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Nicholas

I couldn't breathe. Everytime I sucked in a breath, I would just sob harder, panting heavily.

My heart ached and my chest hurt everytime I thought of him, which was almost every second.

My stomach was tight and twisted, hunger pains adding to it. I completely forgot to eat all week from the stupid argument that lead the most important thing in my life to possibly die.

Staring down at the white tiles, my mind filled with the same questions and thoughts that have been stuck in my head for hours.

Why did I break up with him? I love him more than anything, I thought it would fix something, but it ended up making this worse.

Why didn't I come sooner?

Why did I say what I said?

Why did he possibly kill himself?

Did I cause him to do this?

I shuddered as a wave of pain hit me, squeezing my eyes shut as tears steadily ran down my red face. I hope he's alive. I hope he's alive. Hell, I couldn't live with myself if...

Covering my mouth, I cry into my hand, gasping for air. A hand stroked my back but it didn't calm me.

The only thing that could calm me was William.

I'm such a fuck up. If I didn't...

"Honey, breath." My mom whispered, squeezing my shoulder. Her words just went in one ear and out the other, I didn't want to listen.

I didn't want to be alive right now. I didn't want to be hurting right now. I didn't want William fighting for his life. I didn't want him to be gone.

I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I wanted to hold him and kiss him. I wanted to live the rest of my life with him. I wanted to reverse time and take back every word I said.

My chest burned as I cried, my breath getting stuck in my lungs as I began to hyperventilate. I pushed off the hands on my body, not wanting anyone's touch but William's.

"Nick, breath, listen to-"

"Stop!" I croak, stuffing my face into my hand, my body beginning to tremble in the uncomfortable seat.

Why'd I have to be such a petty idiot?

"Sir, are you okay?"

I didn't listen to the voice, pulling at my hair as I wailed, not caring how loud I was being.

Arms wrapped around me and I stiffened, trying to push the body away, but they didn't budge. They said soft phrases in my ear that I couldn't quite hear as I shoved my face into their shoulder.

There height was close to William's, which helped ease the pain. They smelt like William's house, so I assumed it was one of his older sisters.

My arms squeezed around the short figured, focusing on my breath. William's voice rang through my head, his gentle voice fresh to my mind.

I remembered the one time I had a panic attack and he was able to calm me.

"I love you, Nicholas. So, so much."

Just the thought of his words made me calmer but it hurt to think of them.

Another wave of hurt, guilt, and heartache hit me, I gripped onto the thick material of the person hugging me's hoodie.

"Breathe, I know it hurts." Lucille spoke, her hands trailing down my back to soothe me.

"I caused this." I choked out, tears seeping into her clothing.

"What do you mean?"

All words left my mouth and I just sobbed into the girl, my body shaking in her touch. She didn't question me any farther, holding me tightly.

Eventually, I just felt numb and empty. I was still quivering in Lucille's arm, but I was no longer weeping and clutching onto her.

"How is this your fault, Nick?" She questioned, pushing me down into the chair, sitting in the one beside me. Her face was flushed red, her eyes tired and bloodshot from crying. Makeup was smeared around her eyes, streaked of black tears on her face.

"We got into an argument and I said the wrong things and I didn't mean anything I said and he didn't talk to me for days and I called him and texted him and needed him and then I told him we should break up because I was causing him to hurt and I thought I couldn't help him and then he texted me good bye forever and this is all my fault."

Inhaling sharply, I felt a sense of relief letting the words out.

"Nicholas." Lucille sighs, grabbing my trembling hand. "This isn't your fault. You didn't cause this."

"Why else would he have?"

She only shrugs, not making me feel any better. "His medication made him have suidical thoughts, so with everything going on..."

"I killed him."

"He's not dead."

"I killed him."

Lucille smacks my arm, "no, you didn't! He's alive and was experiencing side effects from meds. Maybe what happened triggered it, but there's more to it. He's fine."

I just slump in the seat, resting my forehead on my hand. Lucie squeezed my hand in reassurance before she left towards the bathroom.

"You didn't cause this, honey." My mom says, kissing my cheek. "Like Lucille said, it was probably from his medicine."

"I never should've gotten mad at him."

She frowns, holding my face in his warm hands. "Everyone makes mistakes, Nick. You guys just got into an argument. No matter how bad it was-"

"It was bad, Mom. I said so many wrong things and didn't listen to him."

Mom sighs, "don't beat yourself up. William is going to be alright." There was a glint of hesitation in my mom's teary eyes. "Have you eaten today?"

Apparently, I passed out from not eating much this week and from being overwhelmed. Food was the last thing on my mind right now. I shook my head adverting my eyes to the ground.

"You should-"

A door opened, a doctor stepping out, their eyes instantly searching for someone. They landed on William's parents, gesturing for them.

My nerves rebuilt and I bounced in the seat, looking for any expression change on their worried faces.

The doctor's face was emotionless, but he spoke firmly to the two, glancing down at a clipboard every few moment. A small gasp left his mom's mouth and I grew anxious.

His dad's face slipped into a frown as his eyes shifted to his wife, the two exchanging a undescribable look.

"We don't know his blood type."

Blood type?

Lucille sat back down in the seat beside me, furrowing her brows at her parents and doctor. She looks at me for any help, but I only shrug. I didn't know what was happening.

William's mom looked over at Lucille, pursing her lips as she slowly walks over towards us.

"Luce, do you happen to know your blood type?"

Lucille scowls at her mom, "aren't you supposed to know my blood type?"

"I never thought to know it... I'm not even sure if you all have the same blood."

"Mom!"

"Im sorry! I didn't think I'd need to!"

"Well, clearly you do!"

"Well-"

"Nicholas has Type O blood." I do? Oh, that's right, I do. My eyes traveled to my mom and so did the other two's. "I didn't mean to butt in, but if you need blood... Nick has O."

William's mom gasped, grabbing my arm, "you do?!" I nodded, slightly confused on why my blood matter. "Can we use your blood!"

My eyes widened, "uhm." I looked around, seeing the doctor staring intensely at me. "For what?"

Lucille slapped her palm against her forehead, "for William!"

What! "Wait, he's okay!?" I felt a weight lift from my shoulders and relief settled on me. "Take all my blood! I don't care! As long as it saves him."

"Nick." My mom frowns, "your terrified of needles. Are you sure?"

Quickly nodding, I sent her a weak smile in assurance. "Yes! Take my blood!"

Will's mom let out a small cry in relief, wrapping her arms around me in a bone-crushing hug. "Thank you so much!" Before I could reply, she pulled me from the seat, "we have a donor!"

I hope this helps. It's the least I could do after all I've done.

My head was spinning as I wobbled to my feet, gripping onto the counter. Considering that I haven't eaten, I don't think this was such a smart idea.

"Sit." A nurse places a carton of orange juice on the desk, holding up a large bag of blood. My blood. "Don't get back up until you finish the juice. I don't need you fainting."

I poke the band-aid, wincing at the ache. Stupid. Did you expect it to tickle? Grumbling, I sip on the juice, staring at the blood tube a nurse was putting away to clean.

I felt sick at the sight of the blood, quickly looking down at my hands to distract myself. This better save William.

The atmosphere was thick with worry and everyone was waiting for the doctor to come back with news. My leg was bouncing and I couldn't sit still for long without standing to pace.

My mom constantly scolded me for standing since I was still dizzy from giving a pint of blood, but I just waved her off. She watched me with worried, teary eyes and I hated it.

The constant tapping of Lucille's finger against the chair and the clock ticking was the only noise in the waiting room. Barely anyone else was in here, only an old lady and middle aged man who was scowling at me.

Please be okay. Please be alive. Please be stable. Please make the blood work.

I exhaled a shaky breath, running a hand through my hair, tugging at it in stressfulness.

A door creaked open, the same doctor into the room. Everyone looked up at him, eager to hear what he had to say.

His face was blank, lacked any emotion. His eyes were cold and held nothing but boredom. It was clearly hard to read if William was okay or not.

His eyes flickered down to a clipboard before looking up at everyone, saying two relieving words.

"William's stable."

Can't kill off William, Nick would be sad and I love them both too much. Like I sobbed and cried for them, something I've never done.

I think it's because they are both based off of people I'm close with, ig. I love their names too and couldn't let him go!

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~Whoops