Chapter 52

ELLA

The pills were those capsule ones with two colors. They were in an orange-tinted plastic jar, and the lid was white with a child lock.

The warning label read, “highly addictive during prolonged use,” explaining why the jar could contain no more than about twenty pills.

But I was more concerned about my desperation to get Andrea and everything related to him out of my head.

Leo had put them on the highest shelf. I’d have to climb to reach them, and right now, I could hardly even stand. So all I did was stare at them for over half an hour. The silence in the room was excruciating.

My ears rang with the voices of Andrea and Luciano and Alessio and Julia and Chico and so many more, and with every blink, I saw his face.

Sometimes he was grinning or laughing; sometimes he was glaring and growling. Whatever it was, it made my heart wretch and my fear spike.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I stood up, my head spun, and my legs buckled, but I was already half a meter closer to the pills.

Before I could reach for them, I felt myself fall and land straight back onto the bed as I let out a frustrated sob. I couldn’t carry my own weight, and it was so infuriating.

After crawling back under the covers, I let myself cry until I had no tears left, at which point I just lay silently.

Another half an hour later, my vacant staring was interrupted.

The door opened, a man marched in, slammed the door behind him, and closed the blinds to the window looking out into the hallway.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” he said. “I climbed up a tree, along a ledge, and through a window to get in, and I can’t stay long, but I just had to see you.”

Luca.

I smiled. “I’m happy you did.”

His lips curled into a smile too. “How are you?” he asked.

I sighed. “I’ve been better.”

My eyes were probably puffy, and my cheeks were tearstained. He was only asking out of good manners.

He sighed before he pushed forward a bunch of flowers in his hand. They were wilted, and many of the stalks were bent or broken.

“They didn’t really survive the journey,” he said with gritted teeth. “But I thought you might like them.”

“They’re perfect,” I said, taking them and looking down at the wilted petals and browning colors. “Thank you.”

“I was just gonna walk through reception and then up here to you, but apparently there’s strictly no visitors except the alpha,” he replied.

“They say I’m too weak,” I told him, drawing a circle with my finger on the sheet. “They’re probably right.”

“Nonsense,” he said. “You’re Ella Jones, and your body may not be at its best, but in there,” he said, pointing to my head, “you’re as wonderful as ever.”

I forced a smile. “If only.”

“Hey, Ella,” he said, crouching beside me. “What can I do?”

I shrugged. “Being alone is the worst sentence. Just stay here until Leo gets back at least.”

“Of course,” he said.

“And can you pass me those pills?” I asked, pointing to the shelf. “I’m supposed to take them twice a day, but I’m too weak to reach them.”

Luca got up and reached for the bottle.

He read the label, and I prayed he wouldn’t question.

“Benzos?” he asked. “Aren’t they like…really bad and addictive?”

“They’re supposed to take my mind off…everything,” I replied. “The doctor prescribed them.”

He nodded and handed them to me, and I immediately took one, swallowing it down my dry throat. I then smiled at Luca and put the bottle beside my bed for next time.

Leo returned an hour later. As we listened to him come down the hallway, I suggested that Luca made his quick escape, but he refused.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” Leo said upon seeing Luca.

“I didn’t want to be alone,” I said.

“I’m sorry, Alpha.”

“It’s okay. I’m not mad. I’ll tell reception that from now on you’re allowed in,” he replied, before noticing something in Luca’s hair.

“And then you won’t have to do whatever you did to get in again,” he added, pulling out a twig from his locks.

“How are you, Ella?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” he asked.

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment as he paused and stared right at me. Then his gaze went up to the shelf that the bottle of pills had occupied but was now vacant. He then saw them by my bed and sighed.

“I thought you decided not to take them, Ells?” he asked.

“I changed my mind. And I don’t see him so often anymore.”

I put on a smile and gestured for him to sit next to me.

“Do you feel numb like the bottle says?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I guess.”

The chaotic memories of my trauma had been tamed. The despair and fear eased. It felt like I was in control again, but at the same time, there was little to be controlled.

“I think I want to sleep now,” I stated.

Leo nodded, and I lay down.

“Sleep well, Ella,” Luca said, gently touching my hand.

Leo then kissed my head, and I closed my eyes, dropping into some blissful sleep.