Chapter 69-Amara

That’s precisely what we did. We had funerals for those that wanted their loved ones buried and ceremonies for those who opted for them to be burned on pyres. Aston, being a ranked member, was burned on a pyre with the entire pack present. We put some of his ashes in an urn necklace for CiCi and then released him into the river.

While I’ve seen Roman tear up, or get choked up, that night, he cried with his head in my lap. He fell asleep after hours, and I didn’t dare move a muscle all night. My heart was already broken for him; Aston was Roman’s Sophie, but something about seeing my brooding Alpha mate break down like that killed a piece of me.

CiCi wasn’t doing any better; one of us was still with her almost all the time. I spent a couple nights with her, but mostly Serena was staying with her since they were always connected at the hip anyways. It was an effort to get her to eat or even go outside, but I wouldn’t give up on her; both she and Aston deserved better than that, and even if I wanted to, my own guilt wouldn’t let it happen.

Aylin and Azrael had returned to the underworld. Azrael visited almost every day; Aylin every other day, or I went to see her. She stayed over twice, with Damon in the underworld to oversee the overflow vampires staying there, I think she just needed to get away. She refused to talk about him other than saying he was a nuisance and she still hadn’t opened up to any of us about what she was going through. I refused to stop reaching out, though; she needed to know she didn’t have to suffer alone.

Dad had stayed; when I asked him if it was okay that he was gone from his kingdom for such a long period of time, he said Aylin had been running the kingdom for the last ten years just fine. His not being there to oversee would be good for her. He checked up on her daily, though; I could tell he was worried about her, just as we all were. He also insisted on continuing to help set up for the baby, and he and Az even started running some of the packs training sessions.

As for my own training, this child is still growing like a weed, she’s two pounds four ounces now, and Dr. Crowen said I shouldn’t be pushing myself. So, we trained every other day for about three hours. Dad was unwilling to teach me anything new, saying that if I didn’t take it easy, we wouldn’t train at all, which shut my protests right up. Roman was no better; he grumbled every time I left for training, even though he knew damn well we weren’t doing any type of combat training.

Today was my day off of training, and I’m currently lying in bed, scrolling through countless web pages and looking at baby names. I have not one single idea what I want to name this child, and nothing has appealed to me so far. I toyed around with naming her after one of our moms, but I wanted her to have her own name. I look up as Roman enters our room, covered in dirt and sweat from training.

“Lazy day for you today, I take it?” he says, and I level a glare at him

“No, I’ll do things eventually. I’m just looking at name ideas,” I tell him, throwing my phone down and giving up on that task for today.

I guess I should probably get my round ass out of bed, or I could nap. Today was the first day I had nothing to do in a long ass time; I’ll just enjoy it while it lasts.

“Find any you like?”

“No, she’s just going to be nameless forever,” I groan as he picks up my phone and scrolls for a minute.

“What about Amelia? I like it, not overused, but she’ll still be able to find her name on a keychain,” he suggests

“No! Absolutely no ‘A’ names!” I say quickly, and he looks at me funny before shrugging and taking his shirt off

“We’ll just wait until we see her then. Worst comes to worst, her name is 'baby girl Madden' for a couple of days,” he says before disappearing into the bathroom to shower.

Deciding against being lazy and napping, I crawl out of bed. Aylin had some kind of meeting with her parliament, so I can’t go see her today, Az and Seth are running the next training session, and Roman will inevitably disappear into his office for hours on end. Maybe Dad is bored.

I throw my hair in a bun, pull on some yoga pants and one of my looser fitting t-shirts-well, it used to be looser fitting, now it hugged my belly and wouldn’t go over my hips that were slowly rounding out. I go into the bathroom to kiss Roman and tell him to have a good day before I walk downstairs.

Things feel…almost normal again. I ate it up; while it would be nice to pretend Dad’s ominous message from a week ago wasn’t real, it was. The vampires were only the beginning and the fact that I was able to use an Alpha command on Roman…I groan, thinking about that. That would surely bring me a headache.

I spot my Dad asleep on the couch. I wonder if laziness is in the air today as I plop down next to him and punch his shoulder to wake him up. He’s mid-snore-his eyes fly open, and he jumps, making me laugh.

“Hades, I had hoped that my third child wouldn’t turn out to be an asshole like the other two, but it seems I’m cursed only to produce assholes,” he mutters as he stretches.

“Something tells me it’s genetic,” I counter

“Yeah, yeah, what’s up, kiddo,” he says

“I’m bored. Do you want to get lunch or something?” I say, and he cracks a smile

“You know…I haven’t actually ordered anything for the baby’s nursery or her clothes since I realized I don’t know what you like. We can go baby shopping, and you can pick out some stuff for the nursery and whatever else you want.” he suggests, and I feel my face light up as I nod my head.

“Alright, go grab your car keys, but you’ll have to tell me where to go,” he says as I get up and grab the keys to Roman’s range rover. We hardly ever use cars, especially now that we can portal, but Dad said demons are advised not to portal after the first month, and I probably already pushed my limits with it. So, car it is these days.

When we walk into Baby Love and Co., an associate immediately comes to us.

“Luna! How are you today? Is there anything I can help you find?” she says with a huge smile. I quickly glance at her nametag as she looks at my father and gives him a nervous smile and bow; how does Roman remember everyone? This pack is huge.

“Hi, Maddie! I’m good, how are you? And we’re just looking around for now, but I’m sure we’ll need help soon,” I say back with a smile.

“Well, come, are you looking for a nursery set up? Clothes? Supplies?” she asks as she leads us through the store.

“Um, all of the above, I guess,” I say nervously.

She will come out the size of a pot roast; how much could she possibly need?

A lot. She needed a lot. My head was spinning as Dad explained why I needed everything beyond a crib and a rocking chair, and I slowly realized I knew nothing about babies.

‘Maybe we should get a couple baby books while we’re here,’ Tamisra suggests

‘Ya think? Aren’t you supposed to help with this? Your maternal instincts are supposed to be stronger than mine!’ I say, already mentally exhausted.

Can’t I just go pick out some cute clothes and shit?

‘Excuse me, human, if you weren’t in the picture, I would just make a den and kill anyone who comes near her. I don’t know what you want from me!’ she huffs back, peering through my eyes at the cart full of things Dad has acquired. ‘Wolves don’t need a bottle warmer or…what the fuck are those? Adult diapers? You plan on potty training her, right?’ she screeches as she looks at the ice-pack underwear

‘Ah no, that’s for us. You know, for when this kid rips us from asshole to navel on her way out.’ I say, and we both cringe

‘Yeah, that’s enough for me; I’m going back to sleep. Good luck with that; wake me up once she’s here!’ Tami says before she practically runs away into the back of my head, tail between her legs. Bloody stupid wolf.

I grab a stack of baby books for me and Roman to read, even though I know there’s no way I will get to them before she’s here. Studying for motherhood, what a concept. Somehow I don’t think these will help.

“So uh…you’re going to hang around for a little longer once she’s here, right?” I ask Dad,

The idea of me and Roman, who probably is just as clueless as I am, alone with a baby…I cringe harder than I did when I thought about her shredding my poor vagina.

“Of course, kid, if you want me to, that is. Postpartum isn’t exactly glamorous, you know. Both Aylin and Azrael’s moms struggled for the first couple of months,” he says

“What do you mean?” I ask. We had supernatural healing, even demons; why would they struggle so badly?

“Well, on top of bleeding for a couple weeks after, clogged milk ducts, and a screaming baby, it wasn’t easy for them. Lilith had postpartum depression after Aylin and needed outpatient therapy for the first year. Then Matilda had preeclampsia; they had her on some drug for her labor, and then 24 hours after, she didn’t even remember that she had Azrael. Then after we were discharged, it came back, and she had to be readmitted to the hospital after we went home because they couldn’t get her blood pressure under control.” he tells me.

My eyes must be bulging out of my head because he smiles nervously

“Sorry, I don’t mean to scare you; I just don’t want you to be fooled into thinking it will be painless and perfect like the movies tell you.”

Where’s Aylin to slap him upside the head when you need her? Goddess, I’m in over my head.