Chapter 53

LEO

Ella stayed in the hospital for another week. She took the pills every day, and as promised, they took away her negative emotions but also everything else too.

She no longer needed my hugs or any kind of comfort, and she lost interest entirely in talking to me or even seeing me.

It seemed Luca could no longer entertain her, and most of her time was spent either asleep or staring vacantly at the wall.

While there were no more tears or nightmares, a smile rarely graced her lips either and even less often a laugh.

When the doctors deemed her healthy enough for our children to come and see her, she seemed happy enough, but she didn’t hug them as tightly as she used to, and she just smiled and nodded as they spoke to her.

When Cato asked her how she was, she couldn’t answer. When Lili presented her with a beautiful quilt she had knitted with her granny, she told her it was pretty, but her smile was meek and subdued.

I tried to explain to them why their mother was like this. Why they didn’t really have her back yet.

Even Cato, the eldest, didn’t quite understand, and each and every one of them was quieter and calmer when I put them to bed that night.

I held her hand as we left the hospital, but she only gripped as firmly as she needed to stay upright, and when we got home, she just sat where I placed her on the bed without saying a word until she eventually fell asleep.

Every morning and night for another week, I brought her a glass of water and handed her a pill. I felt a pang of guilt every time I watched her swallow one.

The medication just felt like a distraction rather than a solution. One day, she was going to have to feel the pain in all its intensity, and the longer we put it off, the worse it was going to be.

Selfishly, I also missed her. Of course, I didn’t want her to have to suffer, but at the same time, I wanted her back. Even though she was right there beside me, the pills took the real her away.

It felt now, more than ever, like I was just with the shell of my mate. Her lively spirit was gone. So were her sharp wittiness and sense of humor.

The twinkle in her eye had long since diminished, and her once-animated face was in a constant expression as cold and neutral as stone.

I longed more than ever to see a genuine smile on her lips or hear her sweet laugh or just any sign of consciousness. She hardly even looked at me, and when I kissed her head before bed every night, she made no response.

I tried not to take it to heart, but losing the love of your mate in that way was never going to be easy.

ELLA

I was running through the jungle again. The branches and vines whipped me just as usual, but this time the pain was more excruciating.

The fear too came in constant waves of intensity, and the pounding of my pulse in my ears was louder.

It was the same dream I had weeks ago in the hospital before the pills but ten times more real. The air was thicker and more humid than ever before. My legs burned like I’d been running for hours.

I could even hear the screeching of birds in the sky above.

I reached the clearing. Just as before, the shadow emerged from the trees and came for me as I stood paralyzed. But this time that wasn’t the end.

It grabbed my throat, slamming me to the ground, and still utterly unable to move, I had no choice but to look up to its face.

It was Andrea. Or a version of him at least. His face was twisted in the most horrendous way, his skin gray and leathery with sunken sockets housing the most dreadful eyes.

They were so black and dark I found myself staring back at the reflection of my own face. I was pale like a corpse, my expression completely still.

But he was strangling me, I couldn’t breathe, yet there wasn’t even a flicker in my eye.

I woke up sweaty and panting, my heartbeat still racing. The fear didn’t leave me even as I sat awake.

The house was silent, but inside my head, the voices were back; the images were back. Everything was back and worse than before.

I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t. There was no sound to be made.

It was suffocating and squeezing me, and I just couldn’t bear it.

I took one look at Leo. He was still asleep. Then I opened my bedside drawer and grabbed the bottle of pills.

There were only fifteen or so left.

That would be enough to numb it all, and everything would be bearable again.