Numb

Bambi

There was a commotion in the courtroom as I was swept outside onto the steps by my friends, who hugged me, crying tears of joy.

The king conferred with the Royal Council, and they declared the case a mistrial.

An investigation would be opened into Matthias and Devina, and we agreed to share all of our research with the investigation team.

The girls were ecstatic that all charges were dropped, but I felt a dark cloud hanging over me.

I didn’t feel joy from winning the trial, or exposing Matthias.

I just felt numb.

Victoria wrapped her arms around my neck and squealed. “We fucking did it! You were so great in there!”

“I can’t believe how calm and collected you were! I was about to pee my pants!” Holly said, leaning against a column to steady herself.

“And most importantly, ALL the charges were dropped,” Ela said proudly. “I need a bottle of champagne to pop ~right now~.”

I forced a smile, letting them have their moment, but I still felt empty inside.

“Oh, there’s my mate!” Victoria exclaimed, waving at Ryland as he got cornered by some journalists. “I’m glad this is finally over and we can pick up where we left off.”

~“We’ll pick up where we left off.”~

Ekon’s voice echoed in my head. Would we be able to reconcile after what I’d done?

I had revealed the most personal, devastating information imaginable in a public forum full of his peers, information that I had knowingly withheld from him no less.

“Speaking of mates…” Holly nudged Ela. “Where did yours run off to?”

Ela suddenly looked like she was going to be sick. In the excitement of the moment, she’d managed to forget that her new mate was Hunter Blackwood.

“Please, there’s only so much I can handle in one day,” she said, holding her head. “I haven’t even processed that yet.”

I wasn’t in a place to help coach Ela through her newly mated life right now, even though I wanted to. I had to fix things with my own mate first.

“If you guys will excuse me, I need to get some rest,” I said, backing out of the group huddle.

“Are you okay?” Victoria asked, a worried expression creeping onto her face.

~Goddess, I can’t bother these girls with more of my problems. I’ve asked too much of them already.~

“I’m fine.” I smiled. “I just want to get home.”

~I have to get the hell out of here.~

As I pushed through the sea of people exiting the courthouse, Max grabbed my arm.

“Bambi, there you are. Where are you going?”

I started sobbing into Max’s chest, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Max, I’ve ruined everything. He hates me now, and I don’t blame him.”

“He doesn’t hate you, little doe. No one could hate you,” he said, hugging me tight.

“Then I hate myself,” I said, sniffing. “What I did was beyond forgiveness.”

“Bambi, what you did was in service to the realm. If Ekon can’t see that, then he doesn’t deserve you,” Max said angrily. “He’s from a bad bloodline anyway.”

“Of course he can’t ~see~ it, Max. And everything I’ve done to this point was at his expense,” I snapped. “Ekon is a good man, no matter who his family is. You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“There’s no talking to you when you get like this,” Max grumbled. “Look, I’m just glad you’re safe and you accomplished what you set out to do. But if your mate doesn’t support you, don’t come crying to me about it.”

As Max stormed off, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I whipped around to see Alpha Leonardo giving me an understanding look.

“I know this was a hard decision to make, Bambi. It will have consequences, I won’t lie to you, but you showed real strength in that courtroom.”

I nodded in appreciation.

Leonardo wasn’t condescending. He didn’t blame Ekon. He didn’t jump for joy and tell me everything was going to be great.

I really respected that honesty. I think he actually understood how I was feeling.

“Listen, I have to thank you, Bambi. Not for the realm, but for personal reasons,” he said.

“Thank me? Why?”

“For giving me a second chance. I wasn’t able to deliver a fatal blow to Matthias during the Great War when he killed my mate, but you gave me the opportunity to deliver a different kind of blow to him with this trial.”

“He’s still out there, plotting something,” I said, crossing my arms as I shuddered. “I just hope we really made a difference.”

“No matter what, Bambi, it made a difference to me and to the rest of your friends,” Leonardo said, giving me a smile.

Yes…and it made a difference to Ekon, too. A gut-wrenchingly terrible one.

Ekon

There wasn’t enough liquor in the world to drown out what I’d learned today.

I drank straight from the bottle, already on my second, trying to dull my senses, but the trial kept replaying in my mind over and over again.

Bambi, my own fucking mate, sat up there on that stand and told my peers that I was from tainted blood.

My brother, Matthias, the mass murderer…

My sister, the witch Devina, who took my sight…

My mother, Rosette, who sired two hell spawns and then abandoned them for a life of luxury…

I could never think of my mother—or my mate—the same way again.

The worst part was that Bambi was right, and I hadn’t listened.

Matthias was out there, healing and regaining strength, while I denied his very existence.

The realm was in danger, but I was no longer fit to serve it.

I was an incapable leader and an even more incapable mate.

I grabbed a glass from my desk and smashed it into the wall, shattering it. Even though I couldn’t see it, the sound was satisfying.

So, I smashed another…and another.

I stormed over to my bar and swiped my claws across it, knocking all my glasses to the floor.

The sea of broken glass crunched beneath my boots as I returned to my bottle and continued drinking.

I dreamed almost every night of the terrors of the Great War.

The young soldiers ripped in half by Rogues on the battlefield.

The children whose parents never came home.

The ones who lost their mates—and therefore a part of themselves.

The only thing that kept me going, that kept me sane, was knowing that I’d killed Matthias, the man responsible for so much death.

But I hadn’t killed him.

I’d avenged no one.

I was glad I was fucking blind.

Glad I couldn’t see the looks on the faces of the Council members when Bambi revealed Matthias was alive.

Glad I couldn’t see the disenchanted way my pack was looking at me when they found out I was no fucking hero.

When I met Bambi, I thought that maybe some beauty was still left in the world, but now I realized that was just a fool’s notion.

A door creaked open in the entryway, and a citrusy scent wafted into my office.

~My mate has arrived.~

Bambi

As I walked into the house after the trial, I was dreading seeing Ekon.

He’d left immediately after the verdict, and I knew he’d be drinking in his office.

I couldn’t imagine how he must’ve been feeling, learning about his family’s dark secrets in that manner.

No matter what had happened to us in the past, right now he needed my support.

In truth, my heart ached for him while we were apart. My love for my mate had never faded, and I wanted him to know that.

I cautiously pushed open the door to his office and stepped in. My shoe landed on broken glass—it was everywhere.

~Oh, Ekon, I’m so sorry…~

He sat at his desk, taking swigs from a bottle. When I walked in, he looked up.

“You won,” he said darkly. “Congratulations.”

“It wasn’t about winning, it was about being heard,” I said calmly.

“I know…and you were right,” he replied. “I should have listened.”

“I’m sorry too. I didn’t want to tell you everything like that,” I said, stepping closer.

“What’s done is done,” he replied indifferently. “We both made our choices.”

The closer I got to him, the more I wanted him to pick me up in his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay between us.

To tell me that we’d get through this together.

“Ekon…I just want to move on. I want us to pick up where we left off,” I said, reaching out and touching his hand.

He stood up sharply and grabbed me by the arm, shoving my back against the wall.

His hands ran up my body, feeling my curves.

I closed my eyes, melting into his body. It had been so long since I’d felt his touch.

His breath danced across my lips as he gripped my waist.

I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to make everything better.

“Bambi, I want you”

I leaned in, but he pulled away.

“to get out.”

Tears flooded my eyes as I opened them and saw Ekon’s cold expression.

In that moment, I felt my heart break in two.