Chapter 46: Tracy

If there's one thing I don't have, it's the ability to control my temper.

I might have it in check one second—okay, it's not exactly under control, but I'm able to resist the urge to clock someone in the face—and then I'm crossing the line and yelling the next.

I'm trying to keep myself calm. I really am. For the first time in a long time, I am actually making a conscious effort to keep my emotions in check.

Kayla's helping; her tiny hand is squeezing mine, her grip tight, and she looks up at me, her expression reassuring as she pats my leg with her other hand.

But, as the girl continues to press her body against Aaron's, who's trying to get away from her, it's becoming harder and harder to stay even somewhat calm.

Aaron finally manages to get himself out of the girl's grip, holding her body out away from his at the wrists with one hand.

His nose is scrunched up, and he reaches up with his free hand to swipe at his lips, shooting me an apologetic look.

I give him a reassuring smile, and he returns his gaze to the girl in front of him.

"Tracy, hi," he deadpans, keeping all emotion out of his voice and off his face.

I find myself squeezing Kayla's hand tighter, trying not to hurt her, and I inhale sharply, a spike of pain and jealousy pricking me in the heart as I remember what Tony said about a girl named Tracy earlier.

It's fine, it's fine, I tell myself. Everything's fine, nothing bad is going to happen. Everything is going to be fine.

I hope.

"Oh my God, Aaron," she squeals looking up at him in adoration. "I can't believe you're back. It's been so long since you last came to visit."

He nods, stepping away from her as he releases her and moves closer to me, wrapping an arm around my waist.

Tracy's eyes drop to where his arm is touching my body, and she, for the first time since she got here, notices me. A scowl immediately forms on her lips, the look she was previously giving Aaron transforming into one of disgust.

"Who's this?"

"This is Cassie, my..."

He trails off and sneaks a glance at me, looking questioning and scared and nervous all at the same time.

I would be doing the same thing in his position; we're not official or anything, so are we supposed to use the boyfriend/girlfriend titles? Are we even allowed to if we haven't made anything official?

Aaron's expression changes to one of determination, joined by a spark of warmth in his eyes.

"Everything," he finishes, looking back at Tracy. "She's my everything.

Why do I want to start bawling my eyes out?

"Ew," says a deep voice, and I look to where it came from to see a boy around my age leaning against the doorway. "Never thought you'd turn into such a softie."

This boy doesn't look like Aaron, or Tony, or even Kayla; I'm guessing he's just a family friend because, even though this boy has black hair like Aaron's, he has blue eyes, and looks really similar to Tracy, who I hope isn't related in any way to Aaron.

Great, a sibling.

Nope, nope, we're being nice now. Gotta remember that.

He also has a more reserved air to him.

Aaron and Tony have a friendly, outspoken vibe to them; they're people that like to be heard, people that like to be in the center of things.

This boy has a brooding feel to him. His arms are crossed across his chest, and his eyes seem to be silently assessing everything in the room.

Including me.

"Nathaniel, my man," Aaron exclaims, moving towards the boy with his hand outstretched, causing Nathaniel to divert his attention away from me. "What's up?"

Nathaniel pushes off the doorway and clasps Aaron's hand as they do one of those bro hugs.

"Not much, dude. See you got yourself a girl," he says, jerking his head in my direction, his eyes briefly scanning me before he directs his attention back to Aaron.

Aaron turns to me, a grin on his face. "Yeah," he breathes out. "I did."

Nathaniel rolls his eyes. "Gag."

Whoa.

I like this kid.

Aaron chuckles. "Of course you would, Cassie. He's just like you."

I smile sheepishly. "Said that out loud?"

Nathaniel smirks at me. "I'm guessing you do that a lot."

My sheepish smile grows as Kayla pushes her face into my leg, vibrating with laughter.

Aaron smiles at me, and his eyes crinkle at the sides in the way I love, his dimples on display.

One of these days, I'm going to poke them.

"Cassie, is it?" Nathaniel asks me, and Aaron immediately smacks him upside the head.

"It's Cass," he growls. "Actually, Cassandra is fine. Even better," he adds. "How about you not speak to her at all?"

I roll my eyes. "Chill, Aaron." I look at Nathaniel. "Cass is fine. Nathaniel, right?"

He shakes his head in protest. "Nate."

I smile. "It's nice to meet you, Nate."

He nods. "Same."

"Okay," a high, and very annoying, voice calls out. "Now that that's over, why don't we get back to what's important."

Everyone stares at Tracy, and she rolls her eyes in annoyance.

I swear I'm about to hit her.

"Aaron," she purrs, moving closer and placing a hand suggestively on his chest. "Let's go back to my house. We can...have some fun, like we used to."

My temper flares, a volcano on the verge of erupting, liquid fire racing through my veins, but a calm and collected voice cools me down.

"Fuck off, Trace. Go find another guy to open your legs for."

Nathaniel says it straight-faced, but you can hear the hate clear as day in his voice.

Why does he hate her if they're related?

Tracy scoffs and stomps away, shoving past Nate and slamming the door shut behind her.

Nate smirks at Aaron. "Haven't pissed her off in so long." His voice is lighter now that Tracy's gone. More carefree than it was before. "Felt good."

Aaron rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless. "You're an ass, you know that?"

Nate's smirk grows. "Sounds like someone else I know."

Aaron playfully wraps his arm around Nate's neck and starts to rub his knuckles against his hair, and Nate struggles to remove himself from Aaron's hold, laughs bursting past his lips.

Kayla giggles from against my side, and I look down at her to see her watching the exchange between Nate and Aaron with a smile on her face as I brush my hand over her brown hair.

Yeah, I definitely think I'm going to like his family.

---------

"So, how'd you mess your leg up?"

I don't remove my gaze from the TV, knowing Nate is asking me questions to avoid getting his ass beat in Madden.

He took an interest in the brace when we first started playing, but he didn't ask any questions. I assumed it was because he didn't want to be rude, but, no, he was just waiting for the right time to distract me.

Nice try, bitch.

My fingers press the buttons as I watch the screen, scanning for an open receiver. I throw the ball as I answer. "I got into a car accident."

Nate's fingers freeze on the controller and I feel his eyes on me from where he sits next to me on the couch, but I ignore him.

"What?"

"I was in a car accident," I repeat, swallowing around the lump in my throat. "Car hit my side of the car and I broke my leg and bruised some of my ribs."

Nate finally turns away from me and starts moving his fingers again, making a defensive stop by sacking my quarterback.

"Fuck," I mutter.

It was fourth down, and since I went for it and didn't get a first down, Nate's team has the ball.

We're in the fourth quarter with just over two minutes left, so there's no way he's going to catch up score wise, but I was aiming for at least another touchdown.

"And you were in the hospital, right?" Nate asks me as he completes a twenty yard pass.

I nod my head, putting my controller down after I pause the game and turn towards Nate, who has a curious look on his face.

"Yeah. Not for a long time, but yeah." I turn back to face the TV with a shrug, picking up my controller as the game starts up again.

The incident from earlier today comes back today, and I hear my breathing speed up.

Fucking hell, why is this affecting me so much? I'm fine now, so I don't know why I'm still freaking out by just thinking about what happened.

I swear I'm going to die.

The final whistle blows and I smile in victory.

Forty-five to ten.

Nate sighs, his shoulders falling in defeat.

"I don't know why I play this," he says, leaning back and relaxing into the couch. "I'm terrible at it."

I shrug, but I don't deny it because, well, it's true.

Nate turns slightly so he's facing me. "So. You and Aaron, huh?"

I nod my head. "Yeah. Nothing official or anything, but..."

I trail off, not knowing what to say.

We're not official, but it feels real to me.

Thankfully, Nate nods. He's more perceptive than he lets on.

"Where's Aaron?" he says, glancing around.

I do the same, surprised. "He was in here earlier, right?" Nate nods. "Funny, I didn't hear him leave." Nate nods again and a feeling of dread passes through me.

Aaron wouldn't do anything bad. I trust him to not hurt me.

Still, I chew on my bottom lip nervously, the dread settling into the pit of my stomach.

"I need some water," I say abruptly, standing up from the couch and walking towards the kitchen.

Nate follows, and he grabs a glass from a cabinet for me, even though I'm tall enough to reach it. He even fills it up with water.

I was going to use the action of getting water as a distraction from the thoughts running rampant in my head, but I can't now.

And all I want to do is go find Aaron.

But I force myself to sit at the island and stare down at the glass of water, watching the water ripple as my hand shakes.

I have to close my eyes so I don't see it.

My phone starts buzzing, and I thank the Lord for whoever is trying to reach me.

But when I pick up my phone to look at the screen, I see an unknown number is calling me.

Probably a telemarketer.

So I put my phone face down on the island and ignore the buzzing sound it's emitting.

Thuds from above my head catch my attention, and I share a look with Nate.

He looked worried about something, but his face goes blank as soon as we make eye contact.

"I'll go see what that was," he tells me, walking swiftly out of the room and up the stairs.

The feeling of dread in my stomach expands, joined with the certainty that something is wrong.

I flip my phone over, ignoring the notifications about the missed call and more friend requests, and watch the time.

One minute passes. And then two. And then five.

After ten minutes, I decide to go find Aaron and Nate.

Maybe there's a robber.

That thoughts causes me to pause. I'm not going to be one of those dumb people that investigate sounds and mysterious disappearances, but I'm worried about Aaron. What if something serious happened to him. Or Kayla, who went up to sleep a while ago?

Pretty soon, I'm walking towards the stairs, and I start to hop up them on one foot. I wince and grit my teeth, muffling a scream, when my leg bangs against one of the steps.

Fuck me to hell and back.

I keep going, lifting my leg up higher so I don't bang it again, and I reach the top.

I hear muffled voices coming from one of the rooms, which had the door closed, and I creep closer to hear better.

This is wrong on so many levels—invading privacy isn't really my thing—but I can't stop myself.

Something inside of me is screaming at me, telling me I need to hear that conversation.

"You dumbass," a voice hisses. "You are such a fucking dumbass."

I can hear quick steps coming from the room from behind the closed door. It sounds like someone is pacing.

"You've said that five times already," a different voice replies. "And I'm not a dumbass."

"Oh, you're not?" the first voice exclaims sarcastically. "You're not a dumbass for kissing a whore when your girlfriend is literally downstairs? My mistake, oh smart one."

I feel myself pale, the blood rushing out of my head but, at the same time, pounding in my ears.

This is not happening.

"I didn't kiss her," the second voice—Aaron—insists. "She kissed me."

"Like that matters," Nate scoffs. "You didn't push her away, did you?"

I back away from the door as quietly as I can, tears pooling in my eyes.

This is not happening. It's not.

But it is.

Everything hurts. Everything hurts, but my heart hurts the most.

He said he would never cheat, said it with so much passion and gusto that I thought it was true, that he wasn't lying, but I was wrong.

I reach up to wipe my tears away, trying to tell myself that I'm strong, that it doesn't hurt.

It doesn't work.

I spin around and immediately come face to face with Tracy, who's smirking at me, an air of victory surrounding her.

"Hey, Cassie," she sneers. Her smirk is back when she sees the tears in my eyes. "What's the matter? Heard something you didn't like?"

I have to hold in a sob.

Tracy sees this, and I can see her reveling in it, bathing in the pain radiating off of me. "You know," she muses. "I forgot how good of a kisser Aaron is. It's been so long." Her thoughtful look melts away to reveal another smirk. "He made up for it earlier, though."

With those words, she pulls down the collarbone of her shirt to reveal a hickey.

I fight a gag.

He did it.

He did exactly what I was afraid of, exactly what he said he wouldn't do, and it hurts.

Tracy continues to speak, to taunt me, but I'm not listening. Her voice is faded in the background, drowned out by my thoughts, by the voice in my head telling me how much of an idiot I am.

Suddenly, it all quiets down and I tune back into my surroundings.

"—and he was always so good in bed, you know? Oh, wait, you wouldn't, would yo—"

My fist is flying out before I can stop it, and, nor exactly against my best efforts, I'm punching her in the face.

She screams and puts a hand to her bloody nose, staring at me in fear as I glare back at her.

She opens her mouth to speak, but I interrupt her.

"If you so much as utter another syllable, I will not hesitate in my decision to push you down the fucking stairs."

The sound of a door opening behind me cases me to turn around, and I glare at Aaron as our eyes meet.

"Cassie?" he says, shocked. His eyes widen as he takes in the now crying Tracy, and he rushes over to her, tilting her head back so he can examine her nose. "What did you do?"

A pang of hurt goes through me as I register the fact that he thinks I'm the one in the wrong here.

I mean, okay, technically I am, but he's not supposed to automatically think that.

And that's not even what hurts the most. No, what hurts the most is the fact that he's comforting her. He's comforting her after I just heard Nate say he kissed her, after she said he kissed her.

That makes him seem more than a little guilty of actually kissing her.

I scoff, but I refrain from saying anything, instead opting to move away from them and hop down the stairs.

I take my phone out from my pocket and open my Uber app.

I'm not staying here.

I make it to the landing at the bottom of the stairs and am walking towards the door when a voice calls out to me.

"Hey, wait!"

I turn around, hoping to see Aaron, but those hopes fall when I see Nate instead.

I turn back around, but he grabs my arm.

"Where are you going?" he asks me, his voice steady and giving nothing away.

"I don't know," I spit out. "Away from here is good enough for me."

He shakes his head. "I don't think Aaron would be okay with that."

I let out an incredulous laugh. "Do you think I give a damn what Aaron would be okay with? I'm leaving, and he can't stop me. And neither can you."

With more strength than I thought I had, I rip my arm from his grip and open the front door, seeing a car waiting in front of the driveway.

I walk towards it, and I feel Nate following behind me.

"Cass, would you stop and just go back into the house and talk to him—"

"Talk to him?" I ask loudly, turning around to face Nate again. "Talk to him? Fuck talking to him. I'm never talking to him again."

I turn back around and continue on my trek to the waiting car.

I'm being petty. I know I am. But honestly, fuck him. Spouting all this bullshit about how I'm his everything and then he goes and does that.

I just need a break. From him, from fucking Tracy, from everything.

I need to get away and get by myself before I do something I regret. And punching Tracy does not count as something I regret; she had it coming.

I open the car door and get in, greeting the driver and making sure he's actually my driver instead of some random dude, minding my leg.

Nate holds the door open, preventing me from closing it.

I glare at him, hoping he'll take the hint, but he stands there, staring at me with a look on his face that tells me he knows how I'm feeling.

"Fine," I concede, knowing what he's trying to do. "I'll talk to him in a couple of hours. Happy?"

He doesn't say anything, just pushes away from the car door and closing it for me.

I lean my head back against the seat after I tell the driver to take me to a hotel—thank God I brought my credit card—and close my eyes tight.

I wanted to die in sophomore year. No, not die; dying was too much work. I just wanted to... stop existing. I wanted to abruptly shift into nothingness, I wanted everything to end without ending it myself.

My phone buzzes in my lap, and I look down to see a text from Aaron.

Love That Ass: where'd you go?

My eyes start to water. Now he cares where I went? It didn't seem like it when he stayed inside with Tracy.

Love That Ass: Cassie?

I turn my phone off, not wanting to see anymore texts from him, and I start to think about my plan for the next few days.

Aaron has all my clothes and stuff like that, I doubt I can get an Uber all the way back to Florida, and I'm not supposed to be back home until next week, for Christmas.

Guess I'm going to be staying in a cheap hotel for the next few days.

---------

I am regretting my decision to write a book. It's just so much work. I love doing it, and it's more of a creative release and works as a way to further my writing skills more than anything else, but lately, I've just been struggling with it. I don't know, I just feel weird about it. This chapter is a little longer than most of the previous ones (exactly 3000), so that's kind of a good thing. I still feel like it was a little all over the place, though, but that's alright :/

(Also, I'm co-hosting an awards thing with SarcasmQueen1583. If you're a writer and are interested in participating or judging (or a reader that's interested in judging), go check it out!)

On a happier and more normal note, I got a dog! I was supposed to get a female pitbull, but the breeder we were supposed to be buying her from flaked so we had to go somewhere else. I ended up with a male American Bull, and he's the cutest thing ever. I'm going to take a picture of him to show you guys because he's so cute. He's only four months old but he's so big. He's tan, so I named him Thor, and now I want to get a black one and name him Loki 😆. He's made life a little hectic because, you know, he's a puppy, but I still love him.

Until next update!

--Rose