20

The last time I was even this far out of town had been the night Alyssa and I decided we wanted to skinny dip in Lover's Lake, a sad excuse of a puddle about a mile from Lover's Land. It had reminded me of a horror film or maybe even Jaws, which we both joked about while wading in the gross, dark pond water. It hid our rebelling bodies well and it had freaked me out because I couldn't see what was under me.

It had been a pretty exhilarating night until Danny and Ryan had figured out where we were and stole our clothing. That had been an interesting night home. And they knew I was afraid of the dark.

But glancing over at the person beside me made all my worries fade away.

Most of his injuries have faded from a pungent purple to a tauny yellow. He no longers grimaces when he moves. It only took a few weeks.

"If I remember right there's a sign that says Private Property right before the road ends. You can pull onto that road and then park in one of the fields," Nate instructs. "Don't worry," he adds, a smile pulling up on his lips. "I have permission from the land owners to be here."

His hands clutch at the blankets in his lap and I can tell he is filled with nerves. That would make two of us. But my nerves were the good kind. The kind that make you feel like you're floating because of the butterflies batting their large wings in your stomach.

Sure enough, the sign comes into view and I pull into the first open grass area. It hadn't been hard talking my dad into letting me borrow his pickup tonight because he didn't know that I did. He was fast asleep at home from a double shift at the hospital.

"Bummer," I smile and shut off the ignition. "I was hoping for a wicked police chase."

Nate shakes his head and he smiles over at me. "Things are never boring with you, are they?"

We step out and Nate slides his hand along the rusted exterior until he reaches the bed of the truck. With skillful fingers, he unlatches the back and lifts himself up to fly out the blankets.

While he does this, I round the truck and retrieve the cooler that was at his feet in the passenger seat. The slam on the old door echoes through the vass void of night sky blanketing us. Walking to the bed of the truck was difficult considering it had rained for the past few weeks and the muddy grass is all but keeping my weight above the mucky dirt.

I inhale loudly, the musky aroma awakening my senses. My eyes briefly close as I tip my head back. When they reopen, I gasp at the sight.

It suddenly dawns on me what he has planned for us tonight.

We are going to star gaze.

Warmness fills the center of my chest at the thought that he remembered me describing being taken out and how good of a memory it was for me even though I had never seen a shooting star. But looking at Nate as he spreads his body weight over the blankets to make sure they reached all sides of the back, I couldn't think of anything else I would wish for that wasn't right in front of me.

"The sky is beautiful," I comment as I hop into the back and spread my limbs out on the makeshift bed. "It's like you can see the whole universe."

It was a magical sight to see this. White lights touch every inch of the black canvas that is above us. It was enough to make all words vanish. One could feel incredibly overwhelmed at the thought that we are a speck in the universe.

"I wish you could see this," I sadly add.

"I sorta can," Nate shocks me by saying. I look at him with large eyes until he elaborates. I was pleased to see he face was clear tonight, no glasses of any kind guarding his eyes, which he blushed madly about when it was the first thing I said to him when he got into my car. "I can see better in the dark. Bright lights are what irritate my eyes. But when it's dark, I can see outlines of things. Like if you put up your fingers," he reaches down and grabs my hand in his and my breathing instantly hitches in my chest, "I can tell you're holding up three of them."

My brows rise high enough for them to disappear into my hairline. "Okay... I'm thoroughly surprised." I put my hand back down too shocked to even think about holding his hand once he lets go of my wrist. I'm sure he can feel the profound thump of my pulse underneath his fingertips.

Nate shrugs and manages to look bashful. "I go to PT. It's helping."

"There's physical therapy for your eyes?"

"Yes." He reaches around for the cooler that I had brought over and places it between us. We are now sitting crossed legged, facing each other. "I wasn't completely blind after the accident but enough to be considered so. There's little exercises that I can do to help strengthen my eyesight. Not to mention I have been eating my carrots."

I snort. Clever. "When did you start this?"

Nate stretched out his legs and I am still shocked at how tall he is. He had to be close to 6'5, his legs seeming longer than my entire body. I grab the cooler and put it back where it is was behind me. I didn't want anything between us.

He shrugs, his head tilting back to look up at the sky. A sky he can sort of see.

"About a year ago. I was skeptical at first because it makes my head hurt like someone took a baseball bat to me afterwards but I was desperate. I'm still desperate." His voice trails off and it's enough to make me look away and back towards the sky above. I don't have it in me to look back at him when he starts talking again.

"I was told it was going to get better but I still feel sick when a session is over. It's simple movements of the eyes and they put these orange drops over my pupil to stimulate the nerve endings in my coronaries but those are nothing but annoying. At first it didn't work but now I can see a difference. I went from seeing close to nothing, to seeing outlines and some shapes. But that's only in the dark."

I swallow the acidic taste that has slithered up my throat and look at him. "Progress is good. Maybe by next year you will see more distinct features." My guilt ridden self has come out of hiding but I have to admit that this news lessens the horrible weight. "Is there anything else you can do?"

Nate nods and tilts his head back to look up at the sky. "There's surprisingly quite a bit but there's a lot a drawbacks and precautions. My parents aren't too keen on any of them. Which I don't blame them. For example, I really don't want to get needles pricked into my retinas."

I cringe. "No, I can't imagine that would be pleasant."

"But there are some cool ideas out there." Nate's body appears to come alive in front of my eyes once I buck of the courage to look back at him. I have to smile at how excited he is about this information. "Like these surgeons came up with this idea of putting an implant that resembles a telescope in the center of ones retina. And like a telescope that we would use for stargazing, this teeny tiny device magnifies a small area of what you are focusing on and then projects the image across the whole retina. The healthy cells in the eye would scientifically make out what the image is. It's fascinating."

My mind is flashing with questions but Nate is now on a roll. The stars are illuminating like a projection in his eyes.

"But the FDA approval only goes for people that are sixty-five and up so no ophthalmologists would perform that sort of surgery on me. But I've read it's life changing. The stats show that participants were able to begin reading and watching television. Nothing was one hundred percent perfect but they could live a pretty normal life with limited disability. There's also gene therapy but everything is very expensive..." His voice trails off in the end and he begins to look uncomfortable. His smile is gone and in its place is a frown that could stretch across the universe.

"Careful, Nathaniel. The nerd in you is showing." I just want to see him smile again. And sure enough, he barks out a laugh that startles the crickets around us. My heart speeds up at the sound of it and my body flushes.

"Facts are fact," Nate answers with another one of his infimate shrugs as if to say look it up.

"But that all sounds very scifi, if you ask me." I am hoping for another one of his debates.

"Science fiction is our future, Kelly."

That frown of his turns up more as he hears me giggle. He could talk nerdy to me whenever he wanted just so I could see his eyes light up. Heck, I would even pretend I know what he is talking about half the time just so he would never stop talking. He has a very soothing voice, one that puts Ryan Cabrera to shame. Even when he is stuttering.

The image of our first kiss pops into my head. Oh, how I wanted to kiss him again. It has been way too long since my lips have been on his and I already felt like an addict in need of more.

Both of our parents had restricted our time together, my father's reasoning being I needed to spend more time on school work because med school didn't happen by observation. I wanted to storm out and call him every awful name in the book but I knew that it was no use. Nate's parents had said something of the same thing, saying he needed some time to heal, AKA, that Kelly Henderson is only causing trouble in your life.

"Kelly, did you move the cooler?" Nate asks, shaking me out of my thoughts. He is feeling his way around him, his hands taping the blankets and then my knee, which he retracts his touch from like he was struck by lightning.

"Yes," I twisted at the waist and grab the box behind me.

His smile has turned serene. He scoots closer to me. "Open it."

"Okay," I say quietly and grin back at him. I have to blink a few times to clear my head before I reach into the cooler and take out a small container. Nate waits patiently as I lift the lid, his eyes on my hands.

I gasp aloud and look back up at him when I see what's in front of me. This boy actually listens to me when I speak. The confirmation inflates the balloon in my chest.

"Chocolate Chip cookies," I murmur in awe as I reach inside the container and take one out. I then laugh as I hold up the last item in the cooler. "And Capri Suns?"

"You seemed really happy talking about that day," Nate points out as he settles in next to me on the blanket, his knee lightly touching mine. "The Capri Suns are my touch. I figured I needed to make it up to you since our first date was put on hold because of this." He gestures to his now healing face.

It had taken days before his parents let him leave his bed, let alone his house, yet here he is. This all still feels like a dream.

"This is perfect," I say, not able to hold back cupping his chin and pressing my lips lightly against his. The kiss is light, calming in a manner, and I never wanted him to leave me. It's scary how attached I have come to having Nate in my life. "Thank you."

Nate sighs against my lips as I speak. "You're welcome, Kelly."

I could listen to him say my name all day.

I have to hold myself back when he doesn't pull away from me. We sit there for a few seconds basking in the feeling. It's strange how free we both feel by being this secluded from the world.

Nate slowly drags me down with him so that we are laying side by side and our attention is on the starry night. Reds and blue dust mixes in with the white stars, swirling and dotting the sky. I fold my hands over my abdomen and sigh happily. Nate mirrors me, his sigh content and dreamy.

A few times I feel his eyes on the side of my face. Back and forth, I turn my head to catch him looking but he is fast and sneaky, and my eyes don't adjust well to how dark it really is out here in the country. Nate now has the advantage of sight where I am concerned. I wonder, briefly, what I look like through his eyes.

I giggle when I catch him looking at me again. I can imagine there to be a steady blush covering his neck and face. Even his ears. That tends to really give him away. How can a boy blushing turn me on so much?

"Sorry," he mumbles and quickly turns his attention back to the sky.

"Don't be," I assure him. "I could look at you all day."

Nate traps his bottom lip between his teeth. The tiniest of movements sends my thoughts into overdrive. "It's just..."

"Just what?" I lean up on my elbow and gaze down at him.

He shrugs, the blankets bunching up around him as he does so.

I thought we were past this, him holding back when it comes to opening up to me. When he doesn't say anything I tap him on the shoulder. "Nate, come on. Tell me what you're thinking."

Nate stays quiet for a moment as if he is trying to put the words together in his head before he speaks them aloud. And when he does speak, they are poetry.

"I can tell that your hair is down and it is long." His eyes now roam frantically around my facial region before they drop lower, his throat visibly bobs, making my breath hitch. "I remember what you look like from before my accident but that's about it. But even just by the silhouette of you, I-I can tell t-that you're beautiful."

It's my turn to blush at that. Nate is shaking like a leaf after that comment and I try to soften the blow by grazing my fingers over his cheekbone. My index finger traces the small scars above his eyebrow, a trance taking over me.

"But it's more than that, Kelly," Nate continues. He lets out a steady breath through his nose. "Everything about you is beautiful. It scares me."

I swear I pulled a Grinch and my heart grew three sizes bigger at that.

"You are the one that is beautiful, Nate." My voice is hushed and I can feel his face heat under my hand.

Although I know he is uncomfortable when I compliment him, I don't retract my hand but instead brush a curl that circled his ear off his skin.

"I'm scared too," I admit and lay back down.

This time, I'm the one that's uncomfortable. I wasn't scared of much, but this kid, the wonderfully amazing guy has me in a constant spiral.

The stars above us twinkle and Nate has yet to speak.

"Do you ever wonder if the stars talk back?" I roll my head in Nate's direction and try my hardest to connect his eyes with mine. He doesn't answer, but gazes at me with no particular destination. His breathing is still labored under his hands crossed over his chest.

I continue before my brain can get sidetracked by his eyes, desperate for a change of subject where I don't feel so vulnerable.

"When I was little I was morbidly obsessed with death. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and when my grandpa passed away I had constantly asked where we go when we die. Every person had had the same answer: Heaven. But I guess that was never enough for me. So when I continued to ask where we went when we died, my grandma told me we were placed in the sky to watch over our loved one's and guide them." This all seemed logical to me because there seemed to be more stars every time you look up.

But then I reminded her that stars soon die out. I thought I really stumped her there but she was a woman who always had an answer no matter how profound the question.

"When we have redeemed ourselves for our living life's mistakes, our star self's light would then die out. Like we had officially done our duty in guiding the lonely or lost and be granted into heaven." Nate didn't say anything. The way he is looking at me was beginning to make my face flush. "Even though I told her until I was blue in the face that what was flying through the sky was a burning meteor and not an actual star, Mima Liv still claimed that shooting stars were just people waving their last goodbyes."

His eyes wander my whole face. I hold my breath in hope that he is actually looking at me like I am looking at him. Frustration soon flashes across his expression and he angles his head back towards the night sky.

"I bet the stars listen," I continue to babble as he stays mute. Nate's lack of words is beginning to make me anxious. "We're always wishing on them so it's only polite."

I see a tick in Nate's profile and turn my head again to see him grinning at my ammature joke. This slight show of affection is the only thing that makes my heartbeat slow down from the frantic pace it spikes when Nate is silent.

It dawns on me that he is just listening.

"The way you talk," Nate finally says, "everything sounds so magically. I could listen to you talk all day."

My heart warms at his compliment and his honesty throws me off. In a good way. I have found that Nate is always honest with me but never has he said something to me this blunt.

My hand slowly moves from across my stomach to my side. As if he sees this, Nate's hand does the same. Before I can suck in another breath, his fingers are tickling mine.

He's becoming bolder by the second when he is with me. Little things he does or says catch me off guard because I am still accustomed with the stuttering, timid, boy that I first met. He is still that, but every once in a while something peeks through his rigid exterior and I am over the moon to feel his hand in mine or words warming my heart.

It was like I can finally breathe when he allows my fingers to snake through his.

"Is this okay," Nate shyly asks.

A large smile creeps on my face because everything about him humors me in more ways than one. I lean up over him and gaze down at his handsome face. I squeeze his hand in mine then bring it up to my mouth, feathering my lips on the back of his hand.

"Yes, Nate. Now you tell me." I press my lips to the inside of his wrist and feel his pulse pound against my touch. "Is this okay?"

His breathing hitches and his mouth gapes. My body is pressed against his side and even with that light contact, I can feel his body heat seep into my skin through my camisole.

He nods his head but I need words. I give him a look that causes him to blink of few times. "Yes. Yes, this is fine." His fingers skim over my exposed flesh at my hips from my shirt riding up.

The late night breeze ruffles my hair and I would like to think the goosebumps are a result of the weather but the pull in my belly tells me otherwise.

With an unhinged mind, I run my lips across Nate's jaw in smooth, slow pecks. He skin feels hot to the touch, as if he might have a fever and I can feel, or rather taste, his pulse under my tongue as I drag it up his neck before sucking at his skin right below his ear.

Nate draws in a small breath at that and soon a low groan leaves his throat. He lifts his chin up for me to do it again and though he has no idea what he was doing, he is completely intoxicating me.

Keeping his hand clutched in mine, I bring my other to his jaw, holding his head at that angle so I can graze my teeth over the chord pounding in his throat. His free hand reaches up and laces through my hair, tugging slightly in a way that makes me press my body closer on his.

My chest is flat on his as I kiss his neck, skimming my mouth over his smooth skin and adding enough pressure to know that I will be leaving marks on him. The thought of it thrills me and I know, as I press my entire body against him, it is thrilling him as well. Blood pounds in my ears at the feel of him underneath me.

Nate flinches as I press my hips firmly against his. It is a feral force driving me for more contact but I quickly catch myself and ease back to my spot beside him.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" I ask, I mindlessly run my fingers over Nate's ribs in hope that I wasn't causing him more damage. My father gave him the okay to get out of bed today but that didn't mean that they still weren't hurting him.

I mentally scold myself to slow down. I am practically panting and we've barely touched each other.

"N-no," Nate swallows and just that seems painful.

"Then what is it Nate?" I rub the back of my hand over the his cheek as I wait for him to calm down. Anxiety is practically radiating off him.

"I-I don't k-know what to d-do. I'm s-sorry."

I instantly feel guilty. Taking a deep breath, I lift my body completely off his.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I assure him. Mindlessly, I begin trailing my fingers across his chest. His breathing is rapid and his eyes squeeze shut. "You need to tell me if you don't like something. I can't read your mind."

"I-I like everything you do, Kelly."

"Then what is it?" My fingers continue to brush over his cotton shirt in a calming rhythm.

"If you can't tell, I've never done anything like this before with anyone."

My fingers dip into the hollows of his neck at the top of his shirt collar. He shivers and I can feel his throat bob.

"I know."

Nate snorted. "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence. What gave it away? The way I stutter my ass off around you or that my body seems to have a mind of its own whenever I simply hear your voice?"

I recline my head, taken back by his gust of words. He surely didn't have trouble getting that out. My hips rotate forward at his words and we both sucked in a breath at the friction I momentarily created. I want to apologize but it didn't feel like both of us were sorry. I certainly wasn't.

I point to myself with a sly smile. "First kiss, remember?" Unless he was lying to me which wouldn't have surprised me because the way he kisses me seems too good to be true. I clear my throat. "Besides, I like your stuttering." I couldn't help hook my leg over his waist. "Amongst other things."

Nate's fingernails dig into my skin as he grips me to him and it takes everything in me not to lose my head.

I have always been comfortable in my own skin and even though Nate should too, because I can't think of a single thing wrong with him, he tends to coward back from contact of any kind.

I have never been shy or bashful like Nate but even though I don't relate to him in that way, I do know what makes him uncomfortable and what he excels at when it came to me and him. For lack of experience, Nate is a good kisser. Amazing, actually. He goes by feel. Slow, liquefying sweeps of his tongue, treading his skills, learning as he goes.

"Now tell me what else is going on in that head of yours." It felt like talking to him seemed to calm him down some. And it didn't help that I am barely touching him as I hold myself away from his body.

"I don't want to offend you by touching you in a way that might be too forward," Nate admits after awhile.

"Nate," I say lowering myself back down on him. He jerks slightly, his hips cowering away from mine but I reassure him that this is a normal reaction by lifting my mouth and pressing my lips against his. "I want you to touch me."

The hint of peppermint cascades around me as Nate lets out a shaking breath. My hand continues to draw patterns on the bare skin of his collarbone as he appears to be thinking this through.

Confliction shines brightly in his eyes as he is clearly internally freaking out about his first move. So I put him out of his misery by ducking down and kissing him again. His lips piece themselves perfectly between mine.

The only time I can get Nate out of his own head is when his lips are pressed against mine.

His hands, which used to limply stay at his sides, have become accustomed to holding my back or either tangling in my hair. He decided on both, as one hand pressed my lower back closer to him and the other knotted at the back of my neck.

"Is this okay?" I ask, my lips still moving against his.

His answer is pulling me down fully on top of him. I squeal out in surprise and straddle his hips in the back of my Dad's pickup. I could feel him more prominent underneath me as I settled down against him and all rational thoughts leave my mind.

Never in my life has a simple touch from a boy set my body on fire. His hand moved from the nape of my neck to my cheek, slowly, tips of his fingers grazing across my skin in a way that sends a shiver through me.

Always so careful when he touches me, he deepens his mouth over mine by tilted my head more to the side, his tongue taunting mine to a single lap before puckering his lips over mine.

I wanted to growl, to hiss at him to touch me but I did my best to hold back. This was new for me too. My friends used to call me Wham-Bam-Get The Job Done-Sam because what was the point of beating around the bush? I wanted them, they wanted me, why wait?

I understand it now. Some people have emotions.

For reasons only shrinks would be able to decipher, I always felt obligated to give them part of me. If they didn't want my brain, my body would have to do.

But Nate openly admitted he loved listening to me talk. Whether it was reading him his textbook or casual everyday jibber jabber, he listened.

He doesn't just listen to me, either. He one hundred percent of the time added on to the conversation like he was genuinely interested. Though I know he doesn't care about track burns from falling from cheer stunts or how high a patient's blood pressure has to be in order to admit them. He is always attentive.

Nate leans his forehead against mine, his third eye pressed firmly against mine, as if he is seeing something that I cannot. I can't help but keep my eyes closed. He is so right. He usually is. We have to stop because what we have is more special than anything I've ever possessed in my life.

I apologize and sigh. I would not push him.

"I want to," Nate assures me but for the first time in my life I feel insecure. "Hey." He lifts my chin up towards his face and his eyes scan over mine. "I have never wanted anything like how I want you."

My heart skips a beat. "You do?"

"Yes." He is laughing at me now and the sound makes my elaborate breathing mellow in my chest. "How can you not tell?

Because you won't let me show you how I feel the only way I know how.

This was so new to both of us. The blind was leading the blind.

"I am not used to this," I admit bashfully, turning my attention back to his beautiful collarbone. There is something utterly sexy about a man's collarbone.

"That would make two of us."

"No," I say bending down and placing a kiss at the base of his throat. "I'm not used to being told no or being so unsure of where I stand with someone. I know that sounds pitiful and bratty but--"

"I like you." Nate reaches down and laces his fingers through mine at the front of his shirt. "I like you so much it scares me, Kelly. You don't have to be unsure about that."

My face feels so tight from the stretch of my smile that I'm afraid that my jaw will come off its hinges. "Really?"

Nate chuckles, the vibration of his humor felt underneath our clasped hands. "But for the being told no part, I don't know how I have the willpower to do so because I think I would give you anything in the world just to keep you around me."

Oh, Nathaniel. My Nathaniel.

"I'm yours, if you are mine." The words hurt my very soul as I say them because I think that if he would reject me, I would disintegrate into the very earth we lay upon.

I hold my breath as my words sink in like the ink of a tattoo engraving his skin.

"You mean that?"

"With all my heart, Nathaniel." I've never meant anything so truly in my life. "Any guy that shows me the universe is worth the time of day, don't you think?"

He smiles and the sky seems to brighten. "Pretty bold move, huh."

I gaze down at him for a moment before laying back down to my spot next to him. Making no move to detangle his hand from mine, I keep my hand in his, and admire the starry night above us.

"It really is breathtaking though, isn't it." Peace filled me in a way that it never has before, being here with Nate.

"Yeah," he tilts his head towards me and the attention makes me skin heat, "it really is."