Forty - One

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Mortification.

That was all Sven could feel during the painfully long ride home. He looked utterly trashed, he felt utterly trashed. His hair was matted with his lover and the poor little girl he had nearly murdered's blood. Luca had fallen asleep almost immediately and Tanner had given up trying to console Sven. "She's okay." He repeated to himself. He needed to. He hadn't done something unforgivable just...awful.

"Sven sweetheart. Yes. She is fine. You didn't take nearly as much as you think you did."

But he felt so full. His stomach felt like bursting and his body was still practically vibrating with its effect. "But Tanner I feel--"

He felt great. He was hyper aware of everything. Every sight, smell, and even the individual vibrations of the motor. "You haven't had fresh blood in a long time." Tanner reasoned. "Its effect just seems stronger."

"And she's okay."

"She said all she'll need is a little potassium and she'd back up and causing trouble in an hour." The lies came so easily to Tanner. But he was doing to protect the one he loved. "Relax."

"I can't relax feeling like this." He didn't know what he should possibly do with his senses so wired. He had all this energy... "Are we almost there?"

"Almost," Tanner confirmed as they got on the High Way. They were leaving the country side and its upsets behind. He was leaving the truth there too, with a small bottle of Sven's kill in his possession. "Getting antsy?"

"When will subside?"

"Eventually your body will absorb it but seeing as you haven't been drinking fresh blood regularly, it could take some time."

"Oh my God." His knee was beginning to move and the car was closing in on him. "Tanner I don't like this."

"Sven don't let yourself spiral--that's the worse thing you can do." Tanner knew from experience the post high spiral that groomed his primal instincts. It was how collateral damage happened--why so many bodies were left after a feeding. "Just close your eyes and try and channel it."

"Channel it." It was like he was New Born again, having his Lover and Sire teaching him to understand a new body. "Into what?"

Tanner didn't know what to say. There were more, ahem, fun ways to burn energy. But a blood lust fueled romp was probably the last thing the Prince would be interested in--were they still fighting? "I wish you'd tell me." Tanner sighed, partially because he wanted to know badly, partially because he hoped to would distract Sven.

"Tell you--" confusion ran over his face before realization hit him like a brick. "God damn it Tanner. No one! Literally! I ate lunch alone in a corner with a book. The smell you got off my shirt? A waitress--a fucking female. This is why we have so many problems!"

"Because you enjoy torturing me?" hissed Tanner. "I am so sorry I care."

"Tanner you don't care in the right ways!" Why was he so loose tongued? "You're obsessive and you worry about insignificant things. Your possessive with an attention span that is shrinking as you get older."

"Excuse me?"

"Do you really love me Tanner or are you just afraid of me loving someone else?"

"Last I checked I gave you the choice." Tanner bristled. "You stayed."

"Because I love you." Sven choked. God his emotions felt so much more intense now, there was no denying. "I love you so much and it's killing me because we can't have a future together."

Tanner brow knotted together. "What are you going on about? We can be great together."

"Can we? All we've known are our fights. We argue and then make up only repeat the same process over and over again." Sven gripped his hair. "It breaks my heart Tanner. Because I care so deeply about you and I know you're not happy with me."

"I am happy Sven." The ancient vampire felt his lover slipping and was trying to hold tight. "We can be a family."

"For how much longer Tanner? You don't know how many years he has left in his life. Because you blind yourself to things you don't like." The younger vampire wasn't feeling well suddenly. "Tanner I think I am going to be sick."

Sometimes, after a binge like Sven had, a vampire's system couldn't handle all the blood at once. So it expelled it. Tanner had been in Sven's place dozens of times and smoothly pulled the car over, running hand over Sven's back as he vomited. Once he sat back with a ragged gasp Tanner tentively asked if he was alright. Luca hadn't stirred during the commission thoroughly exhausted from the activities of the day.

The normally energetic were had been steady storing less and less. Longer rests were needed for shorts playtimes. But the vampires were too wrapped up in their own dramas to really take note of such a subtle change.

"It tastes terrible coming back up." Sven wiped some blood from his lips in disgust and spat out the remnants in his mouth. He could still taste it of course--his tastebuds were still incredibly sensitive.

"Once your more grounded we should talk about your...feelings."

Sven nodded distracted.

~~~

Tanner stored the bottle in the mini fridge in his office. Sven had loped to bed and Tanner gave Luca dinner before bringing him to bed. In the bedroom the lights were low but Sven was still up. He had showered and changed and now sitting stiffly on the chaise.

"You're feeling better I take it?"

"Tanner those things I said..." he shook his head. "I don't know where they came from. And I'm sorry that I didn't just tell you I hadn't been with anyone in the beginning."

Tanner's stomach felt heavy. "I forgive you." His tone was sincere but really it rolled off his tongue hollowly. "Would you like to come to bed?"

Sven sighed heavily. "I can't. Not yet."

Tanner nodded. "Well then what would you like to do?"

Sven got to his feet after a moment and approached Tanner, he outstretched his hand.  "I'd like to forget."'

QOTC: thoughts?