uncharacteristically quiet while I talked with Jennifer and Tyler.

"How bad does it hurt?" she asked, frowning.

"Not much. They gave me meds. I'm actually feeling pretty good now."

"You're feeling kind of loopy. Hmm. Guess I can ask whatever I want and you'll tell the truth." The smooth skin between her brows was puckered. "What happened?"

"I tripped. You heard the story."

"We both know there's more to it than that. I've never seen Kyle this upset."

"You told him?"

"No, not this. About you avoiding him." She did not look happy. "I think he deserves to know."

Tears blurred my vision.

"Lucy?" Izabelle whispered, alarmed.

"Kyle and I broke up."

"What?" she asked with surprise. " The two of you are in love. I don't understand."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Don't you? I broke up with him so that he could go out with Ava."

I'd expected Izabelle to be thrilled since this was what she'd wanted all along, but instead, she seemed distraught. "You didn't do this because of me, did you?"

"No. I thought it was the right thing to do."

Izabelle stared at me, her expression clear she did not agree. "Why?"

"I don't want him wondering if he should have tried to work things out with the girl he's loved since kindergarten."

Saying that to Izabelle made a lot of sense. Maybe I had done the right thing.

"That's crazy. Did you do this before or after you hit your head?"

"Why is it crazy? You thought they belonged together too."

"C'mon, Lucy, you know me. I think a lot of stupid things. Look at me." She held out her arms. "I'm a walking disaster. I can't even manage my own life. Don't let me mess up yours."

"It's not you."

"Is this like a Christian thing? You know, love your neighbor, share your boyfriend, blah, blah, blah." She rolled her eyes.

"Why do you say Christian like it's a horrible thing?" I asked gently.

"No offense, but most of those people are hypocrites. Acting all perfect and righteous but talking behind your back and acting like they are better than you."

I heard the pain in her voice. "Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

She plopped into the chair beside my bed. "The church people sometimes visited me and Kyle. Most of the time they pretended not to notice how bad we had it."

"Izabelle, you can't judge all people by the actions of a few. Followers of Jesus aren't perfect, just forgiven."

"Well, Jesus could care less about me." She held up a hand when I started to argue. "Let me call Kyle, please."

"Not now."

"Then I'm calling your dad and Katie."

"Dad would only worry. Katie is in Corpus Christi with the orchestra and there isn't anything she can do."

"You don't want anyone worrying about you. Got it," Izabelle said with an odd look in her eyes. She shook her head sadly like I was making a huge mistake, but she didn't argue.

I was afraid I'd messed up, and I wasn't sure Kyle would ever forgive me. I wondered what God thought about all this and if he would forgive me.

*

"Whoa, baby! You look like you were in a fight," Katie exclaimed the next day when she saw me.

Why exactly this made me smile, I don't know. It's probably because Katie's brutal honesty was a welcome change from the pitying looks I'd been getting from everyone.

She drew back, studying me. "You didn't get into a fight, did you?"

I laughed and it hurt. "You say that like I get into fights all the time. Oh, Lucy, you didn't get into another fight, did you?" I mimicked with exaggerated drama.

Katie cracked a smile. "At least you can laugh. I was afraid you might have gotten into it with Ava."

"Seriously?"

"I can picture it now. She gets a little too close to Kyle, and you decide to fight for your man."

"That sounds more interesting than what really happened."

"Well?" Katie prodded, waving her hand for me to hurry up and start talking.

"I fell down the stairs and face-planted into a skateboard. It's boring compared to your girl fight story. Sorry."

Katie's expression turned serious, and I realized she knew something big had happened.

"I broke up with Kyle." I expected her to be surprised, to tell me I'd either done the right thing or that I was insane. I did not expect her to simply stare at me speechless. It was a little unnerving.

"Ava asked me to back off and give her a chance with him," I explained, wishing Katie would say something.

Just when I was beginning to think she was mute, she sank down next to me on the couch. "You should have called me."

"You'd have rushed home."

"You're darn right I would. If you're ever out of town and my world starts raining skunks, don't think I'm not calling you ASAP."

"That's a visually descriptive warning," I replied with a smile, waiting for her to launch into the advice that would help me straighten out my love life.

Katie didn't say anything except to ask for the remote, and then she started stalking our go-to movies.

"You think I made a mistake?" I asked, watching her anxiously.

She threw me a knowing look. "Don't you?"

Last night I'd tried to listen for God's voice after I prayed. It took a while but the words from Proverbs 28:26 came to me as clearly. Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool... "Yes. I made a mistake."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure yet." I'd been debating all day about calling Kyle or going to see him.

"This isn't going to be fixed with movies, chocolate and coffee. You have to talk to him."

Before I made any more mistakes, I was waiting on God's direction. "I may wait until I look less like a hospital runaway."

She seemed to consider that. "The pitiful look may work in your favor."

"I don't want him feeling sorry for me."

"Well, you look like someone people feel sorry for. Suck it up and do what needs to be done."

She was right, but I had no clue what I'd say other than I'm sorry and that didn't seem like enough.

Picking up my phone, I called Kyle but for the first time ever he didn't answer. I left a message and waited. Two movies and a half-gallon of ice cream later, he still hadn't called back.

"Try again," Katie told me, but I could tell she had expected him to call by now.

This time I didn't leave a message. I sent a text but received no response. Over the next few days, I called and sent at least a dozen messages, but I still had not heard from Kyle.

I went to Bible Study, prayed, and tried to listen for God's voice but all I heard was the noise in my head. It came at me from all directions, accusing me of acting carelessly, being foolish, and ruining something good.

My heart was broken.