Chapter 103

103 Never Again – Part ~ ELRETH ~

It was the way they’d sat since before they were mates-the way he knew she needed to sit so that she could think and process. Only now... now he wrapped her in his arms and curled himself over her back, his breath fluttering in her hair and his lips brushing her ear when he whispered his love and relief, and his prayers of gratitude.

“El, are you certain-”

“I’m not hurt. I was just... I was terrified and... and thinking about... about how I got there and-”

“Don’t. Not now. Right now, just think about being here with me, and the fact that you’re safe. That’s what we have to focus on. That’s what’s important.”

Was it though? She tightened her grip on his arms that held her so tightly he trembled. She was so grateful for her mate. But was he right? She needed to figure this out. But how to start?

She tried to think how to put her feelings into the words-the fear of losing more loved ones that was doing war with her fierce sense of betrayal, that battled with her sense of failure when she’d learned that there were strangers in her land... but she couldn’t find the words that would explain the twisting gamut of emotions. She’d been trying to find them for days, and failing.

As her breath returned and her mate held her, his low murmur broke through the fog of terror in her head.

“...never again, El. You can’t run from me like that. I thought he’d hurt you, that you were in danger and you just ran-you have to let me help you. If anything like that happens, you have to let me see you and touch you and scent you. I have to know-”

.....

The need for him, to be certain of him, to be safe, rocked her like a wave crashing her into the sand.

“Oh, Aaryn,” she wailed, then twisted around in his arms, turning to kneel between his knees and take his face in her hands, she kissed him desperately, frantically, tears on her burning cheeks.

Aaryn didn’t miss a beat, burying one hand in her hair, the other gripping her shirt at the back, he devoured her, and welcomed her feast in return. Fire roared between them. The temptation was there to simply forget about everything else, take her mate-or be taken-and wallow in him.

But it seemed like that was where this journey had taken them every night since Tarkyn had left to undertake the Rite. Every night she’d returned to the cave exhausted, determined to finally tell her mate, to sort all of this out, to make steps forward... and instead, every night, she’d ended in his arms, breathless and mindless, pushing the fear away instead of facing it.

As Aaryn’s breath grew rougher, and his hands slid under her shirt, Elreth forced herself to pull back, just far enough to rest her forehead on his, one hand on his chest.

He stopped immediately, his shoulders heaving, and held her gaze with his bright, wolf eyes.

“Aaryn, I have to... I can’t...”

“I know.” His voice was low and thick with barely contained fear. “But, El...” his hands tightened on her back. “Please... don’t ever run from me after something like that again.”

She nodded quickly, stroking his face which was so serious. So full of love for her.

Then she took a deep breath and steeled herself to say the hardest three words in Creation.

“You were right.”

Aaryn blinked, his brows rising though he tried to stifle his surprise. “Oh?”

Elreth gave him a flat look and sat back on her heels between his knees. He didn’t let her go, but his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her hips. He watched her like... well, like a wolf.

She stroked his broad chest and focused there, because it was hard to meet his eyes. “I... I think you were right. I think... I think I’ve made it worse. And now... now I’m worried that we can’t go back.”

Aaryn took a deep breath. “El-”

“I can’t explain it to you, Aaryn. But everything inside me just twists up whenever I see those creatures or smell them. It’s like... it’s like I’m sucked back to that time when you were all gone and I thought you were dead!” She held his eyes then. They’d only spoken about those weeks a few times, preferring to focus on the joy of their reunion. But the truth was, Elreth still woke sometimes crying, her chest pained and dark, because she had dreamed that she was back in those days after the war, when so many people were lost or harmed. Including her mate.

“They were made by the humans, Aaryn! It feels like... like if I let them be free I’m saying that none of that mattered!”

Aaryn’s forehead pinched. “El, they have no control over who made them. I know it was scary-I’m scared. Three hundred of them? And powerful? But Tarkyn’s right. We share an enemy. And even though he’s bond-drunk right now, I don’t think he’s blind. I think... I think he’s been put in this position for a reason. And we should pay attention to that.”

Elreth dropped her gaze to her hands on his chest again. “I hear you say that and my head agrees. I know in my mind there’s another way to handle this. But the minute I think of what that means... think of welcoming these people or... or just talking to them... my entire body goes tight and I can’t breathe. We don’t know, Aaryn. We don’t know their loyalties. We don’t know their motives. We don’t know how they work or what they’ll try to do-”

“We know that Harth is Tarkyn’s mate and their bond is true,” Aaryn said softly. “We know that Sasha wants peace.”

“But Zev-”

“Zev is Tarkyn if the roles were reversed. Or Gar. Or me.” He leaned closer, his voice hushed. “El, if we’d just had a child and were forced to enter a new world, I mean... Creator’s fang...” Aaryn clawed a hand through his hair, his gaze going distant. “If someone came at you, I wouldn’t even blink, El. And neither would you.”

Elreth nodded sadly, grimacing. She dropped her face in her hands. “I’m just so afraid,” she breathed, fighting tears.

*****

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